Anybody There
by Kat097
Summary: AU AH. “I’m not a damsel in distress and I sure as hell didn’t put out a flyer for a white knight." Sometimes the damsel wants to do things her own damn way, despite her feelings for the man who wants to save her. B/E. Complete with outtakes
1. Anybody There

**Chapter One**

**Well if this is the face of a sinner  
And if heaven is only for winners  
Well, I don't care  
Cause I won't know anybody there.**

**~Anybody There by The Script~**

I was late. Again.

Grabbing for my slightly shabby coat and battered shoulder bag, I slammed the door to my apartment shut and made for the stairs. The elevator was, as usual, out of order. I don't think it had ever worked, or that there was even an elevator inside the shaft – there purely for decorative purposes.

I had almost made it to the bottom of the stairs when my traitorous foot slipped and I rolled down the last few steps. Pain shot through my left knee and I groaned, knowing that there would be another spectacular bruise there in a couple of hours; at least it would match the one on my ribs where I'd walked into the kitchen surface two days before. A snickering forced me to look up and I saw the guy who lived in the downstairs apartment leaning against his doorframe. Long black hair, tied back complimented his dark skin as he grinned, folding muscular arms over his chest.

"You're late, Bella."

"Tell me about it. See you later, Jacob." I waved, darting to the door. Usually I'd stop for a (mildly flirty) conversation, but not today. The book store where I worked was only four blocks away, but somehow I had still managed to be late twice this week. The sky over Seattle was grey and rain was already dotting the pavements as the rush hour traffic pushed me along the streets.

My supervisor and best friend, Jasper, gave me an amused look as I fell through the door, running to the clocking in machine. To my utmost surprise, I saw that it was still a minute before I was officially late. I slammed my card into the machine and then fell against the wall with a sigh, feeling like I'd just won a race. Jasper eyed me.

"Cutting it kind of close, aren't you, Bella?" He smirked and I glared at him as I scraped my unruly hair into a ponytail and attached my name badge to my shirt.

"My alarm clock is becoming rebellious. I swear to God, I set it last night." I said, picking up the delivery clipboard and examining the list of latest products. More of the usual, the latest bestsellers, a box of classics that sold regularly and several crates of the student necessities. _The Paperback _was only a little store, tucked down a side street but there was a steady flow of students from the University of Washington who usually appreciated the discounted prices and tourists who appreciated the age of the building, with its exposed beam ceiling and stone walls.

Jasper shook his head, grinning.

"Maybe you need to buy another alarm, Bells. I mean, you're lucky that I'm an easy-going guy, but if you're ever on shift with Newton, you know he's gonna make you pay for tardiness." He waggled his eyebrows and I whacked him solidly in the arm with the clipboard. Mike Newton was the other supervisor at _The Paperback_, and in the two years I'd been working there, he'd suggested we get a drink at least three times at week. After the first month I'd run out of excuses and in a crazy moment of desperation I'd told him that I was a lesbian. Jasper had ruined that one instantly by howling with laughter and I had red-facedly told Mike that I simply didn't date co-workers. Since then he'd continued to ask, but I had a strange feeling that if I ever did say yes, he'd probably drop dead of shock.

I wandered into the back room and used a safety knife to open the first box, pulling out copies of _Sense and Sensibility_ and putting them on a cart. Jasper took the second box, keeping one eye on the desk, although the bell over the door would let us know if anyone came in. I'd known Jasper for three years, since I was nineteen and he was twenty-one. He towered over me (not that much of an achievement, most people did), a lanky six foot three to my five foot four, and had a mop of dark blonde hair, piercingly blue eyes and an amiable grin. He was in a perpetually good mood that seeped into everyone around him; I had always joked that half an hour in his company would turn even the most manic-depressive into a giggling wreck. I'd met him whilst working part time in a twenty-four hour diner, not that I needed to work for money especially. I had enough to live on, but I needed some kind of normality in my life and my state of mind at the time had been too haywire to even contemplate starting a degree at the University of Washington.

Jasper had come into the diner just once, to grab a cup of coffee before starting an early shift. I'd managed to spill the whole cup down myself and a firm friendship had been formed out of my inability to go one day with humiliating and or injuring myself. When a job prospect had opened up at the book store, he'd put in a good word for me with the owner, Garrett, and I'd been able to give up arguments with drunken and hung over students for… well, arguments with sober and hung over students, but this time I had a six-foot Texan behind me to back me up.

"Bells, you take this lot out front and I'll put this lot in the storage room." He said and I willingly grabbed the cart, pushing it out onto the main floor of the store. I hated the storage room; there was barely any light and way too many spiders, plus I was too short to reach most of the stock anyway. I flicked on the radio as I went, and the store was soon filled with some generic radio music as I began to shelve the books.

There weren't many customers that day. It was mid week, mid semester and raining, so it wasn't surprising. Jasper and I cleaned the whole store and then engaged in some witty repartee, before watching the tiny television screen in the back room. Garrett wouldn't have minded, we were very efficient and had finished most of our work before lunch time. The store closed at seven in the evening so Jasper and I locked up and went to find some dinner. I had no food in my apartment, and I knew that the only sustenance in Jasper's apartment was a bottle of tequila, so we made our way to a café a few blocks from the store. As we slid into a booth, Jasper stretched his long arms before grabbing the menu, something I found amusing as he always ordered the same thing anyway.

"Another day, another burger."

"You could always have a salad. You're kinda piling the pounds on, Jazz." I teased and he eyed me, fully aware that he was as skinny as ever.

"You're lucky you're cute, Bells."

"It gets me through the day." I said, plucking the menu from his hands. He leaned back in his seat, watching me idly as I ordered us each a bacon-cheese burger with the works.

"So, Bella… whatcha doing for Thanksgiving?" He asked and I glowered at him, knowing what was coming. We had the same argument every year.

"Drowning my sorrows with my three favourite guys. Jack, Ben and Jerry." I said firmly and he sighed.

"My sister is coming to town with her fiancé and some of his family."

"No."

"I haven't even asked yet!" He grinned and I slouched in my seat, shredding a napkin to pieces. A familiar panic was rising in my chest, like a trapped bird fluttering violently against iron bars. _Please don't ask me, please don't ask me… _

His long fingers curled over mine and my heart slowed, his calming presence ever effective as I reluctantly met his sapphire eyes. He was looking at me with a slightly worried expression.

"Bella…" He said softly, "You're my best friend and you shouldn't be alone at Thanksgiving. Hell, I only let it go the past couple of years because I couldn't actually force you to get on a plane and come down to Houston. But this year you're only going to be a dozen blocks away and there's no way I'm letting you be alone."

I met his gaze and then sighed, returning to the shredding of my napkin. He took this as a sign that he'd won, because he leaned across the booth and smacked a kiss on my forehead.

"Love you, Hells Bells."

"Love you less every time you use that nickname." I warned, reaching for the ketchup as our food arrived. As was customary, Jasper stole a couple of my fries. As was customary, I hit him, grabbed his burger and took a huge bite.

As was customary, we hit the nearest bar straight afterwards.

* * *

~*~

Jasper came back to my apartment after a solid two hours of drinking, tempted with the promise of ice-cream and a terrible movie. With an arm slung casually around my shoulders, he was in a very good mood, no doubt from having monopolised my chances of a miserable Thanksgiving, not to mention the excessive amount of whiskey he'd consumed.

"You'll like Rosalie. She's a bitch, but once you get past that she's great." He said, hiccupping slightly. I snorted, leaning into him. I was something of a lightweight, and my four JD and cokes had set my eyesight swirling. He stopped suddenly, and swung me up onto his back as we weaved towards my building. I tightened my arms around him, his stubbly chin scratching my wrists.

"Don't you want to go home for Thanksgiving?" I asked.

"Nope." He said simply, swinging around in a circle to make me laugh. I giggled and jokingly snapped my teeth at his ear before settling on his back again.

"How comes you never talk about your family, Jazzy?" I mumbled into his ear and he guffawed.

"Hell, you wouldn't either if you had my parents, darlin'. Stepmom and Pops gave up on me a long time ago." He drawled, hitching his hands under my knees. He smelt good, that familiar mixture of books, whiskey and something that was just Jazz; I loved it – it smelt like home.

"I won't give up on you." I said firmly and he laughed, squeezing my legs.

"Good thing too, who else is gonna carry ya home, sweet cheeks?"

We reached my building and I fell off Jasper's back, searching for my swipe card to get through the front door. After a moment of fumbling I realised that it was inside my apartment and Jasper fell about laughing once again; he'd been getting a lot of entertainment out of me today. I kicked him in the shin and rang Jacob's apartment. A moment later he appeared, dark eyes curious as he took in the giggling Southerner and the clearly irritated look on my face.

"Everything OK, Bella?" He asked, opening the door.

"Yeah, just forgot my card again." I looked over at Jasper, "Move it, assface, or the ice-cream is all for me."

"I'm coming." Jasper snorted and grinned at Jacob. They'd met various times over the past couple of years, usually when I'd forgotten my card. They seemed to get on well enough, although Jasper was endlessly amused by Jacob's supposed 'crush' on me.

We fell into my apartment and Jasper collapsed on the sofa whilst I dug out the Ben and Jerry's, stabbing a couple of spoons into the top of it. Kicking Jasper's legs out of the way, I fell into my usual seat but his legs stretched out again, knees in my lap as he grabbed a spoonful of ice cream.

"It's a good job that good ol' Jake was around to let us in." He winked and I scowled, squeezing his kneecap. He yelped and mussed my hair.

"Leave it alone, Jazz, Jacob's a nice guy."

"Bet he'd be even nicer if you ever invited him up."

"Stuff it up your ass, Jazz." I grinned, "Besides, there's nothing to turn a guy off a girl like her bringing home a drunken Southerner."

"Please, he knows we're not like that." Jasper grinned, pulling a face. Most people _did_ assume that Jasper and I were more than we were. I could see how they'd come to that conclusion; we spent most of our time together, he was always hugging me and kissing my head and he spent more time at my apartment than I did. In fact, when we'd first met and after an incredibly drunken night we'd ended up at his place, kissing like the world was ending. After ten excruciatingly awkward minutes of making out and fumbling, we had looked at each other and shaken hands with the firm promise that it would never happen again. I didn't have a brother, but I imagined that if I did, I'd have the same feelings towards him that I had for Jasper.

He reached for another spoonful of ice cream, sticking it into his mouth with a thoughtful expression.

"You'll cook for Thanksgiving, right?"

"No."

"C'mon, Hells Bells. You're the best cook I know." He wheedled and I growled at him.

"You know I don't do holiday food." I said, stabbing the ice-cream savagely. He snatched the tub out of my hands, no doubt horrified by my inappropriate treatment of the frozen dessert.

"I'm not saying you have to cook a turkey. Just cook a dinner, you make a mean chilli."

"I'll think about it." I said, reaching for the ice-cream again, "How many people?"

"Well, if you're inviting Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome from downstairs-" He received a cushion to the face and laughed again, "Ok, maybe not. There'll be six of us."

"Six? I though it was just us and your sister?"

"And her fiancé."

"That's four." I said dryly. He shrugged.

"His brother and sister live in Seattle, apparently. I don't know, I've never met them. I haven't even met Rose's fiancé yet."

His tone was flat and I looked over at him. His brow was furrowed, blue eyes staring miserably at his spoon. I leaned over and tapped his cheek.

"You alright there, Jazz?"

"Yeah… just being a miserable ass. I don't see Rosie that much. I guess her getting married to someone I don't even know just confirms how out of the loop am." He was still looking morosely at his spoon and I offered him the ice cream tub. He scooped a chunk out and sighed, licking it.

"We were real close at one point, me and Rose. I guess I messed that up when I moved up here. Not that I regret it for a second, but still… I was pretty freakin' selfish.

"I'm glad you came." I said, sounding very childish. He stuck his spoon in his mouth and pulled me onto his lap, nearing his proximity to the ice cream.

"Me too, Bells. If I hadn't, I'd still be paying for my own Ben and Jerry's.

Can I crash here tonight?"

"You know you're welcome any time." I said, crawling off of him and going to the closet where I kept his pillow and blanket. He'd already stashed the ice cream back into the freezer when I got back and I jokingly tucked him in.

"What, no bedtime story?" He demanded.

"If you can't read by the time you're twenty-four and working in a bookstore, I've pretty much given up on you." I teased, heading for my own bed but Jasper swung out a leg to stop me going past. I kicked him lightly.

"What's up, Jasper?"

"How've you been sleeping? I don't want to be waking up to one of your nightmares again." He said it jokingly but I could sense the worry behind the words. I smiled and patted his head.

"I haven't dreamed in a long time, Jazz."

But as I climbed into my bed, the irrational fear that haunted me every night before I slept was present, taunting me with the possibility of dreams that I would not be able to escape from. It had been a long time, as I'd told Jasper, but the nightmares were not gone. Just sleeping, ready to wake at any minute.

It was a disturbing thought to drift off to.

* * *

**A/N: Hello. My name is Katie and I am a Twilight addict.**

**This is my first Twilight story. I'm as scared as hell about posting it. I get scared posting stories in categories where I already **_**have**_** stories posted, let alone brand new ones – and especially in ones as popular as Twilight. So, um, here I am! With my story!**

**I'm very fond of my Jasper and Bella. Bella walked into my head, fully formed, the way she is, which is kinda messed up. Jasper is just awesomeness incarnate. Everyone needs a Jasper. **

'**Anybody There' – The Script are my favourite band of the moment. Check their stuff out. I chose this song to open with because it sums Bella up at this point. She's pretty much alone in the world, but she's not looking for anything more simply because she doesn't see the point.**

**OK, well that's all from me for now. Let me know what you think in the form of a review and you shall be thanked with a cookie in the shape of your favourite Cullen. We all know you want to secretly nibble on Carlisle/Jasper/Edward/Emmett!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	2. People Just Ain't No Good

**Chapter Two**

**People just ain't no good  
I think that's well understood  
You can see it everywhere you look  
People just ain't no good**

**~People Ain't No Good by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds~**

It was a week before Thanksgiving weekend when Jasper approached the subject again. I had been ignoring the conversation in the vain hope that he would abandon the idea, but no such luck. He kept dropping little reminders into our conversations about how we should look at some recipes, contemplate some dessert choices – as if _he_ was going to be allowed anywhere near the kitchen! You only made that mistake once, believe me. Eventually I had yelled at him that I would be making chilli con carne and if he bugged me about it one more time, I would not be administering the chilli orally.

On Saturday afternoon, it was pissing with rain and the bookstore had had a steady flow of increasingly soggy customers. Now Mike was dealing with a couple at the cash register whilst I shelved the latest delivery. Mike sauntered over and leant against the bookshelf as I pushed the final hardback into place, standing on tiptoe at the top of the stepladder.

"Finished, Bella?"

"All done." I nodded, wiping my dusty hands on my jeans as I stepped from the ladder, folding it up. Mike watched with a smile; he was cute in an incredibly generic way. Spiky blonde hair, baby blue eyes, nice physique – and with all the personality of a Labrador puppy. Over-eager, willing to fetch and perfectly good company until he started drooling on your good shoes. As we walked back to the cash register, his hand rested on my shoulder and my heart sank as I knew what was coming.

"Hey, Bella, a group of friends from college and I were heading over to _Meyer_, that bar down by the bay. You up for it?"

"Propositioning my girl again, Newton?"

To my relief, Jasper appeared at that moment, hair dripping with rain. Mike scowled for half a second and then folded his arms across his chest.

"You're welcome to come too, Whitlock. And Bella isn't _your girl_."

"Not yours either." I muttered under my breath, popping the register open to cash up as Mike turned the sign on the door, announcing the store closed. Jasper sat on the desk, watching me count bills.

"I guess we're going out tonight," He grinned and I sighed.

"Must we?"

"We'd just be getting drunk anyway, why not break the trend and go somewhere new?" He said, wiping water from his eyes. I shrugged and looked up at him.

"Fine. I'll have to go home and get changed first and you're going to be on bodyguard duty – if you let Mike anywhere near me, you'll lose any hopes of reproducing!"

"Ouch, Bells." He winced and I grinned as I continued counting money.

Garrett stopped by before we locked up. He was the owner, a thin man with sandy hair in his early thirties. He was a good man, a good boss, enquiring as to how the day had gone, what the earnings were and then spent a few minutes chatting with Jasper about his wife, Kate. Garrett turned to me as I shut down the computer.

"How are you, Bella?"

"I'm good, boss. I was going to leave you a message, actually. We're getting more speciality orders for medical texts. It might be worth investing in a small selection." I suggested as Mike went to turn off the lights. Garrett smiled, nodding at me.

"That sounds fine to me, Bella. You know what sells. And let me know how that sci-fi novel turns out, it looks interesting."

Garrett had a habit of getting me to write reviews for some of the newer novels that came in, something for the customers to browse over before they made their decisions. To be honest, I didn't understand why. Half the fun of reading a book is doing without any expectations. I only read reviews for books I'd already finished, comparing my thoughts to the thoughts of others.

The last light went out and Jasper called for me to get a move on whilst Mike excitedly told me that he'd see me later.

* * *

~*~

Jasper picked me up from my apartment at eight, settling in front of the TV whilst I got ready.

"How long you going to be, Hells Bells?" He called.

"Ten minutes, Jazz. We walking or calling a cab?"

"Cab, it's still raining." He replied as I pulled a black halter on, checking myself in the mirror one last time. My thick brown hair was loose, the natural curl in it lending it a decent volume, but the only makeup I had bothered with was some mascara and lip balm. I'd paired the top with some faded jeans and simple black flats – I was clumsy enough when sober, wearing heels when drinking might just invite disaster. I didn't bother with a jacket, knowing that it would be hot enough inside the bar.

Jasper grinned as I emerged from the bedroom.

"Well, don't you look nice?"

"As do you." I eyed him approvingly; perfectly fitting jeans and a plain black button-down shirt, along with a pair of comfortably converse, a dark red hoodie thrown over the top completing the look. It was the best look on him, effortlessly attractive and I envied him the fact that it probably took him about thirty seconds to put together, whereas I had been mentally running through my wardrobe from the minute I'd decided to go out.

The cab was waiting and we passed Jacob as he came in. I smiled and waved, eying his muscles through the tight black t-shirt he was wearing.

"Later, Jacob."

"Have a good night, Bella." He smiled, dark hair shining in the artificial light. He _was_ fairly gorgeous; my observation did not go unnoticed by Jasper who started laughing again. I sighed as we climbed into the cab.

"Don't you ever get bored with laughing at me?"

"Nope. Why d'you think I keep you around, Bella? You're an endless source of entertainment!" He grinned, squeezing my shoulders as the cab set off.

* * *

~*~

Mike and his friends had already claimed a large table in the crowded bar and we crossed to them. I recognised one girl, Angela, who I had worked with at the diner a few years previously and we exchanged greetings.

"Guys, these are my friends from work." Mike introduced us enthusiastically, "This is Jasper Whitlock and Bella Swan. Jasper, Bella, these are my college guys." There were vague hellos followed by the instant awkwardness of there not being enough seats. Mike grinned and gestured to his lap; I gave him a dry look before perching on the arm of Jasper's chair, resting my feet in his lap. One of Mike's friends guffawed with laughter and Mike punched his arm. Angela rolled her eyes at me.

"This idiot is my boyfriend, Ben." She introduced me to the guy, rubbing his arm, "So you work at _The Paperback_ now?"

"Yeah, been there a couple of years." I said, "I work with Mike and Jasper. Jasper, this is Angela, we worked together at the diner. She was in charge of icing my bruises before you took over that duty."

They shook hands and Angela smiled at Jasper and I.

"How long have you guys been together?" She asked and I shook my head with a grin, patting Jasper's shoulder.

"We're not together. Just good friends."

"Oh! Sorry," She blushed faintly, "I just assumed…"

"Hell no, Jazz and Bella aren't together." Mike interrupted noisily, lifting his beer bottle, "She's way too good for him!"

"Told you so, Jazz!" I smirked, poking him in the cheek. Jazz rolled his eyes.

"You _wish _you had a chance with me, Hells Bells." He taunted and I grinned, hugging his head before swinging my legs off of his lap.

"What's your poison, Jazz?"

I made my way to the bar, pushing my way forward until I'd claimed my spot. It was busy and I was waiting for a good ten minutes, trying to catch the bartender's attention. Just as he was coming my way a hand grabbed my backside and I jumped, glaring around at my attacker, but it was only Mike.

"That's sexual harassment, Mike." I told him firmly and he grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry Bella, thought I'd give it a try."

"Try it again and you'll lose your fingers." I warned, waving a bill at the bartender. After placing my orders, I turned to see Mike sauntering away towards a stunning redhead. Apparently he'd taken my threat seriously and I grinned, paying for the drinks.

Jasper and I were laughing heavily with the group, they were an entertaining bunch. Mostly we were united in the hilarity of Mike scuttling back to our table, having propositioned the redhead only to find out that she was married to one of the bouncers. I drained my glass and looked over at Jasper.

"Another?"

"Keep 'em coming, Bells." He drawled, his southern accent even more pronounced when fuelled by alcohol. I pushed back to the bar; it was my night to buy the drinks and Jasper always believed that I got served faster due to my more obvious feminine assets. I had once drunkenly suggested that he try flashing the bartender; we'd since been banned from that particular bar and Jasper had never quite forgiven me for laughing so hard.

The bar was a little clearer this time, a lot of the crowds having moved on to nearby clubs, the small dance floor of _Meyer_ already overcrowded. I ordered a beer for Jasper and a JD and coke for myself, perching on one of the barstools in order to prevent myself from swaying. A hand pressed against the small of my back and I glowered at Mike.

"Whatchoo want, Mike?" I said crossly. His hand was hot, pressing against my back unpleasantly.

"Dance wi'me, Bella." He slurred and I rolled my eyes.

"No. Ask that Jessica chick, she wants you to." I said, looking back at the bar but he collapsed his arm around my shoulders and I was treated to the ungodly stench of body odour and booze.

"C'mon, Bella… why you so cold? I'm a nice guy!" He whined, pouting. Beads of sweat were pouring down his face, which was far too close to mine. I tried to pull away, peering under his arm to see Jasper noticing the situation and sitting up sharply, frowning in our direction.

"I said _no_, Mike. Get offa me!" I grunted, with a final effort to push him off, but he was too heavy. And then it seemed like I had achieved super strength, because he was being hauled off of me quite easily.

"I believe she said no." Said a clear, confident voice. Mike swayed unsteadily, glared at the newcomer and then shuffled away. My vaguely unfocused eyes settled on the stranger.

_Holy Crap…_

He was taller than me (but as I said, most people are) with a mess of unruly auburn hair, shockingly green eyes and the singularly most gorgeous face I had ever seen on a human being. He was watching me closely and I felt a flush rise in my cheeks as he spoke again, his eyes searching my face.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine, thanks." I muttered, utterly humiliated by the whole situation. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? Are you here with someone?" I turned back to the bar and grabbed the two glasses but he put his hand over my wrist.

"I don't want to let you just wander off, that guy might come back." He said, frowning slightly and I stared up at him, anger overriding embarrassment.

"Look, I said thanks, but I can handle myself." I said firmly and he frowned, obviously irritated by my attitude.

"Sure looked like it. He was practically crushing you."

"If you'd held on for thirty seconds you'd see what a swift sharp kick to the bollocks does to a guy." I retorted, "And if you don't let go of my wrist you'll be finding out for yourself!"

He stared at me for a moment and then burst into laughter. I could have exploded with fury, storming off back to the table. It pissed me off that every time I tried to defend myself against a guy, they just burst out laughing; it was beyond patronising, it was infuriating.

"You OK, Hells Bells?" Jasper queried as I perched on his knees, glaring at no one in particular.

"Fine." I muttered into my glass.

"What happened with Mike?"

"He was being an ass, as per usual and then some guy decided that just because I'm a girl, I can't take care of myself!" I said crossly. Jasper grinned and drained his beer.

"I know you can take care of yourself, Bells. I just like doing it for ya." He said, glancing around the bar and then chuckled, "Think you've made a friend though."

I followed his gaze and then saw the bronze-haired man still stood at the bar, his eyes fixed on us. Immaturely, I stuck my tongue out and poked Jasper in the ribs, not wanting to look at the gorgeous man again.

"Let's get out of here." I mumbled and we stood. Jasper winced, standing for the first time in a couple of hours and the full effect of his drinking making itself known.,

"I'll meet you outside, gotta hit the bathroom first." I nodded and began to weave my way through the crowds to the door. Mike was on the dance floor, grinding against the girl I'd been introduced to earlier, Jessica. Despite the fact his hands were down the back of her jeans, he winked at me. I turned away in disgust.

_Men…_

The bar was directly opposite the dock, so I crossed the street to lean against the steel railings. It was a cold night, but at least the rain had stopped, the moon appearing intermittently from between heavy clouds to reflect off the water. The waves lapped softly against the concrete and I closed my eyes, letting the cool air clear my head. I'd had too much to drink again, but I didn't care. Up until a few minutes ago, I'd been having a good time. My arms were cold, pressed against the railings but I enjoyed the feeling; it made me feel anchored whilst my head swam uncertainly.

"Are you alright?"

That voice again. I hadn't noticed before, over the clamour of the bar, the smoothness of it, the intensity it spoke the words with. I opened my eyes and turned to see the man stood a few feet away, hands stuffed into the pockets of his heavy coat, hair beautifully dishevelled. I frowned, trying to ignore just how gorgeous he was.

"You following me, stranger?" I asked and a faint smile curved his lips. _His lips_… I glanced away quickly. _Damn_!

"Not following, no. I was leaving anyway and saw you over here and I wanted to make sure that you were alright. I…" He hesitated, "I'd like to introduce myself."

"Shouldn't you apologise first?" I sniped and confusion clouded his eyes. _His dark green eyes, so deep I could drown…_

"Apologise? For helping you?" He asked in bemusement, tilting his head.

"Didn't ask for your help." I shot back, "And I didn't ask for your name either." I straightened, folding my arms across my chest. He examined me closely for a moment, brow furrowed.

"I was clearly mistaken." He said, his voice a little cooler, "Here I was thinking that the right thing to do is to help someone when they look like they're in trouble."

"I can handle Mike. I've been managing just fine for two years." I said firmly, "So maybe you should just make sure that someone _wants_ your help before you step in."

"I'm not going to apologise, because I don't regret helping you." He said firmly, eyes blazing now, "You were quite obviously not in control of the situation, whether you admit it or not!"

"I was fine!" I insisted again, stepping towards him and poking a finger at his chest, fury flooding my veins like wildfire, "I don't need anyone to help me out!"

"I was just-"

"Well, don't!" I shouted, pushing him with my palms. He took a step back, eyes wide with confusion and concern, "I don't need help! You shouldn't help me!" I pushed him again and his hands wrapped around my wrists to stop me from getting a third attack in.

"Bella!"

We both turned and I saw Jasper running across the road, glaring at the stranger with balled fists. I turned from the stranger and fell towards my best friend.

"He shouldn't have helped me!" I shouted again, my voice hoarse, "He shouldn't…"

Confusion flooded my mind. The strangers face fell away, replaced by a more familiar one and my breath hitched in my throat.

"No one should help me."

Jasper's arms wrapped around me and all at once the anger dissipated, leaving only heartbreak in its wake. Jasper's cheek pressed against my hair as he pulled me close to him.

"I know, Bella."

"He shouldn't… no one should try to…" I stammered the words, humiliated by the tears that I could feel running down my cheeks.

"I know, Bella. I know." He murmured, kissing my forehead softly.

The voice spoke again.

"I didn't mean to upset her." He sounded distraught and I hated myself for causing him pain, as much as I hated him for caring too much.

"I know. I'll take her from here." Jasper said calmly. He bent and whisked my legs out from underneath me, carrying me as I bawled into his shirt, burying my face in the familiar smell of him and soaking the fabric with tears.

I was obviously more drunk than I imagined, because it seemed like only a few minutes later Jasper was lifting me out of the cab and was carrying me into the elevator. I tugged his shirt and he lowered me, letting me lean against him. This wasn't the first time I'd had a complete breakdown in front of him and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last. He opened the door to his apartment and sat me down firmly on the sofa, returning moments later with a piece of dry toast and a large glass of water as I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

He didn't say anything and I loved him all the more for it as he produced a pillow and put me down to sleep.

**A/N: Well, I wonder who that mysterious man could be? Never mind, I'm sure he's completely inconsequential and will have no further part to play. **_**Or will he?!**_

**Anywho, thank you all kindly for the lovely reviews, the favourites and the alerts! You are luvverly peoples. And to 'Someone', who reviewed anonymously, you don't sound like a whiner at all. I, myself, have a love-hate relationship with Twilight. It entertains me hugely and yet I hate myself for enjoying it so much! But I do like the characters, which is why I could probably never write a canon Twilight fic. **

'**People Just Ain't No Good' – Bella is severely lacking faith at this point and she probably feels that the worst person out there is herself. **

**Thank you for your continuing support on this little project of mine. Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf (I loves me a little Jacob) dipped in chocolate.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	3. Under Pressure

**Chapter Three**

**Pressure pushing down on me**

**Pushing down on you**

**No man ask for**

**Under pressure that burns a building down**

**Splits families in two**

**Puts people on the streets**

**~Under Pressure by Queen~**

I woke with the mother of all hangovers. The sunlight streaming through the window taunted me and the flavour in my mouth was the most disgusting thing I'd ever tasted second only to the time that Jasper had attempted to cook Thai food. A herd of elephants were running through my brain wearing stiletto boots and I was fairly certain that if I moved I would die instantaneously.

"Jaaaazzz…" I moaned, my voice several octaves lower than usual.

"Yes, Bella?" A voice floated in from the kitchen.

"I'm dying, Jazz." I whimpered pathetically and he chuckled, clearly not affected by the previous night's alcohol consumption.

"You're not dying. Here, sit up."

Before I could protest he had forced me into a sitting position, sliding into the seat I had been lying in to prop me up. I groaned unhappily and took the glass of orange juice, sipping it tentatively with my eyes closed against the daylight. Jasper began to rub my shoulders and I groaned again.

"Damn, Jasper, if I could package you I could make a fortune." I mumbled into my glass.

"I'm afraid I'm one of a kind, honey. Finish that up and I'll treat you to breakfast at Lou's Diner."

"I need to borrow clothes." I said, continuing to sip my juice. He gestured to the armchair opposite, where he'd already set out a pair of my jeans and one of his old t-shirts, an outfit I'd no doubt abandoned on my last sleepover. I had several items of his clothing at my place too. It wouldn't look too odd if I borrowed one of his t-shirts, the same could not be of a reverse situation.

Twenty minutes later I was staggering down the road, cursing the sunlight to hell whilst Jasper enjoyed my fury. The diner wasn't too busy, mostly full of hung-over people like me. Deirdre, the old dear from behind the counter, winked at Jasper.

"There's my cutie. I was wondering when you'd be putting in an appearance."

"You know I can't resist you, sweetheart," He grinned dazzlingly, "Bella and I are in need of your excellent pancakes."

"Coming right up."

We went to our usual booth and were instantly presented with cups of coffee. Jasper took his black with one sugar, whilst I piled milk in and stirred in several sweeteners, sipping it greedily. We sat in silence for a while and then I put my cup down.

"No."

"Didn't say anything." He smiled and I sighed heavily.

"No, I don't want to talk about it. I never want to talk about it, you know why."

"I wouldn't ask you to if you weren't ready. I never have." He said calmly as our food arrived. I began to drown mine maple syrup but Jasper's hand over mine stopped me and he squeezed my fingers gently. "Bells, you know I love you."

I smiled gently and laced my fingers with his, my heart swelling with adoration for my friend.

"I know, I love you too." I forked a piece of pancake and popped it into my mouth, "I'd say we need to find you a nice girl, but I'm too selfish to share."

"I've got the best girl right here." He grinned, leaning across to use the syrup. As he began to eat, I watched him closely, smiling to myself in spite of the still-present headache. I really did adore Jasper. He had been the best friend that I could have asked for. He took care of me without my asking, he listened when I had to talk, and he had accepted me fully without ever wanting to know more. He'd never pushed me for anything, he was loyal to a fault… he was perfect in every way. Sometimes I wished that I _did_ feel something for him romantically, because I often felt that no guy would ever compare to him.

He looked up and caught me staring. A slow smile crossed his face.

"Bella, Bella, Bella… it's no good, you can't just wish my clothes off."

"Damn, there goes my evil scheme." I laughed and then groaned, pressing a hand to my forehead. Two aspirin appeared on the table beside me and Jasper laughed quietly, returning to the demolition of his breakfast.

* * *

~*~

On Monday I was back on shift at _The Paperback_. Unfortunately, so was Mike. Jasper had gone to collect his sister and future brother-in-law from the airport, looking so damn miserable that I promised I'd bring him some cookies after my shift. It amused me that a twenty-four year old man's mood could be so easily swayed by baked goods

The store was surprisingly busy and I stayed with the register, allowing Mike to shift boxes into the storage room and restock the shelves. I was just placing a novel on special order when he collapsed into the chair beside him.

"Geez, it's busy. What's with the crowds?"

"Don't complain, it's making your pay check." I reminded him, closing the cash drawer and stretching. "I could kill a coffee, want anything from Starbucks?"

"Just plain black." He said, yawning. I was tempted to ask how Jessica was, but restrained myself.

I walked down to the Starbucks and had just opened the door when my phone began to ring to _Hey There Delilah_. I groaned and opened it, seeing Jasper's name on the screen.

"When did you change my ringtone?"

"Whilst you were unconscious on Saturday night," He laughed, "How's it going?"

"Doing a Starbucks run, otherwise I'll be asleep under the desk." I said, joining the queue, "It's been pretty busy. Do you want to hang out tonight?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing. Emmet, Rose's fiancé, is having dinner with his brother and sister tonight, so I was wondering if you wanted to come over and meet her. I'll make my speciality dinner."

"You're going to order Indian food?" I grinned, "Sounds good. I'll bring cookies."

"Good stuff, see you around eight?" I hung up as I reached the front of the queue, nerves already building in the pit of my stomach.

* * *

~*~

Turning down Mike's invitation to visit a nearby pub, I strolled home, pausing in the lobby to collect my mail. Jacob was just getting home from work and we exchanged pleasantries.

"How's the book world?" He asked with a startlingly white grin as he rifled through his post. I shrugged.

"Printed and full of paper cuts. How is the automobile world?"

"Oily and full of foreign vehicles." He grinned and I snorted, closing the mail locker. Glancing through the envelopes I saw a couple of bills, a lot of junk mail and a letter with a postmark from Phoenix. Jacob leaned against his front door, watching me with a smile.

"Any plans tonight, Bella?" He asked and I felt a faint blush colouring my cheeks. His smile widened at that and I shuffled my feet awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah. I'm meeting Jasper's sister."

"Meeting the family? Must be getting serious!" He teased and I laughed.

"Nah, you know we're not-"

"I know."

He cut me off so quickly that I stared, my cheeks practically glowing with the intensity of his stare. After a moment I forced myself to meet his dark eyes.

"Well, I'd better go and get ready. See you later?"

"It's likely. We've got to hang out one of these days."

"That sounds good." I smiled and was surprised to find that I actually meant it. Jacob seemed like he'd be good company.

Ten minutes later I was faced with the usual perplexing question of what to wear. I wasn't entirely certain on the correct protocol when meeting your best friend's sister. Eventually I settled on skinny jeans, paired with flats and red, three-quarter length sleeved shirt. I scooped my hair back into a clip and pulled on my coat, heading for the door.

Jasper's apartment was a twenty minute walk and I put in my iPod as I walked, battling nerves. I shouldn't have been nervous; I mean… it was _Jasper_. We ate dinner together at least five times a week and usually most other meals as well. But I knew that his sister was important to him and I desperately wanted her to approve of me, to deem me worthy of him. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't… I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat.

I buzzed up to let Jasper know I was on my way in, but used the spare key he'd given me. I rolled back and forwards on my feet in the elevator, willing my heart to cease in its ridiculous thudding. I rapped on the door to **2b** and waited nervously. Jasper opened the door and laughed immediately, running a hand through his permanently dishevelled hair. I stared, holding out my hands in disbelief.

"_Why_ are you laughing now?" I demanded and he shook his head, pulling me towards him and laying a kiss on the top of my head.

"I can't believe you dressed up to meet my sister. You're adorable." He chuckled, resting his arm around my shoulders and moving me down the short hallway. The first door on the right led to the kitchen before the apartment opened out into the living room. There were two doors going off there, one to the bedroom and one to the bathroom. A large LCD TV hung from the wall opposite the comfy suede sofa. The apartment was decorated in the bland tones, muted browns and beige, but framed film and band posters lined the walls. A large bookcase stood in the corner, mostly filled with CD's and only one shelf of books. In the corner of the middle shelf was the only photograph that I'd seen in the apartment – one of myself and Jasper at a New Years party, grinning widely for the camera with our cheeks pressed together and arms around each other. It had been a good night, I remembered as we'd walked home at dawn, going up to the roof of his building with pop tarts to watch the first sunrise of the year.

I knew the apartment as well as I knew my own, so my gaze was not drawn to any of the familiar things but to the gorgeous blonde woman who was stood by the bookcase, examining the CD's with a look of boredom. She was wearing jeans and a pale blue t-shirt but still managed to look like she had just stepped off of the catwalk. Her long blonde hair fell to just above her waist and her face would not have been out of place in the most popular fashion magazines.

My self-esteem began to cry.

"Rosie, this is my Bella." Jasper said, pushing me forward. Nervously I held out a hand and she looked at it for a moment before shaking, her eyes scanning me from head to foot. I instantly wished that I'd worn my smart black trousers or perhaps a dress with heels but Jasper was already talking again.

"Bella, this is my sister, Rosalie Hale." He said and Rosalie nodded, still without speaking. Her eyes seemed to be taking in every little detail and I fully expected her to demand references and enquire as to my prospects. Jasper had collapsed onto the sofa and Rosalie sat primly in the armchair. Awkwardly, I looked down at the seat beside Jasper, the seat I always sat in, before realising that I was still clutching the bag of cookies.

"I'll… I'll just go put these in the kitchen." I mumbled and fell towards the kitchen, tripping on the rug as I went. I dumped the bag on the surface and forced myself to take a deep breath. I wasn't normally so… quiet. So nervous. I gave myself a mental shake and told myself to get a grip before I moved back to the living room, pausing as I heard Jasper's voice hissing at his sister.

"…try to make an effort! She's my best friend for Christ's sake."

"I haven't even said anything, Jasper." Her voice was calm, but I sensed a certain amount of irritation behind it.

"That's part of the problem, Rose. Come on, I'm making an effort to get to know Emmett, the least you can do-"

"I'm _marrying_ Emmett, Jasper!" She interrupted, "Unless you've got plans to get down on one knee, I highly doubt it's the same!"

The buzzer sounded and I jumped, scuttling back into the living room. Jasper was on his feet, pulling out his wallet with a harassed expression.

"That's dinner. Bells, you know where everything is, can you grab some plates?"

"Sure thing." I said as he breezed past to the door. _Oh God, don't leave me alone with her!_

I didn't meet Rosalie's eyes and would have happily disappeared into the kitchen without a word, but she spoke.

"Can I have a word?" She asked coolly and I turned back to her reluctantly as she got to her feet, standing several inches taller than me. She was watching me with the same bright blue eyes that her brother had and she let out a deep breath.

"Look, Bella, I'm aware that you're… close with my brother. Whatever this _thing_ is that you two have-"

"_Excuse_ me?" I interrupted, instantly infuriated by her tone of voice. I folded my arms across my chest and spoke coolly, "You can stop right there, Rosalie."

She didn't interrupt, eyes glinting with curiosity.

"Jasper is… everything to me." I said tensely, "It's hard for other people to see just how important he is to me, because to most people you either have to be related or shagging a guy to have the kind of bond that we have and we're neither of those things. Jasper is my best friend, he's my brother, he's my family and he's the most important person in my life. You're just going to have to accept that, because he and I are kind of a package deal these days. We have been for a long time and that's not going to change just because you're around."

The words had exploded out of my mouth before I could stop them and as my brain replayed the speech, I wondered how I could now clean up the trail of splattered crazy I had left behind. But Rosalie was smirking as she took a step towards me. Tapping her chin with a perfectly manicured finger, she looked down at me for a moment.

"If you hurt him, I'll kill you." She said quietly. I stared straight back, mentally patting myself on the back for not running to the nearest corner and curling up into a ball.

"I could say the same to you."

A smile crossed her perfect lips but before either of us could speak, Jasper appeared in the doorway. He took us in, standing inches away from each other and engaged in a staring competition and tilted his head.

"Dinner's here. Everything OK?" He asked uncertainly and Rosalie smiled beautifully at him.

"Of course it is, we were just getting a few things straight." She said and Jasper's eyes moved to me. I smiled weakly.

"Everything's fine, Jazz. Let's eat, I'm starving."

* * *

~*~

After that, everything seemed much easier. Rosalie relished in sharing embarrassing stories from Jasper's childhood, whilst I brought her up to date on his more recent calamities. He had begged, bribed and even threatened me with blackmail but nothing could stop me from telling Rosalie about a particularly humiliating date he had been on several months previously.

"So I eventually answer the phone and its Jasper, screaming that Maria had thrown him out, still covered in whipped cream and in only his underwear!" I choked as Rosalie buried her face in her hands, eyes streaming with tears as she laughed uncontrollably, "I got there ten minutes later and he's crouched behind a bush because a police car had driven past and he was terrified of being arrested for indecent exposure!"

"Bella, I swear to god that you are going to pay for telling her that!" Jasper moaned, shaking me by the shoulders. I ruffled his hair with a grin.

"Come on, Jazzy, you should have known that this would happen! The best way to get two people talking is to give them some common ground and you just so happen to be that ground. You wanted us to get on, didn't you?"

Rosalie yawned and stretched, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

"Excuse me; it's been a long day." She said tiredly and I realised that it was getting late.

"No, I should probably get going." I said, standing, "Are you working tomorrow, Jasper?"

"Yeah, I'll be there. Hang on, I'll walk you home." He grabbed his hoodie and ignored my objections, "Bella, I _never_ let you walk home alone." We'd been having the same argument for years.

I rolled my eyes and opened the front door, walking straight into a solid wall of warm muscle. Clutching my throbbing nose, I looked up in terror at the enormous man who was blocking Jasper's door. He had to be over six and a half feet, built like a brick shithouse and grinning inanely, dark curls falling into his eyes.

"Hey there, cutie-pie! Jazzy, you never mentioned that you had a girlfriend!" He said in a very loud voice.

I turned to see Jasper scowling as he tugged on his hoodie.

"Don't call me Jazzy, Emmett. This is my friend, Bella. Bella, this is Rose's fiancé, Emmett Cullen." He said and I looked back up at the giant. He grinned and pulled me into a hug that almost crushed my ribs and I gasped for air.

"Good to meet you, Bella! How d'you know Jasper?"

"I'm just taking Bella home, Emmett. You can talk another day." Jasper said firmly, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hallway. Emmett waved cheerfully, disappearing into the apartment.

As the elevator doors closed, I stared at Jasper incredulously.

"Does your sister know that she's marrying a giant?"

"She may have noticed." He replied dryly.

"Do you not like him?" I asked and he gave me a faint smile.

"He's OK. Very loud and very happy, he balances her out well. And he makes her happy."

"You didn't answer my question." I pointed out and he laughed.

"I like him. It's like I said the other night, its weird seeing her with someone I don't even know. I guess I'm regretting not staying in contact with her properly. Otherwise I might have met him a long time ago."

The walk home was incredibly relaxing after the underlying tension of the evening. Jasper was in a pensive mood and I tugged on his sleeve to get his attention.

"Are you alright, Jazz? You're awfully quiet." I asked and he shrugged, linking his arm through mine.

"I'm fine, Bells. What did you think of Rosalie?"

"You hit the nail on the head. She's kind of a bitch, but once I got past that she was fine." I grinned and then glanced up at him, "How comes you have different surnames? You're Whitlock, but her last name is Hale…"

"My dad was an asshole who couldn't keep it in his pants." Jasper said calmly, the wind ruffling his hair, "Knocked up my mom and Rosie's within a few weeks of each other. Rose and I were born a day apart. Dad chose to stay with Rose's mother and when my Mom died I went to live with them. I was eight at the time, and when we turned eighteen, Rose and I decided in a moment of unity to turn our back on our father and we changed our surnames to mother's maiden names."

I contemplated this new bit of information carefully before asking another question.

"What did your Dad think?"

"I didn't stick around to find out – I moved here not a month later." He chuckled and I grinned as we approached my building. He swung me around to look me in the face.

"Bella, will you do something for me?"

"Anything, Jasper, you know that."

"Anything, huh?" He waggled his eyebrows and I sighed, punching his arm lightly.

"We're having a moment, try not to ruin it."

"OK, I'm sorry. Anyway, what I wanted to ask was if you'd come for dinner with us on Wednesday night."

"Who are us?" I asked curiously. He looked so damn miserable that I impulsively cuddled him, looking up into his earnest face.

"Rose and Emmett. And Emmett's brother and sister. I'm meeting them for the first time on Wednesday."

"Of course I'll come. But is it not a family thing?" I asked and he smiled, hugging me a little too tightly, a sure-fire sign that he was unsettled about the event.

"Silly Bella. You're the only family I've got around here."

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my darlings! Yes, another update, aren't I kind? Lol, I happen to have a great deal of this story already written out (on chapter 19 as we speak). I'm going to slow down a little after this, so don't expect updates every day! **

**A point of amusement: Jacob's line originally read "Oily and full of assholes." Upon rereading, I realised that some of your filthy minds may misconstrue this. I changed it immediately, blushing profusely.  
**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for your lovely reviews, your wonderful favourites and your smashing alerts. You rock beyond words. It's especially surprising to see reviewers from my other fandoms over here! Hi guys! *waves***

**Just to alleviate a few worries that have been expressed – this is **_**not**_** a Jasper/Bella story in any way, shape or form. However, the relationship between Jasper and Bella is a very important one and I love writing it beyond belief because my Bella is one messed up lady. Obviously, all will be revealed but this story is turning out a little differently than I intended. I write romance; it's what I do. But this story has actually become more of a journey about Bella's emotional and mental state than the romance I originally envisioned. Came as a huge surprise to me! So do not fear – Edward will be back, but he will become part of Bella's life as part of a (hopefully) realistic timeline. **

**Under Pressure – because there's no bigger pressure than meeting your future in-laws, be they technical ones (Jasper) or not (Bella). Also, I'm addicted to We Will Rock You in London. I haven't seen it in over a month! Gasp! Sob!s**

**Wow, this author's note is really long. Time to bid thee farewell, methinks! Reviewers shall receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf covered in whipped cream!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	4. Family Portrait

**Chapter Four**

**In our family portrait**

**We look pretty happy**

**We look pretty normal**

**Let's go back to that**

**In our family portrait**

**We look pretty happy**

**Let's play pretend**

**Act like it comes naturally**

**~Family Portrait by Pink~**

I was late again on Tuesday morning. Jacob chuckled as I ran past and I waved absently but didn't stop to say hello as I jogged to the bookshop, feeling a little like death warmed up when I got there, wheezing slightly. Jasper burst into laughter.

"Jesus, Bells, just set your damn alarm clock half an hour earlier!" He snorted and I blew a raspberry at him. Maturity was not one of my virtues.

The morning went quickly enough and Jasper volunteered to go and get lunch as a thank you for agreeing to go with him the next night to meet 'The In-Laws'. I perched behind the counter, reading one of our newest novels whilst the shop was empty. It was some murder-mystery and whilst the critics raved about it, I was yet to be impressed. I'd already pinpointed one character as having done it before the end of the fifth chapter and was glad when the bell went, signalling the arrival of someone into the shop who would alleviate my boredom, not to mention my irritation at the predictable novel. It was a young woman, around my age but much shorter and with short black hair that was brushed into some incredibly spiky style. She was wearing a bright pink shirt with some obscure band name printed across it, a black and white tartan skirt and knee high boots with an incredible heel, that still brought her to an inch or two below my puny height. It was a strange get-up but it looked phenomenal on her.

Her bright blue eyes searched the shop eagerly as she bounced on the spot. She looked around for a few seconds and then sighed in disappointment before catching my eye and bounding over with a smile spreading over her lovely features.

"Who did it?" She asked, gesturing to the book. I blinked and looked at the cover for a second, a tad bemused.

"I haven't finished yet, but my money is on the brother." I said and she laughed, a tinkling noise, before holding out a miniscule hand; her fingernails were painted bright blue.

"I'm Alice." She said, her high voice filling the shop. I shook her hand

"Bella. Were you looking for something in particular?" I asked politely and she shrugged delicately.

"Someone, actually. But I guess that today is not the day."

"I don't…" I hesitated, uncertain of how to reply but she put her elbows on the counter, tapping the toe of one boot as she spoke.

"I have this theory that there is someone for everyone, and when you meet them you just _know_ that it's meant to be. And I've been waiting for _forever_ for him to show up so I figured that today was the day that I would take life into my own hands and go look for him! So I was walking past and I just had this feeling that I was supposed to come in, but if you're the only person here…" She looked around again with a disappointed expression, "Maybe this isn't the place after all."

I simply stared at her before glancing at her wrists to see if she was wearing some kind of bracelet that gave the name of her doctor and any medication she was supposed to be taking. Luckily she didn't see the glance and smiled again brightly. She was contemplating the wall behind me, examining the posters that hung there and then met my gaze with a grin.

"I'm crazy, right? My brothers are always telling me that, but what do they know? It's mean for them to say that." She shrugged, "It's fine for them. One is engaged and the other is… well, desperately unsociable, but I don't hold it against him!"

"I…" I really didn't know what to say to her. Alice shrugged again and then looked me over with a smile.

"Do you believe in love? Like that?"

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"You should. Believing makes all the difference, you know. Anyway, I'd better get going, there are shoes out there that aren't going to buy themselves! It was nice to meet you, Bella." She threw me another sparkling smile before skipping out of the shop. The jangling of the bell rang through the shop as I stared after her.

Two minutes later, Jasper came in through the back door, holding two paper bags. He eyed my confused face in amusement.

"What's wrong, Hells Bells?"

"I just got accosted by a pixie."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. What did you get?"

* * *

~*~

Jasper came over to mine that evening and we spent the time watching _Young Frankenstein_ and drinking beer. I told him about Jacob's suggestion that he and I should 'hang out' sometime and Jasper wolf-whistled and made inappropriate suggestions until I began to beat him with a cushion.

"Seriously, Bella, he seems like a decent guy. Why not give him a chance?" He said, as I dropped the cushion into his lap and put my head on it, watching the TV screen. I sighed, chewing on a fingernail.

"I don't know. Maybe I will, it's just… it's been a long time since I got close to anyone. I don't know that I'm ready for that."

Jasper's hand began to stroke over my hair, a soothing sensation that made me feel sleepy. I let it continue for a couple of minutes, working up my bravery before rolling over to look him in the face.

"I got a letter from Renee." I said quickly, getting it out before I lost my nerve.

"When?" He said, surprise and disgust evident on his face.

"Yesterday. I haven't read it yet." I admitted, gesturing to the pile of mail on the coffee table. Jasper leant forward and knocked the envelopes aside until he reached the one with the Phoenix postmark.

"You want me to get rid of it?" He asked and I hesitated.

"…No. No, read it with me?"

He nodded and I sat up, cuddling into him as I opened the envelope, trying to control my shaking fingers.

_Dear Isabella,_

_ I'm sorry that it's been so long since my last letter, Phil and I have been so busy! He's been signed for another season with his club and we decided to do a little travelling before the new season started. We went to Spain, I've tucked in a couple of photos – can you believe how tanned we got? I can't! _

_Anyway, I've been trying out a few new things, I took a course in Asian cooking because you know how terrible I am in the kitchen…_

I couldn't read any further. I buried my face in Jasper's shoulder and he grimaced, reading on to the second page.

"She wants you to visit at Christmas."

"She can fuck the hell off." I mumbled and he put his arms around me, rocking me back and forward, "How can she just expect me to forget what she did? She's unbelievable!"

I fought back tears as Jasper stroked my hair out of my face, screwing the letter up in one hand and tossing it towards the waste basket in the corner of the sitting room.

"Forget her, Bells. She doesn't deserve you."

I shook my head, refusing to cry. I had wasted enough emotion on Renee to last a lifetime and I stood, pacing the apartment. Jasper didn't say a word, letting me walk out my anger before I went into the kitchen and began to put cups and plates away, slamming the cupboard doors. He picked up the newspaper and began to read it in silence, an oasis of calm in an apartment filled with fury until I had finished and crawled back onto the sofa with him, holding out my arms for a hug the way a child would from her father.

* * *

~*~

Wednesday was my day off and I woke early for a run. Jasper always found it hilarious that I had taken up running, insisting that I was inviting the Gods of Clumsiness in for drinks and a nibbles, but I rarely fell when running. Well… rare enough that I didn't feel to embarrassed by it. Besides, I needed some kind of exercise – it made me feel less guilty about the mount of take-out and alcohol I consumed if I ran three times a week.

I put my iPod on to _Scouting for Girls_, tied my shoes tightly and set off, running at a steady pace until I reached Ravenna Park, my usual trek. It wasn't too busy at this hour and I set off, pushing my speed and revelling in the pleasure that came with it. My feet pounded the pavement hard and I breathed heavily in the cold air, my over-large sweatshirt hanging from my slender frame. I wanted to laugh as the scenery flashed past, random lyrics about James Bond filling my ears.

Running made me feel free. There was no pressure to improve, to better myself, to meet someone's approval. It was all about me out here.

I ran for a little under an hour, arriving back at my building feeling tired but exhilarated. Grabbing my mail, I climbed the stairs and made for the shower. It was one of my favourite sensations, a hot shower after a long run, the water pounding my aching muscles. I washed my hair with strawberry-scented shampoo, scrubbed my body and emerged pink-skinned and energised.

There was an unread text on my phone and I opened it.

**HB – Meeting at 7:30 at Roland's. Bring ammo! Jazz xxxx.**

I replied, grinning.

**Jazz – Will talk to my arms dealer, see what I can come up with. Meet you there –Bella (not Hells Bells!) xxxx**

**HB – Don't try to change a man, sweet cheeks. Never works out for the best! See you later, can't wait to see you all dressed up! – Jazz xxxx**

I spent the rest of the day finishing the crappy murder mystery (I was right about the brother) and surfing the internet. I found myself on the University of Washington homepage a couple of times, reading up on their Comparative Literature courses.

I knew most of the information, I'd applied there a few years ago, after graduating high school, but what with one thing and another I had declined my place. Now I felt that my life had reached a complete stalemate. I liked my job, I loved Jasper, I enjoyed my life as a whole but it was going nowhere. That had to change sooner or later.

I closed the webpage, anxiety prickling at me. I may be thinking about changing my life, but I wasn't ready to do anything about it just yet. Now, once again, I was faced with the excruciating task of finding something decent to wear. I'd only been to Roland's once before, on a very unsuccessful date. It had been formal enough to require a skirt, I remembered and hunted through my endless supply of jeans and t-shirts, dragging out a black dress that I'd worn only once. It was black and sleeveless, the straps widening and joining together just above the cleavage, the skirt falling gracefully from the waist to end at the knees. I pulled it on, pairing it with red flats and a red bolero, thinking that I needed at least one extra layer in November. Throwing on some mascara and lip balm (I never used gloss – my hair just got stuck to it), I eyed myself in the mirror. Not too bad; sure, I'd feel like crap when I stood next to Rosalie, but until we got to that point, I looked quite good.

Exchanging my slightly shabby handbag for a black clutch, I called a cab and went down to the lobby to wait for it. Usually I'd walk, but I was already running a little late and I knew Jasper would be anxious. As I waited, Jacob arrived home, a couple of his friends trailing behind him, laughing. They were obviously of the same Native American descent, their dark skin and thick black hair making them look like brothers. Jacob whistled when he saw me, a grin spreading on his handsome face.

"Damn, Bella! I know I said we should hang out, but I didn't expect you to dress up for me!"

I felt the familiar flush in my cheeks as his friends shamelessly appraised me and I fiddled awkwardly with the material of my skirt.

"I'm just giving Jasper some back-up for when he meets the in-laws." I explained and Jacob grinned, glancing outside as my cab drew up.

"Have a great time. Feel free to stop by later, we're planning on a late night with Guitar Hero and beer." He grinned and I laughed, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I'm tempted, but not tonight, Jacob. Another time for sure."

* * *

~*~

Jasper was waiting outside the restaurant when I arrive, his face furrowed in worry but he smiled when he saw me.

"You clean up pretty well, Hells Bells!"

"You don't do too badly yourself." I said, taking in his suit and jacket. I noticed he'd forgone the customary tie, but then I'd never seen him with a tie on. I gestured at the door.

"Ready to face them?"

"Not in the least. Hell, I'd be happy to jump on a plane to Fiji right about now. What do you say?"

"Sure, I've never been to Fiji." I laughed and then reached up, taking his face in my hands and looking at him seriously, "You listen to me, Jasper M Whitlock. You're the best man I've ever met and those people in there are just lucky to meet you, let alone have you in their family. They're the ones who should be nervous, not you, and don't you forget it!"

Jasper grinned and gave me a quick hug before taking my arm.

"Once more into the breach, dear friend?" I questioned and he flashed me a smile, pushing open the restaurant door.

"Bring it on."

"That's actually one of Shakespeare's lesser known quotes."

He was still laughing when we reached the maitre d' and Jasper told him that we were with the Cullen party.

"More like they're with us." I whispered and Jasper dropped my arm, taking my hand in his and squeezing my fingers, looking for reassurance as we crossed the restaurant. I heard Emmett before I saw him and he stood with a grin.

"There they are!" He moved around the table and slapped Jasper on the back before treating me to another rib-crushing hug. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Emmett, put her down before you break her."

"Sorry Bella." Emmett grinned and turned back to the table, "Jasper, Bella, this is my baby sister, Alice."

I barely had time to react before Alice's tinkling laugh washed over me and she skipped over to me, wearing an adorable little white dress that made her look angelic before giving me a quick hug.

"Hey, Bella! Did the brother do it?" She asked, standing in front of me with a wide smile, which I returned in disbelief.

"Actually, he did."

"Wait, you know each other?" Emmett looked confused, but Alice's gaze had gone past me to Jasper and though the smile had faded from her face, it was replaced with a look of quiet certainty. Holding out her hand, she moved forward and smiled up at him.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She said quietly. Jasper was gazing down at her with an expression that I had never seen on his face before – awe. He recovered quickly and smiled, taking her hand and kissing the top of it sweetly.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." He said in a quiet voice and I had to tear my gaze away from the intensely private moment.

Rosalie caught my eye and her gaze was curious but Emmett was oblivious to his sister and his fiancée as something else caught his eye.

"Ah, and here's my little brother. Jasper, Bella, this is Edward."

Jasper and I both turned, saw the man that Emmett had introduced and quickly looked at each other as the auburn-haired man met our eyes with an expression of utter shock.

* * *

**A/N: Hello darlings! Well, I've got to start by thanking you for the marvellous reviews! I adore each and every one! They give me warm fuzzies inside. **

**Not much to say on this chapter – pretty much speaks for itself! But gasp! Shock! The hot stranger has returned, who could have guessed?! Lol and here is Alice. Alice has had lots of rewrites, because I don't want her to be a typical 'shopping-happy-midget', I'm hoping she will develop actual personality throughout the story. Other than that, this chapter is pretty much just character-building filler, which you will hopefully approve of. **

**Family Portrait – obviously Bella has some familial issues, we know that Jasper has and that he's worried about meeting his future in-laws. This song sort of fits for both of them – neither of them had the perfect family portrait. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a bottle of strawberry-scented shampoo to use as you see fit! **

**Love**

**Katie**


	5. Big Girls Don't Cry

**Chapter Five**

**The path I'm walking I must go alone**

**I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown**

**Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?**

**And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay**

**I hope you know**

**I hope you know**

**That this is nothing to do with you**

**It's personal, myself and I**

**~Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie~ **

For a moment Edward stared at Jasper and I, and we stared right back. Rosalie cleared her throat somewhere behind us.

"So… you've met?"

"Not exactly." Edward murmured and I was struck once again by the incredible tone of his voice. He moved forwards and shook Jasper's hand. Jasper smiled.

"Jasper Whitlock. Good to meet you."

"Edward Cullen, likewise."

They both looked at me and I rather suspected that I had a 'deer-in-the-headlights' look about me. Jasper's knee hit me in the back of the thigh and I stumbled forward. Edward smiled a slightly crooked smile that did not go with the symmetry of his face but was, of course, still beautiful. He held out a hand.

"I know you didn't ask for my name, but I'd like to give it anyway." He said and I blushed infuriatingly as I shook his hand briefly. His long fingers curled around mine firmly.

"Bella Swan."

"Edward Cullen."

There was a long, awkward moment of silence, that one that always arrives when a group of strangers meet for the first time, as everyone stood, not quite knowing how to proceed. Emmett grinned and gestured to the table.

"Let's eat, I'm starving." He said, rubbing his stomach.

"Oh, there's a surprise!" Alice laughed, sitting down beside him at the round table. Jasper instantly sat beside her, much to my amusement, and I sat beside him, only for Edward to take the chair on my left hand side. Rosalie was still watching me curiously and I dreaded the inevitable interrogation so I instantly took the subject off of myself.

"Have you set a date for the wedding yet?"

Rosalie smirked as if to say 'I know exactly what you're doing, Swan', but allowed it to pass as she twined her fingers with Emmett's. He lifted her hand and kissed it, almost without realising because it was second nature.

"The first of August next year. We're getting married here, in Seattle."

"Not in Texas?" Jasper asked and Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Emmett's got his family here, and how many people would I want to invite from Texas anyway? Mom can get a flight up, it's hardly a big deal."

Jasper was frowning slightly and I squeezed his fingers under the table. I didn't know half of the drama that went on with his family, but I knew that any contact he had with his father was awkward at best, practically abusive at worst. He gave me a quick smile and I reached for a breadstick. My eyes darted to the man sat on my other side. Edward was watching me and he smiled slightly. I glanced away, chewing my bread.

We ordered dinner and it arrived quickly, the conversation still on the wedding. Alice was thoroughly excited at the idea of helping to plan it, looking for all the world like a sprite that had overdosed on pixie dust as she ran off ideas to a bemused looking Rosalie, who obviously _hadn't_ considered the benefits of linen serviettes versus cotton. Jasper smiled charmingly down at the tiny woman beside him and I repressed a laugh, recognising his 'flirty' smile.

"So what do you do, Alice?"

"I'm studying interior design at UW. My professor's say I'm a natural." She beamed up at himand I heard Edward chuckling quietly beside me. Jasper's head turned that way as well.

"And you, Edward?"

"Medicine at UW." He said calmly, taking a sip of his wine, "I'm just starting my residency."

"Edward is following in our dad's footsteps." Emmet said proudly, "He's a doctor too."

Edward's smile widened as he put down his glass and shrugged modestly.

"I enjoy it. It's hard work, but very rewarding."

"Are you going to specialise?" Jasper asked over my head and Edward shrugged again. God, even that stupid little action made the air rush from lungs.

"I'm not certain. Carlisle specialises in immunology, it's a fascinating area. I have a year before I have to decide, though."

The conversation turned to careers, a subject area that didn't bode well for me. Rosalie had a degree in Environmental Engineering and was about to embark on a government project regarding the amount of waste in the sea around Seattle. Emmett was a sports therapist and was freelancing, but spent a lot of time working with the Seattle Seahawks, a fact that made him visibly swell with pride, although he'd spent some time working with the Houston team. He draped an arm around Rosalie, beaming.

"So my girl is becoming a northerner for the first time! We're looking for own place at the moment.

Alice and Jasper were practically living in their own little bubble for most of the meal, talking quietly between themselves with shy smiles, almost nauseatingly sweet. Normally this would have been fine, except it left all the attention from Rosalie, Emmett and Edward on me. I deflected as best I could, bringing the conversation back to the wedding again and again, but eventually there was a lull in the talk and Rose cleared her throat, her eyes on mine.

_Ready_…

"So, Bella…"

_Aim…_

"How do you and Edward know each other?"

_Fire!_

Jasper looked around immediately and his hand found mine under the table. I could already feel the redness in my cheeks as Edward smiled.

"We met at a bar, last Saturday." He said calmly, "We only spoke for a few minutes, but we didn't exchange names. It's quite a coincidence us meeting again."

"Yeah, who'd have thought it?" I mumbled.

Alice's gaze was flittering between me and Edward, an impish grin on her face. Jasper looked down at me and smiled comfortingly. _See? Nothing to worry about, attention diverted_.

"How did you and Jasper meet?" Edward asked. _Damn._ I hated this story.

Alice's eye line dropped to our entwined hands and something uncomfortable flashed through me. I squeezed Jasper's fingers before letting go, reaching for my wineglass to give my hands something to do as Jasper explained how we'd met.

"And she managed to spill the entire cup down herself! Ten minutes and two icepacks later, she admitted that it wasn't first time, so I offered to stick around to make sure she didn't hurt herself again!" He grinned and I buried my face in my hands.

"How many times do I have to relive this, Jazz?"

"Only for forever."

"Oh, is that all?" I said, hitting his arm lightly, "In that case, I reserve the right to tell any stories about you to anyone at this table! And I have some _really_ good ones!"

"That sounds intriguing." Alice laughed, slightly evilly and Jasper gave me a furious look.

"Bells…"

"Jazz…" I returned the warning tone with a grin and Jasper chuckled, ruffling my hair. I scowled, trying to smooth it back into normality. Emmett guffawed, enjoying our familiarity.

"You two are worse than Alice and Edward!" He grinned and Alice tossed her hair indignantly.

"Edward would never dare tell stories about me!"

"That's true." Edward said quietly to me, "She's short but incredibly vicious."

I looked around at him. His dark green eyes were fixed on me and the intensity in them winded me. For several long moments we looked at each other before Jasper cleared his throat, drawing our attention the fact that the meal had ended and the others had started to pull on their coats. I jumped up, grabbing my purse and searching through it, pretending to look for something in an effort to hide the red stain on my cheeks. Looking around for Jasper, I saw that he was already walking to the exit with Alice, still chattering away. I raised my eyebrows.

"OK, you go on ahead, Jazz. Don't mind me, I'll catch up." I said under my breath and Edward laughed again, eyes crinkling in amusement. I shrugged, "Looks like my date has ditched me."

"I wouldn't let Alice hear you call him that. I think she's ready to fight for him." He said as we walked to the door. I cocked my head, eying him.

"First impressions aside… is she going to be good to him? Because if she's just going to screw him over-"

"You're very defensive."

I stopped as we exited the restaurant, turning to look up at him, hands on my hips as my familiar fury erupted.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion!"

"Nor did you ask for my help or my name, yet here we are." He said calmly, hands in the pockets of his trousers. I stared at him incredulously before huffing.

"What is your deal?"

"Edward is an old-fashioned gentleman." Alice appeared at my elbow, Jasper behind her. I kept my eyes on Edward.

"Well, I don't remember asking for an escort." I said sullenly and Edward let out a heavy breath, his temper seeming to emerge slightly for the first time.

"I might ask you what _your_ deal is. First of all, I try and help you to get away from the man harassing you in the bar and you practically attack me-"

"I didn't ask for your help!" I shot back angrily

"Then I merely comment on how you're being very defensive without reason and-"

"Who the hell are you to comment on me?"

I was aware that I was shouting now and that Rosalie and Emmett had appeared nearby, watching the scene in silence. Jasper put a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, he didn't mean anything by it." He said quietly but I shrugged his hand away, still glaring at the handsome man before me. Edward didn't speak, watching me closely. I breathed angrily through my nose.

"I'm not a damsel in distress, Edward."

"You were clearly distressed in that bar."

"Maybe I was. But I sure as hell didn't put out a flyer for a white knight. I don't want you to help me and I don't want you to offer." I said angrily and Jasper tugged me back; I could sense his anger at my outburst but I wasn't finished as I gestured at Edward, "Sometimes the damsel wants to work out her own shit without anyone else screwing her around."

"Isabella!"

Full name – that meant trouble. Jasper whirled me around, dragging me down the sidewalk a few paces. I heard Alice say something but didn't stop to listen. Jasper stopped and looked down at me, his face contorted in anger.

"Jesus, Bella! What are you _doing_?" He said furiously and I pulled his hands off of me, repressing the angry tears that were threatening to fall.

"Jazz-"

"You can't just go around yelling at people, Bella! Especially people who are going to be my family in a few months!" He hissed and lifted a hand, but I batted it away, running my hands through my hair with a sniffle. Instantly Jasper's expression crumpled and the guilt exploded in my chest as I stepped back, unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. I just… when he…"

"It's not always going to be like Charlie, Bella." He said quietly and the sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. I stepped past him, pushing him away and he called after me in a panic, realising that he'd said the wrong thing, but I walked quickly up the sidewalk, past Rosalie and the Cullens, who watched with worried eyes as I fled past, half running and waving for a cab.

"Bella!"

Jasper's voice was heartbreaking but I couldn't stop, clambering into the backseat and mumbling my address to the driver.

* * *

~*~

My phone didn't stop ringing that night. Eventually Jasper seemed to give up and left a message.

_Bells, it's me. Look, I am _so _sorry for what I said, I know it wasn't right, but I was just… I was stressing out. I spoke to the Cullens and… well, I didn't tell them anything, obviously. I just said that you were having a difficult time at the moment and that's pretty much it. Bells, please pick up. Please, I just want to make sure that you're OK. Call me back, or just text me, please… I… look, if I haven't heard from you before work tomorrow, I'm coming over. Please, please don't do anything stupid, honey, you know it's not worth it. Love you, Hells Bells._

I sat hunched on the sofa, glaring at the machine before burying my head in my arms. I wouldn't do anything stupid. Not in the way that he meant, anyway, not after… last time.

There was a shout from the apartment below and raucous laughter. I glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight and I wasn't in the least bit tired. Miserable, yes. In dire need of a drink, most certainly.

Pulling one of Jasper's large hoodies on, so big that it came down to my denim-clad knees, I grabbed my keys and made my way downstairs, knocking on Jacob's door. It opened a moment later and his bright face appeared, looking sheepish.

"Sorry, Bella, are we being too loud? I told them to keep it down."

"Got a spare beer?" I asked quietly and he grinned, throwing the door open and handing me his freshly opened bottle.

Jacob's apartment was set out identically to mine, with one large living area and the two smaller rooms going off it for the bedroom and bathroom. The two guys I had seen earlier were Embry and Quil, and they worked with Jacob at his garage. They were engaged in an epic game of Guitar Hero and I perched on kitchen surface, laughing at their competitiveness. Jacob leant against the surface, so close that I could feel the body heat coming off of him. His dark eyes scanned my face.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, grinning and I pulled a face.

"I managed to screw up royally, so now I'm hiding."

"To hiding!" He tapped his bottle against mine and we both drank. Quil swore loudly, throwing the guitar down as Embry crowed his victory. Jake seized the guitar, taking his turn as I watched. Quil popped open another beer, grinning at me.

"I'm usually better than this,"

"Sure you are." I smirked and he huffed.

"Tell her, Jake!"

Jake glanced over his shoulder at us and winked at me.

"He sucks, Bella."

I laughed and shrugged at Quil.

"I'm going to trust him on this one."

An hour later after Quil had last twice more to Embry, once to Jake and even once to me (I'd never even played before), he tossed the guitar to once side with a bitter scowl.

"I'm calling it a night, Jake."

He and Embry departed, inviting me to join them again another night with loud laughs and overenthusiastic hugs for people I had only met a few hours earlier. Jacob grinned, throwing their empty bottles into the recycling bin.

"They're kinda funny." I said, still sitting cross-legged on the kitchen surface. Jacob pulled a face.

"They're cool. Messy though, I spent weeks trying to think of excuses not to live with them last year."

"They can't be that bad." I objected and he gestured to his somewhat destroyed living room.

"They did this in a couple of hours. It takes some kind of mess-producing genius to achieve this in that time span."

"I see your point."

I drained the last few drops of my beer and set it on the surface beside me. Jacob approached me, standing a few inches in front of me, hands resting on the surface, either side of me. Without thinking, I lifted a hand brushed a lock of dark hair out his eyes.

"Thanks for letting me crash, Jake." I said quietly, "I needed some company."

"Any time. And I mean that." He smiled faintly and his hand lifted to grasp mine, his skin incredibly warm to the touch, his face mere centimetres from mine.

I knew what was going to happen. I knew that any second now he was going to lean forward and kiss me and that I was going to let it happen. I was going to take every negative emotion that had haunted me earlier in the evening and throw them away, burying myself in this man who so clearly wanted me. I hadn't felt wanted in this way in a _long_ time. I was prepared to throw caution to the wind and let him carry me to the bedroom, to have mindless and mind-blowing sex and not give a shit about anything else.

At least, that might have happened if my phone hadn't started to ring, the dulcet tones of The Fray's _How To Save A Life_ breaking us apart. Jacob looked at me blankly, silently begging me not to answer and I swallowed hard before reaching into my pocket for my phone. I answered it, eyes averted from Jacob's clearly frustrated face.

"What, Jazz?"

"I'm outside."

I hung up and slid off the surface, looking up at Jacob apologetically. He gave me a lopsided grin.

"To be continued?"

"…Goodnight, Jake." I murmured, moving to the door. Jasper's expression at seeing me emerge from Jacob's apartment was priceless and he couldn't help the cheeky smile.

"So, you finally managed to tap that?"

"I would have done if you hadn't called." I said dryly, "And The Fray? Really?"

"I like that song."

We went upstairs and neither of us spoke as we put the TV on and sat on the sofa, not cuddled together as usual but with Jasper's hand in mine as we fell asleep to a replay of _Scrubs_. Jasper dozed off first and as I sat there, the TV's flickering light illuminating his familiar features, I felt a little detached from him. Things had changed tonight. He had been worrying about meeting his future family and I had messed it up for him. As usual, he was the one clearing up after me.

I wondered why he did it. Why he let me behave like a child, always being the responsible adult to my tempter tantrums. His life had been as bad as mine at times, but he had somehow worked past that and was becoming a better person with every day, whilst I was still suspended in immaturity.

New Sun – New Day.

His familiar words floated back to me and I sighed, turning the television off. Time to try growing up, Bella.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my poppets! I tried to post this chapter yesterday, but ffnet was having some issues. So here it is! And there is Edward – not a lot of him, true, but all in good time, my little pumpkins. And yes, there is also Jacob. I adore my little werewolf boy and shall not hear a word against him! And isn't it so much more satisfying when Edward and Bella get together after obstacles? **

**Big Girls Don't Cry – See the last sentence, lol. Bella's got some growing up to do. She's got all these new people coming into her life but she can't expect them to accept her until she can accept herself. **

**I love your reviews. You are beautiful, marvellous people. I understand that some people do review replies in their stories and teasers for the next chapters. Is this something you might be interested in? I've never seen this in any other fandom, it's quite bizarre! But hey, if that's what the people want…**

**Leave a review for a poor author who has to get up at 5 am tomorrow morning for work. At least I'm hosting an Ann Summers party tomorrow night, I'm sure it will be very entertaining! Reviewers shall receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a cup of chocolate fudge sauce. Make up your own serving suggestion. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	6. Everybody Hurts

**Chapter Six**

**When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts.**

**~Everybody Hurts by R.E.M~**

On Monday, the week of Thanksgiving, I was scheduled to work the morning with Mike, Jasper was due to take over in the afternoon until closing. The owner of the store, Garrett, had already left for the weekend with his wife, Kate, entrusting the locking up to Jasper. He and Kate were going to New York for a week, coming back the Saturday after Thanksgiving

I was in no mood for Mike's incessant talking and asked him to watch the cash register whilst I restocked the shelves. Jasper hadn't mentioned what had happened again and I certainly wasn't going to bring it up. I'd rather have forgotten the whole event.

So when Alice appeared in the store at midday, I automatically assumed that she was looking Jasper. I ducked behind a display, watching as she approached the desk, dazzling Mike with a smile.

"Can I help you?" He said, his eagerness embarrassing. She giggled flirtatiously.

"I'm looking for Bella, is she around?" Mike's disappointment was palpable and I rolled my eyes as I stepped into view.

"Jasper starts at one, Alice." I said calmly, handing Mike the books that wouldn't fit on the shelf. He disappeared downstairs to storage and Alice smiled sweetly at me. Today she'd donned skin-tight black jeans and a fuzzy off-shoulder white top, once again wearing impossible heels. In my baggy jeans and plain long-sleeved shirt, I felt like an Ugly Stepsister on a bad day.

"I wasn't looking for Jasper. I wanted to see you, Bella. When do you get off work?"

"She's just finished." Mike said, reappearing and I threw him a dirty look for interfering. Alice, however, clapped her hands delightedly.

"Good! You can come and get some lunch with me!"

So ten minutes later I was being dragged into a nearby café, praying for some miracle that would release me from the death grip of this pixie. I simply did not have the energy for her today. But she perched on a stool, grinning across at me after we had placed our orders.

"We're going to be great friends, Bella." She said matter-of-factly. I merely looked at her.

"I don't have a lot of friends." I said quietly, not wanting sympathy but just to remind her that there might be a reason for it.

"No mind. You've got me now."

"If you want to get close to Jasper, leave me out of it." I said flatly and she scowled, the expression almost comical on her delicate features.

"Oh, Bella…" She shook her head, her cheeks flushing a delicate pink, "That's not it. I mean… Jasper… no, what I mean is that I can just tell that you're a good person and that we're going to be friends. You could use another friend, right?"

I hesitated, watching her as she smiled earnestly at me. I had always been good at reading faces, had always been able to see what people really wanted, their real reasons for wanting to talk to me. But with Alice, it was difficult – as though she really _did_ just want to be friends for the sake of being friends. And new Grown Up Bella made her first decision.

"I guess…" I took a deep breath, "I could use another friend."

You'd have thought I'd just announced that I was a close personal friend of Brad Pitt's and could introduce them, because Alice squealed noisily, clapping her hands together in delight.

"Bella, we're going to have so much fun! Jasper said that we're spending Thanksgiving together and I wanted to make sure that we spent some time getting to know each other first, because of the other night and-"

"About that night-" I stopped but she held up a hand and I fell silently.

"Look, something about that night obviously upset you. And that's OK, because we've all got stuff in our past that affects us from time to time. It was just terrible timing that it happened to be just then." She said calmly. I stared at her, wondering what on earth she could mean and she smiled sadly, "I don't have any memories of my childhood, you know."

My stunned expression did not go unnoticed, but our food arrived and Alice began to drizzle vinaigrette casually over her salad until I managed to clear my throat.

"I don't understand."

"I don't have any memories of my life before I was ten years old. I was abused, you see and in a coma for almost a year. When I woke up I was… unstable and for one reason or another, I ended up in an asylum. I don't think the doctors knew what to do with me. I don't remember what put me in the coma, I wouldn't talk to anyone about what happened, so they just locked me away. I was violent and angry and spent a lot of time screaming. I don't recall much except the screaming." Her brow twitched, as though she was shaking away the memory, "I was there until I was thirteen, when Doctor Carlisle Cullen arrived at the asylum, took one look at me and announced that I was coming home with him. It took over a year for me to recover, but he never gave up on me."

She spoke so matter-of-factly that it was almost painful, as though discussing the flavour of her salad, "I don't remember what happened to put me in the coma, or anything that happened in the asylum, really. Or maybe I did but just chose to forget about it, I'm not sure. But once Carlisle took me home, I just put all of my effort into making new memories with him and my new family."

She popped a cherry tomato into her mouth and chewed delicately. I continued to stare at her and she met my gaze with a smile.

"It's OK, Bella. I have a wonderful life now. Esme and Carlisle are the best parents I could want, so why waste time on a bad past when I have the perfect present? Not to mention a chance at a great future. I mean, it's not easy and sometimes the past catches up with you, but the trick is not to let it overpower you."

I didn't really know what to say to that. I hadn't known the girl for twenty-four hours and whilst everything she had said made perfect sense, I wasn't ready to take advice from her that Jasper had been trying to suggest to me for over three years. Instead, I took a bite of my sandwich, trying to understand the impossibly happy girl opposite me. Everything she had just told me would have led most people down an inevitable path of self-destruction and yet here she was. Quirky, yes, but perfectly satisfied with her lot in life.

"So… you're not related to your brothers?" I asked eventually. Alice sipped her sparkling water and shook her head.

"No, all three of us are adopted. Emmett's mother was killed in a car crash when he was fourteen and his father was an absentee parent. Edward's parents both died of a rare disease, he was Carlisle and Esme's first child. He came to them when he was twelve. They adopted me a year later and then a few months later they found Emmett."

"That must have been difficult."

"Not really. We all adore Carlisle and Esme and they adore us. It just made sense. We fit together. It seemed odd that we hadn't known each other our whole lives."

Another long period of silence followed and I chewed my sandwich thoughtfully. The suspicious part of my mind was wondering why she was telling me this, if she expected something in return. If that was the case, she was going to be sorely disappointed. But she didn't ask and as we finished lunch, she enquired as to my plans for the rest of the day.

"Food shopping for Thanksgiving. Jasper doesn't believe in groceries as a rule."

"Food shopping?" She looked disappointed, but shrugged, "Well, any kind of shopping is better than none, I suppose."

As we strolled around the supermarket, collecting a great deal of food more than I would usually buy, Alice's attentions turned to Jasper.

"I was afraid for a moment last night that the two of you were more than friends." She admitted and I shook my head, reaching for a large bag of yellow rice.

"No."

"I saw." She smiled, tossing a bell pepper from one hand to the other, "He loves you an incredible amount, just like you love him. But it's familial. Not like…" She blushed slightly and I stopped, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Jasper is very important to me, Alice. So if you're going to pursue this… this relationship with him, I need to know that you won't hurt him." I said firmly and she looked at me with a certain smile.

"Has he dated a lot?"

"No. There were one or two, but…" I was a little embarrassed, "They couldn't really get past _us_. They didn't understand how we could be so close without being more than friends. Jealousy is an ugly thing, Alice."

"Would you hate me if Jasper and I got very close?" Alice asked and I shifted uncomfortably, seizing a bag of tortilla chips. I'd thought about this before, when Jasper had dated. He was such a consistent in my life, would I be able to share him completely with someone else?

"I wouldn't hate you unless it meant that I could never see him. I don't think you'd be like that though." I admitted, "I think you understand that we need each other, for one reason or another."

"I wouldn't take him away, even if I could." She said, smiling at me. She had taken my response as a blessing to pursue Jasper and I couldn't help smiling at the idea of that. Jasper had no idea what was about to hit him but I had a funny feeling that he wouldn't object.

After loading up on groceries, I texted Jasper to tell him that I was taking the food to his place. After texting back to enquire as to what alcohol I had invested in, I tossed my phone in my pocket and struggled with the four heavy bags to his apartment, the handles cutting into my palms. Thanking the heavens that his building had a working elevator, I let myself into his apartment and let out a yelp as Emmett barrelled towards the door, grabbing the bags. I'd forgotten that he and Rosalie were going to be in whilst they searched for an apartment.

"Bella! Tell me you brought food, Jasper doesn't have a thing to eat!"

He helped me carry the things into the kitchen and then tugged me into the living room, where Rosalie was sat at a laptop, typing furiously.

"Rosie, we need to adopt this girl. She brought food."

"I brought food for Thanksgiving dinner." I corrected and Emmett deflated, slouching over to the armchair and collapsing, eyes focused on the game that was playing. I swallowed hard and turned to go back to the kitchen, but hesitated, turning to face them again.

"I'm sorry about the other night. I was kind of an ass; I didn't mean to screw up." I gabbled, before darting into the kitchen and unpacking as quickly as possible so that I could make my escape. It only took a few minutes and I was just throwing a few things into a bag marked 'Stuff Jasper Can Eat Before Thanksgiving' when Rosalie appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a pair of wire-rimmed glasses perched on her nose.

I paused and reluctantly met her gaze. After a moment of consideration she arched an eyebrow.

"You're kind of messed up, aren't you?" She said after a moment and I snorted.

"You've got that right." I muttered dryly.

"Edward isn't as much of a jackass as you think he is. He just wants to help everyone; it comes with the territory of being a doctor. So even if you don't ask for help, it's his instinct to do it anyway." Rosalie said, flipping a blond lock over her shoulder. I shuffled uncomfortably, rustling a bag of chips in my hands. She didn't speak again and then shrugged.

"Everyone has their shit, Bella." She said in a could-care-less tone before disappearing back into the sitting room. I let out a breath that I hadn't realised that I was holding and put the last few things in the cupboard before moving into the living room and tossing the bag of chips to Emmett. Then I left, before I managed to put my foot in my mouth again.

* * *

~*~

I didn't see Jasper on Wednesday. Usually we'd go out on Wednesday nights, but he muttered something about meeting Emmett's parents for a pre-Thanksgiving dinner in an unenthusiastic tone. Luckily I managed to weasel my way out of this meeting, insisting it was family only, and decided to wander down to the nearest Chinese and get some beef in black bean sauce.

There was a long queue, it being the day before a holiday and I waited patiently to place my order. I walked home quickly, stopping only at an off-license to buy a bottle of wine, my mind already running through my DVD list to consider my evening's viewing. Jacob was on his way out as I approached the door and he held it open for me, so that I had to duck under his arm to enter, blushing.

"You have big plans for tonight?" He teased and I waved my bag of food.

"Oh boy, do I! Take-out, wine and _Die Hard_. Wednesday night doesn't get better than this." I said seriously and Jacob's hand dropped from the doorframe to brush against my waist, accompanied by a grin.

"Feel free to stop by for another beer one of these days. Hey, if I get really generous, I might even suggest we go to an actual bar."

"Let's not go crazy now." I smiled and moved away from the door, fully aware that he was watching me go.

To be honest, I didn't know if anything was ever going to happen with Jacob. My decision to go to him the other night had been born purely out of the need for comfort and company, and whilst I wasn't a 'one-night stand' sort of girl, I couldn't exactly see us entering a long term relationship. Hell, I didn't want a long term relationship with anybody, but it had been good to feel wanted in that way. It had been a long time since that had happened.

Jasper called at around eleven and I growled down the phone at him.

"Bruce Willis is about to kick the shit out of some terrorists, this had better be a good conversation."

"We always have amazing conversation, Bells." He laughed and I paused the DVD, standing to put my wine and leftovers in the fridge.

"So… what were the parents like? Did they adore you?"

"Parents always love me. Even more shockingly, they also loved Rosie. She put on her sweetness and light routine and they lapped it up."

"Hey and why not? It's important to impress the parents, especially if you're stealing their first born."

I hesitated, wondering if Jasper knew about the adoptions, but decided it didn't really matter as I poured myself a glass of water.

"Anyway, it went fine. Alice was a bit sulky when she found out that you weren't coming." Jasper's tone was teasing and I couldn't help smiling a little.

"Why would she think I'd be there? This was a family deal."

"Cut the crap, Bella, you're practically family. In fact, you're more family than Rose is half the time. I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of her now that she's moving up here. She and Emmett found a house, by the way. They decided to skip the apartment and go straight for the infant-breeding house."

"Aw, Uncle Jasper!"

"Shut it, shortie."

I laughed at his unimpressed tone and he cleared his throat, the sound rasping over the line.

"So… Alice and Edward were asking after you."

"Yeah, right."

"No, really. Alice wanted to know why you weren't coming for dinner and then Edward asked if you were alright. The guy's obviously suffering from self-masochism."

"Sure is." I muttered, grabbing a damp sponge from the sink and wiping the surface clean. I could practically hear Jasper's smug smile.

"Really, Bella. He seemed genuinely worried. Which isn't that weird, considering the last time you were in the same place you left in tears."

"Why in God's name is he worried? I don't even know him." I said, genuinely puzzled and Jasper made an 'I don't know' noise.

"From what Alice has said, it's just in his nature. He wants to help; after dinner tonight, I get the feeling he'd set out to cure world hunger given half a chance."

"Which is fine, but I don't need his help." I reminded him and Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, I think he got that from all the yelling."

"Don't be an ass. Look, I'll be over early tomorrow to start cooking. Please tell me that you and Emmett haven't eaten anything."

"We've only eaten stuff out of the specifically labelled bag, never fear. Alice said that she'd bring some pies over for dessert, by the way."

"Did she? That's _nice_. That Alice is a _nice_ girl…" I grinned, listening to his uncomfortable shuffling.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, she's great…"

"Don't screw it up, Jazz."

"I'll do my best, Hells Bells. I'm going to crash, see you in the morning."

He hung up and I dropped the phone onto the coffee table, heading for my bedroom. Bruce Willis would just have to kick terrorist ass another night.

~*~

* * *

"_Bella, please! Please, just walk over to me, real slow!"_

"_Back the hell off!" The furious voice screamed behind me, a rough hand grabbing me by the throat and tugging me back. I choked, fingers scrabbling at the strange hand. Charlie's face contorted in anger, all his police training abandoning him in this situation that was his own personal nightmare._

_It happened quickly – it always did. The gunshot, the confused expression on his face and my own strangled scream of pain. _

I woke with a gasp, tears already on my cheeks. I knew what I had to do. The routine had been established a long time ago, although it had been months since I'd had a nightmare. I walked around the room, turning on the light, opening the window, turning on the radio to a classical channel that filled the room with a soothing nocturne.

I went to the bathroom and splashed icy cold water on my face, noting that my hands shook. I didn't sob, I didn't cry, I didn't shudder at the memories. I'd seen it too many times now and I wanted release.

Opening the bathroom cabinet, I tipped a single pill into my hand and swallowed it without water. Then I turned and grabbed a pillow and blanket from the hall cupboard, crawling onto the sofa. I couldn't go back and sleep in my bedroom whilst the nightmare was still in there.

The pill took effect less than twenty minutes later and I felt the medicated sleep encroaching into my vision as I kept my mind carefully blank. The notes of the music faded, replaced by a cheerful jingle, but I was already beyond listening.

* * *

**A/N: A little background on Alice here and some of Bella's past is hinted at. Not really much to say on this one! Next chapter will be Thanksgiving. **

**Everybody Hurts – Bella's not the only one with problems. I chose this song, because it's hard when you're writing a first person story to make sure that everyone gets a chance to develop, so Alice got her chance. The others will get theirs in future chapters. **

**Thank you once again for your reviews! They cheered me up greatly, which I needed because my week is getting steadily shitter. My best friend's boyfriend collapsed on Saturday and is currently in intensive care. He's been unconscious for four days now, with what the doctors suspect is a brain virus brought on by a bout of Swine Flu. It's all very unpleasant, because they can't treat him until he comes around. As yet, I don't know how it's going to play out, so all I can really do at the minute is wait for news. **

**Anyway, leave a review. Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a bag of Thanksgiving food!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	7. Life For Rent

**Chapter Seven**

**I haven't ever really found a place that I call home**

**I never stick around quite long enough to make it**

**I apologise if once again I'm not in love**

**But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking**

**It's just a thought, only a thought**

**If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy**

**Well I deserve nothing more than I get**

**Cos nothing I have is truly mine**

**~Life For Rent by Dido~**

I woke, feeling groggy and faintly nauseous, to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I grabbed it clumsily.

"Hello?" My voice was raspy and I winced at the sound of it.

"Bella, where the hell are you? I thought you were going to be here an hour ago?" Jasper asked, a worried edge to his voice. I sat up, my eyes going to the clock and I swore loudly.

"Jesus, I overslept. I'm on my way."

"Bella, are you ok? You sound like hell. Do you want me to come over?"

"No, Jazz, I'm fine. I'm just going to shower and I'll be there in half an hour. Turn on the stove to 200 degrees and don't touch _anything_!"

I fell into the shower, the water scalding hot and turning my skin red. I scrubbed myself down with scented body-wash and paused to examine my face in the mirror. My eyes were fuzzy with sleep and there were dark circles beneath them. My gaze dropped briefly to the tiny tattoo, high on my left breast, a couple of inches to the left of my heart, before I turned from the mirror, searching for clothes.

I jumped in my truck to drive to Jasper's. Usually I didn't bother driving, since he didn't live too far away, but I was already running late. My battered trunk wheezed into life and I winced at the sounds it made; maybe I should take it by Jacob's garage next week and ask him to tune it up. Although it might be a bit late for a mere tuning and more like time to send it off to the big scrap yard in the sky.

I was outside Jasper's building less than twenty minutes after I'd woken up, my hair still damp from my shower and my mind firmly fixed on the preparation of a meal for six people and not the nightmare. I let myself into Jasper's building and took the elevator up to his floor. His door was unlocked and I rushed in, slightly out of breath. The three Cullens were there, Rosalie perched on Emmett's knees as they watched the parade on TV. Jasper looked me over once.

"Are you OK?" He asked quietly as every eye in the room fell on me. I looked up at him, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Did you try to cook?"

"No-"

"Then I'm fine." I grinned and he pulled a face, moving to ruffle my hair but I dodged out of the way, moving into the kitchen. I began to pull out the ingredients for chilli con carne, mentally preparing myself for the day ahead. Jasper stood in the doorway, watching but not saying anything. I decided not to say anything unless he did and set about chopping onions as I heated the oil on his rarely-used stove.

"Can I do anything?"

I jumped slightly; without my noticing, Jasper had left and instead Edward stood in the doorway. He was wearing khakis and a long-sleeved green shirt; it was the same beautiful shade as his eyes, I noticed and banished the traitorous thought to the back of my mind.

"Uh…" I looked down at what I was doing, "There's some bread in the cupboard over the fridge, it needs to go in the oven on a low heat."

He didn't say another word, pulling out a baking tray and arranging the bread rolls on it in silence, which I was grateful for, because my head was still fuzzy. For some reason, there was no awkwardness in the silence, the two of us working in a strange synchronisation. I browned the mince, adding pinches of cumin and paprika, the spicy scents mingling as I poured tinned tomatoes over the mixtures, leaving it to simmer as I turned to set the yellow rice boiling only to find Edward was already measuring it out. I hid my surprise and tipped the tortilla chips into a bowl and putting it in the bottom of the oven to warm before looking around for the bar of dark chocolate that I had bought the day before. It was not in the cupboard I had left it in and I sighed, going into the living room.

"Jazz, where's the dark chocolate I bought?" He looked up from the game of cards he was engaged in with Alice with a sheepish smile.

"In my stomach?"

"Was it in the bag that I had labelled as acceptable to eat?" I asked, folding my arms and looking at him. He scratched his head, flushing.

"Uh… not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"…No. It wasn't. Sorry Bella." I rolled my eyes and went back to the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards until I found a bag of brown sugar, tipping a teaspoon of it into the chilli. Edward watched without commenting as I shouted for Jasper to sort out the table.

"I didn't know that you could put chocolate in chilli con carne." Edward said after a moment and I glanced at him, stirring the spicy mix.

"It adds richness. You don't taste the chocolate, or sugar in this case. It just gives the mixtures depth."

"I look forward to tasting it." He said, smiling faintly. A tingling prickled my stomach and I put a hand to my abdomen, willing it to calm as he turned to drain the rice.

When I returned to the room five minutes later, a dining table had been set up, complete with complimenting napkins and tablecloth. Emmett grinned at me, setting out a couple of wine bottles.

"Eddie's being awfully quiet. You didn't kill him, did you?"

"Don't call me Eddie." Edward's voice was annoyed as he appeared behind me, carrying a stack of warm plates. I ducked my head and rushed back to the kitchen, pulling out the bread rolls and putting them in a bowl. Jasper was stirring the chilli and I scowled at him.

"Don't you dare eat any."

"Did you have a nightmare last night?" He asked and I paused by the fridge, holding a tub of butter in my hands. He looked over at me, eyebrows pulled together.

"Bella?"

"…Yeah." I closed the door a little more forcefully than was necessary.

"The same one?"

"It's always the same one."

"Did you take a sleeping pill?" His tone was disapproving and I pushed past to get the chilli bought he caught my wrists, turning me around to face him. He was frowning and I knew why, but I couldn't talk about this here and now without breaking down.

"Jasper, I'm not discussing this. Not with a roomful of strangers right next door. Besides, I only took one and it was-"

I broke off as Edward cleared his throat. I whirled around and he met my eyes with an expressionless face. Jasper reluctantly let go of me and stuffed my hands into my pockets.

"Jasper, bring the chilli through. We're ready to eat." I said calmly, pushing past Edward. For some reason, his cologne hit me full in the face and I almost shuddered at the scent of it. Cool and spicy and enticing. I almost moved closer to get another wave of it but restrained myself, sinking into a chair at the table. Rosalie and Emmett were sat at one end, Alice perched on a chair beside Jasper's usual seat. This left me, once again, between Edward and Jasper. Everyone chattered loudly as they served food, Jasper piling more onto my plate than I could actually eat and Alice tapped her fork against her glass, demanding our attention.

"Everyone has to say one thing that they're thankful for!" She said cheerfully and I slouched in my chair.

_Oh, please, no…_

Emmett began, winking at Rosalie.

"I'm thankful for this woman saying yes." She smiled at him and the moment was so sweet that I tore my eyes away, watching the steam rise from my plate instead. Rosalie spoke next.

"I'm thankful for our future. It's going to be good." She said, kissing Emmett's cheek softly and he wrapped a huge arm around her shoulder, pulling her chair a little closer to his. Alice rolled her eyes and tapped her chin thoughtfully.

"I'm thankful for… new friends." She shot a sparkling smile and Jasper and I. Jasper visibly swelled as he grinned back at her and I bit back a snort.

"I'm thankful for new family." He said, nodding to Emmett and Edward, before returning his gaze to Alice. She blushed prettily and her fingers ghosted against his wrist for a moment. I smiled down at my lap before realising that they were all watching me expectantly. Panic shot through my chest as I flushed, looking at Jasper. He nodded gently and I took a deep breath, looking at my plate.

"I… well, I'm thankful that Jasper let me cook."

"Bella, that's not a real thing to be thankful for." Alice teased and I scoffed.

"Trust me, it is. You only let him cook for you once."

"Geez, you give a girl food poisoning _one time_!" Jasper laughed and I pointed at him accusingly.

"I was on an IV drip for two days!" I cried.

Emmett had cracked up with laughter and Rosalie was biting her lip in an effort not to giggle like Alice. Eventually they calmed down and Emmett looked at his brother.

"C'mon, Edward. I'm starving, do your thanks." Edward was silent for a moment and then that same crooked smile graced his lips.

"I'm thankful for good food and good company." He said simply and Emmett picked up his fork.

"Good enough for me, let's eat!"

For the next ten minutes, there was quiet as we all ate, conversation limited to asking someone to pass something. Eventually Emmett swallowed and looked over me with a grin.

"Damn, Bella! Can I hire you to cook for me everyday?"

"I'm expensive." I warned him and Jasper snorted.

"He'll probably pay more than Garrett, Bells. You should go for it." He said, dipping a tortilla chip into his bowl and scooping chilli into his mouth. I smirked.

"I'm telling him you said that. Besides, he'd probably give me a raise if I asked for it. He loves me."

"On the other hand, since he's selling the store to me, I guess you should be asking _me_ for a raise."

I dropped my fork and stared at him. He was grinning like a madman and I mouthed wordlessly at him for a moment before Rosalie cleared her throat.

"You're _buying_ the bookstore?"

"How? When? What…?" I gabbled and Jasper leant back in his chair, hands behind his head.

"He asked me last week. He and Kate want to move back to New York, closer to family, so he asked me if I was interested. I said yes."

I didn't know what to say, hands sitting limply in my lap as I ran it over in my head. Jasper was buying the bookstore. Jasper was going to be my boss. Jasper was going to be the owner of a business. Half of me was so proud of him that I wanted to cry – the other half was intensely bitter that he was making such a huge step in his life, whilst I was still floundering around.

"Bella? You OK?" He asked and I was aware of everyone watching me. Taking a deep breath I leaned over and grasped his wrist.

"Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Stop putting me on shifts with Mike?" I pleaded.

Jasper burst into laughter and I smiled, patting his wrist.

"I'm proud of you, Jazz. You'll be awesome at running the store, you practically do it already."

"I've got plans for that place, Bella. You'll see." He grinned and scraped the last mouthful of chilli from his plate. The conversation turned from the bookstore to Emmett and Rosalie's house, to Alice's plans for the apartment that she shared with Edward. The plates were all but clear and everyone was gearing up for dessert when Bonnie Tyler's _Total Eclipse of the Heart_ started to play from my phone, which I'd left on the coffee table. I gave Jasper a dry look.

"Jasper, we need to have a serious talk about personal boundaries and your dire choice in music."

"This is a classic, Bells. Not like that crap you listen to." He teased and I rose, going to pick up my phone.

"If you're referring to my Stravinsky CD, it wouldn't help to educate yourself a little." I said primly, but my voice faded away as I looked at the caller I.D.

_Renee._

After a moment, Rosalie arched an eyebrow.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" She asked dryly and I looked up before hitting the reject button and turning the phone off.

"…No." I muttered, putting it back on the table. Jasper gave me a sympathetic look and then glanced at Alice.

"How about we get those pies out?"

"Rosie, come and help me." Alice said, kicking Emmett until he started gathering plates loudly as Jasper slid over to me.

"Was it her?"

"Thanksgiving is a time for family, right?" I said flatly, wrapping my arms around myself. He hugged me briefly, aware that I was uncomfortable with the audience, although they were trying to appear busy. I shrugged.

"She'll get the message eventually, right? I mean, it's been three years. She can't just keep pretending that everything is OK, that she can play happy families whenever she wants." I said quietly. Jasper kissed my temple lightly, rubbing his hands over my shoulders before turning to help clear the table.

I pushed the unanswered phone call to the back of my mind as we rejoined the table, warm apple pie on each plate. Jasper inhaled deeply, patting his stomach.

"This smells great, Alice."

"Thank you, Jasper!" She beamed at him and Edward laughed under his breath. Alice glowered at him and I looked around.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously and he smiled, his eyes crinkling with the action.

"She bought it at a bakery by our apartment." He murmured and Alice huffed, but Jasper was already digging in, lathering his slice with fresh cream. I reached for the custard at the same time as Edward, fingers bumping as we reached for the jug handle. He smiled briefly, picking up the jug and pouring a generous helping onto my pie before serving himself.

For some reason, the day ended on a marathon game of monopoly. I moved my little hat three places and groaned, ending up in jail for the second time. Emmett tsked, shaking his head in disapproval.

"Really, Bella… I didn't think you were so badly behaved."

"She's a wild one." Jasper said sadly, "I always knew she'd end up on the wrong side of the tracks."

"How can I be on the wrong side of the tracks when _I _own all the railways?" I said smugly, flicking my train station cards at him. Emmett groaned.

"That's a terrible joke, Bella. And to think, I was going to give you my Get Out Of Jail Free card, in exchange for your gasworks."

"Not necessary, my dear Emmett," I said, "I shall get out the old fashioned way."

"Bribing the guards?" Alice smirked.

I pretended to glare at her.

"I'm starting to wonder how I've picked up this reputation as a criminal. Jazz, what have you been saying about me?" I pouted.

"Oh, all sorts of terrible things." Edward said, joining in the teasing for the first time. Maybe it was the glass of wine I'd had with dinner, or the thoroughly relaxed atmosphere that the Cullens exuded but I gave him a devilish grin.

"Probably all true."

"Even the time you pushed Jasper into the creek in Ravenna park?" Alice asked and I nodded proudly.

"Absolutely. He had it coming, anyway."

"I did _not_." Jasper insisted.

"You crashed my date!" I accused, jabbing him in the ribs and he shrugged nonchalantly.

"He was an asshole!"

"I could have told you that," I scoffed, "You were the one who followed us out to the park, even though I told you to keep your nose out of my business!"

"Why did you go out with him if he was an asshole?" Rosalie demanded and Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Because Bella only dates assholes. She's got the worst taste of anyone I've ever met."

"That can't be true, I never dated you!" I shot back and he pouted, giving me a hurt look. I laughed, reaching for my can of coke. Alice cocked her head curiously.

"What did he do? The date, I mean?"

"He cheated on her with his ex-girlfriend." Jasper said flatly. I ignored the sympathetic looks, shrugging. My brief relationship with James had not been a big deal in my eyes.

"Who cares? It's not like I even liked him. We were only together a few weeks, nothing ever happened. It was only because Jazz saw him with his ex that we were in the park in the first place. I was originally planning on pushing _him_ in the creek."

"So how did Jasper end up in there?" Edward asked curiously.

"He crashed the date, telling James that he was going to kick his ass. James bolted and when Jasper turned to me expecting praise and worship, I pushed him in the water."

"Chivalry is dead." Jasper bemoaned and Bella snorted, poking him in the ribs,

"Chivalry had nothing to do with it, you just didn't like him!"

"Because of the aforementioned assholery." Jasper said triumphantly and I rolled my eyes. "Don't pull that face, Bella. You knew he was bad news, you were only dating him because you knew I didn't like him!"

"You were pissing me off, acting like an overprotective brother! Besides, a girl has needs, Jasper, and you never approved of any of my dates. I gave up trying to find someone you liked."

"I know lots of nice guys, Bella. I could set you up with someone!" Alice offered brightly and I pulled a face.

"I don't really date anymore, Alice. I've been date-free for two years now." I said firmly, pulling my knees up under my chin as I watched Emmett move his car and hand over eight hundred bucks to a smirking Rosalie, who was wining the game by miles. Alice pouted, giving me a pleasing look.

"Oh, Bella… there's someone who's perfect for you. Remember what I said when we met the other day? Someone for everyone, we just need to find your someone!"

I picked up the dice and rolled a double six. With a smile, I moved my piece out of the jail and waved it at Alice.

"See, Alice? I'm doing fine by myself."

* * *

**A/N: Oh, Bella, give in and jump Edward! Go on, do it! You know you want to! **

**So, Thanksgiving. Being English, I have never celebrated it, but this is how Bella celebrates – chilli con carne and monopoly. I know, still not much of Edward! But don't fear, he is prominent in the next couple of chapters. **

**My friend's boyfriend is much better. He came around finally yesterday morning, although they still don't know what's wrong. It could potentially be a brain virus, although until they've done the MRI and ECG, we won't know for sure. However, the other problem is that he was given a dose of Tamiflu medication that was twice as high as it should have been – congratulations NHS, you've succeeded again! **

**Life for Rent – I used this one to show how detached Bella feels from life, especially family-centred events such as Thanksgiving. **

**You reviewers are wonderful to the power of awesome. I love reading your feedback, it really does make my day. You make me very happy, my little chickadees. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a bar of dark chocolate to share. You can decide in what ratio. (Just out of curiosity, who **_**would**_** you choose and what would you do with the chocolate?)**

**Love**

**Katie**


	8. Bad Day

**Chapter Eight**

**Cause you had a bad day  
You're taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don't know  
You tell me don't lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day**

**~Bad Day by Daniel Powter~**

"Bella, I hate to tell you this but your truck is terminal." Jacob said, wiping his hands on oil-stained rag. I moaned, putting my forehead on the hood of the rusted red vehicle.

"Don't say that, Jake, you're killing me here. There must be something you can do?"

"Not a damn thing." He said cheerfully, "I'm actually reluctant to let you drive out of here in it; it could go at any minute."

I sighed sadly, running a hand over the drivers' side door. The truck and I had been together for a long time, through good times and bad. Jacob watched me sympathetically.

"Sorry, Bella." He said, squeezing my shoulder and I looked up at him,

"Not your fault. Thanks, Jake, I'd better take her home. How much do I owe?"

"I'll drop in a bill tonight." He winked and turned to speak with another customer.

I drove home, parked the truck and ran my hands through my hair. It was in a state and in desperate need of a cut, but I was in no mood. Mostly I just felt tired and miserable. It had been two weeks since Thanksgiving and I had had nightmares at least every other night. I'd barely seen Jasper, as he'd been busy arranging for the signing over of the bookstore and had asked out Alice a couple of times.

It was starting to rain but I had no desire to sit in my apartment with only the television for company; I'd rather be alone in a crowd than alone by myself, so I pulled a hoodie on (one of my own this time), and set off walking. The streets weren't too busy and I decided to get a coffee. I avoided the area around the University campus, knowing it would be busy and stopped in a small café a few blocks from the bookshop. Jasper was on shift and I decided to stop by, blowing the steam from my cup as I went.

To my dismay, it was not Jasper but Mike putting up a shelving unit in the corner of the store.

"Hey Bella." He grunted, knocking the metal shelf into place. I looked around as I passed up the next shelf and he shook his head. "We switched shifts, he wanted to take that new girl of his over to Bainbridge Island for the evening. Didn't he tell you?"

No. No, he had not told me. That thought hurt slightly, but I shook it off. Jasper was free to do whatever he wanted – to be honest, I didn't _want_ to be kept up with every little detail of his life, but at that moment I was feeling a bit out of the loop.

I looked up, intending to say goodbye to Mike and be on my way before he asked me out, but at that moment Garrett appeared out of the storage room, we both turned and the shelf that Mike had been attaching to the wall slipped from his grasp, cracking me on the head.

Stars appeared in front of my eyes as I fell to my knees, my coffee soaking into my shirt as I clutched at my head. Nausea overwhelmed me instantly and when I managed to open my eyes a moment later, Mike's face was the first thing that I saw.

"Bella! Christ, Bella, I'm so sorry! Are you OK?"

Hesitantly, I lifted my hands from the spot that the pain seemed to be shooting from. Blood instantly streamed down my face and Mike paled. I did too, the stench of the blood almost causing me to vomit. My head began to spin and I closed my eyes tightly, vaguely aware that Garrett was yelling for Mike to get me in his car. Between them, they carried me out to his little blue car, Garrett having pressed a wad of tissue to my injury.

Mike drove like a madman to the hospital, keeping the window down and not talking a great deal, much to my relief. I think he was in shock more than I was. The smell of the blood was disgusting and I kept breathing through my mouth, the sharp pain in my head, just above my right temple, throbbing horribly as I tried to keep the blackness at bay.

"Bella, don't pass out!" Mike squeaked and I opened my eyes. I didn't remember closing them, staring out of the window as we pulled into the hospital.

Mike tried to carry me into the Emergency Room, but I hit his hands away.

"I'm fine, Mike, just get me in there." I said sharply and he wrapped an arm around my waist, guiding me towards the doors. _He's enjoying this way too much…_

I was moved through quickly due to the amount of blood gushing from my head. Once I was sat on a gurney, Mike began apologising and I bit my tongue to stop from telling him to go and do something rather uncouth to himself. Instead I read the posters about hygiene on the walls; it was depressing to find that I already knew most of them. I'd spent more than my fair share of time in this hospital, what with my suffering what Jasper called 'terminal clumsiness'.

"I'll make it up to you, Bella, I promise." Mike was gabbling and only stopped when another, all too familiar voice spoke.

"Bella?"

I twisted my head and saw Edward Cullen, clad in navy blue scrubs and clutching a clipboard looking at me in surprise. Mike jumped up, rushing to explain what had happened, but Edward barely seemed to notice. I dragged my gaze from him to look irritably at Mike, who was still blabbering about shelving units. Edward followed my look and his eyes narrowed as he recognised him as the man he'd dragged off of me in the bar. Damage control was needed.

"Mike, can you go back to the store and let Garrett know I'm OK?" I pleaded.

"I can't just leave you here." He said stubbornly and I inwardly groaned.

"I'm fine, Mike. It's hardly the worst I've had. I'll give you a call later, OK?" I said softly, giving him a smile. His gaze softened and he nodded reluctantly.

"I really am sorry…"

"Don't be. Could have happened to anyone." I said with the biggest smile I could muster. He nodded again and disappeared.

I breathed a deep sigh of relief before glancing at Edward again. He'd watched the proceedings with talking but now moved forward, his fingers brushing over my hand.

_Goosebumps…_

I shivered as he examined the gash on my head and he frowned.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He murmured and I decided not to explain that he hadn't hurt me so much as set every nerve in my body on fire. That wouldn't be awkward at all.

"The bleeding has slowed a lot." He commented as a nurse brought in a basin of water and a roll of gauze. I nodded slowly, wincing as my brain rattled.

"Yeah."

I hissed as he began to clean the wound, explaining how it had happened.

"According to your chart, you've been in here a few times." He said and I snorted.

"A few times. You could say that."

"Broken wrist, concussion, twisted ankle, cracked rib, concussion, concussion…" The crooked smile was back in place as he glanced over the clipboard he'd brought in with him and I rolled my eyes.

"OK, OK. Let it go, Edward, I'm clumsy."

"And in need of a couple of stitches." Edward said calmly, reaching for the syringe on the trolley. I shook my head and then winced again.

"No. No needles."

"You'll need a shot anyway and painkillers." He said and I moaned, turning my head away as he injected me quickly. It didn't hurt too badly and he'd soon taped a piece of cotton wool over the mark.

Reaching for the needle and thread, he turned back and flashed me his trademark dazzling smile.

"I suggest you close your eyes."

"No need to tell me twice." I murmured, squeezing my eyes shut as the uncomfortable prickling sensation on my scalp spread. Taking a deep breath turned out to be a mistake, as I inhaled the same scent of Edward that I had at Thanksgiving, his warm leg pressed against my knee as he worked. Jesus Christ, the man could turn me to jelly without my eyes even being open.

"How have you been?" He asked quietly. I almost opened my eyes, but chose not to. Ogling was much more easily achieved when you weren't inches away from the object you were ogling.

"Um… fine. I guess. I've been working a lot." I paused, "You?"

"Working as well." He replied, "I thought I might see you on Emmett's moving in day."

Rosalie and Emmett had moved into their house a few days earlier and I had listened to Jasper complain about the process cutting into his free time. Until I'd reminded him that Alice was going to be there; his mood had improved markedly after that.

"I didn't want to intrude." I mumbled and to my surprise he chuckled.

"You wouldn't have. Alice would have been delighted to see you again."

"For about ten seconds before she realised that Jasper was in the room." I snorted and he laughed again.

"That's true. I've never seen her quite so enamoured before."

"Do you always talk like an eighteenth century novel?" The words had blurted out before I could stop them and my eyes snapped open. His emerald gaze was locked on mine and I felt the blood rushing to my face, wondering if I could blame my verbal diarrhoea on the hole in my forehead. To my relief, he smiled.

"Alice tells me that I should loosen up." He said, setting down the needle and thread and reaching for the gauze, winding it around my head.

"I couldn't really comment."

"Hasn't stopped you before."

My head jerked up to look at him, but he was smiling again, almost as though enjoying a private joke. He taped the gauze into place and then stepped back, looking down at me.

"I rather feel that we got off on the wrong foot, Bella. But I have to say, I was surprised to see that… man in here."

"Mike and I work together. That night at the bar, he was just being more of an ass than usual." I explained, looking down at my bloodstained fingers. They were coated, the liquid tacky and unpleasant. Edward noticed and handed me a damp cloth.

"As I was saying, we didn't get off to the best start and since I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of each other-"

"What?" I looked at him in surprise. He nodded.

"Well, with Alice and Jasper getting to know each other, I imagine we'll be seeing each other more."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess."

The thought hadn't really crossed my mind, but now I felt an uncomfortable warmth in the pit of my stomach. It usually came accompanied by attractive men and my desperate need to get out of any intimate situation where commitment might be necessary. Edward's fingers ran over mine as he took the cloth and began to wipe blood off of my forehead, one hand cupping my chin. I felt the blush in my cheeks again and wondered how the hell that was even possible as I had lost more than a little blood. That deliciously crooked smile was still in place and I could feel my heart hammering wildly against my ribs as he placed the cloth back on the trolley and picked up a small light, shining it into my eyes.

"From what I gathered from your…friend, you were out of it for most of the journey here." He said calmly, lowering the light and grasping my wrist to measure my pulse, which had quickened at his touch.

_Damn traitorous body!_

"I don't… really remember." I said uncertainly and he nodded.

"Minor concussion. You'll be fine, but you'll need to avoid sleeping for the next eight hours or so." He glanced at my clipboard, "Your emergency contact is…?"

"Jasper. But he can't come; he's taken Alice over to Bainbridge Island." I said and shrugged, "I'm fine."

"I can't let you go without knowing you'll have someone to look after you. It's against hospital policy, Bella." He said firmly and looked at his watch, "My shift finishes in five minutes. I'll take you home."

"No, thanks." I said firmly, standing. My knees trembled and a second later I felt his arms wrap around my middle, keeping me upright.

_Sensory overload! Abort! Abort!_

My cheek fell against his shoulder as he hunched, supporting me. Edward was so warm and solid, his scent overpowering me again as I breathed in that delicious smell that made my head whirl. He spoke my name and it was like a caress on his lips, far more intimate than I was comfortable with and yet I didn't mind because I felt so _secure_ in his hold.

"I'm OK." I whispered and he hmm'd, the noise rumbling in his chest as I pressed against it. Goosebumps, again.

"I'm taking you home, Bella. No arguments, please." He said in a no-arguments tone and my usual sense of self-preservation flared. But I swallowed and shrugged in what I hoped was an indifferent manner, because the sexually frustrated section of my brain was screaming at me to let the hot doctor take me home. Or anywhere, really; it wasn't a fussy section, but I wasn't going to let it _completely _dictate my actions.

He took me through to the waiting room and reappeared a few moments later in faded jeans and a plain black shirt, a light jacket over the top, carrying a packet of antibiotic tablets. Without another word we left the hospital, Edward pointing me towards a silver Volvo. I climbed into the passenger seat, trying not to touch anything. This was one seriously clean and expensive car. Edward sparked the engine into life and the radio came on to Faure's Requiem in D minor. I was so busy listening to the rise and fall of the voices that I sat up sharply when I realised where we were heading.

"I don't live this way."

"No, I do." He said calmly and I looked over at him, frowning.

"I want to go home, Edward."

"I can't just leave you alone with a concussion, Bella. I'll be able to keep an eye on your condition in my apartment." He explained in a logical tone, but I folded my arms.

"Take me home. I'm covered in blood, I've got a headache and I just want to watch TV and relax on my sofa."

"Do you have any family locally?"

I tensed immediately and he noticed the change in my stance, examining my face.

"No. I don't have any family. Not that it's your business." I said harshly and he let out a quiet sigh.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I just needed to know if you had anyone who could come and keep you company."

"No, I don't. I don't need company."

"I'm not leaving you, then." He said decisively and I opened my mouth to argue, but he simply turned up the radio.

My phone began to buzz and I flipped it open irritably.

"Yes?" I snapped.

"Bella, are you OK? I just got some garbled message from Mike saying you were in hospital!" Jasper's worry was palpable and I groaned.

"Mike's got a big mouth. I'm fine, Jazz, just a concussion."

"Are you OK? Do you want me to come? We're over on the island but we can catch the next ferry-"

"Jazz, stop talking, you're giving me a headache." I cut him off sharply and he fell silent, "You are _not_ cutting your date short because I can't stop injuring myself. Hell, if you did that, you'd never have a social life. I'm fine, really. I'm…" I took a deep breath, giving the driver an evil look, "with Edward. He was working at the hospital and he's driving me home now."

Edward reached over and plucked the phone out of my fingers as we reached a red light.

"Jasper, this is Edward. No, she's fine, really. Mild concussion and a couple of stitches. I'll stay with her for a few hours in case there are complications, but there's no need to hurry back."

"Give me back my phone!" I cried furiously and he tossed it back as the lights changed, a smirk on his lips.

"Be nice to him, Bells. He's doing a good thing, try not to tear him a new one." Jasper said in a teasing voice. There was a giggle and some shuffling before Alice's voice spoke.

"Bella, he'll be doing his 'I just want to help' bit, so just tell him to loosen up and actually relax. You'd be good at that!"

"Alice, I'm not interested in… that." I finished lamely, not wanting to make Edward suspicious. The smile was back in place and I closed my eyes, praying for strength.

"Have a good night, Alice. Tell Jasper to behave himself."

"I'll be telling him nothing of the sort, thank you!" She laughed and hung up.

I sighed and looked over at Edward. He was looking innocently out of the window, the smile still playing about his mouth.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Take the next left." I said miserably.

* * *

**A/N: I wasn't going to post this chapter because I'm mean and wanted to make you wait. On the other hand, I've had a great (if exhausting) day childminding for a couple of fabulous kids, although I am positively sick of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince after my third viewing, so I was mostly sat there planning out the latest chapter I'm writing. Plus, FOUR of my favourite stories updated today, so that made me squee. If you care for some recommended reading, they are:**

**1. Landscapes by lambcullen (freakin' hot stuff)**

**2. Eye Contact by silver sniper of night (incredibly clever – you will never see Edward written like this in another story)**

**3. The Blessing and The Curse by The Black Arrow (You will both love and hate Edward in this, but mostly you will want to hump him)**

**4. Clipped Wings and Inked Armour by hunterhunting (To be honest, if you haven't already started this story, I pity you because it just the most awesome thing **_**ever**_**. Start it immediately and begin your love affair with Tattward)**

**In conclusion – good mood = chapter posted. And what's more, it's a chapter with Edward! It was around this point in the story that I started getting frustrated that I was writing in first person, because I worry that I'm not going to get Edward's character to come across the way I want it to. There will probably be bonus chapters, or outtakes, or whatever the hell they're called because I HAVE to get him out there somehow! **

**Bad Day – Your trusty truck is dying, your head is bleeding, you're concussed and the hot guy you're vaguely suspicious of is about to find out where you live. It's not a good day. **

**You beautiful little people, you… your reviews make me warm and fuzzy. Leave me another and I may ascend to hot and furry (kinda like Jacob, woo!).**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a silver Volvo. Proceed as you see fit.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	9. Another Day

**Chapter Nine**

**Another time, another place**

**Our temperature would climb, there'd be a long embrace**

**We'd do another dance, it'd be another play**

**You want to prove me wrong**

**Come back another day.**

**~Another Day by Rent OBC~**

The most awkward moment of my life was easily when Eric Yorkie had asked me to prom. In the middle of the canteen. Over the tannoy. I had spent the next week ducking around corners whenever I saw him coming before telling him that I would be out of town for the prom. This was a lie. I spent prom night sneaking out of my room and driving to Port Angeles to go to the movies.

However awkward that moment was, bringing Edward back to my apartment was a close second. After a tense moment of standing in the living room, I cleared my throat and gestured around.

"Make yourself… I mean, I'm going for a shower."

"Don't get the bandage wet." He said quietly before, moving to the bookcase to examine my extensive collection.

I grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a shirt before moving into the bathroom. Heating the shower up to a ridiculous temperature, I scrubbed my body clean, watching the blood-strained water trickle away and let the room fill with steam before drying and pulling on fresh clothes. I spent a few minutes aimlessly tidying the bathroom as I steeled myself to go and face the godlike creature roaming my apartment.

I wanted him to leave, but dreaded the emptiness that he would leave behind. I didn't want to see him ever again, but the very idea sparked an irrational fear in my chest. I wanted him to stop trying to take care of me but somewhere, deep in the back of my mind a little voice was begging to let someone into my life.

I opened the bathroom door to see Edward on the phone, saying my address. He thanked whoever was on the phone and hung up, before turning to look at me.

"I ordered some food, I hope that's alright. I've been on shift since three this morning." He mumbled and I shrugged awkwardly.

"It's fine. I am kinda hungry."

We stood for a few minutes, contemplating the situation before Edward nodded at the bookcase.

"You've got quite a selection."

"Comes from working in a bookstore, I guess. I always loved to read." I said, moving to sit on the sofa. It was mid afternoon and I picked up the remote, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, "Edward, sit down for crying out loud."

With a smile, he took a seat and I toyed with the control for a minute before looking over at him, deciding to take action.

"Look, Edward, I'm only going to say this once. I don't like people trying to look after me. I don't like people interfering in my life and I don't like people who think that I can't take care of myself." He merely looked at me and I took a deep breath, "However, I understand that you're only here right now because you're… concerned and I… appreciate it. I guess. Just don't make a habit of it."

I flicked on the TV and tried to ignore that gorgeous smile.

* * *

~*~

Two hours, one takeaway dinner and a lot of silence later, Edward was reading 'Frankenstein' whilst I scowled at the idiotic competitor on a game show who, for some reason, thought that the Philippines were a mountain range.

I heard a light chuckling and glanced over at the man sat in my favourite armchair – yes, the chair that _I_ usually occupied, as if to further my irritation. He was sat with the ankle of one leg resting on the knee of his other leg, left hand holding his book and his right elbow on the arm of the chair, fingers pressed to his temple as his bright green eyes took me in. I tilted my head, pouting.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I was just thinking that you have the most expressive face. I genuinely thought that you were going to go and hunt that man down for sheer stupidity."

"He deserves it." I said simply, "He shouldn't be allowed to go on spreading his stupidity. The human race doesn't deserve it."

"No, it's best that we put an end to this now before thousand must suffer."

How had 'I' turned into 'we'? I decided not to follow that train of thought and got to my feet as there was a knock at the door. Jacob stood in my doorway, holding a blank envelope and wearing a smile, which faded when he saw the small, neat row of stitches on my forehead.

"Jesus, Bella, did you fall downstairs again?" He asked, moving forward.

"No, I had a shelving unit fall on my head." I shrugged, leaning against the door. He shook his head in disbelief, eying me as he brushed my hair away slightly, examining the stitches.

"You're a danger magnet, you know that?"

"I've had my suspicions for some time." I said with a slight smile. This was easy. It was easy to be calm and casual with Jacob. He was flirty and good looking and there was no real intensity in his every moment.

Edward cleared his throat and I turned, noticing the slightly disappointed look on Jacob's face as he sized Edward up. I sighed – this would not be fun.

"Edward, this is my neighbour, Jacob. Jacob, this is… Edward. He's Jasper's future brother-in-law." I finished lamely, not quite sure how to explain the situation.

_Edward, this is Jacob. As you may have noticed, he's totally gorgeous and wants in my pants, a situation that nearly occurred the other night and I would probably be mounting him right this minute if Jasper hadn't interfered at a crucial moment._

_Jacob, this is Edward. As you may have noticed, he's totally gorgeous and despite the fact he pisses me off every time we meet, I would have no objections to sticking my tongue down his throat._

Hmm… awkward.

Edward and Jacob shook hands briefly and I offered my neighbour a faint smile.

"Edward is keeping an eye on me, because of my concussion."

"Is it Jasper's day off?" Jacob grinned and I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so. Is that my bill?" I nodded at the envelope and Jacob nodded.

"Yup. Do me a favour, honey, and don't get emotionally attached to that truck, because it's not longed for this world." He warned with a smile.

I took the envelope and thanked him again. Before I closed the door, Jacob put his foot in the way and muttered something about my being welcome to come over any time.

When I turned, Edward was back in his chair, eyes fixed on the book in front of him. I dropped the bill onto the surface and stretched. I was feeling sleepy but the moment I yawned, Edward had lowered the book.

"You can't sleep for at least another four hours." He reminded me.

"I know, I know…" I said, "Do you want a coffee?"

"Please."

I put the kettle on to boil and hopped up to sit on the surface, watching as Edward noted the page he was on before walking over to join me.

"Why did you decide to become a doctor?" I asked and his eyebrows twitched, as though he wanted to raise them.

"Why do you ask?"

"Curiosity. You'll notice that I don't own a cat." I quipped, watching as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, a few strands of copper-coloured hair falling into his eyes. I wondered if he styled his hair to look that windswept or if it just came naturally. He considered me for a moment before speaking.

"If I answer your question, will you answer one of mine?"

"Depends what your question is." I said suspiciously and he smiled.

"I promise it won't be too invasive. In fact, I could ask mine first if you like, so that it's out of the way."

I frowned. I didn't really like this idea and was regretting asking him anything at all. After a moment I shrugged in what I hoped was an indifferent manner.

"Fine. What's your question?"

"Why are you so angry with me?"

That stumped me. I gaped at him like a goldfish for a few seconds before snapping my mouth shut. He tilted his head slightly, watching without a word. I avoided his gaze, picking at a fingernail.

"I'm not... _angry_ with you." I muttered, embarrassed, "You just… irritate me."

"Why? I'm sorry, by the way." He said, looking at me.

"It's not you, it's me. A lot of stuff irritates me." I shrugged, sliding off the counter as the water began to bubble in the kettle. Edward didn't step back though and I found myself somewhat trapped between the counter and his all-too-admirable chest. He considered me for a moment before stepping away, watching as I spooned coffee into mugs, trying to breathe without inhaling too much of his scent.

"Why do you let things irritate you?"

"You're really stretching this one question, Edward." I pointed out and he laughed quietly.

"Alright, just one more thing, if I may?"

"You may." I said, trying to tease him for the formality of his words. He smiled.

"What is it about me that irritates you? Alice tells me I can be irritating, but you rather expect that from a little sister, not from someone you've only met three times."

I paused, pulling the milk out of the fridge and looked over at him, chewing my lip uncomfortably.

"I don't know. I think it's the 'knight in shining armour' persona. You're just way too concerned for your own good, when you have no reason to get involved at all."

"So I irritate you because I'm concerned about people who might be in trouble?"

Even as he said it I realised how ridiculous it sounded and abruptly turned to make the coffee.

"Well, it sounds stupid when you say it." I muttered and he laughed again, "Anyway, you haven't answered my question yet."

"I became a doctor because I want to help people."

I laughed. I couldn't help it; he said it so calmly that I burst into giggles, jumping back up onto the surface with my coffee cup as he took his own coffee, smiling slightly. With a sigh, he looked me over.

"At least I can amuse you whilst I'm irritating you."

"It gives you a point."

"There's a points system?" He enquired and I nodded.

"Oh yes." I leaned over to the fridge and pulled down the little magnetic whiteboard and pen, drawing a line down the centre. At the top of one side, I wrote I.E. and on the other G.E.

"See, Irritating Edward gets a point for interfering at the club, for irritating me at the restaurant and for irritating me today." I said, putting three tally lines in the I.E. section.

Edward watched, clearly entertained and then gestured to the other side.

"G.E.?"

"Good Edward."

"Does he not get any points?"

"Do you think he deserves points?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Edward laughed, plucking the pen from my fingers.

"I think he deserves one for making you laugh just now."

"OK, one point."

"I'm not done." He said firmly, "I believe that Good Edward deserves a point for helping make Thanksgiving dinner and therefore avoiding any culinary-Jasper-problems."

He had marked the second line before I could object and I nodded.

"OK, fine. Two points, but no more! Good Edward hasn't earned three points." I said firmly, reaching to snatch the pen from him, but his fingers slid closed around my wrist as he leaned down. Suddenly our face were only inches away from each other and I could feel my pulse racing again as he smiled, looking into my eyes searchingly.

"Just give me a chance, Bella. I'll earn another point." He said softly and a shiver shot down my spine as his fingers shifted slightly over the smooth skin of my wrist, a strangely intimate gesture.

And then he released my hand, turning to pick up his coffee but before he moved back to his chair, he paused and looked at me, his eyes clouded with emotion.

"I became a doctor because I was forced to stand by and watch as my parents died. I couldn't help them."

* * *

~*~

Edward left at nine that evening, having decided that I was safe to sleep, although he almost earned Irritating Edward another point by insisting on going through the correct procedure for taking my antibiotics. Like I'd never had stitches before.

The pain in my head had lulled to a dull throb and I crawled into bed, wanting nothing more than to hibernate for the next six weeks, but I was due in work the next morning.

I woke up on time and removed the gauze, wincing at the ugly bruise and gash on my head. It looked revolting and I sighed, tying my damp hair back into a plait as I dressed for work.

Jasper was on shift, daydreaming about the shop in a way that suggested the date had gone well. I rolled my eyes, putting his coffee on the desk.

"Did you have a good time?" I teased and his eyes focused on the stitches instantly.

"I did. How was _your_ evening?"

"Concussed and painful."

"I think you got Mike's hopes up." He grimaced and nodded to the register, where a bunch of carnations were resting, a card pinned to the paper that wrapped them. I sighed and read the apologetic card.

"You let a guy concuss you and he thinks you're made for each other." I joked and Jasper laughed, hugging me from behind as he grabbed a handful of kids' books, strolling to the corner of the store.

We worked quietly all morning, serving the regular flow of customers and arguing over whether this bestseller was better than that. Jasper had set up an entire display of books to a spy novel that I had read and deemed as terrible, so when he went to sign off on a delivery, I replaced the whole thing with a display of fantasy books.

At lunch time Alice appeared skipping into the shop in a knee length skirt and a bright blue button shirt, the same colour as her eyes. I waved absently and Jasper's face lit up endearingly.

"Hey guys!" She grinned, beaming up at Jasper who kissed her cheek sweetly. I smiled, glancing at the clock.

"Are you guys going for lunch?"

"Nope, I'm here to take _you_ for lunch, Bella!" Alice announced and Jasper did a double-take as I looked up in confusion.

"What?"

"But, Ali…"

"Come on, Bella. Let's go." Alice said firmly and smiled adorably up at Jasper, "I'll bring you something back, OK? Bella and I need some girl time."

"Girl time. Right." Jasper smirked at me as dread exploded in the pit of my stomach. Girl time was on a par with torture to me and he damn well knew it. I took a step back, my mind fixed on how long it would take to run into the storage room and lock the door. But Alice's eyes narrowed and she put her hands on her hips.

_Tinkerbelle is pissed._

"Isabella Swan, get your ass out of that door. Now!" She ordered and I yelped, grabbing my bag and giving Jasper a 'save me!' look. He merely grinned and wished us fun.

Alice dragged me to a nearby restaurant and watched me over the top of my menu, frowning slightly. I looked back in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"Your head looks so sore."

"I've had worse. Besides, the stitches can come out in a couple of days." I said breezily. She sighed sadly and returned to her menu. I ordered a bowl of pasta and sat, waiting for the reason Alice had invited me to lunch. After a few minutes of um-ing and ah-ing, she ordered her own food and grinned across at me.

"So… how was Edward last night?"

"Fine. How was Jasper?" I shot back and she pouted.

"Bella! A lady doesn't kiss and tell!"

"So there was kissing?" I smirked and she folded her arms.

"Bella, I want to talk about Edward!"

"You live with him Alice, you probably know more about him than I do."

"I do know that he came home in a very good mood last night. I haven't seen him in a good mood for months." She said lightly.

I didn't say anything. What could you say to that? I shrugged, sipping my coke and Alice smiled sweetly.

"Are you going to hang out again soon?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Well, why would we?" I replied and she sighed, muttering something under her breath about 'obstinate idiot'. I didn't really want to know if she was talking about me or her brother.

"Are you working tomorrow?" She asked halfway through our meal and I shook my head, "Good! Will you come shopping with me and Rosalie? Her wardrobe desperately needs updating, she's not prepared for a Seattle winter at all!"

"I don't really do clothes shopping, Alice."

"I can tell." She said sadly, looking me up and down. The expression on face was so heartbroken that you'd have thought someone had just told her that her puppy was dead.

After a moment, she reached across and took my hand in both of hers.

"Please, Bella? Because you're my friend?" She said in a quiet voice and I groaned.

"I didn't realise you were majoring in Emotional Blackmail, Alice."

"I don't need to study that. Two big brothers gave me enough practice." She grinned, releasing my hand and clapping her palms together lightly, "We're going to have fun!"

I felt that this was unlikely.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my dears. Not much to say – I'm knackered and started work way too early this morning and it's gone midnight and my friends only just left and all I want to do is sleep and put an end to this run on sentence. **

**Thank you, of course, for your beautiful reviews. You are lufferly peoples and I adores you! They really do make my day, it's a little bit sad at how excited I get by the number of reviews in my inbox! Come on, my wee poptarts, we're 1 review away from 50! Let's get in there! **

**Another Day – I love Rent (in fact I just watched it on DVD) and I chose this song to highlight the potential sexual tension between Edward and Bella, to show what **_**could**_** happen if he were to come back another day.**

**The whole thing about Philippines being a mountain range? Yeah, don't play Trivial Pursuit whilst drunk. It does strange things to the mind and you never live it down. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a whiteboard to keep the score on. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	10. Girls Just Want To Have Fun

**Chapter Ten**

**When the working day is done**

**Oh, girls just want to have fun**

**~Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cindy Lauper~ **

At ten the next morning, I stood in the bookstore, waiting for Alice to come and get me. Jasper had been laughing non stop at the idea of his tiny girlfriend dragging me from store to store for the rest of the day. He and Garrett were finalising the paperwork for the store as I sat on the counter, feeling thoroughly miserable.

"Jasper, she's going to kill me."

"Jesus, Bella. It won't hurt for you to go out and be sociable for one day." Jasper said, and I sighed dramatically.

"If you were a good friend, you'd lie for me. Tell her that I'm sick." I said sadly and I heard a giggle behind me, Alice watching in amusement.

"Bella, don't be so silly. We're going to have fun."

"Whether you like it or not." Jasper breathed and I snorted, sliding off the counter and saluting Garrett.

"Farewell, Captain. We shall not meet again."

"Try not to injure yourself. I promised Jasper that I'd pass on all of employees in peak condition." He smirked. I stuck my tongue out as Alice seized my hand and pulled me out of _The Paperback_.

Shopping with Alice and Rosalie was… interesting. I am the sort of girl who is perfectly happy to go into a store, buy the nearest thing that fits and leave. Alice and Rosalie spent at least an hour in the first store , shifting through every rack and discussing the benefits of natural versus synthetic fabrics. Alice kept turning to me with various pieces of clothing, declaring that it would look incredible on me and pushing me into changing rooms.

"Alice?" I said eventually, as we entered store number eight, "Please just let me buy you a Barbie doll."

Rosalie laughed to herself as she examined a pair of deadly heels.

"I'm impressed, Bella. I figured you'd crack after thirty minutes." She commented as Alice dived into a rack, searching for her size. I shrugged, looking at the ridiculous number of bags that I had accumulated.

"It makes her happy." I said by way of explanation.

"And you want her to be happy?" Rosalie asked, looking at me with piercing eyes. I was caught off guard by her question and stammered my reply.

"I-I… w-well, it's not… I mean…"

"Stop jabbering, Bella." Rosalie smirked, "It's fine. Besides, I'm sure Jasper will appreciate you keeping her in a good mood."

I sat down, my feet aching and Alice appeared in front of me, holding a pair of stiletto boots.

"No, Alice."

"Yes, Bella. Try them on." She threw them at me and then disappeared again. Sighing, I bent to tug off my pumps and Rosalie laughed again, sliding her feet into a pair of killer red shoes.

"You're not what I was expecting." She commented and I looked over at her as I pulled on one of the soft leather boots.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Jasper had talked about you a lot. His friend Bella, so important to him that he couldn't even come home for Christmas. His friend Bella who is closer to him than his own family. Not that I blame you for that, our parents pretty much drove him away." There was no bitterness in her tone.

"What were you expecting?" I asked curiously, zipping up the boot and reaching for the other one. Rosalie stretched out her incredibly long leg, admiring the shoe for a moment before looking over at me.

"I was expecting a clingy, whining little girl who would follow my brother around like a lovesick puppy."

"Now, now, don't mince your words. Please, let me know what you really think." I said flatly and she snorted. It was an unexpected reaction from a woman as gorgeous as her.

"And then you showed up at his flat that night and I figured that you were at least sleeping together. But then you gave me that little speech and I saw just how much you loved him. It wasn't what I expected; there was no romance in it. You just looked terrified that I'd shown up to steal him away from you."

I didn't reply, looking down at the boots that encased my legs. After a moment I cleared my throat.

"I was terrified of meeting you." I admitted and she raised an eyebrow, "Jasper's the only… well, he's my family, like I said. I wanted you to approve of me."

"You shouldn't want anyone's approval, Bella." Rosalie said, removing the red shoes and reaching for a black and silver pair, "Jasper has never asked for anyone's approval when it comes to you, so you shouldn't look for it."

Before I could reply, Alice gasped beside me and pulled me up.

"Bella, those boots look perfect on you! You have to get them!"

"Alice, I will never be able to walk in these." I pointed out and she huffed.

"Nonsense. Get them off and try on these blue heels." She ordered and I obeyed. Rosalie stood, slipping her street shoes back on and looked down at me as I tugged on the new pair of torture devices. Her fingers brushed against my shoulder and despite the fact she'd told me I didn't need it, I felt like I had her approval.

* * *

~*~

Several hours later, Alice decided that she was done for the day. I cried a silent prayer to whatever god was looking out for me. Rosalie insisted on buying us both lunch and we went to a restaurant in the centre of the city, my stomach growling. Alice sighed in satisfaction and I shook my head.

"Why aren't you a personal shopper, Alice? You'd be great at it."

"Why make my hobby my job? I wouldn't have anything to do on the weekends!" She grinned, reading the menu. Rosalie tapped her fingers on the table, watching me.

"So, what are you going to do, now that Jasper's buying the bookstore?"

"What do you mean? It's not like he's going to fire me." I said, helping myself to a piece of bread. Rosalie frowned.

"Well, no… but are you planning on working there for the rest of your life? I mean, the pay can't be that good."

I shifted in my chair. Rosalie had a habit of bring my worst fears into the limelight. "It's not the pay that keeps me there, Rosalie. I've got… I mean, money isn't an issue for me. I work there because I enjoy it. Eventually I'll have to move on, but I don't…"

"What do you want to do?" Alice asked chirpily, swinging her legs under the table. I was feeling slightly under pressure and began to pick at my already shredded fingernails.

"I don't know. I mean, I was going to study Literature at UW but then I put off applying and I don't know what I'd even _do_ with a degree in Literature."

"First things first, I'm booking you in for a manicure." Alice tutted, examining my nails and I tucked my hands under the table, "Second of all, a literature degree would suit you perfectly."

"How can you know that? We only meet three weeks ago?" I snorted and Alice tapped her temple.

"I know these things, Bella. Just like I know that Jasper wants to talk to you tonight."

"Jazz and I don't have plans for tonight."

"Check your phone." She said certainly.

Suspiciously, I pulled out my phone and sure enough there was an unread message.

**HB – You, me, JD, Ben and Jerry. Your place or mine? – Jazz xxx**

**Jazz – Your place. Permission to sleep on the sofa? –HB xxx**

**HB – Permission granted. See you at 8. – Jazz xxx**

I snapped my phone closed and shrugged at Alice.

"OK, so we're hanging out. We do that all the time, it doesn't prove that you're psychic." I said primly and Rosalie laughed.

"I wouldn't argue with her, Bella. She has a talent for these things."

The rest of the meal was filled with Alice and Rosalie chattering about their purchases and Alice's date with Jasper. He'd taken her to the island, treated her to a candlelit dinner in a little restaurant and then had champagne delivered on the ferry on the way home. Alice looked over at me, blue eyes gleaming.

"Is he always this romantic, Bella? I mean, with his other girlfriends?"

"The most romantic he ever got with Maria was a bottle of discount wine and _Con Air_." I assured her, "He's really crazy about you."

"My brother is such a sap." Rosalie sighed, sipping her drink and Alice beamed.

"We're just lucky to have such great men, Rosie. All we need now is to set Bella up and-"

"No. No, no, no, I let you dress me up and torture me all day, but I'm putting my foot down, Alice! No blind dates!" I said, my voice sliding in pitch and Rosalie burst into laughter.

"Jesus, Bella, calm down! No need to deafen everyone in a ten mile radius!"

"Why are you so against dating anyway?" Alice pouted, resting her chin in her hands. I shook my head.

"I'm _not_ against dating. I just like being independent. And all the guys I've dated have expected me to be someone I'm not, it pisses me off."

"You're just dating the wrong kind of men. Do you think I let Emmett treat me like that?" Rosalie asked and I bit back a smile as I imagined Emmett ordering her to do _anything_. Alice tossed her head.

"Jasper would never be so patronising. He must be right about the 'you only date assholes' thing."

"Who's your perfect guy?" Rosalie asked me suddenly.

_Green eyes._

The thought had flashed through my mind before I could stop it and I felt a blush on my cheeks. Alice and Rosalie exchanged a smug look.

"She's definitely got a perfect guy in mind!" Alice squealed and I scowled, ducking my head so that my hair fell into my face. Rosalie was smirking again, a habit that she and Jasper shared. Unfortunately, I didn't think I knew Rosalie well enough to slap it off her face.

"OK, I think I've had enough girl time for one day." I mumbled, reaching down to pick up my bags.

"We'll see you on Sunday." Rosalie said calmly and I looked at her.

"You will?"

"Yes, Emmett and I are having a house warming party. We'll see you then." She said it in a way that suggested it was not an option.

* * *

~*~

It was my turn to pick the movie and in revenge for letting his girlfriend kidnap and torture me, I inflicted upon Jasper the womanly delight that is _Dirty Dancing_. He had bitched and moaned the whole way through, although I kept insisting that he secretly liked it.

"It's a bad movie, Hells Bells."

"It's a fantastic coming-of-age piece of cinematography with Patrick Swayze. Now watch the dancing, Jazzy." I scolded him. He pulled a face, poking me in the ribs as he drained his drink. Apparently, the only way a man could get through_ Dirty Dancing_ was by consuming copious amounts of alcohol first.

"I'm picking a man film next time. Just you wait."

"I'm not afraid of your film choices, Jazz." I insisted, "I am a broadminded person, unlike you."

"This is a total chick flick." He moaned and I pinched him.

"I _am_ a chick, jackass! And this is a great film! Look, call Alice and see what she thinks. Ten bucks says she loves it too."

He muttered to himself, but made no movement to find his phone. I grinned, resting my head on his shoulder.

"You really like her, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Is she it? The one?" I asked curiously.

"I dunno. Yeah… I think so. She's something special, Bells." He said, taking my hand in his and kissing it swiftly. I smiled widely, snuggling into his side.

"I'm glad, Jazz. You deserve special."

"So do you, darlin'. And you'll find it."

"I'm OK."

The words sounded weak, even to me and Jasper sighed, rubbing his cheek on my head.

"C'mon, Bells. You deserve more than special. You deserve extraordinary, out of this world, the 'universe is burnin' and I don't give a damn' kinda love. You deserve…" He pointed at the TV, "Johnny and Baby love."

I giggled, closing my eyes as he slid his arms around me, hugging me tightly. Jasper always gave the best hugs. I was fairly certain that if I could package them, I'd be leaving on easy street for the rest of my life.

"Happily ever after, right?" I murmured and he nodded.

"That's right. You're going to have a happily ever after. I can see it."

"You and Alice _are_ perfect for each other; you both try to predict the future."

"No need to predict what you already know, darlin'."

We watched the movie for a little while longer and then Jasper shifted beside me as his phone began to vibrate.

"Hey." He answered and then smiled, "Hey Ali… yup, she's here. No, not yet. No, I will, I'll ask her now. Yup. Yup, yup. OK. You too, sweet dreams, beautiful girl."

He ended the short call and I eyed him.

"What do you want to ask me?" I asked curiously and he flashed me a grin.

"Well, seeing as Thanksgiving was such a success, I'm extending an official invitation to Christmas."

"We always spend Christmas together." I pointed out. For the past three years we had met up for Chinese take-out, crackers, wine and holiday television specials but I had a sinking suspicion that this tradition was about to meet an abrupt end.

Jasper stretched, cat-like in his motions and put his hands behind his head, looking down at me.

"Mr and Mrs Cullen have invited us for Christmas Dinner."

"Jazz, no…"

"They're real nice, Bella. They invited me when we had dinner the other night and when I said that you and I always spend Christmas together, they insisted on inviting you too." I looked at him in disbelief and he smiled, "I know Alice wants you to come. I'm sure Emmett and Edward would like to see you again."

"Geez, Jasper, have you been taking lessons in Emotional Blackmail from Alice?" I muttered, sinking back in my chair.

In all honesty, I couldn't imagine anything worse than being with these people at Christmas. I hadn't celebrated the holidays in a long time and there was a reason for that; I didn't feel that I had anything to celebrate. I ignored the holidays as best I could, waiting with bated breath for New Years, when people would finally get over the idea of family and love and start worrying about finances and New Years resolutions. I had a sneaking suspicion that the Cullens would be the family in a big house, decorated with holly, ivy and mistletoe, and an enormous tree in the corner, piled with presents.

I had no place in the utopian picture; the very idea of it broke my heart as I remembered my last real Christmas. Charlie had tried so hard to make it perfect, even though I had insisted that I would be happy with a chilled out day, just the two of us. He'd even gone so far as to buy a turkey, which I'd cooked. We'd eaten leftovers for days afterwards.

Jasper was still watching me and I closed my eyes, fighting the embarrassing tears that were threatening.

"OK." I whispered and he pulled me into his lap, hugging me tightly. He knew more than anyone else in the world just how hard it had been for me to say that.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my little cherry pies! I hope you are all well! Thank you for your lovely reviews – they cheered me up immensely, as I am sat here with a giant eye infection and looking mildly like Quasimodo from the Disney movie. It's very unpleasant. **

**Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun – Alice has fun shopping. Rosalie has fun making people feel awkward. Bella has fun forcing Jasper to watch Dirty Dancing. We all have fun.  
**

**Filler chapter, really. It's all building, but filler is necessary to pad out characters. I love Rosalie and the way she interacts with Bella. She'll get more screen time in future.**

**Reviewers will get their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a copy of Dirty Dancing. Use as you see fit. Everyone wants 'Johnny and Baby' love.  
**

**Love**

**Katie**


	11. Black Horse and a Cherry Tree

**Chapter Eleven**

**And my heart hit a problem in the early hours**

**So I stopped it dead for a beat or two**

**But I cut some cord and I shouldn't have done it**

**And it won't forgive me after all these years**

**~Black Horse and a Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall~**

Jasper picked me up on Sunday to go to Rosalie and Emmett's housewarming party. From what I gathered, it was a small gathering of their friends and one or two work colleagues. I had been fending phone calls from Alice all afternoon, suggesting (dictating) outfit choices. In the end I chose a pair of black flared trousers, a strappy red top and a pair of red flat pumps, which Alice would no doubt have disapproved of.

I tapped my fingers against my hips nervously as we walked up the garden path to the beautiful little house in the suburbs. It was literally picture perfect and I could easily see kids and a dog running around the yard; the perfect family. Jasper was grinning, no doubt amused by nervousness. Well, we couldn't all be walking sedatives and I held back the impulse to kick him.

Emmett answered the door and pulled us into a bear hug, dressed in smart trousers and a dress shirt.

"Guys, glad you could make it! Come on in." He ushered us into a spacious sitting room. Music was playing quietly as lots of people milled around, chatting and helping themselves to the buffet style table that lined one wall. Rosalie appeared, stunning in a wraparound red dress and handed us glasses of wine; the perfect hostess.

Perfection was starting to suffocate me.

Jasper was instantly kidnapped by Rosalie to be introduced to her work friends and I was left to fend for myself. After an awkward moment of not meeting anyone's eye, I shuffled from the living room into the kitchen, where I found Alice chattering like a monkey with a dark haired older man. She waved me over, looking delighted at the sight of me.

"Bella, you're here! And you're wearing one of the outfits I chose for you!" She exclaimed proudly and then eyed my feet, "No heels, though. Still, a definite improvement. Bella, this is Aro Volturi. He's a friend of my dad's."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Alice's dress-up doll." I smiled serenely and Aro laughed as Alice pouted at me.

"She's not changed much. Still a worshipper of fashion." He commented in a faintly accented voice, his hazel eyes crinkling in amusement. I raised an eyebrow.

"So she's always been like this?"

"Ever since Carlisle brought her home." He confirmed, "She maxed out her first credit card a month after he gave it to her."

"And Esme didn't let me hear the end of it!" Alice snorted. I smiled and Aro looked at me, a pleasant expression on his face.

"You're a friend of Alice's?"

"Yes, although I met her through Rosalie, who I met through Jasper." I explained. Alice perked up at the sound of Jasper's name and excused herself to go and find him. Aro and I fell into conversation about the bookstore and when he asked my opinion of a book that had recently reached number one on the bestseller list, I began to spout my feelings on it.

"It was so two-dimensional. Nobody wants to read about a Byronic hero anymore; they want flawed characters, characters that they could pass in the street. That kind of traditional hero is too much for people to deal with, he's too perfect. They just feel worse about their own lives because they're not living up to the expectations set by a fictional character." I insisted and Aro chuckled.

"What are you doing, working in a bookstore? You should be a critic, Miss Swan."

"I imagine most papers want some kind of experience. Or at least someone who's been to college." I said dryly and he arched an eyebrow.

"Who said anything about papers? People spend more time online than they do reading the paper. Do you know a website called _Modern Words_? I can give you the address."

"I know it. I read the reviews on every book that comes into the store." I replied and he smiled.

"I am the creator of that particular site. If you would care to write down some of your opinions in the form of a review, I would be happy to consider publishing them. It wouldn't be excellent money, you understand, but it would be a start. I have a great many contacts in the publishing world; I rather feel that we would get on well."

Before I could reply he had slipped a small card into my hand and smiled.

"I look forward to hearing from you, Miss Swan. A new opinion is always an interesting find." He said, picking up his glass and leaving the kitchen.

For a long moment I stared at the card, reading and rereading the email address, the name of the website and then a wide grin spread across my face as I tucked it into my purse.

One small step for Bella.

I turned, wandering back to the living room where I found Jasper and Alice tucked away in a corner, talking softly and staring at each other as though they were seeing each other for the first time. I turned away, not wanting to interrupt and found myself face-to-chest with Edward. He put a hand instinctively on my shoulder as we nearly collided and then smiled.

"Bella."

"Hello Edward." I said formally. After an awkward pause, he lowered his hand, the palm brushing over my upper arm as he moved it. I tried not to shiver as I shifted on the spot. He was smiling faintly and lifted a hand to brush my hair away from my forehead, examining the wound there.

"It's looking better. If you come by the hospital tomorrow, I'll take the stitches out."

"Edward, _please_ stop working for one night." A voice said and we both turned to see a petite woman, mature but still stunningly beautiful with dark red hair framing her lovely face.

Edward's smiled widened and for some reason, he placed a hand on the small of my back, moving me towards the woman.

"Bella, this is Esme, my mother. Mom, this is Bella." He introduced us and I shook her hand, watching as her eyes widened in realisation.

"Ah, you're the young lady who will be joining us for Christmas dinner?" Esme beamed and I nodded slightly.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks for the invitation."

"We're delighted to have you, dear." She assured me with a pleasant smile, "The more the merrier, especially at Christmas. Edward, would you mind fetching me a drink?"

He disappeared and Esme looped her arm into mine, guiding me to a small sofa and sitting me down. For some reason, everything about her put me instantly at ease and she sat with her body twisted towards me so she could face me as we talked. A sweet smile was on her face as she examined me.

"I've heard a bit about you, Bella."

"That's worrying." I said, only half-jokingly and she chuckled.

"Oh, it's all been good. Most of it came from Alice, she's quite taken with your friend, Jasper, and with you. She's always wanted a sister, you see and now she's managed to acquire both you and Rosalie." She explained and I chewed my lip, picking my fingernails.

"I like Alice. She's… sweet." I finished lamely, whilst trying to think of an appropriate adjective. Esme laughed.

"And difficult to describe, but I know what you mean. And you work with Jasper?"

Over the next twenty minutes, Esme and I discussed Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, _The Paperback_ and she pointed out several of the guests that I didn't know, accompanied with hilariously witty stories on each one. She was wonderful company; warm, interesting and thoroughly easy to get along with. I could see why Alice adored her so much. She was the perfect mother.

"Edward, finally! I was wondering where you'd got to." Esme exclaimed as he appeared, carrying to wineglasses, handing one to each of us. He pulled a slight face.

"I got caught by Tanya and Irina. Why did Emmett invite them?"

"Because they're old family friends." Esme tutted and winked at me, "Tanya and Irina are the daughters of one of Carlisle's colleagues. Tanya's had quite the thing for Edward for some time now."

"You can only say that you're not interested so many times, Mom. It's starting to get awkward." Edward muttered and I was surprised to see a flush in his cheeks. I peered around him to try and get a glance of these mysterious women who Edward had refused but there were people milling around so I straightened again in my chair.

A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up to see Jasper. Esme beamed at him as though she were greeting a long lost son.

"Bella, would you be OK with taking a cab home? Alice and I were thinking about going for a drink." He whispered and I grinned, a little frustrated that I couldn't tease him about getting some, what with being stood next to his girlfriend's mother and sibling.

"No problem, Jazz. See you tomorrow." I replied, winking. He beamed at me, planting a kiss on the top of my head before saying goodbye to Esme and Edward. Edward looked down at me.

"I'll give you a ride, I'm heading back that way anyway." He offered and I nodded.

"OK, thanks."

My stomach growled and Esme smiled widely as I flushed in embarrassment.

"Edward, get this girl out of here and find her some food. I adore Rosalie, but there's nothing worth eating here. Bella, I will see you at Christmas, dear." To my surprise, she leant over and kissed my cheek before standing, kissing Edward too and disappearing into the crowd. I stood too and went to find Rosalie to say goodbye, telling Edward that I'd meet him at the door.

I found Rosalie talking with two women, one short and dark-haired, one with red-blonde hair and the same height as Rosalie; both startlingly beautiful. Rosalie saw me and gestured for me to come over.

"Edward's giving me a ride home; Jazz ditched me." I explained and Rosalie nodded with a smile.

"I'm glad you came, Bella. Let me introduce you before you disappear. This is Tanya and Irina, friends of the Cullen family. Ladies, this is Jasper's friend, Bella."

My curiosity peaked as I took in the two women. Tanya, the tall one, was examining me just as closely before looking around.

"Edward's leaving?" She asked and Rosalie shrugged.

"I'm surprised he even showed up, he never comes to these things." She commented and then looked at me, "Did Esme talk to you about Christmas?"

"A little." I nodded, "I've got to go, Edward and I are going to grab some food. I'll see you soon."

She waved and I pushed my way through to the front door, where Edward was waiting. He smiled when he saw me and opened the door, ducking his head to whisper.

"Quickly, I'm parked right outside!"

Confused, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Tanya moving through the crowd, eyes fixed firmly on Edward. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders as he hurried me out of the door. Once again his smell overpowered me and this time I could actually feel my knees going weak.

_Quit acting like a hormonal teenager_!

We climbed into his car and he breathed a sigh of relief before looking at me with a sheepish expression.

"I'm sorry. That was very inconsiderate of me."

"What, you mean using me to escape from a woman you have no interest in?" I asked as he pulled out into the road, "Don't worry about it. I'll just make you pay for dinner."

"It would be my pleasure." He assured me and I rolled my eyes.

"I was kidding, Edward."

"I wasn't. I would like to take you to dinner. Would that earn Good Edward a point?" He grinned over at me and I was momentarily flustered by it. My stomach growled again and his grin widened.

"Do you like pizza?"

* * *

~*~

Thirty minutes later we were sat in Edward's kitchen, the silence still present but less awkward as we tucked into a large greasy half-pepperoni, half-ham and pineapple, a choice that had him utterly confused.

"Ham and pineapple belong together." I said, swallowing a mouthful of pizza, "They create the ideal balance of sweet and salty and they are the perfect pizza topping. I shan't hear a word against it."

He was smiling to himself and I crossed my legs underneath me, sat once again on the kitchen surface whilst he occupied one of the stools.

"Why do I always get the feeling that you're laughing at me?" I muttered and he shook his head, still smiling.

"I'm not laughing at you. I just find you…" He considered me for a moment and I narrowed my eyes.

"Choose your words carefully, Cullen."

"I find you fascinating."

My cheeks went so red that there were probably planes trying to land on the street outside. Edward's smile widened.

"I especially enjoy the way you blush."

"I blush all the time, it's not exactly a phenomenon." I muttered, reaching for my can of diet coke. Edward's smile did not fade as he bit into another slice of pizza and to try and give my cheeks time to return to a natural colour, I looked around the large apartment. It was open plan, the kitchen in one corner overlooking the rest of the room. A corner suite sofa was placed before an enormous TV screen in an entertainment lined with DVD's and CD's. On the other side of the room, by the large windows was a glass dining table with six chairs. The room was decorated in white, black and red, a hardwood floor and warm rugs, comfortable chairs and pretty cushions. It was designer and beautiful and it had Alice written all over it.

"She redecorates every six months or so." Edward said, as though he had read my mind, "Before this it was all suede and turquoise."

"She's very talented." I noted, turning back to him. Edward nodded with a smile.

"She is. Are you finished?"

He placed the leftover pizza on a plate and turned to put it in the refrigerator. I climbed down from the surface and looked around for my shoes. He caught the movement.

"I'll drive you home."

"It's not far, I can walk."

"I would appreciate it if you would let me drive you. For my own peace of mind, if nothing else." He said quietly and I met his eyes. They were fixed on my face and for once I decided _not_ to look away.

He seemed to realise this and twisted his body so that he was stood directly before me. Absently, as though through some habit, his hand moved to brush the hair away from the cut on my temple. I held my breath, heart thudding unsteadily and watched as his eyes slid from the cut down to my own eyes and then down to my mouth.

His hand slid to cup my cheek and I stood, frozen, too uncertain to press my face into his fingers, too cowardly to step away.

When Jacob had been about to kiss me, I had been able to predict exactly how it would go – it would have been warm and arousing and would have led to satisfying but not earth-shattering sex. I knew how it would go because I had kissed a dozen Jacobs.

I had no idea how this scenario would go. I had no idea what kissing Edward would be like because I didn't _know_ Edward. He was beautiful but frustrating, he made my heart race and pissed me off more than anyone else I knew and I was petrified because I _wanted _him to kiss me but I knew that if he did I would be stuck, because he was a good person and I didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve a normal relationship, because I didn't know how to be a girlfriend. I had pretended before, acted the part in a suitable manner, but it had only ever been an act. Edward deserved someone genuine.

Edward wanted to rescue me – he couldn't know that I was beyond rescuing, not worth the danger.

These thoughts rushed through my head at light speed as the gap between our faces lessened, his mouth moving towards mine, our eyes sliding closed as my mind screamed at me to get out, red alert, this is an advanced warning.

And then we jumped apart as the door opened, Alice and Jasper's voices loud and intrusive in the tense atmosphere. Edward stepped back smoothly, moving past me to greet them. They were pink-cheeked from the cold air outside and Jasper's hair was windswept. He grinned at me, his arms around Alice's shoulders.

"Hey Hells Bells! What are you doing here?"

"Bella and I were just having some pizza. Leftovers are in the fridge." Edward said calmly and I shifted past him uncomfortably to get my shoes.

"I'm just going."

"I'll walk you home, Bells. Hold on a second." Jasper said and I nodded, staring at my feet.

"I'll wait outside. Goodnight, guys." I mumbled, walking for the door as quickly as possible.

It was very cold outside, the clouds having given way to reveal the slender curve of moon that was visible. I leaned against the wall outside the apartment building, letting the freezing air wash over me. We were already a week into December, and the temperature was dropping every day. I concentrated on the slice of moon, trying to shake what had just happened out of my mind.

I heard the door open and twisted my head to see Jasper coming out of the building, swaying slightly. I grinned.

"How much have you had, Jazz?"

"Enough to know I'm crashing at yours because I don't think that I can find my way home."

"OK. Come on, I'm freezing."

We set off, Jasper half-leaning on me with an arm around my shoulders.

"Alice is amazing, Bells. Seriously, how did I go so long without her? I don't get it…" He declared and I laughed softly.

"Have you told her that?"

"No."

"You should. She'd love it." I said as we paused at a road, waiting for a gap in the traffic. He leaned down, resting his head on mine as we walked, an awkward sight, seeing as he had to bend down quite a long way.

"Bella, I think I love her."

"I know."

"No, really. I'm in love with her."

"I know, it's kind of obvious." I told him with a smile and he sighed happily. We walked several blocks in silence, each lost in our own thoughts, though I imagined that his were decidedly more pleasant than mine, not to mention less confusing.

* * *

**A/N: Ooh, what's this? Edward and Bella almost getting it on? Surely not! A very quick update, because the last chapter was all filler and I don't approve of filler chapters, because they're not very satisfying. Hopefully this makes up for it!**

**Black Horse and a Cherry Tree – Bella stopped her heart a long time ago and now here's Edward with a chance of starting it up again. Woo!**

**Now, I don't want to sound whiney, because I hate people who beg for reviews like it's the most important thing in the world, but I am a tiny bit sad. Just a tiny bit. Because the last chapter got 111 hits and just 2 reviews. In fact this story has had over 2668 hits and 56 reviews (strangely enough 56 is my lucky number!). So please just leave a quick note to let me know what you think –if you **_**don't**_ **like something, or if something caught your eye, or you just wanted to say 'hi, I'm reading your story!'. Would be nice, my darlings. You know I loves you! I mean, it's not like I'm going to withhold chapters until you review, cos that pisses me off – write for the sake of writing, not for reviews. But still, feedback is important. **

**So to the two lovely people who reviewed the last chapter, I adores ya!**

**I'm afraid there will be no update tomorrow, but probably one on Friday. Because tomorrow, I'm off to Old London Town for the day, to see Phantom of the Opera on stage! And from freakin' AWESOME seats! Hooray! **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a pizza with toppings of your choice. I recommend ham and pineapple. (There ya go! Let me know what you choose!)**

**Oh, and one final thing! Here's Bella's outfit for this chapter.**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11418110**

**Love**

**Katie**


	12. Roll To Me

**Chapter 12**

**Look around your world, pretty baby  
Is it everything you hoped it'd be?  
The wrong guy, the wrong situation  
The right time to roll to me  
Look into your heart pretty baby,  
Is it aching with some nameless need?  
Is there something wrong and you can't put your finger on it  
Right then, roll to me  
And I don't think I have ever seen a soul so in despair  
So if you want to talk the night through  
Guess who will be there**

**~Roll to Me by Del Amitri ~**

I was putting off going to the hospital. I could quite easily have gone in that morning and the whole ordeal would be over, but I couldn't work myself up to go. Mike had assured me that it was fine, that he would be able to close up by himself that evening but it was still late afternoon by the time that I reluctantly slouched into the hospital.

The middle-aged woman behind the desk peered at me through horn-rimmed glasses as though I were disturbing her, although the gossip rag she had hidden under the desk suggested otherwise.

"Yes?"

"I'm here to see Doctor Cullen." I said and she tapped on the computer, one hand reaching for her magazine as she informed me that he was in room 24. Steeling myself up, I walked along the disturbingly familiar corridors to the room, trying to think of something to say.

_So Edward, care to pick up where we left off yesterday?_

_Hey Edward, what was that last night?_

_Edward, I demand you stick your tongue down my throat immediately but just so you know, I'm mentally unstable and in no state to be in a relationship, let alone with a guy as perfect as you._

None of these seemed like they'd go down well and I stopped outside the door, staring at the numbers attached to it for a moment before taking a deep breath and knocking.

"Come in."

I opened the door and saw a handsome man in his forties with pale blonde hair sat a desk. He wore a white coat and was examining a chart but looked up with a dazzling smile.

"Good afternoon." He said warmly.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I cringed, stepping back and glancing at the door again, "I was… sorry, they told me that Doctor Cullen was in here."

"I _am_ Doctor Cullen." He said in an amused tone. I frowned, twining the strap of my bag around my fingers.

"No…"

"I can assure you that I am." The man said, laughing slightly, standing and offering me his hand, "Doctor Carlisle Cullen."

"Oh!" Realisation struck and I flushed bright red, "You're… Carlisle. Right, sorry."

"I take it you were looking for my son, Edward?"

"Anyone who can take out stitches will do just fine." I said, gesturing to my forehead and he smiled.

"Then take a seat, Miss…?"

"Isabella Swan."

He looked up from the tray of medical equipment with that dazzling smile. I would have thought that this was where Edward got it from, if I hadn't known that he was adopted.

"Ah, the infamous Bella! I've heard all about you."

"I'm really starting to feel paranoid." I mumbled and he laughed.

"Don't, I've heard nothing but good things. Esme, Alice and Edward are all quite taken with you. I was starting to feel a little left out, not having met you."

"They're nice people." I said quietly, "I'm lucky to have met them."

"I understand that you'll be joining us for Christmas." He said, lifting a needle. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling sick and he put a comforting hand on my hand as he administered an anaesthetic.

"Yes. Thank you. For inviting me, I mean." I said quietly, keeping my eyes closed.

"It's no trouble. Jasper's a nice young man and he said that you're like family to him, so we're happy to have you. My wife has always wanted a large family, don't be surprised if she tries to keep you around."

That statement half-surprised, half-terrified me. The mere idea of Christmas with these people was scary; the idea that they might want me around after it was a whole new universe of fear. Of course, I didn't really need to worry. One day and they'd be fed up with me.

After a couple of minutes I opened my eyes, feeling Carlisle's fingers on my scalp, examining the stitches before he lifted a pair of scissors, cutting quickly and efficiently at the thread that held together my temple.

"You'll have a scar, I'm afraid." He commented and I smiled wryly.

"What's one more?" He laughed and I watched as he placed the snipped thread on the tray, dabbing the scar with an antiseptic swab. It stung and I grimaced, digging my fingers into my knees.

"There we are. All done." Carlisle said with another stunning smile. He picked up a form and began to fill it in before handing me a sheet, "Hand that in at reception and you're free to go. In fact…" He looked at his watch, "I'll walk down with you, my shift is over."

He exchanged his lab coat for a dark jacket, smiling as he opened the door for me. I noticed several nurses giving him the eye as we walked to the reception area, not that I blamed them. The man was serious eye-candy.

The receptionist was decidedly more attentive this time around, taking my form with a sweet smile, looking slightly flustered as Carlisle waited for me.

"Thank you, dear. Good afternoon, Doctor Cullen."

"Good afternoon, Mrs Cope." Carlisle smiled before looking down at me, "Bella, can I give you a ride anywhere? You might still feel a little woozy from the anaesthetic. "

"Bella?"

We both turned and saw Edward, dressed in pale blue scrubs. His hair was mussed, as usual and he was looking at me with an unreadable expression, but then he smiled as though his day had just been made.

"Edward, forgive me. I'm afraid I stole your patient." Carlisle said cheerfully and Edward smiled, moving forward and brushing my hair back to examine the scar. I flinched without meaning to and he jerked back uncertainly, his eyes searching mine for understanding. I cleared my throat and looked at Carlisle's shoes.

"Thanks, but I don't need a ride, Doctor Cullen. It was nice to meet you. Bye Edward." The words were mumbled and I doubted either of them understood a word as I rushed for the door, not daring to look back.

* * *

~*~

_Charlie's face was contorted in anger and I screamed in agony as the gunshot rang in my ears. The hand at my throat released quickly and I slumped forward, still screaming_…

A sob escaped my lips as I hunched over in my bed, clutching the sheets to me. The room was dark but the street lamp spilled a little light through the window, the shadows on the pale carpet looking like spilt blood.

I retched emptily as that thought struck me and I crawled out of bed to the bathroom. I swallowed a pill and then seized the pillow and blanket from the cupboard, curling into a ball on the sofa as I prayed for dreamless sleep.

* * *

~*~

Alice was in the bookstore when I got there for the afternoon shift the next day, perched on the desk with her legs swinging and sketching intently into a large drawing book. Jasper looked up at me with a smile.

"Hells Bells, you're early. Want some lunch? I was going to do a burger run."

"Burger with the works." I confirmed, clocking in as he left. I went to the desk and peered over Alice's shoulder. She was drawing what looked like a café, complete with squashy chairs and little round tables. She waved into a corner of the store.

"I think it's going over there."

"What?"

"The café. Jasper asked me to do a couple of sketches before he calls in someone to give him some estimates." She said in her tinkling voice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Alice, rewind. What's this about a café?"

"It's one of the changes that Jasper is considering for the store. Everyone goes to Starbucks down the street; they may as well spend their money here." She said airily and thrust the sketch at me, "What do you think? I'm seeing it in dark reds and mahogany. Leather chairs, obviously, but maybe a couch or two."

"Obviously." I muttered, reading the delivery list.

Ten minutes later, Jasper returned carrying three bags of food. Alice planted a big kiss on his lips before diving into hers with a ferocity usually reserved for tigers at feeding time. I took my bag and then kicked his shin lightly. He scowled.

"You're supposed to say thank you, Bella!"

"And you said that you'd tell me what your plans were for the store! Not let me find out from Alice." I shot back and he looked flustered.

"Oh… well, yeah, I-"

"But seeing as you have bought me a burger, I shall let it pass this time." I informed him haughtily, unwrapping my sandwich. He sighed, sitting down and scratching his head, giving me an apologetic look.

"It's not that I didn't tell you, Bells… it's just that everything has been so crazy lately and I only really decided on it last night and…"

"Jazz."

He stopped and I wrapped an arm around his neck, giving him a quick hug.

"Really, Jazz, it's fine." I smiled, "I think it's going to be good for business, it's a great idea. And getting Alice to design it is just genius."

"She's good, isn't she?" Jasper grinned and Alice positively glowed at his approval. I rolled my eyes, yawning widely and Jasper looked at me pointedly.

"Not been sleeping."

"Not really." I muttered and he understood immediately. He knew about the nightmares but I noticed that he was watching me closely after that comment. It made me uncomfortable, but I couldn't exactly bring it up, not with Alice around. Besides, if that was what Jasper needed to do to reassure himself that I was OK, I could handle a little observation.

Alice stuck around for the rest of the day; she had already finished her semester and was engaged in a list of potential Christmas presents for family and friends, as Jasper and I worked around her, filling shelves and putting up the inevitable Christmas decorations.

"Bella, need you." Jasper called from the front window of the store. He was trying to pin up a string of tinsel, but was slightly too short. Alice watched in great amusement as I climbed up his back and sat on his shoulders, sticking decorations to the ceiling.

"Why not just use a ladder?" She asked curiously.

"I trust Jasper a lot more than I trust a ladder." I informed her, "I fall off ladders a _lot_."

"She does, it's hilarious." Jasper grinned and I slapped the back of his head, "Ow! Watch it, Hells Bells, you're in a precarious situation here!"

"Ooh, _precarious_! You've been reading the dictionary again!" I teased and screamed as he started swinging around in a circle and I threatened to fall at any minute. Alice was laughing hysterically as I clutched at her boyfriend's head, screaming that I would kill him without a second thought unless he stopped and then grabbed hold of an exposed beam in the ceiling, loosening my legs so as he stepped away I was left dangling.

Jasper turned, looked at me hanging like a monkey and snorted loudly. Alice was actually crying with laughter and I scowled, kicking in Jasper's direction with wildly swinging legs.

"Get me down!"

"No way, you're the one who wanted to hang on!" He grinned and I swore loudly, thankful that there were no customers in the store. It was a drop of several feet to the floor and I had a terrible feeling that my landing would cause a broken ankle.

"Jazz, I swear to god, get me down or I will _kill_ you!"

"By swinging at me?"

"Jasper M Whitlock!" I barked but he merely smiled and I groaned as I heard the doorbell, announcing the arrival of a customer.

"Bella?"

I twisted on my beam, arms starting to ache and my heart dropped into my shoes as I saw Edward staring up at me in bewilderment. I let out a sad little groan and turned my head away, closed my eyes.

"Perfect. Just perfect." This was _exactly_ how I wanted to see him again. Hanging from the ceiling of my workplace like an idiot. _That_ was attractive.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked, still thoroughly confused as he ran hand through his hair. I opened my eyes and gave him a little grin.

"Oh… hanging out." I said lamely.

Jasper and Alice exploded into laughter again, actually _howling_. Even Edward cracked a grin and looked at my feet, which were hanging to about chest level with him.

"Would you like a hand getting down?" He offered.

"No, I thought I might stay here actually." I said dryly.

"Please? This earns G.E. another point and puts him in the lead." Edward smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"Fine. Just… don't blame me if you get hurt, OK?" I warned him, trying to ignore the giggling pair by the cash register. Edward reached up and put his hands on my hips and I let go off the beam.

I didn't land gracefully so much as I sort of _slithered_ down his body, arms instinctively wrapping around his neck with a whimper as I let go of my security beam. My heart was racing with the sudden unsteadiness and it was only when Edward turned his head, his chin brushing against my cheek that I relinquished my death-grip on his neck and stepped back, his hands dropping from my waist.

"Um… thanks." I said, hoping my face wasn't as red as I thought it was. Jasper and Alice were still chortling and I rounded on my friend.

"You're an ass, Jasper Whitlock!"

"What does the M stand for?" Alice asked curiously, "I didn't know you had a middle name, Jasper."

"I don't." Jasper grinned, "But when Bella gets mad she likes to 'middle-name' people."

"And since he's so inconsiderate as to not have a middle name, I had to give him one." I explained coolly.

"So M stands for…?" Edward prompted.

"Middle name." I said calmly and he started to laugh as well.

"Jasper Middle name Whitlock?" Alice sniggered and I huffed, marching over to the cash register and pushing her off the desk. She yelped, landing on her feet and beaming at me.

"Nice try, Bella. Anyway, Edward, what are you doing here?"

"Gift approval for Mom and Dad." He said, holding up a bag. Alice reached for it and pulled out a large envelope, examining the contents.

"Spa get-away weekend. Very nice, Edward. You didn't pre-book did you?"

"No, I never know when Carlisle's going to be on call." Edward said, sliding it back into the bag. Alice peered at the bag.

"Did you buy for Rosalie and Emmett yet?"

"I was going to get them one of those photography sessions. You know, where they dress you up and everything." Edward mused and Alice nodded.

"I approve. And what about me?"

"Nice try, Alice."

Alice folded her arms, eying him sternly.

"You need a woman's opinion on everything you buy for me, Edward. You should know this by now."

"I haven't bought your gift yet, Alice." Edward said firmly, "Besides, I'm not telling anyone what I'm getting you. You always wheedle it out of them, I haven't been able to surprise you in years."

"I insist upon Girl Knowledge, Edward! Left to your own devices, this situation could be disastrous!" Alice said loudly. I stood behind the desk, fiddling with the cash register and grinning to myself at their argument. It always entertained me how this tiny girl would take on just about anyone, despite their size.

"Alice, I am perfectly capable of being you a gift!" Edward said, sounding mildly annoyed and Alice glowered at him, ready to argue her point.

"Take Bella."

We all froze and looked at Jasper. He shrugged.

"She's a girl."

"Oh, well noticed, Jasper. What gave me away?" I scowled and he grinned.

"I'm willing to bet you haven't done any Christmas shopping, Bells. You can take the afternoon off and go with Edward."

My mind wildly started to grasp for plausible excuses, ranging from 'my dog is dead' (wouldn't work, Jasper knows I don't have a dog) to 'I feel ill' and passing out (Edward's a doctor, he'd be able to tell I was faking.) In the meantime, Edward was talking.

"If you could, Bella, I'd owe you. I have a feeling that Alice wouldn't be able to crack you and I might be able to surprise her for once." He said, gazing at me with those big green eyes and a funny feeling sparked in my chest. Jasper was tugging my arm, forcing my coat on as quickly as possible.

"Go on, Bella. I'll close up and we can all meet at Lou's Diner for dinner when you're done shopping."

"Make sure he buys me something good!" Alice squealed and I turned, grabbing Jasper's sleeve as I realised something.

"Jazz, we need a theme! It's your turn to choose."

The Cullens watched in bemusement as Jasper considered me for a moment.

"Colour?" He asked and I considered for a moment, looking around the store for inspiration.

"Blue."

"Agreed. Price limit is the usual."

"Agreed." I confirmed and he took a moment, thinking hard with his brow creased.

"OK… the theme for this year is blue… paper."

I grinned, nodding as ideas began to race through my head.

"OK, blue paper. We'll meet you at the dinner by half seven at the latest."

* * *

~*~

"Blue paper?" Edward asked as we walked to the nearest row of stores. I nodded, pulling a woolly hat over my hair. It was very cold and my nose was starting to glow bright red.

"Yeah, it's Jazz's way of making me do Christmas presents. We pick a gift theme every year. Usually a colour and a random object and then we have to pick a gift for each other based around that theme."

"So what could you do with blue paper?" Edward persisted and I shrugged, rubbing my hands together.

"Loads of stuff. Like… gift certificates but only from stores that do blue ones. Or tickets, as long it comes on blue paper."

"What other themes have you had?" He asked curiously as we stopped outside a clothes store, Edward examining a pair of shoes.

"Last year we decided on green paint. I arranged for us to go paintballing, using green paint and Jazz painted my kitchen because he knows that I hate decorating." I said and shook my head, "You can't buy Alice shoes. You haven't got a hope in hell of getting the right pair."

He nodded in agreement and we moved down the next store.

"What other themes?"

"There are only two others. The first year we had yellow rectangles. I got him a bunch of DVD's with yellow covers and he got me a yellow coffee table." I explained. Edward was smiling and I forced my eyes away from his face, biting my lip.

"And the second year?"

"Black ink. We got tattoos done together."

He stopped in his tracks and I turned, facing him in the street.

"You got _tattoos_? For Christmas?"

"Yeah. Jazz got a sun on his shoulder blade. You know; new sun, new day – that's his motto. He doesn't like to think about the past, so he focuses on new starts everyday." I said absently, pausing outside a jewellery store. My eyes fell on a charm bracelet and I pointed at it.

"You should get Alice that." I said and he looked at it. It was relatively simple, silver links with a tray of charms beside it. I looked up at him.

"You get the bracelet, I'll get the charms. I suck at present buying, you're going to have to help me chose something for your parents too."

"Why are you buying a gift for my parents?" Edward asked and I shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

"They invited me to Christmas. You can't… show up for Christmas without present."

"You don't celebrate Christmas." Edward pointed out and I frowned.

"No, but you do. When in Rome…"

I pushed past him, heading towards the door of the jewellery store.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my dear sweet little monkeys. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for your lovely reviews! I adored them! Yes, I'm in a fabulous mood today; saw Phantom up in London yesterday and it was **_**amazing**_**. Plus, we went to the stage door afterwards and met Ramin Karimloo, who plays phantom. He was SO nice and gave us autographs and let us take pictures, he just stood there talking to us for ages! I swear to god, I almost kidnapped him then and there – I will never love like this again! I actually let out a phangirl squeal the minute I was out of earshot! If you happen to be in London, I highly recommend the show, it is phenomenal. I also recommend Wicked, We Will Rock You and The Woman in Black. **

**Roll To Me – Bella, Edward is right there! Roll to him! Roll to him! This song is more from Edward's point of view than Bella's. Oh, and for anyone curious about Jasper and Bella's tattoos, I will post picture in a couple of chapters time. **

**Wow, I'm hyper. Oh yes, the middle name thing. I do this – if I'm cross with someone, I use their middle name. If they do not have one, I say 'middle name'. It makes an impression.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a burger with the works. Seriously, have whichever you want. I'll take a Ramin Karimloo to go!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	13. Going Under

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself  
Maybe I'll wake up for once  
Not tormented daily, defeated by you  
Just when I thought, I reached the bottom  
I'm dying again, I'm going under  
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever  
I've got to break through, I'm going under**

**~Going Under by Evanescence~**

It was a four days until Christmas day and I was wrapping presents, cross-legged on the floor of my apartment. There was a knock at the door and I scowled, sticky tape wrapped around my fingers, tying them together in a frustrating manner.

"It's open." I called and heard Jacob's voice calling hello.

"Hey Jacob, come on in."

I didn't stand up, still struggling with the tape and he sat down comfortably on the sofa beside me, grinning at my predicament.

"Need a hand?"

"A pair of scissors might work better." I grumbled, pulling the tape off and scrunching it into a ball before reaching for the roll, "What can I do for you, Jake?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. I'm heading home for Christmas tomorrow and won't be back until just after New Years." He said, smiling. He really did have an infectious smile and I returned it before realising something, my face falling.

"Oh, crap."

"Wow, you could have just said no." He leaned back, pulling a mock-hurt face and I hit his knee, wincing as my fingers protested.

"Ow. No, it's just I'm supposed to be going to a group thing tonight. There's people from work and Jasper's girlfriend and his sister and some other people. Jasper's rented a room in a bar downtown," I turned, leaning on my knees to face him, "You should come. I mean, most of the people there are as dull as hell, it'll be good to have some decent conversation."

"You sure know how to work the flattery, Swan." Jacob grinned and we stood.

"I'm leaving at eight, it's at the City Bar. You know it?"

"I know it. Bang on the door and we can walk over together."

I glanced at the time and decided to take a shower. I spent more time than usual, washing my hair and indulging in the use of my flowery body scrub. For some reason it felt like I was going on a date and I didn't know how I felt about that. Jacob was sweet and eager and… well, hot. But did I want to date him?

No. No, I did not.

Did I want to go out and have a good time tonight?

…Yes.

I made an effort. I blow-dried my hair so that it fell in soft waves, I put on mascara and even dabbled with eyeliner. I put on my usual cherry-flavoured lip balm and eyed the outfit that Alice had approved for the occasion. Black jeans, ridiculously tight, and an aqua halter top, with a curiously embellished collar embroidered with sequins over tan fabric. It was a great outfit and I had to admit that I looked good in it.

The phone rang as I was throwing my wallet into a small bag and I answered it.

"Hey Alice, I'm almost ready."

"What shoes are you wearing?"

"At this moment? None."

"Wear the boots." I groaned, hearing her giggle.

"Alice, I will kill myself if I wear those boots. Please, compromise with me and let me wear flat shoes?"

"You're wearing the boots, Bella. They complete the outfit perfectly. Now get a move on, Edward and I are leaving the apartment as we speak."

"Edward's coming?" The words slid out before I could stop myself and I bit my lip, regretting it instantly. I could almost hear the smugness in Alice's tone.

"Yes, we're both coming. See you in a few!"

I sighed and looked down at the boots. An entire evening in three inch heels. If I didn't kill myself, someone else would probably suffer. I tugged the boots on and took a few practice steps. They seemed OK, but in a few drinks time it could be a different story.

I made it downstairs and tapped on Jacob's door. He answered with a grin and took an obvious look up and down my body. I chewed my lip, a little shy and he winked.

"Nice, Bella."

"You too." He was wearing jeans and a dark red button-down shirt, his long hair tied back. I eyed him.

"No jacket? It's cold outside."

"I run hot." He grinned and offered me his arm, "Shall we?"

* * *

~*~

The room in the back of the bar that Jasper had reserved was already full of people. As Jacob and I entered, Jasper came over, grinning.

"Bells, looking good! Jacob, good to see you." They shook hands and I peered around. There was a mishmash of people, friends of Jasper's, people from the store, I saw Emmett and Rosalie at the bar, talking cheerfully with Garrett and his heavily pregnant wife, Kate.

"Jacob, come and meet some people." Jasper said and they took off into the crowd. I pushed my way to the bar and ordered a glass of wine.

"Bella, you wore the boots!" I heard a squeal behind me and turned just in time to see Alice collide with me. I fell against the bar, wincing as I banged my side. Another bruise before dawn.

"Alice, you're crushing me."

She pulled back, grinning brightly, practically vibrating with excitement. I eyed her suspiciously.

"How much have you had to drink, Alice?"

"Enough to know that you brought an _incredibly_ hot guy! Who is he?" Alice stood on tip toe to peer in the direction of Jacob and Jasper. Even then she didn't reach my chin and I pushed her back down easily.

"He's my neighbour, Alice. He asked me to hang out tonight, so I invited him here."

"So he's your… date?" She cocked her head and my eyes widened.

"What? No! No, he's just..." I looked over at Jacob and saw him watching me with a smile before turning back to the people Jasper had introduced him to. Alice snorted.

"Yeah, he's just checking you out because you're such good friends."

"I barely know him. Quit trying to create gossip where there is none." I told her off and she pouted cutely.

"Fi-ine. Come on, drink up. If I get you hammered, you might let slip what Edward has got me for Christmas!"

"Not a chance. Bella wouldn't betray me." Edward joined us out of nowhere and he smiled at me. He looked incredible and I swallowed hard, taking a long sip of my wine. Alice huffed, leaning on the bar and giving us a sorrowful look.

"Come on, Edward! Just give me a clue! Bella, can you at least help me out a little?"

"Nope. You're going to like it though." I promised but she looked unconvinced, turning as Emmett and Rosalie made their way to us. Emmett planted a big wet kiss on my cheek and I resisted the urge to wipe it away. Emmett turned to Alice and she took a step back, holding up her hands in warning.

"No, Emmett!"

"C'mon, little sis! Kiss your big bro!" He grinned and Alice shrieked, diving away. She knocked into me and I stumbled in the impossible heels. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable pain as I connected with the floor.

There was no pain. There was a delicious smell, a pair of warm arms and an incredible sense of security. I kept my eyes closed for a moment too long and felt warm breath in my ear.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Edward's beautiful voice murmured and I could feel my pulse pick up immediately. I took a shuddering breath and opened my eyes. Edward's face was by mine, his expression one of anxiety mingled with… something I couldn't recognise.

Somebody snickered and I twisted my head to see Emmett and Rosalie watching, both smirking and Alice perched on a barstool, grinning impishly. I started and Edward straightened me, his hands on my waist once again. I smiled weakly, putting a hand on the bar to steady myself.

"I can see myself falling over a lot tonight. I blame you, Alice."

"That's OK. We'll just keep Edward around to catch you." She said in a singsong voice. I tried to laugh, but it sounded forced even to me.

"Uh, well, that's something of a full time job."

"I don't have plans." Edward breathed and I looked at him quickly, but he was moving to the bar, signalling to the bartender.

"Bella, what have you been doing? I could heat the building on your face." Jasper crowed, joining us and I aimed a slight kick at this leg. He moved out of the way and I saw Jacob standing behind him. Jasper armed us all with drinks and waved at one of the bartenders. Moments later, music filled the bar; not loudly enough to drown out the conversation but enough that a few people went to dance.

"I'd watch out if I were you." Jasper muttered, "Mike's on the prowl."

I peered past him to where Mike was standing, scouring the bar. He seemed to feel me looking at him and his eyes met mine. A big smile crossed his face and I groaned, pulling out his eye line.

"God, Jasper. Why couldn't you just have let him believe I was a lesbian?" I muttered. They all burst into laughter and Jacob patted my shoulder.

"Why not just tell him that you're in a secure and happy relationship?"

"That's even more unlikely than the lesbian story." I muttered and they all laughed again. I took another long drink of wine and then spotted a familiar face across the room. It was Angela and Ben. I excused myself and crossed to them, avoiding Mike entirely.

I spent a good half hour chatting with them, finding them excellent company. No awkwardness, no mocking of my inherent clumsiness and nobody knocked me over. A successful conversation by anyone's standards. They'd bought an apartment together since last I'd seen them and were the embodiment of the loving couple, pressed against each other and giving each other little smiles and touches. It made my heart ache slightly and Angela smiled sweetly at me.

"You've got to come and see our new place, Bella. Jasper said that his girlfriend work in interior design, I'm hoping she'll give me some hints on how to decorate it."

"Alice won't give you hints," I warned, "You'll blink and she'll have decorated the whole place."

"Sounds good to me, I hate decorating." Ben grinned and Angel rolled her eyes as he kissed her cheek playfully.

I wandered back to the bar a little while later to find Jacob deep in conversation with Rosalie – an unlikely pairing in my eyes but cemented in their mutual love of cars. Jacob's face lit up as I joined them.

"Bella, I was starting to think you'd ditched me." He joked and I smiled.

"Nope, just mingling. I'm quite the socialite, don't you know?"

"Could have fooled me." Rosalie teased. Jacob dropped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. He was hot to the touch and I could smell his cologne, a sort of woodsy scent. The thumb on the hand on my shoulder began to rub small circles on my skin, making heat pool in my stomach. Rosalie's eyes focused on it for a moment before she looked at me; not in surprise but in that calculating look she'd given me the night that we'd met. Jacob asked her a question about her own car and she answered, using technical terms that I hadn't a hope of understanding and I began to look around the room, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in my chest at my proximity to Jacob.

My eyes met clear green ones. My pulse raced as they flicked to the man I was stood next to and then back to me. They turned away and I was full of shame.

The whole interaction had taken less than two second and still managed to make me feel like a miserable excuse for a human being. I shifted and Jacob looked down at me suddenly.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah, just warm. I'm going to go outside for a few minutes." I dashed away before he could offer to come with me, pushing my way out to the side door that led into a small street. A couple of people were hanging around, smoking cigarettes that sent ribbons of light blue smoke into the air. I moved away from them before resting against the wall and closing my eyes, taking deep breaths from the freezing night air. The sky was that peculiar greyish-yellow that usually preceded snow and I hated that thought. If there was one thing worse than rain, it was frozen rain.

I desperately wanted to leave. I wanted to clear my head of all thoughts of Jacob Black and Edward Cullen. I wanted to climb into my big, comfy bed with a good book and go to sleep; preferably waking up around mid-January, bluebirds singing and all that crap.

Why the hell did I _care_ if Edward thought that I was with Jake? I was a single woman, if I wanted to have sex with a guy, I could. If I wanted to kiss Jacob tonight, I could because I knew Jacob wanted to and we would be good together. We'd have great sex and it'd make me feel good, just for a little while.

But I couldn't, because I knew that I would be thinking about Edward freakin' Cullen the whole time, feeling like I was… almost betraying him. And where was the logic there? You can't cheat on someone if you're not dating them. Hell, we hadn't even kissed! The closest that we'd ever come to physical contact was him sewing up my head and that wasn't exactly a turn on.

The simple truth was that, even if it were possible that I had a chance with him, I would screw it up. I had yet to be in a single successful relationship and there was a reason for that – I couldn't deal with people caring about me. The only reason I had let Jasper in was because he'd caught me at an emotionally raw time and he had that ability to make me feel like I wasn't the worst person in the world. Anyone who could make you feel like that was worth having around. And at the same time, I loathed myself for that, because even the friendship I had with Jasper was built on pure selfishness. My worst fear was Jasper suddenly realising how awful I actually was and disappearing from my life forever.

But it was possible – Jasper was building up a new life for himself. He had friends and family, he had a business that was bound to succeed, he had a girlfriend who adored him. Where was that vital role I wanted so desperately? I wasn't his girlfriend. I wasn't his sister, I wasn't… _anything_. I had no claim on him and he had no reason to keep me around, no matter how much I wanted to be with him.

"You're shivering."

And there he was. My unwanted knight-in-goddamn-shining-armour. I opened my eyes and looked at him blankly. A faint frown creased his brow as he observed me and it took me a moment to understand his words and realise that, yes, I was shivering quite violently. Within a second of my realising this, he had swung his coat from his back and wrapped it tightly around my shoulders.

It smelled like him and it took all of my self control not to bury my face in it and breathe deeply. His hands were on my shoulders, feeling me tremble and he lifted my chin with a long finger, perusing my eyes.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked quietly and I shook my head.

"I don't know. I couldn't stay in there." My voice was so quiet that even I had trouble hearing it.

He didn't say anything, running his hands over my upper arms in an effort to warm me. I let my head drop, feeling tears threatening as my hair covered my face.

"Will you come back inside? You're much too cold." He murmured and I shook my head again.

"I can't…" I whispered, but my voice broke and I felt a tear run down my cheek. Hot shame filled me and pressed myself back against the wall, wanting to run, wanting to step into his arms, wanting someone, anyone to gather me up.

I heard voices, Edward's voice, Alice's voice, Jasper's voice and then Jasper's hand on my cheek, brushing my hair back as he lowered his face to look at me. I knew what he was thinking, knew what he was worrying about. It was the same thing he worried about every year at this time and I hated myself so much for making him feel like that.

"Bella, honey?"

I didn't reply as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I saw Edward and Alice out of the corner of my eye, watching closely, uncertain and worried. Jasper's hand rested on my cheek.

"Bella, did you take anything?" He whispered and I saw Edward's head turn towards me instantly, heard Alice's gasp. I shook my head.

"No."

"Promise me?"

"I didn't…" Another tear fell and Jasper wiped it away as I took a shuddering breath. His thumb ran across my cheek again.

"Bella, will you talk to me?" He whispered softly and the dam broke. I met his eyes for the first time and my heart nearly shattered when I saw the pain in them. It was pure agony and I was responsible for it.

"Don't leave me, Jazz." I managed to spit out before a sob rose in my throat. Jasper pulled me to him, pressing my head to his shoulder as he ran a hand up and down my back.

"Not going to happen, Bells. Never happen."

"Don't leave me." I sobbed again, clutching at his shirt desperately, as though this could keep him tied to me permanently.

"Never." He said again, more firmly, "Need you, Bella."

It took several minutes before he released me enough that I could lift my head. Edward and Alice were still watching, frozen to the spot. There were tears on Alice's cheeks and Edward was watching me with an expression of something like horror, not that I blamed him. I let out a last gulping sob before Jasper spoke to them.

"I'm taking her to mine. Alice, could you let Jacob know?"

"Of course." She whispered but stood, watching as Jasper led me down the street, holding my hand like you would a small child's.

I paused as we passed the Cullens and held out Edward's jacket. He took it wordlessly but Alice shuffled tentatively.

"Bella?" She whispered and Jasper shook his head. I kept my face down, staring at their feet.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled as Jasper squeezed my fingers. We took another couple of steps before I could bring myself to look over my shoulder at them.

"I just really fucking hate Christmas."

* * *

**A/N: Hello, my little apple strudels! Thank you ever so muchly for your charming reviews, they make me a happy Katie. And a happy Katie does lots of writing. Hoorah! **

**Wow, looks like Bella's having a bit of a freak-out. Some explanations next chapter. I will say, the next chapter is only a short one, but the one after that is freakishly long, so I will post them fairly close together. **

**Going Under – fairly obvious, I would have thought. Bella's trapped so far into her own shit, that she can't find a way out.**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11517229 – Bella's outfit, complete with killer boots. I covet them daily. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a roll of sticky tape. Use as you see fit!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	14. Underground

**Chapter Fourteen**

**No one can blame you  
For walking away  
Too much rejection  
No love injection  
Life can be easy  
It's not always swell  
Don't tell me truth hurts, little girl  
'Cause it hurts like hell  
But down in the underground **

**You'll find someone true  
Down in the underground**

**~Underground by David Bowie (Labyrinth OST)~**

I woke in Jasper's bed; presumably he'd taken the couch after tucking me in. On the bedside table was a large glass of water, which I drained upon waking, trying to stop the barrage of memories from the night before.

How the hell was I supposed to face them now? If they hadn't thought I was a mess before, last night would have sealed the deal. I had fucked this up for sure.

There were clothes laid out on the chair in the corner of the room. A pair of my baggy jeans and a tank top. I gathered them up and opened the bedroom door. I heard voices in the kitchen but didn't stop to see if they would come out, rushing into the bathroom instead. I locked the door and turned on the shower, hissing as I stood beneath the near-boiling water. It felt good; washing away last night. I ducked my head under the water, letting it soak my hair before using Jasper's shampoo, massaging it into my scalp as I desperately tried not to think about what was waiting for me outside the bathroom

I spent nearly twenty minutes in the shower, only stepping out when the hot water finally began to turn icy. I rubbed myself down with a towel and pulled on the clothes Jasper had left out for me.

It was another fifteen minutes before I'd worked up the nerve to leave the bathroom. I'd heard voices – plural. More than one person. In all likelihood, Jasper and Alice. Or worse. But I couldn't spend the whole day in here.

_Or could I? Toilet, check. Shower, check. Water supply, check. All I need is a cat flap for Jasper to push food through and I'm set!_

I shook my head in disgust. The Insanity Train had just called in at Bella Central, ding ding, everybody off. I hung my towel up, lining it up a little obsessive-compulsively with the other towel and opened the bathroom door. I could still hear voices, indistinct and muffled but there was definitely Alice's tinkling laugh.

Gingerly I peered around the doorway to the kitchen. Alice was leaning against Jasper, telling some story with exaggerated hand gestures. Jasper was cracking up, a hand over his eyes as he laughed. Edward was opposite them in the narrow kitchen, leaning against the surface was a mug of coffee in his hand, his crooked smile in place.

They fell quiet as they noticed me standing tentatively in the doorway, but Jasper's smile did not fade as he gave me a loving look.

"There you are. Were you thinking about the cat flap in the bathroom door plan again?"

He knew me far too well.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as he pushed a cup of coffee along the surface to me. I took it without a word, drinking half of it in one go. Edward and Alice were still watching me with uncertain expressions and I took a deep breath, putting the coffee back down before staring at the floor between them. Eye contact was just that little bit too hard.

"I'm sorry about last night."

"Don't be. Are you alright?" Alice asked, taking a step towards me, still uncertain. I nodded slowly, biting my lip.

"Yeah. Just…"

"Bells."

Jasper spoke quietly and I looked up at him. He moved past Alice and put something in my hand. It was the bottle of sleeping pills from my bathroom cabinet; he must have gone over there last night, after putting me to bed. I looked at him quickly.

"I didn't-"

"I know." He interrupted, "But I'm scared that you might. So please… get rid of them?"

Alice and Edward weren't there. I was alone, with my best friend, who was remembering one of the worst days of his life and which I had made happen. All he wanted from me was the reassurance that I wouldn't do it again. And if I couldn't even do that for him, what sort of human being was I?

I pushed past Jasper, past the Cullens and went to the sink. Turning on the cold water, I opened the bottle and tipped the remaining pills into the sink, watching as they washed away down the plug hole. The bottle was less than half full. When had that happened? I didn't remember taking that many. Yes, the nightmares had been more frequent, but…

How many times had I come into work yawning? How many times had Jasper looked at me and felt that pinch of worry, that voice whispering at the back of his mind that I was slipping, that it could happen again? After all, it was this time of year…

Shit. I was putting him through it again. _Shit._

The questions hung heavily in the air, I could feel them and I didn't want to hear them so I spoke in a flat voice, answering them before they could take form.

"Four years ago, I tried to kill myself. I overdosed on sleeping pills and it would have worked, if Jasper hadn't found me in time. I'm not going to tell you why I did it, because that's a long story and not something I want to think about right now. I've taken sleeping pills since, but only one at a time when I've had nightmares and there's no other way to sleep." My hands were gripping tightly onto the edge of the sink. I could feel the deep imprints in my palms and saw that my knuckles were white with strain.

I didn't feel ashamed, nor did I hate myself for revealing this enormous weakness in myself. It wasn't therapeutic and I didn't feel a great weight lift from my shoulders but my chest wasn't constricted anymore. I felt… clean. Like I'd just taken another hot shower. But I didn't want to look at them, I didn't want to see what they thought of me now.

Jasper moved past me and I watched as he went to a box on the side and opened it. Doughnuts. He smiled and I returned it weakly.

"Jelly?"

"Of course. New day, Bells." He slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"New sun." I touched his right shoulder where, I knew, the tattoo was lying, bold and beautiful against his skin.

A pair of slender, pale arms wrapped around my waist, joining Jasper's, and I felt Alice's hair brush against my cheek. After a moment, numbly, I raised a hand, putting it tentatively on her shoulder and then embracing her too. The three of us stood there for a long time, holding each other in this strange, comforting way.

It had been a long time since I'd been hugged by anyone except Jasper and I felt like I deserved it.

* * *

~*~

Jasper and I didn't have work that day. He'd shut down the store until after the New Year and had handed the keys over to a couple of carpenters who would be bringing Alice's vision to life. Edward was on shift for the next three days, so that he could have Christmas and New Year off, so he disappeared immediately after breakfast, never saying a word but always looking, always watching. Before he left, his eyes met mine and my heart had pounded in my chest. But after a long moment, his gaze softened and he offered me a faint smile, brushing his hand over my shoulder before he disappeared.

Alice and Jasper insisted that I spend the day with them and I agreed, if only because the knowing guilt in my chest eased slightly. And, if I was honest, because I wanted the company.

Alice had brought over the DVD box set of the first series of _Bones_ and we spent the morning and early afternoon immersed in the world of forensic anthropology and David Boreanaz before Jasper announced that he was taking us out for food. It had snowed a little over night but it had already frozen into ice on the roads. I dreaded the journey; I had only the stiletto boots from the night before and no jacket but Jasper came to the rescue once again. Apparently when he'd raided my apartment, he'd also brought back a pair of knock-off Ugg boots I'd picked up at the market and a heavy sweater from my closet.

Wrapped up, we braved the elements long enough to make it to the nearest diner, which we unanimously agreed was brave enough. Alice ordered an enormous stack of pancakes, covered in strawberries and whipped cream. Jasper, in a fit of manliness, devoured a huge steak and I got a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, trying unsuccessfully not to splatter myself with the scarlet sauce.

I escaped after lunch, giving them a chance to be alone. Jasper assured me that he would be joining me for our traditional Christmas Eve Movie Marathon. It was reassuring to know that one thing was staying the same this year, it seemed like almost every other tradition was going out the window. On the other hand, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing, because for the last few years my Christmas's had been shit, but it was still a little unnerving.

When I got back to my apartment, I found an envelope on the floor inside, slid under the door. Inside was a cheap little Christmas card, a snowman grinning up at me. I opened it.

**Dear Bella,**

** Sorry I missed you last night. Catch up after New Years? **

**Jacob**

I half-smiled, standing the card on the coffee table. It had been a long time since I'd gotten a Christmas card.

* * *

~*~

"I've got _The Goonies, Labyrinth_ and _Hellboy_."

"Which _Hellboy_?"

"Both."

Jasper considered my film choices, feet up on the coffee table.

"I'm not spending an hour and a half watching David Bowie parade around in tights, so _Labyrinth_ is out." He said firmly and I sighed, putting the DVD back on the shelf.

"Fine. I'll try again after you've had a beer or two. You'll learn to love it like I do one day."

"I doubt it. Let's go with _The Goonies_." Jasper said, picking his plateful of potato wedges and coating them with ketchup.

I put the DVD in and went to sit next to him on the sofa, sipping my beer. Jasper eyed me thoughtfully.

"How're you holding up, Bells?"

"Ah, not too bad. I'm limiting myself to one emotional breakdown a week now, so you're safe until Monday." I said airily.

"Bella."

I looked at him and opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head, frowning slightly.

"What did you ask me last night? Do you remember?"

I remembered and began to pick at the label on my beer bottle, swallowing.

"Don't leave me." I mumbled.

"It goes both ways, Bella. I need you too." He said quietly, unemotionally. I couldn't look at him, shame filling me once again as I realised my own selfishness.

After a moment, he tapped a finger against my bottle.

"Don't leave me?"

"I won't." I said quickly and turned in my seat, facing him, "Jasper, what I did… we never really talk about it but you have to know that I know it was stupid. I would never do something so stupid again. I love you, Jazz. I love working and reading and watching shit movies. I love to run. I love you and Alice together. I love what you're doing for the bookstore. I don't want to leave any of that behind, it's not worth losing."

He watched me, eyes narrowed slightly and held out an arm. I slid under it, resting my head on his shoulder.

"OK." He said quietly, "I see your point and I believe you, because you've come a long way since it happened. But you're not really living, Bella."

"What do you mean?" I looked up at him uncertain and he sighed, eyes on the screen.

"You go to work. You read. You get drunk, probably more than you should. You don't _live_. When's the last time that you did something just for you? Just for the hell of it? You're just floating through life, Bella, not going anywhere."

I didn't reply and he patted my hair comfortingly.

"You deserve good things, Bella, but that doesn't mean that they're going to fall out of the sky and into your lap. Go make stuff happen for yourself."

* * *

~*~

Jasper left shortly before midnight; the evening had been a success, I'd made him watch _Labyrinth _and admit that 'the music didn't suck'.

Alone in my apartment, I mindlessly tidied the plates and glasses away, wiping the spotless surfaces, putting all the DVD's back in their places.

Jasper's words rang through my head.

_Go make stuff happen for yourself_.

I knew that he was right – I was just passing time with my life, not putting myself to use. And it wasn't good enough. I had a life sitting right in front of me, and I wasn't using it.

But I knew exactly how to get started.

I went to the laptop in the computer and turned it on. After a few moments, I tapped into the internet and clicked onto the website for the University of Washington, clicked 'apply now' and began filling in form after form as the clock struck midnight and Christmas rolled in for another year.

* * *

**A/N: Bonjour, my little profiteroles! OK, I don't know what it is with the nicknames. I must stop referring to people as baked goods. Thank you all for the reviews, favourites and alerts, I had a pretty full inbox this morning! It was a lovely wake up call!**

**As I said, there is a small amount of explanation in this chapter. I think this is the one that explains her behaviour, but the next few chapters will explore the reasons behind her behaviour. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it!**

**Underground – I love Labyrinth. It is a fantastic film and David Bowie was my first movie star crush in it! Woo! Anyway, I chose this song to show how Bella is progressing, from being stuck in the pain of her past and moving forward to a potentially better place. I'm sure she'll find someone true! (maybe not in the underground, though.)**

**Next chapter will be up very soon, probably tomorrow morning, if not later tonight. We'll see, because I really want to get some feedback on this revelation about Bella. It's a pretty big turning point for her. Next chapter is Christmas with the Cullens!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a pair of David Bowie's tights from Labyrinth. This is easily the hottest gift that I have to offer – Merry Christmas! (Yes, I know it's August!)**

**Love**

**Katie**


	15. So Close

**Chapter Fifteen**

**So close to reaching that famous happy end  
Almost believing this was not pretend  
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are  
So close  
So close  
And still so far**

**~So Close by Jon McLaughlin~**

Edward had offered to pick both Jasper and I up the next morning and drive us to his parent's house. So at nine thirty, just as I was packing the presents that I had wrapped into a bag, there came a knock at the door. I pulled on my striped hoodie over a green t-shirt and tugged a hat over my hair before answering it. Alice beamed up at me, holding out her arms for a hug which I stepped into.

"Merry Christmas, Bella!"

"Merry Christmas, Alice." I replied, unable to keep myself from smiling at her enthusiasm. She rubbed her gloved hands together in glee.

"Ready to go? We told Mom that we'd be there by ten."

I picked up my bag and nodded with a smile, following her out of the apartment. I had slept well, finally dozing off at around two a.m. after ordering an application pack to UW. I didn't intend on telling anyone about it yet. I'd apply first and see how far I got. It was one thing to get my own hopes up.

Jasper was in the backseat of the Volvo, grinning at us as we approached. Alice slid in beside him, forcing me to take the front seat. Jasper leaned forward, hugging me around the chair.

"Christmas, Bella."

"Christmas, Jasper." I laughed back, rubbing his arms and Edward glanced at my sideways, before pulling out into the traffic.

"Aren't you supposed to say 'Merry' or 'Happy' first?"

"Nope. Just Christmas. We can decide later if it deserves an adjective." Jasper chuckled, shifting back in his chair and putting his arms around Alice. She laughed sweetly, kissing his cheek.

"Is this another Whitlock-Swan thing?" She asked and I snorted.

"They have a name? Yeah, I guess so. If you spend enough time with someone, you start to talk about things and then it becomes a sort of private joke after long enough. Most people do it, don't they?" I wondered aloud.

"Like G.E. and I.E.?"

I looked at Edward quickly. He was smiling, his words spoken so quietly that Jasper and Alice, preoccupied in the backseat, did not hear. He glanced at me again, his smile widening slightly and I stared out of the window, feeling the blush in my cheeks. I fiddled with my hat, unnecessarily straightening it to hide my discomfort.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen owned a large house about twenty minutes outside of Seattle. And when I say a large house, I don't mean a house that's slightly on the large side. I mean a mini-mansion, the exterior painted beautifully in cream and large windows giving us faint glimpses at exquisitely decorated rooms. Alice caught me staring and grinned.

"Big, isn't it? It needed to be with the three of us running riot as teenagers. Emmet practically took about a floor by himself and Edward was always so isolated, he needed his own space."

"Isolated?" It slipped out and Alice shrugged lightly as we walked towards the house up the ice and snow covered path, Jasper and Edward lifting bags out of the car.

"He kept to himself. He… well… I can't really…" She shifted uncomfortably and I shook my head.

"You don't have to tell me, Alice."

The front door flew open, distracting us, and Emmet appeared, clad in a heavy wool sweater. With a laugh he ran at Alice and I, easily lifting us both and throwing us over his shoulders. We screamed in perfect unison, beating him uselessly on the back but he ignored us and dived headfirst into a huge pile of snow.

The cold, wet substance hit my face and since I was still yelling when I landed, a considerable amount when in my mouth. I rolled over, spitting it out and scraping it out of my eyes. Nearby I could hear Alice hitting Emmett over and over again, calling him names that even I found in poor taste. Jasper was roaring with laughter, doubled over and I jumped to my feet, grabbing as much snow as I could. He realised what I was doing about a second before I did it. The handfuls of snow went straight down his shirt and he yelled, wriggling insanely.

I burst into laughter and then caught sight of Edward, leaning against his car door, hand over his mouth as he unsuccessfully tried to stop his laughter. I narrowed my eyes.

"You think _you're_ safe, Cullen?" I taunted and he eyed me, somewhat warily.

"No, Bella."

"Oh, you said no. Now I'm convinced." I smirked, bending and scooping up a handful of snow, patting it into a ball. He tensed, holding out his hands in a 'don't even think about it' stance.

"Bella, I'm warning you…"

"You're warning me?" I said incredulously and raised the snowball, ready to throw it when a large amount of snow slithered down the back of my shirt. I squealed loudly and rammed the snowball I was holding into my attackers face. Jasper snorted, shaking his head to remove the snow and I pushed him to the floor.

"Traitor!" I cried and a snowball hit me from behind. I turned to see Edward sheepishly bending to gather more snow.

War was proclaimed.

Soon the air was full of flying snow, everyone dodging and weaving to avoid being hit. I probably took the most hits, since my ability to duck left much to be desired and I ended up crouched behind the Volvo, watching as Emmett and Jasper wrestled each other to the ground, Jasper putting up a surprisingly good fight when Edward dropped down beside me, panting heavily as he brushed snow from his hair.

I looked over at him, both of us smiling with the adrenaline of the activity and my heart nearly stopped.

He was beautiful.

I mean, I'd always known he was good looking. You'd have to be dead not to notice that, but now his cheeks were tinged with pink and his green eyes were shining like polished emeralds. His hair, darker than usual now it was wet, was still messy and it fell into his eyes and I could see his breath coming in white puffs as he laughed. I'd never seen him look so alive, so carefree.

God, he was _beautiful_.

His eyes met mine and the laughter stopped, both of us falling silent. I knew that I should look away, that I was staring like an idiot, but I couldn't. His energy was pulsing, like a beam of light, illuminating my universe, like a sun, like a sunrise. He was a new sun, a new day and everything I wanted to be.

At some point in time, whilst these thoughts had been searing their way through my mind, Edward had reached out a hand and gently tugged my old woollen hat from my head, letting my hair tumble free. I didn't move as he ran a hand down my wavy hair eyes full of that familiar and strange intensity. His eyes didn't meet mine as they flickered over my face and hair, as though piecing things together, a strange jigsaw puzzle. He didn't realise that pieces were missing, but maybe that was what he was searching for as his fingers ran through my hair.

The spell was broken when a shout came from the house. Edward stood, offered me his hand and pulled me into a standing position too. Carlisle was stood in the doorway, smiling at us like we were children.

"Your mother is waiting for you." He told us and we scurried to the door, apologising, apart from Alice who announced that it was entirely Emmett's fault.

Esme was waiting in the entrance hall with a mop, which she handed to Emmett with a firm movement.

"You know the house rules, Emmett. You started the snowball fight, you clean up after it. I don't want water flooding the hallway." She turned to Jasper and I with a beam, pulling each of us into an unexpected embrace.

"I'm going to get changed, Mom." Alice said, scowling, "I spent forever choosing the perfect Christmas outfit and now it's ruined!"

"Edward, see if you can find Jasper something to wear, he's soaked to the skin." Esme said and then looked at me, "Well, there's no way you'll be able to borrow something from Alice, you're much too tall."

"First time anyone has ever called me tall." I admitted and Esme smiled.

"I'll find you something."

We left Emmett to mop, his complaints following us up the stairs. I noticed the décor of the house, the entrance hall done in creams and golds which went up the wide staircase and onto the first floor landing, where Alice, Edward and Jasper went right and I followed Esme left and up to the next floor.

The bedroom that I entered was stunning; a huge bed was in the centre of the room and the walls were papered with an expensive looking burgundy paper. Thick carpet lay underfoot as I followed Esme to another door which led to a closet that was approximately the same size as my living room.

Esme turned and looked at me again for a moment before looking at the rails of clothing.

"I think you'd be better off with a skirt or dress, Bella. My trousers would fall off you." She said decisively. Whilst there wasn't too much different in our heights, Esme was more filled out than I was, a womanly figure as opposed to my slender one. She plucked a dark blue dress from its hanger.

"Would this be alright?" She asked and I nodded.

"Thank you."

"No problem, dear. The bathroom is on the left, if you want to change there. I need to get back downstairs, I'm midway through cooking dinner." She was gone in an instant.

I found the bathroom and changed into the blue dress. It was a wraparound in royal blue, soft and luxurious with black trim – not the sort of thing that I'd choose for myself to wear but it was beautiful. I tied it as tight as it would go; it wasn't a bad fit. Catching sight of myself in the mirror, I winced. My hair was dishevelled. I borrowed Esme's brush and tamed it back down into loose waves. I hadn't bothered with make up, so I didn't have the mascara streaks down my face that Alice had come in with.

Looking vaguely presentable, I left the bedroom and made for the stairs, carrying my damp clothes. I could hear voices and when I reached the first landing I found Jasper and Alice talking, both wearing different clothes. Jasper smiled at me, giving me a wink.

"Don't you look nice?"

"Bella, that dress is lovely on you!" Alice exclaimed, "I always told Mom that it did nothing for her colouring."

I could feel the heat in my cheeks and shrugged, still holding my wet clothes.

"Is there somewhere that I can hang these?" I asked and Alice nodded, skipping to the staircase.

"Follow me, I'll show you the laundry room. We can put them in the dryer."

Jasper and I followed her downstairs. The hallway was now dry and she took us past several doors to a large kitchen, where Esme, Carlisle, Edward and Rosalie were all gathered. Esme was stirring a pan of gravy whilst Carlisle sliced steaming bread, the smells filling the kitchen deliciously. Rosalie was sat on a kitchen stool, talking with Esme and Edward was by the oven, pulling out a huge ham. Alice greeted them cheerfully.

"Mom, we're going to put Jasper and Bella's clothes in the dryer."

"Of course, dear. Then could you help Emmett set the table?" Esme said and I followed Alice into a utility room, where she stuffed our clothes into a large dryer before she vanished to find Emmett.

I stood uncertainly in the kitchen for a moment before turning to Esme.

"Can I help?" I asked and she smiled.

"Could you roll out the pastry that's in the refrigerator for the apple pie?" I nodded and took the pastry out, sprinkling a chopping board with flour before looking around for a rolling pin. Edward held one out to me with a smile before dropping his head to murmur in my ear.

"That's a lovely colour on you."

There was something very therapeutic about rolling out the pastry, running the pin back and forwards over it, making it take form. It was a precise art, making sure it was the correct thickness all the way through, the irritation when it stuck to the surface or rolling pin, sprinkling flour over it delicately. I listened to Rosalie and Esme talking in good-humoured voices, Carlisle's intelligent comments, the clanking of pots and pans, the hiss of steam and the sound of laughter echoing from other rooms in the house. It was a wonderful cacophony of sounds, all the noises that made up a home.

It was disturbed rudely by the sound of a cell phone ringing and Emmett appeared, carrying my phone.

"Bella, is this yours?" He said, holding it out and I looked down at my flour covered hands.

"Uh, yeah. What does the caller i.d. say?" It could have been Angela or Mike, ringing to say Merry Christmas, in which case I would just call them back later. Emmett peered at the screen.

"It says Renee. Want me to answer it?"

"No!"

They all turned and looked at me in surprise at my outburst. I swallowed hard, heart hammering painfully in my chest and was glad when Jasper and Alice came in, but they too fell silent at the strained atmosphere.

"What's going on?" Alice asked and then my phone began to ring again. Clearly Renee wasn't giving up today. Jasper caught my eye and I bit my lip.

"Renee?" He asked, his voice low with fury.

"Who is Renee?" Rosalie asked curiously but Jasper had plucked the phone from Emmett's hand and disappeared into the hallway. I grabbed a hand towel, wiping the flour away as I ran after him.

"Shit! Jasper, no, don't!"

He was in the hallway, phone against his ear.

"…doesn't want to hear from you, so stop trying to call! You missed your chance, Renee, deal with it!" He ended the call and looked at me, face twisted into an angry expression. I pushed him hard, snatching my phone back.

"Why did you answer it?" I exclaimed angrily.

"Because you've been ignoring her for four years and it hasn't worked yet! She's still trying to talk to you!" He said and caught my wrist as I went to hit his arm yet again, "Quit that. Come on, Bella."

"Is everything alright?"

We turned and saw Edward and Alice in the doorway. I looked up at Jasper and he looked straight back at me. I broke first and nodded, stuffing my cell into the handbag I'd brought that was sitting on the floor.

"Yeah, it's fine." I said calmly, gesturing for them to go back to the kitchen, Jasper and I following. Jasper touched my arm.

"Bella-"

"Forget it, Jazz." I whispered, "She's not ruining today."

The Cullens were all busy, but a little too much so, obviously trying to look like they hadn't been discussing my freak-out. Rosalie, not a Cullen, clearly had no such qualms.

"So what the hell was that?" She said bluntly, looking over at me. Jasper glared at her.

"Rosie, give it a rest."

"It's OK, Jasper." I said, folding the hand towel that I had run out with. After a moment, I met Rosalie's gaze but when I spoke it was to all of them.

"Renee is my mother. I haven't seen or spoken to her in about four years, but every holiday she tries to talk to me."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Alice asked tentatively. I snorted half-heartedly but it was Jasper who answered, sounding angrier than I did.

"Renee is a selfish, inconsiderate and self-involved woman who doesn't deserve Bella, after what she's done."

"Jasper…" I said but he shook his head angrily, folding his arms as he leant against the wall, looking at me.

"I should have told her where to go a long time ago." He said, a little bitterly.

"What did she do?" Emmett asked and I sighed.

"A lot of stuff. It's a pretty long story, but the main reason I stopped talking to her was because she… she wouldn't come to my dad's funeral. She went on vacation with her boyfriend instead and left me to deal with it."

They were silent and I shrugged, the shield going up and the emotions that came with that explanation bounced away harmlessly.

"It's done. I don't really want to think about it again, not today."

"Then that's the end of it." Esme said firmly and turned to Alice, "Is the table set? Bella, would you mind finishing off the pie and putting it in the oven for me? Emmett, stop picking at the bread and take the wineglasses through!"

With the efficiency of an army leader, Esme led us to dinner.

* * *

~*~

It was quite literally the picture perfect Christmas. It was full of good food, good conversation and more love than I had ever seen in one place. We pulled crackers and wore the silly hats, told the terrible jokes, played with the cheap plastic toys. We ate incredible amounts of ham and potatoes and peas and carrots, all soaked in thick gravy. We ate homemade apple pie, drenched in custard or cream and we drank sweet wine.

This was what Christmas was supposed to be like, I realised. Not a day to be dreaded and ignored to the best of my ability, but to be spent with happy people who made you feel good too. You couldn't forget all the bad things in your life, but you could put them to the back of your mind for one day.

After lunch, we went into a beautiful sitting room where a decorated tree spread its branches over a tidal wave of gifts. We all sat around, most of us on the floor apart from Carlisle and Esme who occupied a small sofa and for a moment I could see the years they'd spent there, Christmas mornings with their three children, all clamouring to open their gifts. Fewer years than there really were, I realised. After all, none of them had been infants in this house.

Each person took their turn to hand out the presents they'd bought. Esme and Carlisle went first, presenting Rosalie and Emmett with a page of printouts. They'd paid for the entire wedding reception and Rosalie actually burst into tears. It was the most emotion I'd ever seen from her as she hugged her future parents-in-law. They gave Alice a digital camera, which she immediately began to assemble so that she could snap pictures of us opening presents.

I watched as everyone played with their gifts, not really paying attention until Carlisle leant over to me, holding out a festively wrapped box. I stared at it.

"I… you didn't…" I stammered and Jasper kneed me in the back, "Thank you." I mumbled.

They watched as my fingers scrambled uncertainly at the paper. There a box inside and I opened it to find a beautiful cashmere scarf and gloves inside. I didn't know what to say, running a finger over the soft fabric before looking at them, willing myself not to cry.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella." Esme said softly before turning the attention over to Rosalie and Emmet, who began handing out their gifts. Once again, a gift was handed to me, although it was at the same time as everyone else's so the attention wasn't focused on me. They gave me a set of classical music CD's. I read the listings curiously, delighted to see some of my favourites and a few that I had never even heard of.

Alice gave me a foot spa, with the firm promise that I would need it after we hit the post-Christmas sales. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that.

Jasper went next, handing out presents to everyone except me. We always swapped together but I enjoyed Alice's squeal of delight at the pretty necklace he'd gotten for her.

Edward gave me a small, flat present, giving it to me first so that everyone else was preoccupied with their own gifts as he handed them out. I opened it with small movements, not wanting to draw attention to myself. It was a miniature whiteboard, identical to the one of my fridge that still had the scoreboard for Good Edward and Irritating Edward on it. He met my gaze, smiling.

"Clean slate." He said quietly before turning to hug Alice, who was clearly pleased with her bracelet.

That left me to hand out my gifts and I began pulling them out of the bag, uncertain of my decisions now. I started with Esme and Carlisle, handing them a flat parcel. They opened it together and began to exclaim at the painting within. It was of a sunset, the light almost bursting from the page in dazzling colours. I'd seen it in a small art shop and it had been so beautiful that I'd had to buy it.

I'd given Emmett and Rosalie a set of silver photo frames, somewhere to put the pictures they'd get from their photography session from Edward. Alice received three charms to go with the silver bracelet; a shoe (for obvious reasons), a guitar (I knew she loved to watch Jasper play) and a heart. When she asked me for the reasoning behind that one, I flushed.

"You've got a big heart. You love everyone." I explained and she dived into my lap, hugging me tightly.

I watched nervously as Edward unwrapped his present. To my relief, he laughed as he found a copy of _Frankenstein_ inside, the book he'd been reading at my apartment the first time he'd been there.

"Jasper, give Bella her present, I want to see what you can possible do with blue paper!" Alice said and Jasper whirled on his spot on the floor, sitting opposite me with crossed legs. I grinned and cocked my head.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

We swapped gifts. The one he handed me was A4 sized and thin, like an envelope. The one that I gave him was a lot smaller, rectangular shaped. He opened his first and his face lit up at the tickets for a comedy club with some of his favourite comedians that was coming to Seattle in February. I had tried six different websites to get tickets printed on blue paper.

My present was a certificate, printed on blue paper of course, announcing that I had a star named after me. I looked at Jasper in surprise and he beamed at me.

"Because you're a star, Bells. I mean, you're going to have to take my word that there actually is a star, because you'll never get to see it from here, the clouds never break for long enough."

I pulled him to me and we hugged tightly for a moment. I felt his lips press against my cheek and returned the gesture.

"Love you, Jazz."

"Love you, Bells."

* * *

~*~

After we had unwrapped the presents, everyone dispersed, doing their own thing. Rosalie and Emmett vanished upstairs whilst Esme and Carlisle stayed in the sitting room, murmuring to each other in soft voices. Alice dragged Jasper outside, wanting to show him the garden and I occupied myself in the kitchen, making a cup of coffee.

Edward's voice made me turn, but I was more surprised to find that I had been expecting it. Everyone else had paired off, it just seemed logical that he and I would find ourselves keeping each other company. He came and stood beside me, reaching for a second cup and pouring hot water into it.

"Thank you. For my gift." I said haltingly and he smiled, his hand brushing against mine as he reached for a teaspoon.

"You're welcome. And thank you for mine."

We sat at the kitchen table, silent but comfortable. I felt a little tired, drained but I was happy. This was the kind of Christmas that I had never envisioned myself having. Other people did this, other people, not me.

Edward's hand touched mine again and I looked at him. He was studying my face.

"Will you tell me something?" He asked softly, his voice light and velvet. I watched wisps of steam rising from the surface of my coffee for a moment before replying.

"What is it?"

"You said that you have a tattoo." His hand was still on mine, the fingers resting lightly against the back of my hand. I nodded and then pulled my hand out from underneath his, lifting it to the neckline of my dress. He watched in silence as I pulled it to one side, dangerously low as the small tattoo came into view.

It was small, less than an inch all round and Edward moved slightly closer to look at it. The ink flowed in the shape of a 'C', elegant and curled. He lifted a finger as though to touch it, but seemed to think better of it, resting his hand on the table again.

"Will you tell me what it means?" He asked and I let the dress fall back into place.

"It's for my father. His name was Charlie." I said quietly.

Neither of us spoke for a moment. We were waiting for my bravery to peak, for my heart to lower its defences. It took several minutes before I tapped my chest, where the tattoo was.

"He was shot. Right here. And he died instantly."

I didn't even know why I was telling him any of this. I didn't tell _anyone_ this but as I sat in this kitchen, with this man, I was fighting to hold back the story that would tear me apart. I closed my eyes, feeling my breathing quicken, the panic searing through me. I stood and walked away from the table, my chair scraping on the floor as I went to the back door that led out to the garden. It was dark but there were fairy lights in the trees, giving some gentle illumination. I was tired. I was _so_ tired. I closed my eyes again but opened them as I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Without thinking, I turned and rested my head against Edward. His arms went around me and I slid mine around his waist, holding him tightly. We stood like that forever, time and space passing us by without a second thought.

He was warm and solid. A different warmth and solidity to Jasper. Jasper was certain and familiar, whereas Edward was unknown. But I felt safe in his embrace, something I had never felt before. He smelt good and again I inhaled that scent of cool spice that made my pulse beat just a little faster. I pressed my face against his chest, too short to reach his shoulder, but I felt his head drop and his cheek pressed against the top of my head and his embrace tightened infinitesimally.

Would this be what its like, I wondered, to let someone look after you? To be fully and completely devoted to another person, so much so that you broke down all those walls? It wasn't as terrifying as I'd always supposed it would be.

We heard the voices at the same time and drew apart, slowly, mutually understanding that the moment had passed and we stood there as Jasper and Alice approached the back door. They were oblivious to the immensity of the moment they had intruded upon and Alice stopped with a smile.

"Mistletoe!"

I looked up and inwardly cursed. I hadn't realised it was there when I went to stand by the door and from the look on Edward's face, he hadn't known either. But without a word, he lowered his face to mine and pressed his mouth, sweetly and chastely, to my cheek, far back by my ear and his fingers ghosted down my arm. I repressed a shiver and as Edward moved his face away from mine, I found myself lost in his deep green eyes as Alice and Jasper began to talk again. Edward turned to speak to them and I looked out of the window at the dark garden, still feeling the heat from his mouth on my cheek.

* * *

**A/N: A quick update, as promised! This chapter is insanely long compared to the other, but this didn't feel like one I could break up. And finally, a little information about Renee and Charlie! Not the whole story, you've still got a little wait before that, I'm afraid. But here are some links for you!**

www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11561554 – Bella's outfits, before and after the snow fight.

www(dot)bullseyetattoos(dot)com/productimages/_thumbs/bg0720p(dot)jpg – Bella's tattoo.

www(dot)tattootribes(dot)com/multimedia/88/maori-sun(dot)jpg – Jasper's tattoo.

Cianellistudios(dot)files(dot)wordpress(dot)com/2009/01/bursting_sun_600(dot)jpg – the painting Bella gives Carlisle and Esme.

**Thank you, as usual, for the wonderful reviews and favourite and alerts! They always make my day! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. And, **_**finall**_**_y,_ some Bella/Edward stuff is happening! I know, it's about time, right? **

**So Close – two reasons for this choice. The first is Bella's emotional development in this chapter. She's realising that this life that the Cullens have isn't so out of reach and that she is capable of having more. The second is Bella and Edward. That moment they have at the end of the chapter, where they're so close to being open, if Bella could just let herself. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a huge pile of snow. Enjoy!**

**Love**

**Katie **


	16. Superman

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Well, I know what I've been told**

**You've got work to feed the soul**

**But I can't do this all on my own**

**I'm no**

**I'm no Superman**

**~Superman by Laslo Bane~**

Alice was talking but I wasn't listening. I was lying on the floor of my apartment with my book, but I wasn't reading either. It was the 29th of December and since _The Paperback_ was still being refurbished, I had no work to keep me occupied. So Alice had insisted on coming over for some girl time, which so far had consisted of her talking and interrupting my efforts to try and finish a novel set in wartime Germany.

"Bella, are you listening to me?"

"Not really." I muttered.

She poked me in the side with the toe of her shoe, frowning.

"Well, you should! I could be saying something absolutely fascinating!"

"Are you?"

"Yes! I was telling you about our plans for New Years Eve."

"Your plans?"

"Our plans, Bella, _our_." She smiled, "Mom and Dad are doing a big party at their house and we're all going."

"We are?" I said absently.

"_Yes_! Bella, I've been talking about this for nearly twenty minutes, have you really not heard a word of it?" She sounded exasperated, so I sat up, closing my book.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm just… tell me about New Years."

Alice considered me for a minute and then seemed to deign to repeat her one-sided conversation.

"Well, Mom and Dad do a get-together at theirs every year. They invite people from work, family friends, all that sort of thing. It's great fun; we have fireworks and way too much to drink, it's crazy but amazing. So you'll come?"

"I guess so."

"I knew you'd say yes! And you'll let me choose you something to wear?"

"I guess so. If it makes you happy." I smiled, leaning back against the chair. She clapped her hands excitedly, a sure sign of her utter delight as she wriggled on the sofa. I went to put my book back on the shelf and then went to the kitchen. She watched me go and then wrinkled her face up as she caught sight of Edward's Christmas present on the fridge, below the one I already had.

"Why on earth did Edward give you a _whiteboard_ for Christmas?"

"It's… well, it's a private joke, I suppose. Not really worth the retelling." I shrugged. She came over to the kitchen and examined the first whiteboard. G.E. was currently in the lead with four points to I.E's three. To my relief, Alice didn't comment, opening the fridge and helping herself to a can of diet coke.

My front door opened and Jasper appeared, looking frustrated. I raised an eyebrow.

"Come in, Jasper. No need to knock."

"They're running behind. I'm paying them a _fortune_ to get the place ready for straight after New Years and at the rate they're going it's not going to be ready!" He groaned and Alice scowled.

"Let me talk to them. I'll get them moving."

"Don't worry about it. I'll head back later and check on the progress. What are my favourite ladies up to today?"

"I'm taking Bella to get her hair done." Alice said cheerfully and I turned to look at her in surprise.

"That's the first I've heard of it."

"Well, it needs doing and I want to get mine done too. Jasper, we'll meet you at the City Bar for a late lunch at three."

And with that, my plans for spending the day reading were demolished.

* * *

~*~

The snow had disintegrated into icy slush as we picked our way through the streets. I was grateful for my new scarf and gloves but had not seen my hat since Christmas day. I wondered where I had lost it.

Alice's hairdresser was a man called Derek, dressed all in black who tutted at the state of my hair.

"We'll have to take a bit off, the ends are terrible."

"Do what you need to do." I said nervously. I didn't like being so at the whim of someone else but it turned into an incredibly relaxing event. Derek washed my hair thoroughly and combed it before cutting it, snipping a good six inches or so from the length before cutting layers into it, shaping and feathering the front and god only knows what else. The man was magical with a pair of scissors. By time he had finished blow-drying, I barely recognised myself. My hair fell to a few inches past my shoulders, thick and luscious. Alice, who had merely had hers trimmed and spiked a little more, sighed in contentment.

"Derek, you're amazing,"

"Don't I know it?" He said smugly, brushing a few loose hairs from my shoulders as he admired his handiwork, "Maybe next time we could add some highlights, a little colour goes a long way."

"Maybe." I said quickly, not wanting him to get carried away. A cut, I could deal with but I wasn't ready for huge changes just yet.

Alice and I set off for City Bar, my stomach growling. I was already envisioning a huge burger, a mountain of fries, crisp salad on the side… my stomach growled again, pitifully pleading for me to stop thinking of food. We paused at a road and Alice smiled up at me.

"You're in a good mood, Bella. You have been since Christmas."

"I think… I think I needed it. Christmas, I mean. I didn't realise that some people actually _had_ Christmases like that. It was nice to be included." I said, rubbing my hands together. Even inside the cashmere gloves, they were cold. Alice grinned.

"It was nice to have you there. You fit in well with us."

We saw Jasper standing outside the City Bar and Alice let out a sigh of contentment, rushing ahead a little. He smiled and held out his arms to her as she skipped down the pavement. I followed a little way behind, giving them some privacy.

For once, I wish I hadn't.

I heard the squeal of the tyres and saw a rush of blue metal as the van skidded on the ice. I remember thinking 'oh crap' and maybe even gasping. It happened so quickly and I sprang into action, hoping to move out of the way, but before I could take more than a few steps, the van hit the wall I was standing in front of. The front corner of the hood knocked me, sending me spinning and I hit the pavement hard.

After that, it got a little fuzzy. Pain, there was definitely pain, somewhere in the vicinity of my left arm. And screaming – I think it was Alice because I could hear Jasper shouting my name, hands on me, lifting me onto a stretcher. It happened quickly, so I'm thinking that I passed out at some point because when I opened my eyes again I was inside an ambulance. A friendly looking older man with greying hair smiled down at me, his dark green uniform identifying him as a paramedic.

"Lay still, Miss Swan. We're just taking you to the hospital."

I tried to say that I was OK, but it came out as a garbled, "Mam ka ooh."

"Bella, I'm here." Jasper's voice was taut with concern. I tried to turn my head to look at him, but I was clasped in a neck brace. How embarrassing, it was bad enough that I'd spent most of my adolescent life in these things. I thought I'd done with them.

The ambulance stopped and the doors flew open. I watched the scenery above my head change from inside the ambulance, a brief glimpse of the grey sky to the ceiling tiles of the hospital, Jasper by my side answering the questions the medics shot at him.

I closed my eyes again, feeling a little nauseous as we moved abruptly. I was sleepy and there seemed no point in staying awake. But my last odd thought before sleep claimed me was that I hoped my hair would still look OK when I woke up.

* * *

~*~

When I woke up, I could hear an annoying beeping sound. Heart monitor, fan-freaking-tastic. I hated those things. The lamp on my bedside table was on, but the curtains were pulled shut, so I guessed that it was night time.

I was propped up on pillows and I noted with irritation that my left wrist was in a cast. I rubbed my head. It throbbed, but only mildly. I ached in general, but I suppose that that was only to be expected. I sighed heavily, wondering how long I would have to stay in this time. If I was lucky, they'd discharge me in the morning.

"We've got to stop meeting like this."

Edward sounded amused, but there was tension in his voice. I looked at him, standing in the doorway and couldn't help but give him a small smile.

"Hey."

"Hello Bella." My pulse raced and the traitorous heart monitor noted it, beeping obnoxiously. Edward glanced at the machine and then that goddamn smile spread over his face. I groaned silently, desperate to distract him.

"So, doc, am I going to make it?" I asked lightly and he moved into the room, sitting in the chair by my bed, facing me. He sat leaning forward, with his forearms resting on his knees as he watched me, that smile still in place.

"I think I can safely say that you're going to live. You really mustn't make a habit of throwing yourself in front of moving vehicles."

"But what will I do with all my spare time?" I asked jokingly, but the smile had faded from Edward's face as he watched me. I moved my legs experimentally. They were stiff.

"Is it broken?" I asked, gesturing at my left wrist. He nodded slightly.

"A small greenstick fracture of the radius. It'll take a few weeks to heal, but it's only a small crack."

Silence again and I avoided his gaze, picking at a stray thread in the sheet covering me before looking back at him. He looked tired, heavy circles beneath his eyes and his mussed hair was worse than usual, as though he'd been running his hands through it. He was pale too, paler than normal which only made the purple smudges under his eyes more prominent.

"Are you alright?" I asked and he let out a hollow laugh.

"I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed, Bella."

"No, but you look like crap." I told him honestly and he smiled slightly, leaning back in his chair.

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

"If you hadn't figured that out by now, you'd be way too stupid to work in medicine." I told him bluntly and he chuckled, rubbing at his eyes with one hand.

"That's true. I haven't slept."

"When do you get off?" I asked.

"About eight hours ago."  
"Why are…?"

My voice faded away as he lowered his hands, his emerald eyes piercing mine and I knew _exactly_ why he was still here. I noticed for the first time that he wasn't wearing scrubs, but jeans and t-shirt. Had I ever seen him in a t-shirt before? I couldn't remember but he looked damn good in it. His arms were muscular, not overly, but there was obvious definition in them and the t-shirt made his chest look broader than usual.

I looked down at my hands and my heart raced again as he stood, moving to the side of the bed. He lifted a hand and brushed my hair back from my face. I lifted my gaze to meet his. His expression was inexplicably tender and he stroked my hair again softly before sighing quietly.

"I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up. You've been alone for long enough."

He bent and his lips brushed against my forehead. The sensation raced through me, tingling across my skin like an electric shock. His hand was still cupping my cheek, his thumb brushing softly against my cheekbone and without thinking I raised my hand to cover his hand with mine. Again he kissed my forehead. That was three kisses he'd given me now and each one was like a hammer blow to the glass box I'd placed myself in. How many more before it shattered and I was exposed?

He sat on the edge of the bed, his fingers still wrapped around mine as he examined my face. I looked back, uncertain. For all I knew, this was a dream and one that would end, painfully and abruptly.

To hell with it, I decided. If this was a dream, I'd enjoy it while it lasted. I squeezed Edward's finger with mine, swallowing hard.

"Edward, get some sleep." I said quietly and he nodded, too tired to argue. He stood and dragged the chair closer to the bed, collapsing into it. I put my head back on the pillows and closed my eyes, knowing that he was watching as I fell asleep because once again, his fingers found mine.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes again. Edward wasn't asleep either, but he seemed close. I watched him for a second before whispering his name.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella."

"That night at the club… when I was a bitch to you?"

"Don't say that, you weren't a… you were fine." He said firmly and I smiled to myself.

"Well, you remember that night?"

"Perfectly. What about it?" He was amused, the crooked smile returning. I patted his fingers lightly before they entwined with mine.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted. I've got… issues. I need to work them out."

"Will you tell me about them one day?" He asked quietly and already I could see his eyes drifting closed. He'd probably be asleep before I answered the question, but I wanted him to know. He _had_ to know or I'd just wimp out later.

"Yes, I'll tell you."

* * *

~*~

Edward was gone when I woke up. Jasper and Alice came by the moment that visiting hours started. They both looked tired, Alice not even wearing make-up. At the sight of me, she burst into tears. Panicking, I reached out my unbroken arm for her.

"Alice, stop! I'm OK, stop crying!" I gasped as she fell towards, sobbing uncontrollably.

"B-Bella, I'm so sorry!" She wailed as I patted her back uncertainly.

"What for? Alice, this isn't your fault."

"I shouldn't have run ahead!"

"If you hadn't, we'd both have been hit." I said firmly, pushing her back so I could look at her face. She sniffled, eyes red and sore. "Alice, this is nobody's fault. The road was icy. Look, it's only a broken wrist, I've done worse to myself whilst doing laundry."

"That's actually true. She knocked herself out and broke a rib whilst doing laundry." Jasper admitted and Alice let out a quiet giggle, rubbing her face. I hugged her again.

There was a knock at the door and I saw Carlisle smiling at me, holding my chart.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" He asked and there was an edge of concern to his voice that went beyond that of a doctor for his patient.

"I feel great." I lied, "Can I go home?"

He moved forward, taking note of the readings on the machine and jotting them down. He tested my mobility, listened to my breathing and shone his torch into my eyes. I had the routine down, I'd been through it enough times. Eventually, after much deliberation, Carlisle smiled.

"You can go home. I just need you to sign a few forms, but you probably know the procedure better than I do." He handed me the forms and I hesitated, looking down at the hospital robe that I was wearing.

"Alice, you didn't happen to bring clothes, did you?"

"Yes. I even brought you flat shoes." She whispered. She _must _have been feeling bad, to willingly bring me flats.

Twenty minutes later we were strolling out of the hospital. The grey sky was threatening rain and I turned to Jasper and Alice. Alice was still watching me with huge, emotional eyes and I smiled.

"Come on, Alice. I'm starving; I never got my burger yesterday. I got hospital food instead, do you know what a terrible substitute that is?" I said, my voice absolutely serious.

"Burgers from Lou's diner, on me." Jasper said, putting an arm around each of our shoulders.

I glanced over my shoulder at the hospital door, my mind wandering back to last night. Alice saw my movement and paused.

"Did you forget something?"

"No. No, let's go." I said, turning back to the car park. Jasper had driven today, which I was grateful for. I was still stiff and sore from my knock yesterday and only managed to relax when I eased into the booth at Lou's diner, eagerly anticipating my enormous burger as I popped a couple of painkillers. Alice and Jasper talked about New Year's Eve, but I ate in silence hoping my obvious hunger would be enough to cover up my lack of conversation.

I was thinking about another conversation in another place which hadn't been a dream.

"_I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up. You've been alone for long enough."_

_

* * *

  
_

**A/N: Aw, Edward/Bella fluff. How sweet. Before I say anything else, I must draw your attention a very important fact:**

**This story now has over 100 reviews! You adorable little monkey people, you! I could kiss each and every one of you! (Don't worry, I won't!)**

**Really, I'm overwhelmed at your generous support, especially in a fandom this huge. There were thousands of other stories and the fact that you're taking a little time out of your day to read this one is most definitely appreciated. So thank you again.**

**Superman – I chose this one because it was a big deal for Bella to tell Edward that she has things to work through. The fact that she did this shows how she's accepting that she can't do it by herself. Bravo Bella! Oh, and Derek the hairdresser is based upon my own hairdresser. He's been cutting my hair for years and it doesn't matter what I say, he just does whatever the hell he wants! Still, I've rarely had a bad cut, so he's pretty good!**

**Anyway, must toodle. I've got to stop waiting until it's so late to post, because I suspect that many of my Author's Notes are completely incoherent. So goodnight!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a hospital bed. Go wild!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	17. Drops of Jupiter

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Now that she's back in the atmosphere  
With drops of Jupiter in her hair  
She acts like summer and walks like rain  
Reminds me that there's time to change  
Since the return from her stay on the moon  
She listens like spring and she talks like June  
Tell me did you sail across the sun  
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded  
And that heaven is overrated  
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star  
One without a permanent scar  
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there?**

**~Drops of Jupiter by Train~**

I was torn. On the one hand, I had told Alice that I would let her dress me for New Years Eve and I wanted to keep this promise because she was still so upset about the incident with the van.

On the other hand, she was being completely unreasonable about the dress she had produced and now expected me to wear.

"Alice, it's too much." I whined and Rosalie, who had arrived with Alice at my apartment, snorted.

"You've never been to a New Years party at the Cullen's house. Believe me when I say that this is a big deal and you're going to need a formal dress." She said, "Besides, there's no time to find a new dress, so either you wear that one, or you go in your pyjamas."

I sighed, examining the dress that Alice had handed me. The pixie smirked smugly, knowing that she'd won yet again. Sometimes I wondered why I bothered fighting, since she always ended up getting her way.

"I knew you'd come around, Bella. Come on, try it on. We need to decide how to do your hair as well."

"We're not leaving for another six hours." I pointed out and Rosalie started laughing. Alice ignored her future sister-in-law, pushing me towards the bedroom.

"Get changed, Bella!"

I closed the bedroom door and got changed, feeling far more nervous than the situation warranted. The dress really was beautiful and I had complete faith in Alice's choices, it was just that I didn't fit in well with a formal atmosphere. The very thought of it made me feel nervous. The dress came down to my knees and was a stunning shade of royal blue. There was a jewelled waistband with spaghetti straps holding the silk top up. The skirt fell in loose chiffon waves and I'd already seen the silver shoes that Alice had chosen to go with the dress, complete with unreasonable heel. I wasn't sure how she planned to accessorise the plastic cast around my wrist.

"Bella, come out! I want to see." Alice called and I realised that I wouldn't be able to zip up the dress without help, positioned as it was on the left side. I opened the door and Alice bounded towards me.

"Can you zip it up?" I asked and she obliged before stepping back with a satisfied smile.

"Oh, I am _good_. Rose?"

"It suits you." Rosalie agreed, before turning away. I realised she was on the phone and turned back to Alice.

"Can I put my jeans back on?"

"In a minute. Let me just try something." She produced a length of blue silk, the same shade as the dress and wrapped it around the cast, pinning it into place before standing back to examine the effect, "Well, it'll have to do, I suppose. Get changed and we'll go get some lunch."

"Where's Emmett?" I asked through the bedroom door as I pulled my jeans and t-shirt back on.

"He and Edward are helping Mom and Dad set up for tonight. I usually organise the décor, so I'll be going up after lunch. Rosalie will do your hair and hers, and then Jasper will pick you both up." Alice informed, slipping a flashy crystal bracelet onto my wrist and handing me a pair of diamond and sapphire earrings that she'd found buried in my rarely opened jewellery box.

Apparently all Cullen family events were carried out with the efficiency of a military operation.

We ate sandwiches on the move, heading to _The Paperback_ to check on the work being done. Jasper greeted us at the door with a smile and gave Alice a huge kiss as she handed him a meatball sub.

"This, right here, is why I love you." He told her firmly as he unwrapped the sandwich. I was looking at the back of the store, where a long counter had been put in place. Six or seven small tables were spread around the area, surrounded by squashy chairs and sofas, all in the dark reds and mahogany wood that Alice had originally intended. A fine layer of dust lay over the new furniture and the sign that had 'Café' was lying haphazardly on the counter, but I could easily imagine how good it would look. Jasper tapped my shoulder, looking extremely proud.

"What do you think?"

"It looks really good." I nodded, "This was a good idea."

"I'm glad you think so. I need my deputy manager on board."

I twisted my head to look at him in surprise. He smiled down at me before pulling me to him with one arm.

"Come on, Bells. I need you in on this. Jazz and Bells; the unstoppable Coffee and Book Store Managing Team."

"I want a t-shirt that says that." I grinned and then paused, "I need to think about this, Jasper."

"Sure thing." He pecked my forehead and then turned to show Rosalie and Alice the rest of the store. I followed, thinking hard. If I did apply and get into UW, I would have to cut back on my hours at the store, which wouldn't exactly make me Deputy Manager material. On the other hand, I didn't want to leave Jasper in the lurch, not when he was putting so much into making the store a better working environment.

A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up, expecting Jasper but to my surprise, it was Rosalie. She examined my face, once again making me feel that she could see right through any pretence I put up, but unlike Jasper, she would drag it into the light,

"I guess that 'deputy manager' thing was a surprise."

"Yeah." I admitted. Jasper and Alice were behind the coffee bar, examining the cupboard and display cases. Rosalie shook her head.

"Don't do it unless it's what you want to do. Don't just do it for Jasper, because otherwise you'll just end up resenting it."

I stared at her for a moment. There had been a bitterness behind her words that didn't seem to have anything to do with me. Her lovely face was focused on something a little way off and I touched her arm.

"Rosalie?"

"Come on. Let's pick your things up and we'll go back to my house. Jasper can get us from there."

* * *

~*~

In Rosalie and Emmett's kitchen, I was given a cup of tea and a slice of chocolate cake. Rosalie sat down opposite me, holding her own cup with both hands. Their kitchen was beautiful, marble surfaces and a huge oak table. It was homey and I could imagine a horde of children running riot through it someday in the not-too-distant future. Rosalie picked up a piece of cake with her fork.

"I don't really cook. Emmett makes dinner, but I like baking." She said, lifting the piece of cake to her mouth. I tried some too; it was delicious, moist and rich.

"Bella, will you be one of my bridesmaids?"

I choked, spluttering on the tea I'd just sipped. Rosalie watched, clearly amused by this reaction as I recovered, wiping the spattered tea from my face. I stared at her, not quite sure that I'd heard her correctly.

"Rosalie, I don't… I mean…"

"I don't have many friends, Bella. Not close ones." She said bluntly, "I don't know how much Jasper has told you about our childhood."

"Just that his mother died when he was eight and he went to live with you and your parents."

"You know that he and I have the same father but different mothers?"

"Yeah." I nodded, wrapping my hands around the cup of tea. Rosalie leant back in her chair, staring at the table as she tapped her beautifully manicured nails.

"My father is an asshole. He screwed over my mother and Jasper's. I didn't even meet Jasper until he came to live with us and it turned my world over. Until then, my father had been my hero. I was Daddy's Little Girl and suddenly I had to share him, and I resented Jasper for that." She met my gaze before looking back at the table. "He didn't deserve my anger. I realise that now, but he never said a word. He just let me hate him. I didn't even think about how miserable he was, because he _was_ miserable. His mother was dead and the father who had abandoned him made it clear everyday that he didn't want him around.

"He didn't have friends at school, he was always alone. I was very popular and he soon became known as 'Rosalie's brother', which I'm sure he hated. They didn't bully him, but he faded into the background, as bland as the walls.

"I came home from a friend's house one day, when we were about thirteen and I found Jasper sat under a tree outside the house. He had been crying. I'd never seen him cry before, he was just blank all the time. I always showed my emotions too easily and he was my polar opposite, always calm and blank. So to see him crying was a real shock.

"I went over to him and just stood there, looking down at him. He didn't say anything, just sat there with his face buried in his arms, so I sat down next to him. I was curious, I wanted to know what was wrong but I didn't want him to think that I cared that much. I was a bitch, even back then. After a long time he just said, 'I miss my mom, Rosalie. I want to go home'. I didn't know what to say, because he didn't have a home anymore and it suddenly hit me, how miserable he was and how much pain he as in. He looked at me, his eyes all big and watery and I think my heart broke when I realised that I could have helped him and didn't, that I had a home and he didn't. So I told him that he could share mine, if he wanted.

"Our father didn't like that. He thought that Jasper would be a bad influence on me, so he tried to keep us apart. The more he tried, the more time we spent together. We weren't doing it to make him angry, we just needed each other because we suddenly realised that we could only depend on each other. The thing about our father is that he is extremely traditional. I was expected to do OK at school and then marry one of his business partner's sons. Jasper was expected to be perfect at school and then go to university and take a role in his company."

Rosalie rolled her pretty eyes, clearly disgusted and I was vaguely amused at the image of Jasper going off to work in an office, wearing a suit every day. It didn't make sense. Rosalie sighed heavily.

"You know that I work in environmental engineering now. I loved science at school and I was damn good at it. I graduated at the top of my class and applied to the University of Houston to do environmental engineering. My father had an absolute fit and told me that if I was doing that, I was paying my own way but that just made me more determined to prove myself, to get my independence from him. I ended up working nights in a scummy little bar and studying during the day. Jasper had already moved up here by then and he sent me money every week, even though I told him not to.

"My father wanted me to be the perfect socialite daughter. All the girls I'd grown up with were that sort of girl; they were happy to obey their fathers and get married and go to the country club to play tennis and get drunk whilst the nanny looked after their children."

She pulled a sour face and sipped at her rapidly cooling tea. I didn't say a word, waiting for her to finish. Rosalie took a calming breath.

"I love football. I was at a football game in Rice Stadium when this big guy came over to me and told me that he thought I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. I told him to get out of my face. We went to dinner that night."

"Emmett?" I asked and she smiled, her whole face illuminated by the movement.

"Yes. He was working with the Texas football team for six months. We spent pretty much every moment of that time together and we were head-over-heels in love. I was about to graduate from college and had been given a job in Houston, on a research project with some very influential people. I was damn proud of myself for that, but I was miserable because I knew that Emmett was due to come back here to Seattle.

"I told him that I couldn't do a long-distance relationship. He told me that I was going to try, because he wasn't ready to say goodbye. 'I'm going to marry you one day, Rosalie Hale', he said, calm as anything. So he flew down every few weeks, getting as much work in Texas as he could.

"My father hated him. Thought he was no good, didn't like the fact that he was part of my independence. He made me bring him to a dinner at the club and it was horrific; all my father wanted to do was prove that Emmett didn't belong in that world, that he wasn't good enough to associate with our family. Everyone was muttering and making snide comments about us. The girls I had grown up with stared at me like I'd grown a second head and the men glared at Emmett for not being like them. I looked around the room I'd spent most of my life in and I realised that I could see the cracks, the falseness in every single person and it _sickened_ me. s

"I took Emmett's hand, kissed my mother and walked out without a second thought. Emmett drove us back into the city, to my tiny flat and went down on one knee, asking me to marry him, to leave that goddamn city and to never look back again. I said yes and the next day I called Jasper to ask if we could crash on his couch."

We were silent for a moment and then Rosalie began to talk again, fixing her eyes on me as she spoke in a no-nonsense tone.

"The point is, Bella, I'm making a new life for myself here. I'm going to marry Emmett and we're going to have children. I'm going to have my family around me, a family that I've chosen and not the one that I was forced to be with. And you're going to be a part of that family, because you're important to Jasper and you're important to me as well. So will you be my bridesmaid?"

I nodded dumbly and she smiled, glancing at her watch.

"We'd better start getting ready, before Alice hunts us down."

I helped her clear the plates away and then paused, touching her hand.

"Rosalie, I… thank you for asking me."

"Thank you for saying yes." She smiled, "Alice is helping me plan it. I'll need you to keep me sane."

* * *

~*~

Jasper picked us up at seven thirty and gave a low whistle as Rosalie opened the door.

"Damn, sis!" He grinned, kissing her cheek. She looked _phenomenal_ in a tight red dress that was somehow incredibly classy but made her look like sex on legs at the same time; not an easy feat but she did it effortlessly. She smiled, returning to the hall mirror to finish applying her lipstick. I looked Jasper up and down.

"You look good, Jasper. Did Alice pick it out for you?"

"Of course." He grinned, spreading his arms. He was wearing black trousers and a black jacket, a forest green dress shirt with the collar open peeking from beneath the jacket. He took my hand and twirled me around, watching the skirt of my dress flare out.

"You look gorgeous, Bells. We gonna bag you a man tonight?"

"I'm fine, thanks." I laughed, painfully aware of the blush in my cheeks. Jasper shook his head.

"You have to have someone to kiss at midnight, Bella. I'm taken this year!"

"Then I'll ring in the New Year with a full glass of champagne instead." I said firmly as Rosalie picked up her bag, "Let's get partying."

* * *

~*~

The driveway leading up to Esme and Carlisle's house was lined with sparkling lights. The air was cold but the snow had been cleared away and I could see that marquees had been put up on the lawn so that people could step outside without the risk of coming back in looking like drowned rats if the heavens opened. I could see lots of people milling around, all in formal wear which made me feel a little better about my own appearance.

Jasper parked the car outside the garage and the three of us walked to the open front door. Esme greeted us delightedly, directing us to the enormous sitting room where we'd spent Christmas day. The lights were turned low, lending the whole house an intimate air despite the size and crowd. Laughter and excited talk filled the room as old friends met and new acquaintances got to know each other. It lent the whole affair a tinge of excitement, knowing that the celebrations were at hand.

Alice burst out of the crowd, throwing herself into Jasper's arms with a kiss before turning to inspect me. She looked gorgeous, in a short purple dress that twisted into a flower at the front before falling in a tiered skirt. On anyone else it would have looked a little bizarre, but it suited her perfectly.

"Perfect, Rosalie." She declared after thoroughly examining me and I mock-curtsied.

"So glad that I meet your approval, Alice."

"Emmett's in the dining room." Alice said to Rosalie and she disappeared in search of her fiancé. Alice bounced excitedly on the spot.

"I'm so glad you said yes, Bella! We're going to have so much fun planning the wedding."

"Oh, she finally asked you?" Jasper said with a grin and I rolled my eyes.

"Did everyone know except me?"

"I think so. Jasper, will you come and meet a couple of people? Bella, you don't mind, do you?"

Apparently I didn't mind, or rather I didn't reply fast enough, because they vanished and I was left standing alone. A passing waiter offered me a glass of champagne and I accepted, glad to have something to do with my hands. I looked desperately for a familiar face but found none.

I began to wander through the house. There were people everywhere, all laughing and talking and nobody seemed as incredibly uncomfortable as I did. I saw a flash of pale blonde hair and Carlisle waved to me, inviting me over. He smiled kindly.

"Bella, how's the wrist?"

"Still attached, I believe that's a good sign." I grinned and he laughed before turning to the man beside him, who I recognised as Aro Volturi, the man I had met at the house warming party. He tutted, kissing the top of my hand.

"It's hurtful when I give a beautiful woman my card and she doesn't contact me. I'm losing my touch, Carlisle." He said sorrowfully in his accented voice and Carlisle chuckled.

"I take it you've met." He said and I nodded. Aro spread his hands wide.

"Bella, have you read the latest novel by Renata Armstrong?"

"I just finished it yesterday." I smiled and he took my hand in both of his, looking at me earnestly.

"I want an email from you in a week with all your thoughts. Now I have been fortunate enough to meet you twice, I cannot let you escape me again, my dear."

"I will most definitely email you a review." I laughed, a little embarrassed at his attention. He kissed my hand again before patting Carlisle on the back and disappearing.

Carlisle chuckled, placing a hand on my shoulder as we moved out of the way of some people trying to get into the sitting room.

"Aro is a good man. He has an eye for talent and he'll be after you unless you tell him to stop."

"He's offered me a good opportunity." I smiled, "I'm glad I met him."

"Bella, sweetheart, you look simply beautiful." Esme appeared at Carlisle's shoulder and took me in her arms, kissing my cheek, "I'm so glad you came."

"Thank you for inviting me." I replied, genuinely meaning it.

"Dear, what have you done?" Esme gasped. She ran a hand gently over my cast, looking like a concerned mother. Which, it occurred to me, was exactly what she was and my heart palpitated.

"Oh, just a little accident with a van. Don't mention it to Alice, she got really upset by it." I said airily, as it was the sort of thing that happened every day. Which it usually did with me.

"She hates hospitals." Esme said softly and I bit my lip.

"That's understandable, looking at what happened to her."

Carlisle and Esme looked at me quickly, clearly shocked and I panicked.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bring it up. I haven't mentioned it since she told me and-"

"She told you about it?" Carlisle interrupted and I nodded slowly.

"Yes, a few days after we met. She took me out to lunch and told me all about you, about how you adopted her and Emmett and Edward. I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologise, dear." Esme said instantly, taking my hand in hers, "We're just surprised. She never spoke about… about what happened. Not to us, anyway. It's a little surprising that she told you after only just meeting you."

I hesitated and then licked my dry lips.

"Well… she knew we were going to be friends. Maybe that's why she told me. She said that day that we were going to be good friends."

"She's always right about these things." Carlisle smiled fondly and then touched his wife's shoulder, "We should check on everything. Bella, we'll see you in a little while."

They moved away, hand in hand and I began to walk to nowhere in particular, wanting to clear my head. Six weeks ago I had been essentially alone, only Jasper to break the monotony of my life. I had worked, but not achieved. I had breathed, but not lived.

Now I had Alice and Rosalie, Emmett and Edward, Esme and Carlisle all coaxing me into their lives, bringing me into their homes and giving more kindness than I had ever received in my life. I was applying for university, being offered a managerial position at work as well as the opportunity to work as a freelance book reviewer. When I had thought about New Years Eve six weeks ago, I figured it would be spent in my flat with take-out food and cheap beer. Instead I was in a beautiful house, looking better than I ever had before, with a glass of champagne in my hand.

Bella Swan, this is your life.

The fear was there. The fear that I would wake up and this would be gone. I would still be the shell of a human being who had made herself and everyone around her miserable and the new Bella would be gone. The Bella who wasn't completely better yet, but who was on her way and, more than that, _wanted_ to be better. I wanted to give her a chance to make that happen and if you couldn't make a chance like that happen at New Years, when could you?

I went into the hallway, toying with the idea of going out to the marquee to see if I could find Alice or Jasper but stopped at the bottom of the stairs when someone called my name. I looked up the wide staircase and saw Edward coming towards me, a wide smile on his handsome face.

* * *

**A/N: So, this morning, I woke up, got my breakfast and then climbed back into bed with my laptop, expecting to find one or two lovely reviews, maybe a favourite. The usual. Instead I found 29 emails from , all reviews, favourites and alerts for this story. Have I mentioned lately how much I love you all? There's a whole bunch of cyber cookies coming your way. **

**Anyway, chapter. Hope you enjoyed! I originally planned for New Years to be one solid chapter but as I started writing, I realised that there was no way to do that, partly because Rosalie came marching on up, demanding that she get to tell her story. So New Years shall continue next chapter.**

**Drops of Jupiter – awesome song. Seriously, go find it. This one is from Bella's POV, and the Bella she could have been is sort of coming back into her life saying, 'go for it. You can still do it'. It also works for Rosalie's back story, her fight to be her own person. **

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11635715 – Alice and Rosalie's outfits.**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11635805 – Bella's outfit.**

**Before I go, I just wanted to quickly recommend a couple of stories that have got me hooked. We all know that there's a ton of crap stories on this site, so it's our duty to help each other pick out the good'uns!**

**In the Land of Milk and Honey by .magic – hot Edward, obviously, but beautifully written. I eagerly await the next update!**

**Awaiting Isabella by ilusweets – I found this story earlier today and I cannot even describe how hooked I am, even though there's only seven chapters. It's one of those stories where you go to click to the next chapter and actually gasp when you see you've caught up. Please, please, if you do nothing else today, go and read this story. **

**After you've left me a review, anyway! Heh, heh. Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a big bottle of champagne. (Wow, I think I've outdone myself on world's longest A/N!) Next update in a couple of days, due to excessive shifts at work.  
**

**Love**

**Katie**


	18. Wonderful World

**Chapter Eighteen**

**I've been down so low  
People look at me and they know  
They can tell something is wrong  
Like I don't belong  
Staring through a window  
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight  
I want to be like them  
But I'll mess it up again  
I tripped on my way in  
And got kicked outside, everybody saw  
And I know that it's a wonderful world  
But I can't feel it right now  
Well I thought that I was doing well  
But I just want to cry now  
Well I know that it's a wonderful world  
From the sky down to the sea  
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me**

**~Wonderful World by James Morrison~ **

Edward came down the staircase, dressed in a black suit with an open-collar white shirt. With a moment of hesitation, he brushed his lips over my cheek, a hand on the small of my back.

"You look beautiful, Bella."

"You don't look too bad yourself." I mumbled, my cheeks glowing uncontrollably. Why blushing wasn't considered a medical issue, I'll never know. It was a horrible sensation.

He took a glass of champagne from a waiter and continued to smile at me. He ran his hands over the silk-clad cast with an amused chuckle. The sound made my legs tremble.

"Trust Alice to accessorise an injury."

"She's very good."

"She is." He agreed and looked around, "Did she abandon you?"

"She wanted to introduce Jasper to some people." I explained and he laughed again. If he didn't stop that, I'd end up as a puddle of Bella-goo on his mother's expensive carpeting and I sure as hell wasn't going to pay for the dry cleaning.

"I pity Jasper. These people are hardly the most fascinating in the world. Will you walk with me? If I look busy enough, they might not bother me."

He stopped suddenly, looking horrified at himself and I burst into laughter.

"Gee, thanks Edward!"

"I didn't mean to imply that you're a distraction or a prop, nothing like that!" He hurried to explain, but I held up a hand, pretending to be hurt.

"No, no… you've upset me now. I'm going to leave you to fend for yourself!"

"You wouldn't be so cruel." He smirked and before I knew it, he had laced his fingers through mine and was walking me through the crowds. We went through the front door and down onto the lawn, entering the white marquee on the lawn. Heaters were set up so the tent was at a comfortable temperature. Lights were set up throughout the tent, casting a pale glow over the tables. People were gathered in little groups, laughing and chattering excitedly as they sat at the little tables and walked together, admiring the decorations and discussing the New Year.

"Everyone's having a good time." I noted and Edward nodded, leading me to an empty table. We sat and I sipped at the champagne. The bubbles danced across my tongue, delicious and sweet. Edward watched me, still with that faint smile. I eyed him.

"It's rude to stare."

"I couldn't help it." He said simply and that awful flush filled my face. He laughed again, running a finger lightly over my cheek. "I enjoy your blushes. They suit you."

"Good thing I do it so often then."

"I think so."

He was staring again. No, staring wasn't the right word. That implied mindlessness, inattentiveness. Edward didn't stare, he watched. Not in a creepy way, either, but in a 'I just can't look away' kind of watching. It unnerved me but at the same time, I didn't want him to look away either. I just wished I could bring myself to meet him eyes.

I licked my lips. They were dry again, so I took another sip of champagne. Edward copied my movement, his eyes dancing over the guests. I recognised one or two from Emmett and Rosalie's housewarming and even saw the happy couple themselves. They were stood in a corner, heads tilted towards each other. Emmett's hands were resting low on her hips, his thumbs making small circles against her dress as he whispered to her. Her hands slid up his arms, one resting on his chest and the other curled around his neck, caressing the dark curls at its nape. They were love, they were intimacy and as they angled their heads to kiss, I looked away, watching the bubbles streaming in my glass, examining the crystal vase of white roses on the table, anything to escape their private moment upon which I had so rudely intruded.

"Do you have any New Years resolutions?" Edward asked, shifting in his chair. His knee brushed against my thigh as he twisted around to face me. I shook my head.

"Not really. Not a specific one. I've got a lot of things to change."

"Oh?"

"Try to break fewer bones." I joked and he smiled, "Other than that… just all around changes. What about you?"

"Some all around changes as well, I think. Starting with my impulsive helping. I hear that some people don't appreciate it." He was teasing me and I rolled my eyes.

"You're right. Some people don't."

"Why not?"

It was the first time he'd ever asked me anything so bluntly. I was stunned, staring at him. He met my eyes unfalteringly and I shook my head slowly.

"Not tonight. Not here."

"Another night."

"Yes." I said quietly, dropping my eyes to my glass again. His fingers slid through mine again, a silent confirmation of his promise that he would not judge me based on the story that needed to be told.

His thumb was tracing a circle on the back of my hand and I was reminded of the way that Emmett had done the same thing to Rosalie's hip. I felt heat on my face and watched the small movement, wondering if Edward knew what it was doing to me.

"Will you come with me for a moment?" He asked suddenly and I looked at him.

"Where?"

"I'd like to show you something."

We stood and walked back to the house, our hand still entwined. It felt like a lifeline and once again I felt that familiar need to run, not to get too close to another person. I think Edward sensed this, because he paused as we reached the doorway to the house, turning to look down at me. His eyes were clouded with emotion again and my pulse raced as his lips parted.

"Bella… I-"

"Edward, I've been looking all over for you!" Our heads both turned to the stunningly beautiful woman who was moving swiftly towards us. She was dressed in a sheath of silver silk, her red-blonde hair twisted into an elegant knot as she held out her slender arms for Edward. He had released my hand reluctantly and kissed her cheek swiftly. I noticed that her hand lingered on his shoulder whilst his went into his pockets, his most defensive stance.

"Tanya, this is Bella Swan. Bella, Tanya."

"We've met." I reminded him, shaking her hand lightly. She looked at me, vaguely confused.

"We have?"

"At Emmett and Rosalie's housewarming party. Only briefly." I shrugged it away but she was already turning to Edward.

"Edward, I was saying to Irina that it has been _far_ too long since we all had dinner. Why we don't meet up more, I'll never know. You know that Irina's engaged? His name is Laurent, you must come and meet him, they're around here somewhere."

Her icy blue eyes searched the crowded hallway in search of her sister and she actually looked straight through me. Irritation bubbled in my chest and I moved to step past the pair.

"Excuse me." I muttered but in a moment, Edward had caught my hand again, glancing briefly at Tanya.

"I'm afraid it will have to wait, Tanya. Bella and I were in the middle of something. I'm sure I'll see Irina later."

And with that, he left her standing there, pulling me into the crowd. The irritation was still present and I glared up at him.

"I really don't appreciate being used as an excuse to get away from people, Edward."

"Is it an excuse when there is genuinely no one here I would rather spend time with than you?" He shot the words back so quickly that I almost stumbled. He smiled briefly before leading me by the hand towards the stairs. We went up quickly to the first floor landing, not meeting anyone. I was confused; where was he taking me?

He paused outside a door and smiled at me, although he seemed almost nervous as he scanned my face.

"This is my room. I want to show you something."

"What?" My voice rasped, my mind running wild as he opened the door and we went inside. The walls were forest green, thick cream carpeting under my feet and I stood awkwardly by the closed door as Edward dropped my hand and crossed to a desk. I looked around the room, biting my lip. It was big, just a little bit smaller than the living area of my apartment. A black leather sofa sat along one wall, opposite the huge bed, made with a gold-tinted comforter. Another wall consisted entirely of shelves full of music and I moved towards it, examining the titles. They were incredibly varied, ranging from classical and opera to R&B and heavy rock. Only one shelf didn't have music on it and that was lined with framed photographs.

There was one of Alice, Emmett and Edward, all a lot younger. Mid-teens, I guessed by the look of them. They were sat on the sofa in the living room, Alice between the two boys, both of them with an arm around her. There was one of Carlisle and Esme, smiling brightly. One of Emmett and Rosalie leaning against each other. One of Alice and Edward, Alice and Emmett, Emmett and Edward, Edward with Carlisle and Esme. I noticed that Edward didn't seem to be smiling in any of them, not his real smiles that he'd been bestowing upon me all evening.

On the far left of the shelf, there was one that was different. I didn't recognise the man and woman who smiled at me from it. But as I looked more closely, I realised that I _did_ recognise them. The woman had green eyes, the brightest green I had ever seen. I had only ever seen those eyes on one person, just as I had only seen that messed copper hair on one person. I could feel his body heat, just behind me and when he breathed heavily, it danced across the back of my neck.

"Your parents?"

"Yes." He reached an arm over my shoulder and touched the picture, pointing to one person and then the other, "Anthony and Elizabeth Mason. I was twelve years old when they died. Carlisle was a doctor at the hospital."

"How…?" My voice was hesitant, not wanting to revive the bad memories. Edward moved closed and his cheek pressed against the top of my head, his chest pressed against my back. I let my right hand take his, holding it tightly.

"They went on a cruise. It was their twentieth wedding anniversary, so they left me with family friends and went abroad. I was excited. They told me that they'd bring me back a gift. But a telephone call came one night saying that they were being flown home. They'd caught a rare strain of malaria and were taken to a specialist hospital in Chicago, where we lived. I wasn't allowed to see them, all I knew was that they were flying in doctors from all over the country to try and save them.

"Carlisle was working on a research project in the hospital. He would walk down the hallway where I sat every day and would stop to talk to me. He was kind and wouldn't lie to me about what was happening. He was honest; said that they were doing everything they could but that my parents were very ill. I wasn't a child, but most people treated me like one. Not Carlisle though. The other doctors didn't think it was a good idea for me to see them in their last hours, but Carlisle put a facemask on me and told me that I should tell them how much I loved them.

"He sat with me in that room for almost four hours, listening to me talk to them. They couldn't hear by that point, they were practically comatose. My father died first and my mother passed just a few minutes later, as if she couldn't bear to be parted from him. I cried for a long time and Carlisle held me. I was scared as well; I didn't know what was going to happen to me and when I said this to him, he stood me up and said 'You're coming home with me, Edward'."

Edward let out a soft sigh.

"I didn't realise how afraid I'd been until he said it. When he brought me home, Esme wrapped me up in her arms and kissed me. She told me that she would love me more than anything and Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder, saying that whilst they couldn't replace my parents, they would be my family for as long as I wanted them to be. I've been very lucky; I've had two lots of parents who have loved me unconditionally. Carlisle and Esme may not be my biological parents, but I love them equally to my mother and father."

I could feel tears threatening and a lump in my throat. Edward breathed again, the air ruffling my hair as he pressed his face into it. I closed my eyes, the smiling faces from the photographs becoming unbearable.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I keep asking you to tell me things that are painful to you, and I have never given anything back." Edward said quietly and turned me so that I was facing him. His eyes were brighter than usual and I suspected that he was as close to tears as I was.

"Bella, I became a doctor because I didn't want anyone else to suffer the way that my parents did. I went on a mission to save every single person I met and then I met you and you wouldn't let me save you."

I didn't speak, not trusting myself and he lifted his hand to my face, pressing his forehead to mine.

"We haven't spent much time together, Bella, but every moment that I'm with you, I find that I want to protect you. I told you that you have a very expressive face and I can see every hurt that you've ever experienced in your face. I don't want you to feel anything like that again."

"I won't be your pity project, Edward." I warned, my eyes on his. His sharp green eyes that went straight through mine, reading something behind them. He was so close, we were so close to that moment where we wouldn't be able to turn back and when he let out a sigh at my words, his breath smelt like champagne.

"You're nothing of the sort, Bella. I could never pity you. You deserve so much more. I want to give you more…"

The door flew open and a man I didn't recognise stumbled into the room. Edward and I sprang apart as the man apologised, muttering something about wanting to find a bathroom. Reality came crashing back down on me and I half-ran to the door, pushing past the inebriated man. I didn't look back as I went quickly down the stairs, keeping my head down. I didn't want anyone to see me, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Edward's voice called my name as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I saw Esme at the front door and turned in the opposite direction, going to the kitchen instead. It was empty and I went to the back door. I was too warm, suffocating and I needed out.

"Bella, stop!"

Once again I was stood at the back door with Edward as he caught my by the shoulders, turning me to face him. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparked with passion as he put his hands on my shoulders, keeping me in place as I tried to step back.

"Bella, you have to let me say this," He said breathlessly and he took my face in his hands, his expression determined, "I want you."

"Edward-" I said desperately but he shook his head.

"When I saw you outside the bar that night, I knew you were different, that I wanted to know you. And then before I had a chance, you were gone and I didn't think I'd ever see you again. Then you were there, at dinner and I knew then that I had a second chance. I fucked up for the second time that night."

If my emotions hadn't be so haywire and I hadn't been so utterly terrified, I might have laughed at hearing Edward 'Gentleman' Cullen say "fuck".

"I kept hoping to see you again, kept trying to think of excuses. I was miserable when you didn't come to help Rosalie and Emmett move in and then when Jasper met our parents, I was so sure that he'd bring you, but you weren't there. I was desperate to see you and then you showed up at the hospital and I forced myself to take that chance. I need you to believe me when I say that I think we could be extraordinary together. I know you feel it too, Bella. I've never…" He stopped, seemingly wordless, "I've never met someone who makes me feel as alive as you do. You can ask Alice or Emmett. Before I met you, I just existed, doing my best at work, loving my family but unconvinced that there was a chance for anything more. You make me alive, Bella."

He stopped again and I forced myself to speak, trembling beneath his hands and my breathing shaky.

"Edward, I can't… I've never been in real relationship. I don't even know how to do that." I stammered.

"Never have I. We can work that out together." He said firmly and I shook my head, unable to tear my gaze from his.

"I'm broken, Edward. I'm fucked up."

"You're astonishing." He breathed, a smile ghosting across his lips

"I-"

"Do you feel this?" He asked, cutting off my pathetic excuses and he caressed my cheek with long fingers. It sent shivers through me, as his touch had done since that first night. I moistened my dry lips and nodded.

"Yes."

"We could be extraordinary, Bella." He whispered desperately, his words spilling out as quickly as he could say them, "We have a chance to save each other. I can't just wander through life anymore, now that I've found you. And I know that I can't just fix your life for you, because you need to do that yourself. But I will be with you, if you'll let me. I will stay with you. I _need_ you."

The air crackled as his hands dropped to his sides, giving me space. Our breathing was heavy, as though we had run for miles, and in a way we had, we'd been running towards this moment from the second we'd laid eyes on each other at the bar. I blinked hard, turning my face from his as what he had just told me seared through my brain. He watched and I knew that he could see the turmoil in my face as I fought with myself. After forever, I looked back up at him, tears threatening to spill with the slightest provocation.

"We could end up regretting it."

"Or it could be the best thing that ever happened to either of us." He said quietly, desperately. I didn't nod or shake my head, give him no indication of a decision. I tried to breathe deeply but couldn't, could barely move at all.

"I push people away, Edward. I keep people away because when I let them in, they hurt me. They abandon me."

"Jasper hasn't. None of us will. _I_ won't."

"And I hurt them. I make people miserable." My voice broke and a single, traitorous tear ran down my cheek. Immediately, he had wiped it away, cradling my face in his hand and I couldn't stop myself from pressing my cheek to his palm, taking a shuddering breath. He had exposed himself to me, made himself vulnerable, something that I had never dared to do with anyone.

"You've made Jasper happy. He never stops talking about how much he cares for you. Alice adores you. Rosalie and Emmett do too, they want you to be involved in their wedding." Edward reminded me.

_Take the plunge, Bella_.

I looked him in the eyes. I could see his heart, lying open and exposed, ready for me to take. I took another breath, just one more to get me through the hardest moment of my life as I raised a hand and reflected his movement, pressing it to his smooth face as I spoke falteringly.

"…I'm scared. I don't know how to care for someone like this. I don't know that I'm not going to hurt you and I don't know if I can take that chance with you, because you're not like anyone else." I tried to explain.

"I'm not saying that it will be easy." He held my hand to his cheek, relishing this first real sign of affection that I had ever given him. I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the lump in my throat as he gazed at me. "It won't be easy. But I will do everything I can, because we're worth it."

He breathed heavily and his hands went to my waist.

"We're worth it, Bella." He said again and his voice was constricted with emotion as he begged me to believe him.

I did.

I decided.

Edward understood this, saw it in my face and his smile was so beautiful that my heart almost broke whilst I felt the tears fall down my cheeks. He wiped them away, kissing each cheek, each trace of moisture before his lips found mine.

I may as well never have been kissed before. This wasn't kissing as I knew it, a vaguely comforting sensation, a prelude to other things, a mindless activity. His arms were around my back, pulling me against him, moulding his body to mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on tip-toe to get as close as possible to this impossible, beautiful man who had far more faith in me than I deserved. His mouth moved against mine in ways I hadn't thought possible, catching my lips between his, almost a caress in the softness of it.

I slid a hand up into his hair, running my fingers through the soft, tangled mess of bronze strands. Edward let out a soft sigh and ran a hand up my back to the base of my neck, bringing my face to his again as he pressed his back against the wall. My heart was thundering in my chest and I wondered if he could feel it. We were pressed together so hard and as we kissed again, I parted my lips and brushed my tongue across his bottom lip, tasting champagne and sweetness. This simple action seemed to assure Edward that I had meant it, that I truly did feel for him because his arms tightened around me, no more fear, and I ran both hands through his hair, pulling his face to mine as desperation filled me, wanting to taste him, wanting to promise him that I _would_ try, that I would be everything that I could be, that I wanted to be his wholly and without fear.

It was only when the need for air parted us that his lips left mine, pressing softly against the corner of my mouth, the line of my jaw, back on the lips again. My eyes slid closed as my body trembled at each touch, his hands running over my back, my arms, so gentle against my injured wrist, sliding over my hips and up to my shoulders again, as though he was reassuring himself that I was here. One of my hands was still tangled in his hair, the other resting on his chest as our foreheads rested together, our breathing heavy once more.

I ran my tongue over my lips, his taste lingering and the sensation of his mouth on mine still present as he watched me with his clear green eyes. After a long moment I lifted my forehead from his and lowered myself so that I was standing properly, clutching as his arms to keep myself steady. He was still leaning against the wall, so maybe he was unsteady too, but he kept me held tight to his solid chest.

Neither of us said a word and Edward continued to run his long fingers up my arm, over my shoulder, as though he was memorising me. I put my hand to his face again, tracing the prominent cheekbones and the strong jaw, wondering how someone so incredible could actually exist. And then we were kissing again, Edward pulling me up, supporting all my weight in his arms, my feet not reaching the floor. I held on tightly, arms entwined around his neck as I kissed him feverishly. The spell had to break soon, any minute now he would realise his mistake and throw me from him, horrified with himself, any minute now…

"I won't leave you." He murmured against my lips and my eyes opened to see him watching me.

"Edward?"

"I won't leave you. I need you, Bella." He sounded afraid and I kissed him again, our tongues meeting in desperate passion that I had only ever imagined to be real and had certainly never imagined would happen to me.

Voices carried into the kitchen and abruptly fell silent. Our faces parted and we looked over at the door together, still wrapped in our intimate embrace.

Jasper and Alice were standing in the doorway, mouths open in amazement. Alice's expression was one of utter delight. Jasper's was of disbelief and a vague confusion. I turned my head to face Edward and he met my eye. It wasn't midnight yet, the party was still carrying on and would for hours. People would want to talk to us, to discuss this development, to say 'I always thought so' when they never had and a mountain of other comments that neither of us wanted to hear. There would be the drive back home with Alice, Jasper and Rosalie, all of whom would want details.

The idea of it was unbearable.

Edward smiled faintly.

"Would you like a ride home?" He murmured, too faintly for them to hear and I nodded. He released me enough to let me slide back to the floor, grasped my hand firmly in his and threw open the back door. We went through it without looking back.

* * *

**A/N: Well, well, well, what have we here? It would appear that you have what you desire! Edward and Bella make-outs – hurrah! I do hope you enjoyed getting to this moment as much as I did! Thank you, ever so much, for my lovely reviews! I adore each and every one! **

**I've had a very weird morning. I work as a receptionist at a health club, started almost six months ago, and I was on the early shift this morning (6 AM start, ew!) and it seemed like any other shift, until I was suddenly surrounded by members of staff and told that I was Employee of the Month. Yeah… not quite sure how that happened, but I'm not going to turn down £25 of vouchers! So I treated myself to a lovely facial in the Beauty department, woo! **

**Wonderful World – I think this song fits this chapter more perfectly than any other song I've chosen for this story. It's Bella completely – standing on the outside, falling, unsure of herself, but now she's turned herself around and there's Edward. Wonderful world.**

**Ohmigosh, my beautiful little munchkins, two reviews away from 150! Come on, we can do it! Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a back door to make out against!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	19. No Frontiers

**Chapter Nineteen**

**In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark  
That somehow this black night  
Feels warmer for the spark  
Warmer for the spark  
To hold us 'til the day  
When fear will lose its grip  
And heaven has its ways  
Heaven knows no frontiers  
And I've seen heaven in your eyes**

**~No Frontiers by The Corrs~**

We drove back into the city in silence. Edward didn't turn the radio on, but the silence wasn't awkward, but expectant. We understood each other perfectly.

We went to my apartment, Edward pulling in and parking beside my rusty old Chevy. Before I could even undo my seatbelt, he was opening my door, taking my hand and running his fingers over the silk-wrapped cast, tender and gentle.

"Does it hurt?" He asked softly but I shook my head.

"Not really." I replied honestly, digging in my small purse for the swipe card to get in. Edward followed me up to my apartment, his hands on my waist as I unlocked the door. I turned on the light and turned, looking up at him. He was watching me closely; waiting for me to bolt, I realised. I smiled slightly.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Please." He smiled, running a hand through his mussed hair. My fingers itched to copy the action, to feel those soft strands against my skin again.

I rounded the counter, moving into the kitchen. There was a bottle of champagne in the fridge – Jasper and I had planned to have lunch the next day and I'd bought it to make him laugh, since we usually had toasted sandwiches or pot noodles for lunch, not exactly a champagne-accompanied meal.

Edward watched as I took it out and reached up for two glasses out of the cupboard. I met his eyes and smiled again.

"New Years Eve, you've got to have champagne. You might have to open it though." I gestured at my cast and he smiled, taking the bottle and opening it expertly. He poured us each a glass, setting the bottle on the side and then moved towards me quite suddenly and pulling me into a kiss. I let out a gasp of surprise but quickly turned my mind to the more immediate action of reciprocating the kiss with all my energy. Edward lifted his head and gave me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry. I couldn't help myself."

"No need to apologise." I cleared my throat, pushing my hair behind my ears and he laughed, pulling me to him again, his large hands spread over my back. I looked up at him in curiosity.

"You really do find me amusing, don't you?"

"I do." He smiled, bring the fingers of my right hand to his mouth and kissing them gently one by one, "I find you amusing… intoxicating… delightful… enchanting…"

I couldn't help smiling at his happiness and then his eyes went to the refrigerator door. I followed his gaze and saw it resting upon the scoreboard. I stepped out of his arms, unwrapped the blue silk from my cast and wiped it clean.

"I think we need to clear the scoreboard." I said and he cocked his head.

"Another clean slate."

"Yes. The other one is staying clean." I said firmly, "So if I fuck up, we can go back to a clean slate."

"Bella, you're not going to…" He hesitated and I laughed at his expression.

"Fuck up?"

"Yes, that."

"You can't know that, Edward." I said quietly. Edward looked at me, his expression thoughtful and he leant against the kitchen counter. I looked away, his eyes cutting through me. He did it so easily, seeing every thought that flashed through my head and it made me feel unnervingly vulnerable.

After a long pause I looked back at the cleared whiteboard and spoke without looking at him.

"I'm going to try not to." I said quietly, "Because I think you're right, we could be something good. And that's not something I ever thought I'd get a chance at."

"I've waited my whole life for you, Bella. If you need a little time…" Edward began but I turned and put my hand over his mouth, silencing his words.

"I don't need time. What I need is someone strong enough to stay with me whilst I make my life one that's worth living. And…" I smiled, lowering my hand, "I believe you volunteered for that."

"I did." His crooked smile dazzled me and I rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes.

"That's going to be something of a long-term investment." I warned him and his chest rumbled with quiet laughter, his hand stroking my hair.

"I think I can handle that."

~*~

It was the New Year's Eve that I had originally predicted; take-out, alcohol and, not quite so predictably, Edward. We put on a CD, turned low for background music and dived into talks about the most inconsequential of matters. I discovered that Edward didn't like broccoli, although he did like asparagus. He played the piano, but didn't like keyboards. He liked to work out, but he didn't run. His favourite colour was blue.

In return, I informed him that asparagus was revolting and that peas were the only acceptable green vegetable. I didn't play any instruments, but loved to listen to music from any genre. My favourite colour was green, emerald green, but I was unwilling to explain why. But the whole time that we were talking, something was weighing in the back of my mind. New Years Eve, a clean slate, the brand new whiteboard that was propped on the bookcase and a frightening idea.

I glanced at the clock; it was eleven thirty. Edward smiled, catching my gaze.

"Half an hour until the New Year. Anything you'd like to do before this year ends?"

"I want to tell you about my father." I said abruptly. The idea seemed so obvious and I was desperate to get it out. He frowned.

"You don't have to, if you're not ready." He assured me, stroking my hand gently. I shook my head.

"No, I have to. If I do it now, before midnight… then it's done. It's in the old year. Does that make sense? Then you'll get why I'm so… why I'm the way I am, and then you can decide for yourself if this is worth it before you get in too deep."

He looked remarkably unimpressed at this explanation as I twisted on the sofa, facing him although my eyes were on his chest, examining the buttons of his shirt as I spoke. I traced the outline of one as I gathered my thoughts.

"I guess I should start with Renee. My mother. She and Charlie married young, too young really. Renee was only eighteen, but Dad was a few years older, already on the police force. They lived in a small town, a few hours from here called Forks. She wasn't ready to settle down and then I came along. She couldn't deal with the responsibility and she took off when I was five. She broke Charlie's heart; he was utterly devoted to her, would have done anything for her but she couldn't see that. So she left and suddenly he was abandoned with a five year old girl to care for. He did his best, but he wasn't the paternal type, not really. He was the Chief of Police by then and didn't exactly have a whole lot of spare time, but he cared for me in his own way.

"I grew up pretty damn quick. By the time I was ten, I did most of the housework, the cooking, looked after Charlie as much as he looked after me. Charlie and I… we were very similar. We kept to ourselves, we just got on with things. I didn't have many friends, but that never bothered me. But we loved each other, in our own way. We were happy.

"When I was fourteen, Renee called me. She sent letters, postcards and she called occasionally but our contact was pretty limited. I didn't know her too well, but she told me that she and her boyfriend were living in Phoenix, Arizona and she wanted me to come and stay with them. I was excited; I wanted to get to know her, I wanted to get out of Forks. Charlie said it was fine and helped me book my flight out; looking back, I didn't realise how much it was hurting him."

I swallowed hard, feeling that familiar lump rising as I continued to run my fingers over the buttons on his shirt, feeling the smooth, hard contrast of them to the soft material. Edward didn't move, letting me speak at my own pace.

"She was so happy to see me. Her boyfriend, Jack, was nice. They took me all around the city, she spoiled me with clothes and jewellery. We ate out every night and talked about everything and nothing. I loved it, I'd never been around someone so free. I'd been with her for two weeks when she asked me to stay, said that she wanted me to move in with her and Jack. I said yes straight away and called Charlie to tell him. All he said was 'whatever makes you happy'.

"It was a couple of days later when everything changed. I woke up and Renee wasn't there. Jack was sat in the kitchen, looking heartbroken. When I asked him where my mom was, he just said that she was gone. She'd packed up all her stuff and taken off in the middle of the night; I guess the pressure of having a daughter was back and she still couldn't take it."

"She just left you there, with a complete stranger?" I could hear the quiet outrage in Edward's tone and sighed softly, shaking my head.

"Jack was fine. He helped me sort out a flight back to Forks that afternoon. He was distraught; he loved Renee. She has a habit of breaking people who love her."

Edward looked like he wanted to say something but I shook my head.

"Let me finish? I don't have long." Midnight was drawing ever closer and the urgency I felt was increasing, so desperate to get my story told.

"Of course."

"So I went back to Forks. Charlie picked me up at the airport and the second I saw him, I burst into tears. I realised then how he had felt when Renee had left him, how she made you adore her and then left you broken. He held me in the middle of the airport and let me cry, never saying a word but letting me know that he understood perfectly. He took me home, put me to bed and said that he was right down the hallway. I don't think I ever loved him more than I did right then.

"Over the next couple of years, Renee wrote a couple of times but never called. I ignored her letters, I didn't want her to hurt me or Charlie again, we deserved better than that. I focused on high school, because I wanted to go to university. I wanted to get a degree and a great job and be able to support Charlie, to repay for everything he'd ever done for me. He was proud of me. He was always proud of me.

"I worked part time at Forks General Store. It didn't pay a lot, but it would lessen the loan I'd need to take out to pay for college. I already told you that Charlie was chief of police, but that didn't mean a lot in Forks. He spent most of his time writing up underage drinkers and handing out speeding tickets. I was working late on a Friday night, just after Thanksgiving the year I was due to graduate, when a guy came into the store, someone from out of town. He was just passing through. I don't think I ever even found out his name."

Emotion tightened my throat and I huddled in my seat as the nightmare played itself out in my mind.

"He had a gun. He told me to empty the cash drawer. I did what he said, but I also hit the panic button under the counter. It sends a silent alarm to the police station and I knew it would only take a few minutes for someone to arrive so I started putting the money into a bag. He had the gun pointed at me, but he was jumpy. Nervous. Shit, I don't even think he was very old, maybe twenty? He was afraid…

"Charlie came. The guy saw him pull up and grabbed me, using me as a shield. I hit him, elbowed him in the face and tried to run. Charlie was in the parking lot and I tried to get to him, but the guy grabbed me again, waving the gun around. I could see the panic in Charlie's face as he tried to calm him, tried to persuade him to let me go, said he could keep the cash. The guy grabbed me by the throat and Charlie's face… he got mad. He didn't mean to, but he… he took a step forward, just one step."

There were tears on my face and I pulled my knees up under my chin, pressing my face into my arms.

"The guy shot him. He fucking shot him, right in the chest. He died straight away. The guy let me go and ran. I went to Charlie and I held him, tried to get him to wake up. I wouldn't let go, even when the rest of the force showed up, the ambulance, no one could make me let go. Half the town was there, just standing there, watching as I hugged my dad's body and cried. Eventually one of my neighbours unwrapped my arms and held me as they took him away.

"I had to organise the funeral. I had help, everyone in town had liked Charlie. I was barely functioning like a person, I wasn't eating, I just didn't know what to do. Eventually I called the last telephone number that I'd had for Renee and left her a message, asking her to come. I told her that I needed her, that I didn't know what to do and that I needed my mom to help me. She left a message for me whilst I was out, saying that she and her new boyfriend were due to go to the Bahamas the day before the funeral, but that she'd call me when she got back. It was the only time that I had ever asked anything of her and she couldn't even do that for me. I decided then and there that I was finished with her.

"I couldn't stay in Forks after that, feeling the looks of pity from everyone I knew. Without a word to anyone, after graduation I packed everything I owned, sold the house and left. I drove straight to Seattle and rented this place; it was the first apartment I saw. I declined my place at university, I couldn't even think straight let alone attempt a degree. I was eighteen at the time.

"I started working at a twenty-four hour diner. I didn't have to think in that job, just follow orders. My co-workers thought I was a freak, thought I was on drugs or something. I didn't care, it was just something to do. I didn't need a job; Charlie's life insurance had been a pretty generous sum and he'd left everything he owned to me. The only one who was ever kind to me was Angela, but I never let her get to know me.

"I'd been working there for maybe five months when I met Jasper. You know that story, how I spilled coffee down myself and it made him laugh. He was the first person to properly pay any attention to me in months and it shocked me. He was interested in me, talked to me but never pried – it was like he knew that I was the way I was for a reason.

"That year, after Thanksgiving, the anniversary of Charlie's death was getting closer and I was panicking. I was frightened, I didn't think that I could handle it again, reliving it again. I would be thinking 'a year ago today, he was still alive' and I knew that soon, I wouldn't be able to say that anymore. I had been having nightmares every night; I hadn't slept properly in weeks and had resorted to sleeping pills, but even they weren't having much of an effect. I had had enough.

"I took an overdose of the sleeping pills. Ten, twelve, maybe more? It happened slowly. I lay on my sofa, waiting to fall asleep and I felt sick, my head was spinning and I kept thinking that soon it would be done and I wouldn't have to think about anything anymore. Charlie would never have to know what a disappointment I was and that was my last thought. Charlie wouldn't be dead if he hadn't tried to help me, if he hadn't tried to save me.

"What I didn't know was that Jasper had gone to the diner to find me. He told me later that he had a bad feeling and when he found out that I hadn't shown up for work, he got my address from my supervisor and drove straight here. He banged on the downstairs apartment window until the tenant, the one who lived there before Jacob, let him in and he ran up here, knocked down my door and found me unconscious. He dragged me into the bathroom, stuck me under a cold shower and called nine-one-one. I came around a little whilst he was waiting for the emergency team to arrive and I just remember him kneeling in the bottom of the shower with me, telling me to stay awake. He had his hands on my face and was keeping me looking at him. 'Don't do this' he said, 'Don't be weak. Be strong for me, Bells'. It was the first time he'd ever called me that."

I peered over at Edward. He was sat as still as a statue, but I saw that his hands were clenched, the only sign of his distress at my story besides the notable tension in his jaw. I lifted my head from my arms.

"I decided to live after that. At first it was just for Jasper, because I grew to love him so much. And then I decided to live for myself, but I never really did. Like you said… I was existing, but not living. That changed on Christmas Eve, when Jasper said that I was just floating along and that if I wanted to change then I had to go and make stuff happen for myself. So that's what I'm doing here, Edward, with you, telling you all of this.

"I'm making all around changes."

Silence filled the room, like a haze of fog that distorted my mind and vision.

I sat with my knees still hunched up to my chest and my heart thundering as I exposed it completely to the man sat beside me. Regret was trickling through me, shame at what I had just admitted and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to get up and run to my bedroom, lock the door and cry bitter tears as he walked away.

Sure enough, he was on his feet, his face distressed. I stood, walking around the end of the sofa. I felt hollow and pathetic. I moved away, eyes blinded with tears, wanting to escape him before he could leave me. Strike the first blow, Bella, hurt him before he can hurt you.

But instead of hearing a slamming door, his hands were on me, turning me towards him and pulling me close, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my eyelids and finally my lips, his hand on my neck and in my hair as he kissed every inch of my face. This was his adoration, his sign of devotion, his physical proof that he would not abandon me and I pressed my face to his, hope seeping through the agony.

Eventually he lifted his face from mine, smoothing my hair away as he spoke in a heart-breaking voice.

"Bella, you are _not_ responsible for your father's death. You were incredibly brave to share this with me and I thank you for that. We both have changes to make, Bella and I don't think either of us can do it alone."

He ran his thumbs over my cheekbones, his eyes pouring into mine as he spoke tenderly.

"Will you help me, Bella?" He asked and I nodded hesitantly. "Will you let me help you?"

I cringed, but he held me tight, forcing me to face the question, to face every fear that haunted me for the last four years.

"Let me help you." He asked again, so softly, so sweetly that I reached up and kissed him.

"Yes, Edward."

And he kissed me again as the clock struck twelve.

* * *

**A/N: And that's Bella's story. Man, she's messed up, ain't she? No wonder. But hurrah for Edward and his awesomosity! And Happy New Year to you all! (Yes, I know it's still August!)**

**No Frontiers – Bella's finally taken down the walls and let someone in, let him see how fucked up she is and he's still around. Love this song, so much. **

**So, I've almost finished writing this story and I have decided that there will be 35 chapters, because it's a nice round number and also because that's the way it's worked out. I'm currently working on 31 and let me assure you that the Drama Llama is riding this baby out to the finish! Woo! I've also had vague ideas for another story, but it may never come to fruition, because if I start writing it now this one will suffer and since I'm back at uni in a few weeks, my spare time will be decidedly shortened, so I won't be able to dedicate the same amount of time to my writing. Which **_**sucks**_**.**

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews, my little wee chocolate soufflés! They were fabulous, some of your reactions to that last chapter were absolutely priceless!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a Barry White CD, (Not much I could use from this chapter, seeing as it's mostly Bella being miserable!)**

**Love**

**Katie**


	20. Irresistible

**Chapter Twenty **

**Don't want you for the weekend  
Don't want you for a day  
Don't need a love divided  
Don't want to feel this way  
See, I want you to need me  
The way I need you  
Just like I need you  
The way I see you  
And I want you to see me  
Like no one before  
You're irresistible  
Natural, physical  
It's indefinable  
Magical, illogical  
So make-you-mine-able**

**You're mine**

**~Irresistible by the Corrs~**

Edward left at around four in the morning, promising to come and see me later that day. I fell into bed, feeling strangely calm. In truth, I was terrified – this was strange new territory for me and I wasn't sure what to do next.

_Holy shit – I have to act like an adult!_

Luckily, I was asleep before the impact of that thought could sink in, which was probably a good thing as it gave me minimum time to freak out. I woke at around ten to hear my phone bleeping, signalling the arrival of a text message. I flipped it open to find two messages waiting.

**HB – Are we still on for lunch today? I think we've got some stuff to talk about ;) Love Jazz xxxx**

**Bella – just been accosted by Alice, I suspect Jasper will get you later. Would like to have dinner with you tonight. Yours, Edward. X**

Two men, two meals, two lots of nervous energy. I texted Jasper first to let him know that I would make lunch if he brought drinks. Then I texted Edward.

**Edward – thanks for the warning, I'm putting on my riot gear as we speak. Dinner sounds perfect. 8? Bella. X**

I took a shower, still yawning. I could have done with a couple of extra hours of sleep, but I had a feeling that Jasper would be over early. I pulled on my favourite pair of jeans and a green t-shirt since my long sleeved ones wouldn't fit over the cast. My wrist ached uncomfortably, but not enough to make me want to take painkillers.

I went into the living room, stretching idly. Our plates from the night before were still there, the food slightly congealed and filling the room with a stale odour. I threw open a window and scraped the food into the bin before scrubbing the plates with hot soapy water and leaving them to dry on the draining board. Then I decided to make Jasper's favourite lunch, Mexican chicken wraps, working under the theory that I could feed him into a food-induced coma and make my cunning escape from his interrogation.

I wanted Edward. What was wrong with me? We'd been… what, a couple? Is that what we were? What a mundane way to phrase it. Anyway we'd been together for less than twelve hours and I already missed him. I wanted him to be here with me, to hold me tight to his chest and to kiss me. His just being around made me feel less miserable, made me feel like a worthy human being. I reached for my phone, unable to stand the lack of contact.

**Edward – miss you. Bella. X**

Nobody said I was woman of many words. I waited nervously, regret filling me at my hasty actions but a few minutes later my phone buzzed reassuringly.

**Bella – I was just writing out that same message. 8 seems like a very long time away. Yours, Edward. X**

I couldn't help the silly grin from spreading over my face as I chopped chicken and tossed it into a pan, the sizzling noise filling the kitchen. My stomach growled noisily as I sliced up some peppers and found a packet of tortilla wraps as there was a knock at the door.

"It's open!" I shouted, mixing the chicken, peppers, salsa and sour cream into the tortillas and rolling them up. Jasper appeared and swung a shopping bag onto the kitchen surface.

"Happy New Year, Hells Bells."

"You too, Jazz." I said handing him a plateful of food. He reached into the bag, took out two beers and popped the tops, giving me one. We clinked the necks of the bottles together before taking a swig and moving to the sofa. Jasper spread himself out and I sat on the arm of it, feet on the cushion and facing him as we ate in silence.

For almost ten minutes, neither of us made a sound other than those of chewing and swallowing. Jasper was watching me very closely and I knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to guilt me into talking first. Ha! Good luck with that one, Jasper. I wasn't saying anything unless he asked which I knew he wouldn't do because I would tease him for being a gossip. I smiled to myself.

I gave him a slight smile and he arched an eyebrow, putting his empty plate on the coffee table, smiling as he saw the framed star certificate on it. Then he leaned back on the sofa and put his hands behind his head, looking thoroughly relaxed as he always did. I put my plate down and slurped some beer from the bottle, looking down at him from my perch.

Another long silence.

Jasper didn't move. I blew across the top of my bottle, listening to the clear whistle and took another swallow of it before blowing again, listening to the slightly different note it produced. He watched me, hands clasped behind his head, his slight smile in place. Neither of us was going to cave.

It was almost twenty minutes later when I finished my beer and put it on the coffee table, the silence becoming almost deafening. Jasper still hadn't moved. I arched my back, feeling the bones crack into place and returned to smiling blithely at him.

A shrill ringing made us both jump and Jasper pulled out his cell sheepishly. I snorted with laughter. He opened it and muttered, "Hey Alice."

I grinned and his eyes flickered at me, curiosity burning in the blue depths.

"Uh, yeah. No… no, not yet. Alice, I-" He winced as she shrieked at him so loudly that even I could hear it and threw the phone to me. I caught it, rolling my eyes.

"What's up, Alice?" I asked casually and her voice exploded in my ear.

"What do you mean, what's up? For crying out loud, Bella, the last time I saw you, you were wrapped around my brother and _he_ won't tell me anything that happened so I told Jasper to find out and call me but he hasn't so you need to-"

I hung up immediately and tossed the phone back to Jasper.

"She says hi." I deadpanned and he scowled.

"I'm going to pay for that. Thanks a whole lot."

"You're entirely welcome." I grinned, standing to clear the plates. I dump them in the sink and reach into the bag for another beer, "You want another one?"

"Bella."

"Yes, Jasper?" I asked innocently. He leaned on the kitchen surface, eying me piercingly.

"What happened with Edward last night?" He asked eventually but I felt no thrill in my victory.

I reached for the bottle opener and flicked the lid from beer, taking a long gulp, trying to prolong the inevitable. He simply watched me and after a moment, I tightened my hands around the bottle, peeling the label off with a thumbnail.

"I… uh, well… I guess we're together." I said and then shook my head, "No. We _are_ together. He said that he wanted me."

My voice broke and I cleared my throat, putting the beer bottle down on the surface between us. He didn't say anything and I took a deep breath, tapping my fingers nervously on the surface.

"I like him, Jazz. He makes me feel… like a real person. I want to try for him." I said quietly, but it came out scratchy due to the lump in my throat. Jasper's mouth curved into a small smile and he actually looked proud.

"You mean you're actually going to have a relationship with a man who _isn't_ an asshole?"

"Look, I'm freaked out enough as it is. I told him everything that happened, what a goddamn mess I was and do you know what he said? That I was brave. That he could wait, that he'd been waiting his whole life and that he'd be there when I needed him, if I needed time first. Jasper, he's freaking _perfect_." I put my head on the surface, burying my face in my arms. Jasper laughed quietly, patting my hair.

"Oh, Bells… don't go putting him on a pedestal, I'm sure he's just as messed up as the rest of us deep down."

"Is it weird of me to hope that he is? It might put us back in the same league." I said into my arms and Jasper scoffed.

"He's not any better than you are, Bella. Don't start this out by putting yourself down." He wriggled his fingers under my chin, lifting my head so he could like me in the eye. "You're a league of your own, Hells Bells. OK, so you've got some stuff to work out, but at least you're starting to see that you don't need to work it out by yourself. Big steps for you."

I smiled and he smacked a kiss on my forehead, groaning as his phone started to ring.

"Dammit, Bella, you owe me for this." He said, picking it up but I tapped it out of his hands, flipping it open.

"Hey Alice."

"Isabella Swan, don't you _dare_ hang up on me!" Alice shrieked and then grunted. I heard a moan of pain in the background and Edward muttering mutinously but Alice scoffed. "Shut up, Edward! Oh, don't be such a baby, it probably won't even bruise. Anyway, Bella, tell Jasper that the four of us are having dinner tonight."

"Actually, Edward and I were going to-" I began awkwardly but Alice interrupted.

"Come on, Bella. You and Edward can be alone afterwards, but we didn't even get to spend New Years together! You're supposed to be my _friend_."

God damn, she was good at emotional blackmail. I could picture the pout and sighed unhappily. I had a feeling that people very rarely said no to Alice.

"Fine, Alice. But I expect you and Jasper to be elsewhere by nine."

"Nine thirty." She shot back instantly.

"Nine or nothing." I said firmly and she laughed.

"You drive a hard bargain, Swan! OK, Jasper and I will leave at nine. Be over here by six thirty, I'll organise dinner! Oh, it's going to be-"

I handed the phone back to Jasper, who grinned, moving into the living room as he chatted with the evil, manipulative midget that was his girlfriend. I scrubbed the plates and put them with the ones on the draining board. This would be an interesting experience, to say the least, but I felt strangely light-hearted about the whole affair.

* * *

~*~

Jasper and I spent the rest of the afternoon together, avoiding discussions of the Cullens. We watched TV, played music and discuss the progress of the work to the bookstore, as well as talking about absolutely nothing as only best friends can. We set off for Edward and Alice's at a little after six, wrapping up warm against the cold air. My heart pounded unsteadily as Jasper and I approached their apartment building. Jasper laughed to himself and I kicked his shin, then having to grab his arm as I slipped on a patch of ice, which only made him laugh harder.

"Quit that."

"You've gone pale, Bella. What's wrong?" He teased.

"Nothing. I'm just…" I shook my head, feeling a little sick. What if Edward had changed his mind? What if, in the time we'd been apart, he had thought through everything that had been said and-

A hand pinched my arm and I yelped with pain, rubbing the sore spot. Jasper was looking down at me disapprovingly.

"Stop it. Whatever you're thinking, stop it." He said sternly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can see you doubting yourself. You can just stop that right now." He said firmly, leading me towards the door, "Stop self-sabotaging."

We climbed into the elevator and stepped out into the corridor that led to their apartment. Jasper knocked and the door opened almost immediately, Edward looking relatively furious. His expression changed when he saw us, a smile spread over his face.

"Come in."

"What the hell?" Jasper paused and then grimaced as a wave of smoke floated through the door. Edward's face contorted into a scowl again and he turned, marching into the flat.

"Alice, I told you to stop! You're just making it worse!" He shouted in exasperation and Jasper and I looked at each other in confusion, walking into the flat with tentative footsteps. Alice was standing in the kitchen, black smoke pouring from the oven where a burnt pan was sitting. I tried not to pull a face at the revolting smell. Alice's sweet face was miserable as she stared sadly at the pan, Edward dropping it into a garbage bag.

"I was trying to make us some dinner." She said sadly and Edward sighed.

"Alice, you've never cooked dinner in your life." He reminded her.

"I thought it'd be a nice change." She mumbled and Jasper wrapped his arms around her.

"It was sweet of you to try, darlin'." He smiled, kissing her forehead and she smiled sweetly up at him, before grinning at me.

"Hi Bella."

"Hey Alice." I crossed to the window and opened it, letting the smoke seep out, "If you two ever have a romantic night in, please order food, because you're equally crap at cooking."

"That's why we're so perfect for each other. We're complete equals in our inability to prepare a basic meal." Alice laughed and I shook my head, smiling. Trust Alice to diffuse a potentially awkward situation by nearly setting fire to her apartment. Such a generous girl. Edward reached for the phone, looking less exasperated and more amused.

"I'll order in something."

"Pizza!" Alice said happily, bouncing up and down in Jasper's arms, "First pizza of the New Year!"

"Alice, please calm down. Can you open the windows in the living room?" Edward asked her in a patient tone. She laughed and pulled Jasper's hand, taking him into the other room.

The moment they had disappeared, Edward dropped the phone on the counter, moved towards me and kissed me deeply, twining a hand into my hair as he angled my face to his. I responded eagerly, any paranoia I had felt was banished the moment his lips met mine, moving against mine with passion and tenderness that made my knees weak. He pulled his lips away, catching his breath and he smiled.

"You must excuse me. I would have done that much sooner, but I didn't want an audience."

"No need to excuse you, just kick Jasper out next time." I joked and he laughed quietly, his breath on my mouth as we kissed again, quickly and sweetly before he reached for the phone, one arm around my waist, keeping me pressed to him. I closed my eyes, resting my head against his chest as he ordered two large pizzas, one pepperoni and one ham-and-pineapple. I smiled at that as he hung up and pressed his face into my hair, utterly silent and content.

It was strange, how natural it felt. It seemed ridiculous that we hadn't been doing this for years, hadn't spent our whole lives holding each other like this because it was a logic as obvious as two and two making four.

"How did you sleep?" Edward asked and I smiled, keeping my eyes closed.

"OK. Could have used a few more hours. You?"

"Same. I'll sleep late tomorrow; I'm on night shifts for a few days after that." He said quietly, nuzzling his face against my hair. I looked up, meeting his eyes. The green in them was bright and they were full of a contentment that I had never seen there before.

"I feel I should warn you." He murmured and I frowned.

"What?"

"Alice informed Rosalie, Emmett and my parents about what she saw in the kitchen and about us skipping out early on the party."

"Oh…" I didn't really know how to reply and I shifted uncomfortably in his grasp. He tightened his embrace, almost crushing me against his chest as though he was afraid I would run. To be honest, I almost considered it, because it was easier to run away, hide, pretend that this had never happened. It was what I always did – take the easy way out.

He tilted his head, watching my flickering expressions and smiled.

"You shouldn't worry. Apparently Rosalie and Emmett weren't in the least bit surprised and my parents were positively delighted." He said lightly, lifting his hands to my face, running his thumbs over my cheeks.

"OK." I mumbled nervously and he laughed, kissing me lightly again.

"Don't panic. I told Alice, under no uncertain terms, that she is to keep her nose out of our business."

"It's never worked before!" Alice laughed airily and I turned my head to see her and Jasper watching us with matching grins. I looked away, flushing and buried my face in Edward's chest again, wishing them away. His hand settled on my back, rubbing it soothingly as he spoke.

"Alice, I gave you fair warning. If you interfere, I will take every pair of shoes you own and donate them to college students."

I laughed, twisting my face to watch Alice's sour expression. Jasper caught my eye and winked.

"Do I need to give Edward the 'big brother' talk?" He asked and I glared sourly at him.

"Try it and suffer, assface."

"Is that when Jasper tells Edward that he'll kick his ass if he hurts you?" Alice giggled and Jasper snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Are you kidding? She'll kick his ass herself. No, I just have to warn him that he shouldn't feed her after midnight or let her near sunlight."

"You're hilarious." I said flatly and Edward laughed, his long fingers running over my side. I shivered slightly, my eyes almost closing again.

We settled in front of the television, Alice sat in Jasper's lap as they occupied an arm chair. Edward and I sat on the settee, not all over each other but side by side, his hand holding mine and his leg pressed against mine, the heat burning through my jeans. I barely noticed what we were watching on the television, my attention completely occupied by the man beside me. I glanced around at him and found that he was also ignoring the box, his eyes fixed on me as though seeing me for the first time. He gave me a smile as we met each other's eyes, lifting a hand to brush my hair back from my face, his fingertips tracing my jaw line. I sat perfectly still, feeling my pulse speed up as sparks flew from his fingers, dancing across my skin. It was the most innocent gesture, but it felt more intimate than anything I had done with other men I had dated.

The pizza arrived and we fell into idle talk about _The Paperback_ and Alice's impending semester at UW.

"I'm coming in to take pictures of the café to show my professors, see if I can't accumulate a little extra credit." She grinned and Jasper laughed, kissing her cheek.

"Do you want to come over and redesign my apartment? If it'll help you improve your grades, I'm willing to let you."

"I'll have enough work to do, but maybe during the summer?" Alice replied, reaching up to kiss him swiftly on the lips. They were so easy in their affection and I felt Edward's fingers on my wrist, tracing the pulse that had picked up his touch. He smiled, reaching for a slice of Hawaiian pizza. Alice watched in surprise.

"I didn't know you liked Hawaiian, Edward."

"I'm trying something new." He said, taking a bite.

Nine pm arrived and I looked at Alice, unable to help my smile.

"It's nine, Alice. A deal's a deal."

"Oh, come on, Bella! We're having fun! Let's stay here." She sighed and Edward got to his feet, offering me his hand.

"Shall we?" He smiled and I threw Alice a wicked grin.

"Feel free to stay here, Alice. Later, Jazz."

"See you, Bells." Jasper grinned, pulling a sulking Alice towards him. I took Edward's hand without a second thought and we made for the door, leaving them behind for the second time in as many days.

* * *

**A/N: Wow, a stunning 3400 words of filler! I hate that part in the relationship where you're like 'OK, so we're together…. Now what?' – it's awkward, uncertain and full of paranoia – therefore that is how Bella feels!**

**You know, your reviews are just wonderful and I love you for them but there seems to be a theme – OK, we all agree that Edward is Hotty Mcyum-yum. This essentially goes without saying because, well... just _look _at him! But what we **_**really **_**want is Jasper! I have to admit, that whilst I adore Edward, I love my Jasper in this. I wish I had a real life Jasper. He's just awesomosity incarnate. **

**Irresistible – well, it's kind of obvious with this one, I think! It's Bella's attraction to Edward, her certainty that she wants him long-term. Good Bella. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a plate of Mexican chicken wraps. Use your imagination on this one, I know how filthy minded some of you are ;-)**

**Love**

**Katie**


	21. I Should Tell You

**Chapter Twenty One**

**Who knows where?  
Who goes there?  
Who knows?  
Here goes  
Trusting desire, starting to learn  
Walking through fire without a burn  
Clinging - a shoulder, a leap begins  
Stinging and older, asleep on pins  
So here we go **

**Now we  
Oh no  
I know  
Oh no  
Who knows where?**

**Who goes there?**

**Here goes…**

**~I Should Tell You from Rent~ **

It was cold outside, snow threatening to fall once again and I rubbed my gloved hands together and tightening my scarf. Edward took my hand and we walked slowly along the sidewalk, in no hurry to be anywhere.

"Are you too cold?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I'm OK. I think I've lost my hat though, I can't remember where I had it last."

"Ah…" I looked up and saw a slight blush in Edward's cheeks. I cocked my head curiously.

"What?"

He dug into his pocket and produced my tatty old woollen hat. I blinked at it for a moment and then gave him an odd look.

"Where…?"

"I put it in my pocket on Christmas day. I haven't had a chance to return it." He said, a hint of embarrassment to his tone. I refrained from teasing him about it, which took a lot of self-control, and tugged it over my hair; it was warm from his pocket. He smiled down at me, his eyes crinkling around the edges.

"You look…"

"I know it looks stupid, but I'd rather look stupid than freeze to death!" I said firmly and he chuckled, taking my hand again.

"I was going to say that you looked charming."

"Liar."

"I would never lie to a lady." He said firmly and I nudged him in the side, smiling.

"Good thing I'm no lady." He laughed at that, winding his arm around my waist as we walked down the pavement. He was warm and I leaned into him, soaking up his body heat. I was rather sleepy and the amount of pizza that I'd eaten didn't help. Edward looked down as I yawned.

"I'll walk you home. I think we both need to get some sleep, doesn't _The Paperback _reopen in a couple of days?"

"On the fourth. Jasper's going in tomorrow to finish setting up the café and I said I'd help him." I nodded, "I really hope it brings in more business. Jasper deserves a decent break. He could really make something of that place."

"Rosalie said that he offered you a promotion." Edward said lightly, "Are you going to accept it?"

I didn't reply immediately, stepping over a pile of slushy grey snow. Edward didn't release my hand and I glanced up at him to see that he was watching me with intently curious eyes. I swallowed hard, looking back down at the floor.

"I don't know yet. I'm…" I took a deep breath, "I'm actually applying for a literature course at UW. If I get in, I won't have the time for a full-time job."

We came to a stop, my weight falling backwards slightly as Edward stopped first, still clutching my hand. He was smiling, positively _beaming _at me. I felt the blood rush to my face and I shrugged in a casual way, as though to suggest that I didn't really care either way.

"It was just an idea."

"Bella, it's a _great_ idea. Another one of your New Year changes?" He smiled and then pulled my closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, "I definitely approve of any New Year changes you want to make."

"Well, you would say that." I teased and he laughed again, leaning down to kiss me. His face was cold and I pressed my cheek against his to warm it up before we continued along the street, walking to my apartment.

"Why is Alice so excited that we're together?" I asked curiously after a few minutes of silence, "She must have seen you with girls before."

"Well… yes, I suppose. But she never really approved of them." He said quietly as I pulled out my swipe card to gain us access to the building. We headed for the stairs and I looked at him questioningly.

"Why not? I mean, Alice seems to like everyone. I've never met a more amiable person." Edward gave me a faint smile and gestured to the stairs.

He didn't reply until we had reached my apartment. I opened the door and led him inside, each of us stripping off our coats, gloves and other outdoor clothes and hanging them up behind the door before I went to the kitchen to make coffee. As I boiled the kettle, I felt Edward come up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist and tugging me back slightly until I was resting against his chest, warm and solid. I laid my hands over his as they rested on my stomach and he pressed his face into my neck. I desperately tried not to tremble as I felt his breath on my neck and when he spoke, his lips moved gently against my skin.

"I haven't dated many girls, because once I'd dated one or two, I realised that they were all the same," He said softly, "They were shallow and dull and only interested in showing off to their friends that they were dating a doctor."

"A hot doctor." I put in with a smile and he laughed against my skin. I shivered deliciously and he pressed me back against him, our bodies flush against each other.

"If you say so. Anyway, it got to the point that I was sick of getting to know a girl, only to find out that she was exactly like the one I'd just left. I kept trying to find someone special and nothing happened. It was an endless cycle and I came to the conclusion that I was meant to be alone. That was three years ago."

Three years of solitude… I had been single for two years, but then again I'd never exactly put much effort into the relationships that I'd had before then. All I'd ever taken from those relationships was a sense of fatigue and a very small amount of physical satisfaction. Edward, on the other hand, had tried to make his relationships work had put everything into them as he did with every aspect of his life. That was the difference between us, another obstacle to overcome – his selflessness and my selfishness, two sides of the same coin. I turned in Edward's hold, sliding my hands up and clasping them behind his neck, being careful not to rub the edge of my cast against his skin.

"What made you change your mind?" I asked, genuinely curious and he smiled again, shaking his head.

"You, of course. When I saw you that night in the bar, I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

"Was that before or after I hit you?" I flushed and he laughed. God, I loved his laugh. It was rich and warm, it made me feel like I was stepping in from the cold to a warm, sheltered room.

"The minute you walked in. I saw you with your friends and you were so full of life. You were irresistible. When you went to the bar, I was trying to work up an excuse to talk to you, when your… friend came over." His expression tautened and I smirked, shaking my head.

"Let's get one thing straight. Mike is _not _my friend. He's a co-worker with a death wish."

"Well, when he started… harassing you, I felt very protective of you, even though I'd never spoken to you, I didn't even know your name." He said and then started to laugh, "And then I wanted to make sure you were alright and you _threatened _me!"

I blushed again and ducked my head but he slid a finger under my chin, lifting my face. He was still smiling.

"I wanted to talk to you again, in spite of the threats. I never thought that I would see you again and I was kicking myself, because you were the most individual, most enchanting creature I had ever seen in my life."

"But I threatened you, hit you and then had a mental breakdown in front of you. Those aren't usually attractive traits in a girl." I pointed out and he brushed his lips over my forehead.

"You were strong, proud and stunning. All very attractive features." Edward replied firmly, "You are so different from any of those other girls, from any girl I'd ever met."

My mind went back to the previous evening, to the stunning Tanya. I couldn't get my head around it – she and Edward were the picture perfect couple. He could be with her right now, but he was here with me instead. It didn't make _sense_.

Edward saw the confusion on my face and stroked my jaw line. I loved his hands. The softness of them, how delicately he could move them, the length of the fingers…

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" I focused again, although it was difficult was with his fingers still working their way across my skin.

"Are you alright?"

"I was thinking about Tanya." I admitted and he frowned slightly.

"What about her?"

"Edward, she's beautiful. She's educated and stylish and-"

"And boring." Edward put in with a smirk that sent a shiver down my spine, "Just like every girl I've ever dated. I never dreamed that I would be so fortunate as to meet someone like you. You're honest, you're loving, you're faithful-"

"Please stop describing me." I mumbled, feeling the blood flooding my cheeks again and he laughed.

"One more?"

"Fine."

"Beautiful," He said simply, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

It was a wonder that I didn't spontaneously combust, my face redder than it had ever been before. Edward's hand was still holding my face in place, so I couldn't avoid his gaze. His smile had faded and he was looking at me with an expression of quiet wonder. I took a deep breath.

"I don't deserve you." I said quietly and he looked at me curiously.

"What on earth makes you say that?"

"You're too good for me. I just don't understand why you would want me. And I don't want you to start listing flattering adjectives again, I'm just saying what I feel." I warned him and he closed his mouth, where he'd been about to object. I sighed, sliding my hands down from neck and over his shoulders, resting them on his chest.

"I want you, Edward. I don't know quite how this happened, but I'm not going to question it, because it might disappear."

"That's not going to happen." Edward smiled and kissed me lightly on the lips, "Now that I finally have you, I don't plan on letting go."

We settled on the sofa and I yawned again. Edward smiled, running a finger down my cheek.

"You should go to bed."

"I'm fine." I insisted and he sighed.

"Please get some sleep. I need to go anyway, I'm starting night shifts tomorrow night until Saturday and I should sleep while I can." He got to his feet and I followed him to the door. He pulled on his coat and I stood on tiptoe, wrapping his red scarf around his neck. I held onto the ends of it, tugging lightly a stray woollen thread,

I didn't want him to leave and he saw it in my face, pulling me to him again. His mouth met mine and I reached my arms around him again, secretly hoping he'd change his mind and stay. His lips moved against mine and I let out a satisfied sigh against his mouth, but he pulled away, resting his forehead on mine.

"If we start this, I'll never leave."

"That's OK with me." I murmured and he sighed.

"No. I don't want to ruin this by rushing it." He said, kissing me chastely again, "But I will see you on Saturday, the minute I get off work."

"Four days?"

Damn, I was ready to throw him against the wall and mount him there and then. But the 'Gentleman' was in the house and with a final sweetly promising kiss, he disappeared. I locked the door behind him and went to the sofa, collapsing face down on it, unable to help the irrepressible happiness that was building in my chest as I hugged a cushion to myself, breathing in the scent that he had left behind.

* * *

~*~

I met Jasper outside _The Paperback_ the next day, wrapped up against the still-falling snow. I was positively sick of snow by now and Jasper smirked at my expression.

"Cheer up, Hells Bells. It'll be spring soon enough."

"You're too cheerful and I haven't even had coffee yet." I said pointedly and he handed me a Starbucks cup.

"That's your last Starbucks coffee from me. From now on, I expect you to drink only Jasper's Own Brand." He said firmly and I chuckled, sipping the steaming hot liquid.

"Sure thing. I assume that I get employee discount?"

"Of course. Have you given any more thought to my offer?" He asked as he unlocked the door. I followed him inside, pulling off my hat.

"Uh, sort of." I said awkwardly and he turned to look at me.

"Bells, is it going to be weird with me being your boss? Is that what it is?"

"No, Jasper, that's not it." I smiled, "It's just… well, actually, I'm applying for university. Plus I've been offered some potential freelancing by Aro Volturi. You know that review site, _Modern Words_? He wants me to write some reviews. I just don't think I'm going to have the time to put my whole into a job as important as deputy manager."

I fell silent as Jasper gaped at me. For almost a whole minute he stared at me and I shuffled uncomfortably. Still not a word. Impatience overpowered me and I threw my hat at him. He caught it and tossed it on the desk, reaching out and grasping me by the shoulders, staring me in the eye. I blinked, utterly confused.

"What's wrong?"

"You're dating Edward Cullen."

"Yeah…"

"You're applying for university?"

"Yes."

"And you're doing freelance work for a prestigious website owner?"

"Yes. Jasper, what-"

"Who are you and what have you done with Bella?" He demanded and I rolled my eyes, brushing his hands off of my shoulders.

"You're hilarious, Jazz."

"Seriously, Bella. You're making positive improvements in your personal and professional lives and we're only two days into the New Year! I'm proud of you, honey!"

He pulled me into a tight embrace and I laughed awkwardly, patting him on the back.

"OK, OK… let me breathe."

"I just can't believe it. What's brought all of this on?" He asked curiously, pushing my hair out of my face so that he could look me in the eye. I shrugged, smiling in spite of myself.

"You did. Remember Christmas Eve? You said that I had to make stuff happen for myself, so I am. At least, I am with the university and writing stuff. As for Edward…" I felt the blush in my cheeks and shook my head, "I still don't know how that happened. But I'm glad it did."

There was a knock at the door and we both turned to see two faces peering in at us from the street. Jasper tugged the door open and the two people entered, a young guy and a girl who looked a little older than me.

"Time for introductions. Bella, this is Leah and Seth. They're two of our new staff members for the café. Leah, Seth, this is Bella." We shook hands and I took a moment to examine them. They were clearly brother and sister; they had the same almond-shaped dark eyes, the same smooth brown skin. Both were tall, at least six feet – I was forever doomed to walk amongst tall people.

"You've been working here for a while?" Seth asked cheerfully and I nodded.

"Over two years. Are you local?"

"Sort of. We're from the state, anyway. Leah's just started a scholarship and is in her first year at UW and I wanted to get out of my hometown, so I moved in with her. I don't want to go to college though, I don't even know what I want to do, but Leah's been putting up with me."

"And it's been a joy." Leah said flatly but she quirked an eyebrow at me in amusement. She was stunning, athletically built with a sheet of shiny black hair. She looked tough, unfeminine but still attractive in a fierce kind of way.

"I'm looking to hire one more person for the café and we'll see how things go. If business picks up quickly, I'll hire another guy to help in the store." Jasper said, scratching his head as we headed for the café. All of the equipment had been delivered and was waiting for the store opening, two days later. Leah went into the little kitchen that had been set up, exploring the cupboards and going through the ingredients that had been delivered, shooting questions about delivery arrangements, recipe requirements and half a dozen other things.

Seth grinned at me, folding his arms across his chest as he practically vibrated with happiness. I smiled at his infectious optimism.

"You're excited to live in the city?"

"Hell yeah. It's great to live in a town where not everybody knows your business."

"I've been there." I agreed, rearranging a stack of books nearby, "I used to live in a small town. It's like there's no such thing as privacy."

"Exactly. I got sick of it. Anonymity is worth the outrageous rent." Seth nodded, examining the coffee maker, "It's nice to know that if I decide to go out and buy milk, not everybody in La Push will know about it."

I dropped the book I was holding, just as Jasper and Leah emerged from the kitchen. Jasper scowled mockingly.

"Watch the merchandise, Swan. It's coming out of your pay check."

"La Push?" I stammered, eyes on Seth, but Leah was frowning at me.

"Swan? Bella Swan?"

"Wait, you're…" Seth began. We all stood for a minute, staring at each other. My fingers began to tremble and I clutched the book tightly, trying to hide my anxiety. Jasper looked from them to me and then back again before folding his arms.

"What's going on? Bells, are you OK?"

"You're Chief Swan's girl." Leah said quietly, "You're Isabella Swan."

"Bella." I corrected automatically, memories pummelling me. "Clearwater… Harry and Sue, right? I think… Charlie used to go fishing with your dad."

"Holy shit." Seth swore and shook his head in disbelief, "This is insane. Everybody wondered what happened to you. You just vanished, all your stuff disappeared and the house went up for sale, practically over night. Nobody knew where you'd gone."

I turned and put the book back on the display, straightening it without replying. Jasper watched me for a moment before turning to his two new employees.

"You're from Forks."

"The reservation outside it, La Push." Leah replied, still looking at me.

"You knew Bella's father."

"Everyone did. There wasn't a great need for a large police force in Forks, so everyone knew the chief and his daughter." Seth said and I let out a sharp breath, walking to the desk and seizing my hat, fully intent upon leaving. Jasper darted over and caught my arm.

"Hold it, Bells." He said and I shook my head, but he held fast, "You're going to be working together. I think you need to stay and talk to them."

"We didn't mean to upset you." Seth said, taking a step towards me. Jasper tugged the hat out of my hands and I made no effort to reach for it. My best friend looked down at me, his eyes pleading with me to be strong. He knew I could do it now and I was still reeling from his earlier confession of pride in my newfound strength.

I turned to the observing Clearwaters and spoke quietly, not meeting the eye of either of them.

"I couldn't stay in Forks after what happened. I needed to get away from anything that reminded me of my father. I'm not interested in reliving anything of my life in that town, so please don't ask me to."

"Bella." Jasper said warningly but I held up a hand to stop him, looking at Seth and then Leah.

"I'm a different person to who I was four years ago. I didn't really know you when I lived in Forks, so I'm not going to make assumptions on the either of you."

"And you'd like the same in return?" Leah asked and I nodded, biting my lip. She gave me a dry smile. Seth frowned, looking from me to his sister.

"But-"

"Shut it, dweeb." Leah snapped and turned to Jasper, "How often have you arranged for milk deliveries and how flexible are they going to be with quantities? Last place I worked, we were getting it from Jarvis Industries and they were asshats about quantity changes."

I had a feeling that I would get on well with Leah. Jasper winked at me as he led the Clearwaters into the store room to talk about contracts. I smiled weakly, turning back to the stack of books with a disturbed feeling in my chest at this unwanted intrusion of my past into my present.

* * *

**A/N: Hello my little strudels! Man, I went over this chapter like a billion times and I'm still a bit iffy about it. Nothing in particular, just the flow of it. Anywho, it's up now. Tell you what, some of the reviews for last chapter were easily the funniest ones yet. I actually giggled out loud at some of them! Thank you so very much, my darlings. **

**I Should Tell You – another one from Rent, which links with chapter 9. Go check out this song on youtube or something, it's all about these two characters finally realising that they have no reason to stay apart any longer and are working up the nerve to let each other know how they feel. Very Bella and Edward!**

**I'm glad you're enjoying the outfit links! Polyvore is my new favourite site, I could spend **_**hours**_** on there, designing outfits! There isn't one for this chapter, but I promise one next time!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a woolly hat. Let your imaginations run free! And don't try to pretend that you aren't filthy-minded, those of you who protested last time; you don't fool me!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	22. Heartbeat

**Chapter Twenty Two**

**Am I alone in your heart?  
Have I hope with your heart?  
She's such a teaser, she's such a star.  
Give me a reason or give me a chance.  
Am I alone in your heart, or am I alone?  
It tears me apart.  
Am I alone?  
Doing all I can do, just to be close to you.  
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.  
Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the arse.  
Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat.**

**~Heartbeat by Scouting for Girls~**

On January fourth _The Paperback_ reopened its doors to the public and I was actually on time for the opening. Apparently Jasper was starting the day off by promising one free coffee with every purchase and we were overrun by students desperate for bargain textbooks and free caffeine. Mike was spending every minute running back and forth from the stockroom to the desk, carrying shelf refills that vanished almost instantly. I split my time ringing up the cash register and directing to people to requested titles and Jasper was running around like a madman, trying to keep everyone happy. Leah and Seth were incredible – despite the sibling arguments, they worked like a super-team and the queue for the café was only ever a couple of people long, unlike the line for the desk I was manning.

We usually closed at seven in the evening but by quarter to eight, we were still clearing out the last few customers. Jasper flipped the closed sign on the door and I fell face first down onto one of the leather sofas, my feet burning and my muscles aching.

"Jesus, that was _insane_."

"Jasper, I'm calling in an emergency delivery for tomorrow morning, we have no stock left." Leah shouted from the kitchen – she must have been some kind of demon to still have any energy, the rest of us were collapsing into the nearest chairs. Mike slumped in an armchair and looked pleadingly at Jasper.

"Please hire another person. _Please_."

"I'm going to." Jasper said weakly, putting his feet up on a coffee table and groaning, "Christ, I think I aged thirty years today. And I'm going to have to come in early to restock."

There was a banging at the door and Jasper yelled uncouthly for them to the fuck the hell off as he closed his eyes. I lifted my head and smirked at Alice's sour expression.

"Not the right thing to say to your girlfriend, Jazz." I commented and he swore, leaping to his feet and running to the door, shouting, "I didn't mean it! Not you, Ali!"

I snickered as he threw open the door and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett all trooped in. Jasper was kissing Alice's cheek.

"I didn't realise it was you, darling. You know I'd never say that to you." He grovelled and she gave him a sweet smile.

"I know. You can make it up to me later."

"Will do." He nipped at her neck with a sly grin and Emmett groaned, pulling a face.

"Jazzy, quit mauling my baby sister. It's revolting." Rosalie slapped his arm before looking around at the store. It was a mess.

"Why does it look like a hurricane passed through?"

"We were busy." Jasper explained and Mike snorted.

"Busy? We've dealt with busy. This was freaking insane."

"I'll order in some pizza; my way of saying thank you." Jasper offered and Seth whooped with delight. Leah hit him upside the head and moved around the counter to introduce herself to the newcomers. I got to my feet and went to the cash register, popping it open and counting out the amounts with a yawn. Emmett sidled over to the counter as Rosalie and Leah sized each other up. I had a feeling that they'd either hate each other or love each other.

Emmett leaned on the counter, watching me in silence, but with a small grin on his face. I eyed him suspiciously, stuffing notes into cashbags and writing down the total amounts.

"What do you want, Emmett?" I asked after a moment and he shrugged, his grin widening slightly.

"Nothing much. Just wondering how you were."

"Fine, thanks." I replied cautiously.

"Have a good New Years?" He smirked and I shut the cash drawer sharply, glowering at him.

"You're as bad as Alice, do you know that?"

"Damn, did little sis already start fishing for details? I've gotta get on the ball." He chuckled and I ducked my head, hiding my flushing cheeks as I gathered the cash bags and went into the back room, storing the money in the safe. I stayed knelt on the floor for a few minutes, breathing deeply.

I did not like being on display. I didn't want to start this relationship with Edward with his whole family watching with bated breath. The very idea made me feel sick to my stomach and I pushed my hair out of my face, jumping as Rosalie's voice came from the doorway. She crossed to me and held out a hand, helping me to my feet.

"Ignore Emmett. He likes to tease, but I've told him to leave you alone. He's just happy for Edward." She said calmly. I didn't know what to say, chewing on one of my fingernails. She tugged my hand away from my mouth, examining the jagged nails with a look of exasperation.

"I'm taking you for a manicure one of these days. Anyway, just calm down. If you think it'll be easier for the two of you, keep it private. A relationship is for two people, Bella, no one else matters."

She dropped my hand and walked back towards the main room, indicating that I should follow. Everyone was sitting around chatting in the leather chairs, Alice and Leah talking like old friends; she had that effect on everyone, although she ignored Mike every time he tried to join in the conversation. Emmett saw us coming back and held out his arms to me, tugging me into a huge bear hug.

"Didn't mean to embarrass you, Bella. You know I can't keep my mouth shut. I'm just happy for you and Edward." He said sweetly, patting my hair with a massive paw. I gave him a weak smile as he set me down on my feet.

"Cheers, Emmett."

"Seriously though, you're good for each other." He kept going and Rosalie kicked him.

"Shut up, Emmett. What pizza do you want? Jasper's ordering."

"Who's Edward?" Mike asked, trying to appear casual. Jasper smirked at me from behind Mike's chair, where he was on the phone. Emmett grinned at Mike, not having a clue.

"Edward is my little brother and was lucky enough to sweep Bella here off her feet. Not that we couldn't see it coming, I mean they were _clearly _into each other from the minute they met." He said proudly and Mike pouted at me, giving me a sad look. I gave him a helpless shrug, trying to hold back a smile.

"Mike, if we were meant to be, it would have happened by now. The fates were against us from the beginning." I said simply and Jasper snorted loudly before apologising to the pizza place for deafening them.

Mike did not stick around for pizza after all, excusing himself and claiming that he had plans with friends from college. He slouched out of the store, hands in his pockets and head hanging as he gave me a forlorn goodbye. I buried my face in my hands as Jasper howled with laughter, ruffling my hair.

"Cheer up, Hells Bells! You've been trying to ditch him for over two years, you should be happy!"

"He made me feel like I'd just kicked a puppy." I moaned and Alice giggled, sliding onto the sofa beside me and cuddling me.

"He'll get over it, Bella. Besides, you and Edward are much better together than you and Mike ever would be."

"Agreed." Emmett grinned and I slouched on the sofa, picking at the edge of my cast. My wrist was aching after the hard work of the day. Had it really only been a week ago that I'd been hit by a truck? So much had happened since then, it felt like a lifetime.

The pizza arrived and we sat around, eating and talking about the success of the day. Jasper was going over delivery requirements with Leah between bites of pizza. Rosalie and Alice were discussing weekend plans to look at bridesmaid's dresses, which I was apparently joining them for. Emmett and Seth were talking excitedly about the Seahawks, Seth being a huge fan and begging Emmett to let him meet the players. Alice was just chirping about colour themes for the wedding when my phone began to ring – _Everything I Do (I Do It For You)_ by Bryan Adams. Jasper began to giggle.

"For God's sake, Jasper, stop giving people the impression that my musical taste is as bad as yours!" I told him sternly and looked down at the caller I.D.

_Edward_.

"It's little bro. Check out the blush." Emmett smirked and Rosalie smacked him. I didn't reply, disappearing into the stock room as I answered the phone, sliding to sit cross-legged on the floor with my back against the wall.

"Hello?"

"Hello Bella." His voice was warm and I smiled in spite of myself.

"Hey Edward. I thought you were working?"

"Just taking a break. I wanted to find out how the first day went."

I told him about the craziness of the day, down to one customer who had kept insisting that she wanted the novel _Jane Eyre_ written by Jane Austen and had refused to believe me when I told her that it was written by Charlotte Bronte. He was laughing steadily down the line and I wished that I could see him, could see the way his eyes crinkled up when he smiled. His laughter faded away and he spoke affectionately.

"Thank you, Bella. I have a feeling that this shift will be considerably more bearable now I've had a chance to talk with you."

"I didn't think that I'd hear from you before Saturday." I admitted, resting my head against the wall. He chuckled.

"I wanted to give you your space, but it has backfired somewhat. I don't think that I _can_ stay away."

"I never asked you to." I whispered, almost to myself and he sighed, the sound crackling over the phone connection.

"I know. I won't anymore. It's far too difficult and benefits neither of us."

"So I'll see you on Saturday? Once you've had a lie in, I mean. You must be exhausted."

"You certainly will." He was smiling, I could tell and I smiled too.

"Good."

"I miss you." He blurted the words out nervously and my smile widened as I rubbed my forehead with my hand,

"I miss you too." I whispered and then we said our goodbyes.

I sat on the floor for a few minutes, listening the others laugh and talk while I revelled in the conversation that had just taken place. OK, so it had been less of a conversation and more of me ranting about my day, but still…

"Bella, if you want any more pizza, I'd get your ass out here before Emmett inhales it." Rosalie called and I hauled myself off the floor, slipping the phone into my pocket. I grabbed a slice of pepperoni and sat cross-legged in an armchair, ignoring Alice's sly looks in my direction while the others carried on talking. When there was a lull in the conversation, she brought out the fishing hook.

"I thought Edward was on night shifts, Bella." She said casually and I threw her a dirty look.

"He is. He was on his break and wanted to say hi."

"That was a long hi." Emmett teased, a good-natured smile on his face and I fidgeted, peeling a piece of pepperoni off the top of my pizza and popping it into my mouth.

"I guess."

"Emmett, leave her alone. Alice, you can keep your nose out too, or I'm making you wear a sack for a bridesmaids dress." Rosalie snapped before glancing at her brother, "Do you need any help setting up for tomorrow? We might as well lend a hand since we're here anyway."

Soon Jasper had Emmett carrying boxes of books out from the storeroom while Rosalie and I shelved them. Alice helped Seth and Leah clean and reorganise the café area. It was gone eleven by the time Jasper told everyone to go home and sleep. I waved goodbye, promising to text Jasper when I got home, since he and Alice were going the opposite way. I put my headphones in and walked along the cold pavement. The snow had finally stopped falling the day before and was already reduced to the grey slush that I stepped over as the music pounded in my ears. The day after tomorrow, I would be seeing Edward. OK, I would also be subjected to a horrendous shopping trip for wedding stuff, but afterwards… Edward.

I turned the corner onto my street and saw someone stood outside my building, unloading a car. It was Jacob. He reached up to close the trunk of the car and caught sight of me as I pulled out my earphones, smiling at me widely.

"Hey there, Bella." He grinned, holding out his arms for a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a brief embrace before stepping back and smiling up at him,

"Hey Jacob. Have a good holiday?"

"It was fine. Family is family, ya know?" He turned to pick up his suitcase so he didn't see my tense expression, but I shook it away as we climbed the steps. He unlocked his front door and then caught sight of the edge of my cast poking from beneath my sleeve. He frowned, taking my arm and pushing the sleeve up to examine it.

"Bella, what happened this time?"

"I got hit by a truck, two days before New Years. Its fine, just a tiny break. The cast can come off in a couple of weeks." I said nonchalantly.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get to see you before I left. Your friend, Alice is it? She told me that you were taken ill and Jasper took you home."

"Yeah, something like that." I said with a hollow laugh, remembering the night Jacob had left as the night I had fallen apart outside the City Bar. Jacob looked at me now with a fond expression.

"You want a nightcap? I've got a couple of beers in the fridge; to be honest, that's just about all I have." He grinned and I smiled tiredly.

"Not tonight. It's been a _really_ long day. But we have a café in the bookstore now, you should stop by for a coffee. It'll be on me."

"I'll hold you to that. I get the feeling that I'm going to be needing some caffeine tomorrow." He smiled and I turned to climb the stairs, wondering if I should have mentioned Edward.

* * *

~*~

The record couldn't last – I overslept the next day and was once again running down the street, slipping and sliding as I dodged commuters who scowled and glared at me as they babbled away into the phones. I turned onto the street that led to _The Paperback_ and my feet gave way underneath me as I landed in a pile of snow. I landed on my backside and groaned as I felt the damp soaking into my jeans. I clambered to my feet, glad that I hadn't landed on my injured wrist and stomped into the store. It wasn't quite as busy as yesterday, although there was still a queue at the café as the city hyped up on their caffeine addiction. Seth waved at me as I clocked in and Jasper smirked, eying my damp pants and back.

"Good morning, Bella."

"Stuff it up your ass and get me some coffee." I snapped as Alice skipped up the counter, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I don't start until Monday. I'll be back in a minute." She darted from the café and I sighed, peeling off my drenched hoodie. Luckily the t-shirt beneath it was still dry-ish and I reached eagerly for the coffee mug that Jasper was approaching me with. He smirked, holding it out of my reach.

"Ah, ah. What do we say?"

"… I love my boss." I muttered and he handed me the cup with a beatific smile. I sipped it gratefully before turning to serve a woman waiting at the cash register. Ten minutes later, Alice reappeared and held out a shopping bag to me with a delighted face.

"Dry clothes!"

"Alice… did you just go out and _buy_ me a new outfit?" I asked in disbelief. She smiled sweetly and pushed a large box onto the counter.

"Shoes. Go on, get changed before you catch pneumonia." She gestured to the bathroom and I gave Jasper a sour look.

"Your girlfriend is an evil fairy."

"An evil fairy with _excellent_ taste." Alice declared.

The outfit that Alice had decided was appropriate for work was a pair of ridiculously tight skinny jeans in tie dye. Seriously – tie dye. The top was black, with a built-in shrug and a silver belt below the bust. The shoes were an insane pair of black wedge heel boots. I almost marched straight back out and threw the clothes back at her, but then I would not only suffer the wrath of the Evil Fairy, but also her boyfriend and I would then have to spend the day in wet clothes. Grudgingly, I donned the outfit, stuffing mine into the bag.

Alice positively squealed at the sight of me, clapping her hand together and rushing to fix my hair.

"Oh, Bella! _Please _let me dress you more often, you look fantastic!" She begged and Jasper started to laugh. I wanted to hit him, but Alice beat me to it and he winced.

"What was that for, Alice?"

"Don't laugh! She looks great!"

"Well, yeah. But you think she's going to be able to stack shelves wearing _that_?"

"It's a perfectly acceptable work outfit. Prove it to him, Bella." Alice pouted and I strolled past Jasper, elbowing him in the gut as I went.

"For being an ass. When's the delivery due in?"

For three hours, I stacked shelves, worked the cash register and eventually told Jasper to go and take Alice with him, because she was getting under my feet, trying to style my hair while I was serving customers. He dragged her away for a long lunch and I breathed a sigh of relief as the flow of customers finally died away. I moved over to the café and ordered a cup of coffee from a cheerful Seth.

"At least it's not as crazy today." He said and then smiled, "I _like_ your outfit."

"Thanks Seth, but don't let Alice hear you say that. The last thing she needs is encouragement."

"No, what she needs is a Barbie doll. Was she deprived as a kid or something?" Leah said, stacking fresh-baked cookies into a glass case. I didn't reply, sipping my coffee and sighing.

"All I know is the girl is driving me crazy. Don't get me wrong, she's lovely, but she's like Tinkerbelle on speed."

Seth snorted with laughter and then looked over my shoulder as the bell rang, signalling the arrival of a customer. It was Jacob and I waved him over to where the three of us were standing. He looked me up and down with raised eyebrows.

"Wow, did Jasper bring in a dress policy?"

"You're a riot, Jacob." I said, leaning on the café counter.

"You look good." He smiled, his teeth white against the darkness of his skin and I glanced at Seth, who was watching me curiously.

"Jacob, this is Seth and that's Leah," She waved absently, not looking up from her clipboard and Seth shook his head, "They're our new café staff. Guys, this is my neighbour, Jacob, and I owe him a coffee."

"Coming up." Seth grinned and I sat down with Jacob at one of the small tables, both of us drinking perfectly brewed coffee.

"What did you do over the holidays, Bells?" He asked, tying back his long hair. I tapped the edge of my coffee cup.

"Jasper and I went to the Cullen's for Christmas day. That was nice, we had a good time."

"And New Years?" He asked, leaning his arms on the table to look at me more closely.

"The Cullen's, again. They had a New Years party."

"Damn, and I wasn't even around to kiss you at midnight." He smiled and I blushed in spite of myself, my eyes dropping to my coffee cup. The steam rose gently from it and I took a deep breath.

_Just say it, Bella! Grow a pair and say it!_

"Have dinner with me tomorrow night." Jacob asked abruptly and I looked up sharply. He wasn't smiling anymore but was watching me with an earnest expression that made my heart ache. He was a good guy, a great guy and he deserved better than this. He sensed my hesitation and reached out a large hand, taking mine in it.

"You're a special girl, Bella. We've been flirting for months and I did some thinking while I was away, and I'd like to get to know you better. So have dinner with me."

I took another deep breath and tentatively rested my other hand over our clasped ones, the cast brushing against Jacob's fingers as I raised my eyes to meet his.

"Jacob… I'm… I'm sort of seeing someone."

He looked at me blankly for a minute and I swallowed hard, looking down at our joined hands.

"It only… we only got together at New Years." He still didn't say anything and his fingers shook briefly under mine before he pulled away, resting his hands on his knees. I bit my lip, looking at him sadly.

"I'm sorry, Jacob."

"Do I know him?" Jacob asked flatly and I brushed my hair back behind my ears, nodding slowly.

"You've met. It's Edward, Edward Cullen."

"Oh. That guy." He said, almost to himself. I didn't say anything, pulling one of my legs up to my chest on the chair and wrapping my arms around it as he stared at the table, a miserable expression on his face. I felt terrible; Jacob _was_ a good guy and if Edward and I hadn't already gotten together, chances were that I would be agreeing to dinner with him tomorrow night. I think he knew it as well and that was why the look on his face was so unhappy. After a long silence, he tapped his coffee cup.

"I'd better go. I've got work."

"I am sorry, Jacob." I said, standing as he got to his feet. He looked down at me with a lopsided smile.

"Yeah, I know. We'll still hang out, right?"

"Of course. You owe me a beer." I said and he gave me another half smile, brushing a hand over my shoulder as he sloped towards the door. I watched him go, feeling utterly awful and then turned to see Leah and Seth watching from behind the café counter, Leah drinking coffee and Seth munching on a cookie like they were at the movies. I scowled and Leah arched an eyebrow.

"Wow. That's was harsh." She commented and I folded my arms. Seth shrugged.

"I don't know, I thought she let him down pretty nicely."

"Let who down?" Alice appeared at my elbow – I hadn't heard her and Jasper come back. Leah smirked at me.

"Bella just broke a guy's heart."

"I did _not_." I protested, "I just… Jacob asked me out and I explained that I was seeing someone."

"Jacob finally works up the nerve to ask you out and you're actually in a decent relationship." Jasper grinned, "The guy has crap timing. He's been wanting to get in your pants for months."

"Shut it, assface." I scowled, "I feel awful. Jacob's a nice guy, I don't like hurting him."

Alice was watching me shrewdly and I met her gaze unflinchingly. After a moment, she smiled, putting an arm around my waist as we walked together back towards the counter. I knew what she was saying; _You're right for my brother. I trust you with him_.

It was a heavy weight to bear but, for once, I felt equal to it.

* * *

**A/N: I was going to make you wait a little while longer for this chapter, but I'm in a fabulous mood as I just made last minute plans to go see We Will Rock You in London on Monday – front row! Woo! I have the best luck with that show, third time I've seen it from the front row and I've always paid ridiculously cheap prices! Hooray for bargain tickets! **

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11310490 – Bella's outfit. I cannot even express how much I want these shoes…**

**Heartbeat – Bella's breaking hearts left, right and centre! So here's the theme tune for Mike and Jacob at this point. It's a catchy little song. **

**I did work experience in a book shop a few years ago and I did spend a good fifteen minutes with a woman, trying to convince her that there is only one 'Jane Eyre' and it IS written by Charlotte Bronte, not Jane Austen. She was not convinced. I would also like to apologise for the lack of Edward in this chapter, but promise veritable lashings of him next time! And, as usual, thank you SO much for the wonderful reviews! I'm seeing more and more new names every time, as well as my wonderful regulars! I adore each and every one of you!**

**Reviewers will receive a footrub from their chosen Cullen/Werewolf!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	23. Closest Thing to Crazy

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been  
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,  
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,  
I was never crazy on my own  
And now I know that there's a link between the two,  
Being close to craziness and being close to you.**

**~Closest Thing to Crazy by Katie Melua~**

Rosalie sat across the table, considering me for several long minutes. I avoided her gaze, putting all my concentration into trying to stop my cheeks from flushing as she examined me. Alice tapped her foot impatiently.

"Why won't you trust me, Rosalie?"

"It's _my_ wedding, so I'm choosing the colour scheme." Rosalie shot back and then clicked her tongue, "Bella, you'd look like crap in gold. Alice, gold is definitely out."

"I already said that." Alice sulked and Rosalie looked down at the scraps of fabric she'd collected from bridal shops throughout the city, shifting through them. Apparently Alice and I had entirely different colourings, making it difficult for her to decide on a colour for our dresses.

"Maybe red? Dark red, obviously. White and red roses for the bouquets." Rosalie mused aloud and Alice nodded enthusiastically. I stayed silent – as far as I was concerned, my only duty as a bridesmaid was to stay quiet and not get in the way. Alice, on the other hand, had other ideas.

"Do you want a hen night?"

"Not really. A few cocktails and maybe some dancing, but I'm not looking for a huge event." Rosalie said absently, comparing two identical patches of red cloth. At least, they seemed identical to me, but Alice leaned over and tapped one.

"That one is better quality." She insisted.

"What do you think, Bella?" Rosalie asked and my head jerked up to see them both watching me.

"I agree with Alice." I said instinctively and they both looked appeased. Alice's phone chirped and she excused herself, trotting away from the table and moving to stand outside the little café where we'd met for brunch as she answered it. Rosalie smirked at me.

"Nice cover. Do try to pay attention."

"Sorry, Miss Hale." I smiled slightly and then shook my head, "I'm perfectly happy with whatever wedding decisions you make. Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there."

"No chance, Bella. You and Alice are going to be equally involved. The wedding is eight months and we've got a lot to do. Let's get to the bridal shop, I want to look at some designs and then we're going for a manicure." Rosalie gathered her things and I looked down at my disfigured nails. The poor manicurists had their work cut out for them.

Alice linked her arm through mine as we walked to the bridal shop that Rosalie had expressed an interest in.

"I'm so glad you came out with us today, Bella. I don't want Edward monopolising you, now you're a couple."

"Edward and I have barely seen each other since New Years. I don't think you need to panic." I reminded her and Rosalie laughed.

"Alice is just trying to emotionally blackmail you into coming to the movies with us tonight. I've already told her it's not going to happen."

"Definitely not. See, I have this theory that if you're dating someone, you actually have to be in the same room with them once in a while." I said and Alice squeezed my arm.

"Fine, but I expect you to put special girl time aside every week just for me."

"Try convincing my slave-driver boss that I need time off." I reminded her and she flashed me a wicked smile.

"Oh, I think I can convince him."

"No details, please, that's my brother." Rosalie pulled a face and I laughed. Alice looked up at me curiously.

"I've got to know. You and Jasper have been so close for so long, did…?" Her voice faded away and she chewed her lip, as though she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear my answer. I looked down at her.

"You want to know if anything ever happened?"

We came to stop outside the bridal shop and Rosalie gave me a frosty look, as though daring me to upset Alice. I ignored her, looking down at the dark-haired girl beside me, who was watching me with an imploring gaze.

"Once. We kissed once. I think we were both hoping that we'd feel something, because we got on so well, but… there was nothing."

"When?"

"A couple of months after we met. We were both absolutely hammered." I smiled down at my friend, "Alice, you have _nothing_ to worry about. After a very embarrassing ten minutes, we just agreed to pretend it had never happened and went back to normal."

"Wasn't that awkward? How do you just go back to friends after that?" Alice asked.

"No, it was fine. We both knew that it was… well, like a trial run. Just to see if anything happened and when it didn't, we mutually decided to go back to what suited us best, which was being friends."

I reached out a hand to Alice's shoulder, squeezing it slightly as I smiled at her.

"Alice, I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. I mean, he loves you. Trust me on this one. I know I'm crap at judging relationships, but you and him… it's right. Like Emmett and Rosalie," I looked at the blonde, "I just have to see you two together and I know that you make sense together. Two halves of a whole. It's the same for you and Jazz."

They both stared at me for a minute before giving each other a look that I couldn't quite read. Alice smiled brightly at me.

"Come on, we have to be at the salon in an hour and a half. Let's check out some designs." She turned and skipped into the shop, leaving Rosalie and I to follow. Rosalie brushed a hand over my arm.

"Thanks. You have a habit of putting your foot in it, but you actually did OK just now."

"I guess I'm growing as a person." I snorted, following her into the shop.

* * *

~*~

Alice and I went back to her apartment a couple of hours later, waving goodbye to Rosalie who was meeting Emmett at his work.

"Edward should be up by now. I just want to drop these things off and then I'm going to find Jasper." Alice said cheerfully, "What are you guys doing today?"

"I don't know. We haven't exactly had a chance to talk about it." I reminded her. I felt irrationally nervous, a tingling in the pit of my stomach making me fidget uncomfortably as we approached her building. Alice gave me a knowing smile.

"Stop worrying, Bella. He's going to be so happy to see you."

"I'm fine." I lied and she rolled her eyes.

"You can't fool me, so don't even try. Listen to Auntie Alice, OK? He's going to be happy, because you make him happy and you don't even realise what a big deal that is."

"What are you talking about?"

She paused outside the door to her building, looking up at me with her hands on her hips.

"I love Edward, don't get me wrong. But ever since we became family, he's been the withdrawn one, always focused on one thing and that was becoming a doctor. He never went out, never had friends over, hardly ever dated. Heck, it was a chore to get him to come to family events, and you know how close we all are. So when I say that you make him happy, you have to understand what a big deal that is." She said firmly.

I didn't reply, a lump in my throat. I was in some deep shit here – Edward had told me that he needed me and I _wanted_ to help him, but Alice made it sound like his whole family was just waiting for me to leap in there like Wonder Woman and save him. From what, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I didn't look good in hot pants and I certainly didn't own a Gold Lasso. Alice didn't seem to notice my discomfort as she let us into the building, hitting the elevator button. We rode up in silence and I gnawed on my bottom lip, twisting my fingers around the strap of the bag that lay diagonally across my shoulder. I winced as I tasted blood on my lip, and ceased my chewing, digging my fingernails into my palms instead.

Alice unlocked her door, calling "Edward, are you up yet?" as she threw her shopping bags on the floor. I heard a scuffling in the kitchen.

"Alice, did you finish off the milk again? I hope you bought more, because I'm not-" He appeared and fell silent as my jaw dropped. He had clearly just showered, a white towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping from his messy hair. He was holding an empty milk carton and looked thoroughly disgruntled.

_God damn, that man is lickable!_

I couldn't stop myself from staring – hell, I was lucky I didn't start drooling. My jaw remained dropped as I stared from his bare feet, up over the towel (_No! Bad Bella!_), over the damp, muscled chest and up to the chiselled jaw and perfectly imperfect hair that fell into his gorgeous eyes. I could barely breathe as he met my gaze and I felt the blood rush to my face, knowing that I should look away, but…

"Edward, there's milk in that bag," Alice's voice broke through my stupor, "Anyway, I'm out of here. I'm staying at Jasper's tonight, so I'll see you whenever."

She disappeared, the door slamming. And I was still staring. Edward stared back. Eternity passed and then, very slowly, Edward moved forward, lifting a hand and running a thumb over my lip.

"You're bleeding, Bella." He murmured. I could feel the heat emanating from his body, the smell of his soap cocooning me. His hand slid from my face, down onto my neck, pulling me closer and our lips met, both of us breathless. It was a tentative kiss, a 'it's been days, are we still going to do this' kind of kiss but the decision was unanimously made.

My mind had completely fuzzed over, because the next thing I knew I was pressed against the wall, my feet barely touching the ground as Edward pinned me with his damp chest, my hands tangled in his hair as his ran up and down my sides, over my hips and grazing my breasts. I accidentally moaned into the kiss and I swear he gasped, pressing against me harder and I felt him against my hip. God, he tasted so _good_, like dark sugar and spices and I kissed him harder, pulling his face to mine and his teeth nipped at my bottom lip. His hands ran down to my behind and he half lifted me off the floor, holding me against the wall and I squeezed my legs around his hips, almost falling. But he had me and held me firmly, tightening his grip in the reassurance that I wouldn't fall. I ran my hands over his tightly muscled back, my fingers sliding over the droplets of water that were falling across his skin.

"I forgot my shoes for tomorrow, I won't- Oh my!" Alice's voice took a moment to pierce the lust-induced fog that was clouding my brain. Edward's face dropped to my shoulder, breathing heavily against my neck as he hissed loudly, "Alice, get _out_."

The door shut quickly and we stayed motionless for a moment before I untwined my legs from around him, letting my feet fall to the floor. His head stayed buried in my neck and I ran my hands through his hair, caressing the dark locks that were like silk. He let out a heavy breath and lifted his head, pressing his forehead to mine, his eyelids drooping. He smiled weakly.

"Hey."

"Hi." I breathed, brushing my lips over his. I was ridiculously aroused and judging by the hard object pressing against my stomach, so was he. He took another deep breath and then shifted, clearly unsure as to whether he wanted to press against me again or to move back and rearrange his towel. I swallowed hard and decisively moved my arms to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to me.

"Lock the door?" I whispered and he gave a quiet laugh, kissing me again.

"Yes, but then I'm going to get dressed."

"I don't like that idea." I protested quietly and he laughed again, nuzzling his mouth against my neck. I pressed my hips against him again and he gave an almost silent moan before kissing my mouth again and releasing me, moving down the hallway to lock the apartment door. I rested heavily against the wall, watching him through hazy eyes and lifted a hand to push my hair out of my face. He turned and looked at me and I bit my lip again.

"Edward…"

"I want you, Bella." He said, walking back to me and kissing my forehead, "But not like this. It's too soon."

"Bullshit."

"You've got a filthy mouth." He smirked, nipping my lip again but disappeared into the bedroom before I could stop him. I let out a groan, bending down to pick up the grocery bags that Alice had abandoned. The tingling in the pit of my stomach, and areas further south, was making me incredibly uncomfortable, especially with the knowledge that Edward was in the next room in a state of undress. Seriously, I was only human. We were not made to resist this level of temptation!

I was unpacking the groceries and feeling thoroughly disgruntled, when he reappeared, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. He wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck, a favourite position it seemed.

"You smell wonderful." He mumbled, lips tickling my skin, "Like strawberries."

"Well, I've suspended smelling rights for you. All touching rights, in fact." I said haughtily, trying to wriggle out of his embrace but he held me tighter, chuckling.

"Why might that be?"

"Because you can't just _kiss_ a girl like that, get her all worked up and then decide not to do anything about it!" I said crossly. He loosened his arms a little and I turned, looking up at him with my arms folded. He was frowning slightly.

"Bella, it's not that I don't… I mean, I _do_ want to."

"I could tell." I said dryly and he smirked, shaking his head.

"I know. But… look, there's no reason why we can't take our time on this. It would be too easy to rush into the physical side of the relationship."

"Why can't we?" I asked, "We're both adults here, Edward. We're perfectly capable of making rational decisions."

To my surprise he laughed and tugged his arms, pulling me to his chest.

"Sweet girl. I am incapable of making rational decisions with you in the vicinity. You have no idea of the affect you have on me."

"What do you mean?" I was curious and his eyelids drooped again, giving his eyes a beautifully hooded expression as his lips moved against mine.

"Every time you're around, I find that I am incapable of thought," he whispered against my lips, "I can't control my words, my thoughts… my actions. If Alice hadn't interrupted, things would have gone a lot further."

"Remind me to kill Alice." I muttered and he chuckled.

"Certainly. But before you set off on a murder spree, you should know…" He kissed me again and this time it wasn't desperate, but sensual and full of promise, "That I fully intend to _do something about it_. Just not tonight."

He kissed me again, before reaching for the milk carton. I watched as he poured himself a glass and drained it, wiping his mouth in satisfaction.

"Milk addiction?"

"It's good for you." He said simply and I shook my head in amusement as he offered me some.

"I'm fine, thanks. Hungry though, did you eat yet?"

"No, I woke late and thought we might get some dinner." He said, opening the refrigerator door and putting the milk inside. I sat on the kitchen surface, legs dangling against the cabinet as I thought up ways that I could potentially torture Alice, watching as Edward finished unpacking the groceries. He turned to me with a smile.

"Shall we go out or order in?"

"Order in. My feet hurt, Rosalie and Alice have dragged me around just about every store in the city since we met. Or I could cook, seeing as you have groceries now."

I slid off the counter, opening the cupboard doors and examining selection of food they had. After finding some chicken breasts in the freezer, I turned to him.

"Chicken in white wine sauce with rice."

"That sounds good. And if it's anything like your cooking at Thanksgiving, it'll be delicious." Edward leaned in to kiss me again but I put a finger to his lips, stepping back.

"Not so fast. No touching rights, remember? You can chop the carrot and onions instead." I said sternly and he arched an eyebrow before reaching past me for the chopping board and knife.

We worked together as well as we had at Thanksgiving, talking about his shifts at the hospital, the opening day at _The Paperback_ and the wedding plans. Edward had talked to Emmett a few days previously and he was apparently completely out of the loop.

"Rosalie has informed him that all he has to do is show up on time and not crack jokes through the ceremony."

"If he wants to take over all of my duties, he can." I grimaced, "I was kind of hoping I'd just have to stand there, but Rosalie wants me to actually be _involved_. It's very distressing."

"My duties as best man are to organise a stag night and make sure he shows up on time." Edward laughed, "I'll be getting Jasper's input on that."

"_You_ are organising a stag night?" I couldn't help bursting into laughter as he dragged two stools to the kitchen counter. He paused and gave me a dry look.

"What's that reaction for?"

"It's just… stag nights are all crazy and wild, you know. And you're…" I gestured at him and he narrowed his eyes, looking slightly annoyed.

"Yes?"

"You're… not." I finished lamely and he raised his eyebrows.

"Not crazy and wild?"

"Not even slightly." I grinned, putting the plates down and sitting. He sat too, still eying me unhappily.

"I have done spontaneous things, Bella."

"No, you haven't." I shot back, taking a bite of the chicken. It was good and I gestured for him to try some. He didn't pick up his fork, still looking put out.

"How could you possibly know that I'm not spontaneous?" He asked. I shrugged, taking another bite.

"Name one."

"What?"

"Name one spontaneous thing that you've done in the last year." I insisted, sipping the wine that he'd poured us. Edward let out a heavy breath and then reached over, dragging my stool to his with a sharp movement. Unsteadily, I grabbed hold of his shoulder to keep my balance, but the movement jerked me against him, so that my face was centimetres from his. With a sly smile, he kissed me slowly, his arm twining around my waist.

"Not long before Thanksgiving, I spontaneously went out to a bar I've never been to and got into an argument with the most frustrating woman in the world." He said softly and kissed me again. I stared at him for a moment, stunned by his actions and then rolled my eyes with a grin.

"That doesn't count. Plenty of people spontaneously go to bars."

"Not me. I don't like bars. I find them noisy and crowded. But that night, I felt like being spontaneous. So that counts."

I shook my head, smiling.

"Not convinced."

"Fine. That day you came to the hospital with your head injury and I told you that I was about to finish my shift? I lied. I'd only just started. I had to work two shifts in a row to pay a colleague back for covering for me." Edward said, reaching for his food. I blinked and then shifted back in my stool, staring at him.

"You _lied_?"

"Yes. I was worried about you and I didn't want you to be alone." He said, swallowing a mouthful of chicken and rice. I didn't say anything and he gave me a lopsided grin.

"Is that spontaneous enough for you?"

"Uh…" I shook my head, trying to understand what he'd said, "So you skipped a shift at work to take care of someone you'd met twice and had yelled at you both times."

"No, I took some necessary time off work to look after someone who was important to my family and who I wanted to spend some time with." He corrected with a smile. I took a bite of my own dinner and then looked over at him. He was still smiling to himself and I let out an irritated huff.

"Fine. I still don't think that you can plan a stag night."

"You're probably right. That's why I asked Jasper to help." He laughed.

We washed the dishes together and I turned to look up at him with a daring grin.

"OK, Mr Spontaneous… get your coat."

"What?"

"We're going out." I said, pulling on my jacket. Edward gave me a bemused look, running a hand through his hair.

"Where?"

"Don't know. Come on, get your coat. It's cold outside."

"Bella…" Luckily, he seemed to think better of arguing and, with a resigned look, turned to pull on his heavy black coat. I twined my scarf around my neck and reached for his hand, pulling him towards the door. He didn't say a word but his expression was one of indulgence, the way a parent looks with a persistent child.

We walked down the street and when we reached the street corner, I paused. Edward looked down at me, squeezing my hand.

"OK, where now?"

"Well…" I considered the two separate paths. After a moment, I grinned, "I'm going to get another tattoo."

"_What_?"

"I'm getting another tattoo. I got this one when my life went to shit, to remind me of the bad things that happened. Things are looking better now and I want to remind myself that I can make good things happen for myself." I said – it was making more sense by the second and I marched down the street. There was a tattoo parlour about eight blocks away and Edward chased after me, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop. He looked positively appalled.

"Bella, you can't just get a tattoo on the spur of the moment!" He insisted.

"Why not?" I asked, genuinely interested in hearing his reasoning.

"It could get infected."

"I know how to clean a tattoo and I'm going to this parlour, because that's where I got my first one done. I know they're good and that they're clean."

"You might change your mind later. You could end up regretting it." He reasoned desperately.

I gave him a faint smile.

"No. I'm done regretting things that I can't change, Edward. That's why I'm going to do this, because then I have no choice but to accept it and move on if it doesn't turn out the way I want it to. Even if," I reached for his hand, "I think it will."

He was silent and we walked without a word to the tattoo parlour.

* * *

**A/N: God damn, don't you just want to lick him all over?**

**Ahem. Yes, anyway. Chapter. Hope you enjoyed it! I can just see the look on Edward's face when she says she's getting another tattoo. **

**Bella: I'm getting another tattoo!**

**Edward: OMG, WTF, WHY?!**

**Thank you VERY much for all the luverly reviews, I appreciate each and every single one of the 200 REVIEWS!!!! Oh, you're getting a super special review bribe tonight!**

**Closest Thing to Crazy – well, who wouldn't feel kinda crazy with Edward making out with you against a wall and then leaving you hanging? Bella certainly does!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf, who will get you hot and bothered and then _do something about it_. Oh yeah.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	24. The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**Chapter Twenty Four**

**Cause if one day you wake up and find you're missing me  
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be  
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet  
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street  
So I'm not moving **

**I'm not moving**

**~The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script~**

"I can't believe you persuaded Edward to go to a tattoo parlour!" Alice cried in disbelief. It was five days later and she was staring at the mark on the inside of my right wrist as we had coffee in the café at the bookshop.

"It's not like he did anything other than stand there, looking disapproving." I grinned as she ran a finger around the outline of my new tattoo. It was a couple of inches in length, the skin still raised around it. It was of a small swan, inked in twisting loops and intricate lines, the neck curved gracefully and wings outstretched.

"Why a swan?"

"My surname is Swan. It's a reminder of who I am and where I came from." I said; this was the easiest explanation, as opposed to 'it's to stop me from being a miserable bitch who can't stop living in the past'.

Alice examined the mark for a few more seconds before leaning back in her chair, a bemused look on her face.

"I just can't believe that Edward stood there and watched you do this. He didn't even argue with you about it?"

"He tried at first, but I was teaching him a lesson in spontaneity."

"You were looking pretty spontaneous against the wall on Saturday." Alice grinned impishly and Rosalie, who had just put down her coat as she joined us, blinked at me before arching an eyebrow.

"Do I want to know?"

"I happened to walk in Edward and Bella going at it against our living room wall on Saturday night." Alice said brightly and Rosalie smirked at me. I rolled my eyes.

"We _weren't_ going at it. We were just kissing."

"And groping." Alice interjected and I threw a napkin at her head.

"There would have been more if you hadn't interrupted! You freaked him out, he refused to go any further after that."

"That's hilarious." Rosalie chuckled, looking over the board of specials that Leah had written out. I scowled.

"Oh yeah, hilarious. I got cock-blocked by Tinkerbell!"

Alice and Rosalie both collapsed into giggles and I glanced at the clock as I drained the last of my drink.

"My break is over. Enjoy your coffees, I hope you choke." I said lightly and Alice threw the napkin back at my head. Mike was manning the cash register, showing our new employee, Siobhan, the ropes. She was a student at UW, studying law and had dark red hair, numerous freckles and a quick mind that had grasped the basics of the job quickly. I tapped Mike on the shoulder and he beamed down at me.

"Hey Bella."

"You can take your break now, Mike."

"Sure thing. Back soon." He winked at me and disappeared out into the store room to get his coat. I heaved a deep breath, praying for patience and Siobhan smiled at the look on my face.

"The boy is smitten, give him a break."

"You're new. You'll learn. How are you finding everything?"

We fell into conversation about her course at UW and she began firing questions off about working at _The Paperback_. I gave her a grin.

"You're going to be a prosecutor? You're good at questioning."

"I'm nosy and I'm going to get paid obscene amounts of money to do it." She laughed and went to stack a pile of books. I turned to help a customer, who was buying the entire Harry Potter series and I kindly refrained from giving away the ending, however tempting it was to say 'You know he dies at the end?'. Jasper had told me how he'd once worked in a movie theatre and had cheerfully given away the ending to every filmgoer until he got fired. But I let the woman leave without ruining any of the endings; I was in a good mood.

This lasted for approximately thirty seconds, when Jasper burst into the store and fell to his knees in front of me.

"Bella! My dear, darling Bella!"

"Oh god. What do you want?" I groaned and he reached up, taking my hands in his with a pleading look.

"I ordered those new shelving units and they can't deliver for three weeks. _Three _weeks! Could you go and pick them up for me in your truck?"

"When?"

"Uh… now?" He grinned charmingly and I groaned again, tapping his knee with the toe of my shoe.

"Get up, dumbass. I'm taking the rest of the day off for this one."

"You are my angel. My light. My guiding star." He raised his arms, praising me.

"Yeah, yeah, try giving me a raise." I smirked as he stood, kissing my forehead triumphantly and calling for Siobhan to help him shift some stock out of the way to make room for the new shelves. I rolled my eyes and waved at Alice and Rosalie, who were making final decisions on bridesmaid's dresses.

"Try not to pick an ugly one, Alice, you've got terrible taste!" I called and she threw me a dirty look, gesturing at something on the page to Rosalie.

I walked the short route to my building and climbed into my truck. I hadn't driven it for a few weeks so I let the engine run to warm up for a few minutes before pulling out into the street. The warehouse I was visiting was about thirty minutes outside of the city so I plugged my iPod in, letting it randomly change between songs and genres, singing along under my breath. Both of my wrists were itching like crazy, around the tattoo and under the cast, but I resisted, approaching the speed limit as I got out of the busy city roads. I never went over the limit – for a start, my truck wouldn't go that fast without imploding, but it also came from Charlie's influence. He'd taught me to drive and when you're taught to drive by the Chief of Police, you damn well paid attention to the speed limit.

I pulled up outside the warehouse, marvelling that I'd actually gotten there by following Jasper's instructions, which left much to be desired. It was a little out of the way, but there were a couple of other vehicles loading furniture, so I guessed I was in the right place. I took the invoice that Jasper had given me and went to the door. A large dark-haired man approached me with a smile, his eyes scanning me from head to foot. I shifted on the spot, frowning at his lack of subtlety.

"What are you after, sweetheart?" He asked, finally meeting my eyes. I narrowed them, handing him the invoice.

"The name is Bella Swan, I'm here to collect some shelving units for Jasper Whitlock." I said sharply, drawing his attention.

"Sure thing, sweetheart. Hey, Bella…" He winked, licking his lips. I repressed a shudder, "Isn't that beautiful in Italian? Kinda fitting, gorgeous."

"Yeah, because I've never heard that one before. You can put the units in the back of the Chevy." I said flatly and turned to walk back to my truck. Someone laughed nearby and I saw a sandy haired guy smiling to himself. He fell into step beside me as I approached the truck.

"Please excuse Felix. He truly believes that he's God's gift to women."

"Did you try returning him for store credit?"

He laughed again, holding out his hand. I shook it.

"Bella."

"Demetri. I own this place."

"So you hired the jackass?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and he grinned.

"You can't choose family. The guy's my cousin." Demetri said, looking over his shoulder at where Felix and another guy were hauling out some large boxes on a pallet trolley. Felix smiled creepily at me again as they started loading and I repressed a shudder as I signed for the items, checking that the codes printed on the boxes matched the ones on the invoice. Demetri gave me a quick run down on the contents of each one, but was interrupted as my cell phone began to ring. I gave him an apologetic look as I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Bella." I smiled at the sound of Edward's voice.

"Hi Edward. What's up?"

"I'm finishing up at the hospital and was wondering if I could stop by the bookstore to take you to dinner." He asked, his rich voice making my pulse race. I glanced at the truck; they were almost finished loading it up.

"That sounds good, but I'm not actually at the store. I'm just picking some stuff up for Jazz, so can I meet you there? Alice and Rosalie were hanging around, so you'll have company."

"That's fine. I'll see you soon, sweet girl." He said softly and I bit my lip.

"See you soon."

I hung up and looked back at Demetri.

"Sorry about that. Is this everything?"

"Felix is bringing the last one now. I've got to say, your boss was very understanding about the problem with deliveries." Demetri commented and I rolled my eyes.

"Only because he knew he could get me to collect it. Otherwise he'd be freaking out and having hysterics."

"I hope you're making him pay you back." Demetri laughed and I grinned.

"Oh, he'll pay. He's taking me out and paying for every drink and a cab ride home."

"You're doing the boss? The lady likes a man with power." Felix said, jumping down from the bed of the truck, where'd he been fastening down the boxes. I gave him a disgusted look.

"I'm not doing the boss, asshole. He's my dating my boyfriend's sister."

"You're spunky, sweetheart. I like that in a woman." He leered, lowering his face to the same level as mine. Demetri glared warningly at him but Felix ignored him, letting his eyes wander south. I was about two seconds away from kneeing him in the nuts when someone shouted my name. The three of us turned and I saw Emmett jogging across the parking lot, grinning wildly at me.

"Hey, Bella! What are you doing here, cutie-pie?" He swept me up into a big hug and I laughed, returning the gesture. Felix fell back, with a sour expression and Demetri rolled his eyes, leaning against the pallet trolley.

"Jasper needed me to collect some stuff. What about you?" I asked as he put me back on my feet. He rolled his eyes.

"One-of-a-kind bed frames and dressers. I swear to god, I love Rosie but I don't get the woman at _all_. Did you know that Tibetan timber is the only way to go?"

"You don't say." I grinned and glanced over my shoulder at Felix. His eyes were fixed on my backside and Emmett noticed immediately, pushing me behind him. He was only a couple of inches taller than Felix, but far more muscular. He folded his arms, looking down at Felix.

"You mind taking your eyes off my sister's ass?"

"Your sister?" Felix snapped to attention and met Emmett's gaze with a disgruntled look. Emmett didn't flinch, staring him down and Felix kicked the ground, giving me one last look over before storming back to the warehouse. Demetri chuckled again and shook my head.

"A pleasure, Bella."

"You too." I turned and smiled at Emmett, "I've got to get going, I'm meeting Edward at the bookstore."

To my surprise he leant down and kissed me on the cheek, pulling me into another embrace. I looked at him in confusion.

"What was that for?"

"For taking care of my brother. I know Alice has probably said this, but you're good for him." He grinned, "I can't imagine he's that bad for you either."

I flushed, not knowing how to respond and Emmett squeezed my shoulders.

"Get going, cutie-pie. I'm going to be forever, loading this furniture."

"You called me your sister." I blurted out and instantly regretted it as his eyes widened. He stared at me for a moment and then threw his head back, laughing as he gathered me up again. I swear, he'd given me more hugs in the last five minutes than I'd had in the last month.

"Bella, honey… whether you like it or not, you're pretty much family now. That means if a guy starts perving on your ass, I have to cover you. So yeah, for all intents and purposes, you're my sister."

I hesitated and then gave him a quick hug, reaching up to kiss his cheek before running to the door of my truck and jumping in, my heart pounding as I drove away.

_You're pretty much family now._

_You're my sister._

_My wife has always wanted a large family, don't be surprised if she tries to keep you around_

I inhaled deep breaths, trying to calm myself.

I had family.

This realisation had only just occurred to me and I rubbed my forehead with my right hand, ignoring the itching skin around the tattoo. I had family. I was wanted, in a family. Demetri had literally just stated that you couldn't choose your family but here I was. I had brothers and sisters, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Emmett. I had a man and woman who saw me as one of their own, Esme and Carlisle.

I had Edward.

This revelation was accompanied by a column of smoke pouring from under the hood of my car. I swore loudly and pulled off the road, braking just as the engine died. I clambered out of the cabin and threw open the hood, choking as the thick smoke hit me in the face. I stepped back, staring at the engine blankly. I didn't have the first idea of how to fix this. I could call Emmett, but there was no knowing if he had a clue on how to fix it either.

I pulled out my cell and dialled, holding it to my ear as I kicked the tyre of the truck miserably.

"You've reached Tyre Tracks, Quil speaking, how can I help?" A cheerful voice said.

"Quil, it's Bella. Jacob's neighbour, we met a while ago."

"Bella, hey! What's up?" He said happily. I laughed hollowly.

"The truck died and I'm stranded in the ass end of nowhere. Is Jacob around?"

"I'll get him for you, hold on."

There was a muffled noise and a moment later I heard Jacob's voice.

"Hey, Bella. Where are you?" I relayed my location, "Yeah, I know it. What happened to the truck?"

"A whole lot of smoke and now it won't start." I said miserably and he chuckled warmly.

"I hate to say it, honey, but I did warn you not to get emotionally attached. I'm on my way, be with you in about half an hour."

I hung up and leant against the door of the cabin, listening to my iPod as I stared at the grey sky as I ran over the idea of family in my head again. It was a strange one. I'd never had a real family; of course, I'd had Charlie but it had only ever been the two of us and I had always thought there should be more to equate a family. We'd _been_ family but we hadn't been _a_ family.

Thirty-four minutes later, a tow truck pulled up beside me and Jacob jumped out, tying back his hair. I smiled weakly at him.

"Be careful with my baby."

"Bella, you need to detach." He grinned, popping the hood and peering inside, poking at the wires and gears. He winced, whistling loudly, "You need a new car. I'm sorry, but I really can't repair this. It's a goner."

"I was afraid you'd say that." I sighed, patting the door, "I guess this is goodbye."

"We'll haul it back to town. Where's that delivery going?" Jacob gestured to the large pile of boxes.

"_The Paperback_, Jasper's waiting for it." I said as he began to hook the front of my truck to the back of his.

"We'll take the whole lot back to the bookstore, then. I'll take the truck down to the junkyard afterwards." He said, gesturing for me to climb into the front seat of the tow truck. Jacob sat in the driver's seat and we set off. After a few minutes of silence, I looked over at him.

"I haven't seen you in a while."

"I've been working a lot." He said briefly, "You?"

"Working too." I said, "And some freelance book reviewing. That's been pretty cool."

He smiled brightly, giving me a sideways glance as we joined a busy road. I smiled back, feeling warmth in the pit of my stomach. He had an infectious smile and he flashed it at me again a moment later.

"So, you'll be in the market for a new car?" He said casually, changing gear as we sped up.

"I guess so. If you spot one at a decent price, let me know." I requested.

"I'll keep any eye out." He promised and I nodded.

"Good. I wouldn't trust anyone else to find me a car. I mean, Alice would probably enjoy shopping for one, but her main priority would be how well it went with my shoes." I said, wanting him to laugh, and he did, throwing his head back as he did so. I pulled one of my knees up to my chest, leaning my arms on it as I watched him. He looked over at me again and his expression softened as he let out a long sigh, reaching over and patting my other knee with a large hand.

"Ah, Bells, honey. You've got no idea how much I'm kicking myself."

"What?" I asked, confused. He shook his head, taking my hand but keeping his eyes on the road. His hand was very warm, the fingers calloused and rough against my skin.

"For not trying harder. For not asking you out sooner. I keep telling myself, 'it could have been me', if I'd just gotten my act together instead of assuming there'd be time." He said simply and my heart pounded as he squeezed my fingers, letting out another long sigh. After a moment, I cleared my throat hesitantly.

"I… I don't think that we would have been good, Jake."

Jacob paused and then looked around at me. I rested my cheek on my arms, looking at him sadly. He shook his head.

"See, that's where you're wrong. We would have been awesome." He murmured and I shook my head slightly.

"No. We would have been awesome at first. But then I would have done what I always do; I would have pulled away and treated you like shit. You would have wondered what you did wrong, we would have argued and we would have ended up miserable."

"You put way too much thought into all the reasons why it might not work." Jacob said sternly. He hesitated and then took his hand from mine, pulling over onto the side of the road. I sat up in confusion, looking around before I saw him twist in his seat so that he was facing me, his dark brow furrowed as he gazed at me. I swallowed hard, shaking my head but he held up a hand.

"Give me a chance, Bella. Because I just want to say this so that you… you've got all of your options."

"Options?"

"I like you, Bella. You know that, and I'm pretty damn sure that you like me. That night that we went out, I was all prepared to make something happen and I missed my chance." He twisted his face in disappointment and I bit down on my lip, my heart racing.

"Jacob, it wouldn't have made a difference."

"Why not? Because of…" He didn't seem to want to say his name and I nodded.

"Because of Edward, yes. Jake, Edward and I were… were on our way to being together and I don't think that anything could have stopped that. It was just going to happen." I explained and he shook his head quickly, looking annoyed.

"What's to say that we couldn't have 'just happened', Bella?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say, it didn't seem like anything was going to convince Jacob, so I stayed silent. A few silent minutes passed and then Jacob swore quietly, resting his hands on the wheel. I chewed on my lip for a moment longer before sliding along the seat and resting my hand on his forearm.

"Jake, please… look, its better like this. This way, I can keep you around. Friends last a hell of a lot longer than most relationships do." I said and he twisted his neck to look down at me. I smiled weakly and in a sudden movement, he jerked his head down towards mine and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. Not a full kiss, no desperate attempt to change my mind, just a small, sweet promise of what could be if I gave him a chance.

I sat perfectly still as he moved back, examining my face intently and then let out a defeated sigh, his breath warm on my skin.

"Shit. That guy sure did a number on you."

"I guess so." I murmured, shifting back to my seat and fastening my seatbelt. Jacob started the engine again and pulled out but after a minute, he reached over and took my hand, bringing it to his lips for a second before letting our joined hands fall between us as we drove in silence back to the city.

* * *

**A/N: Now, don't all start hating on Jacob. He's my little wolf boy and I luff him. Besides he's less forceful in this than he is in the book! Aw, and Bella's getting all emotional about her family. I adore Emmett, he does not get enough book time. He would kick somebody's ass to protect his sisters. **

**The Man Who Can't Be Moved – Another song from our title band, The Script. This song is for Jacob, his way of saying that if Bella changes her mind and wants him, he'll be there waiting. **

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews! I tried something new last chapter and did some review replies, I hope you got them! I will try to do them more regularly.**

**Anyway, must be off. Need to get dressed, tame my hair and hop on the train to London for We Will Rock You! Yay! Reviewers will receive their favourite Cullen/Werewolf and a box of strawberries. Use your filthy imaginations! Except for one reviewer, who gets a piping hot batch of monkey bread. You know who you are, my worthy opponent.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	25. Better Together

**Chapter Twenty Five**

**I believe in memories  
They look so, so pretty when I sleep  
Hey now, and when I wake up,  
You look so pretty sleeping next to me  
But there is not enough time,  
And there is no, no song I could sing  
And there is no, combination of words I could say  
But I will still tell you one thing  
We're better together.**

**~Better Together by Jack Johnson ~**

It took us longer to get back into the city than I anticipated, hitting the rush hour traffic as we entered Seattle. Neither Jacob nor I said another word as we drove.

Everything that had needed to be said already had been.

Finally we pulled into the street where _The Paperback_ was. Jacob pulled to a stop outside and looked down at me with a sad smile, finally releasing my hand. I returned the smile, feeling a slight loss in my chest for what could have been. I knew that there would have been goodness in it, but I couldn't bring myself to mourn it, not when I had something so much more precious in its place.

"Do you want a coffee? My treat." I asked quietly and he nodded, rubbing his hands into his eyes.

"Yeah. It's been a long day." He said and then gave me a smile that was more like his usual happy one. I returned and slid out of the tow truck heading to the door of the store.

It was almost empty; Jasper and Siobhan were at the desk, Leah and Seth were wiping down tables, except for the one where Edward, Rosalie and Alice were sat. They all looked around as we entered and I gave them all a weak smile. Jasper eyed me.

"Geez, Swan. I send you out on one errand and you're gone for over three hours."

"My truck died. And I mean _really_ died." I said in a sorrowful tone. Jasper sighed, shaking his head.

"Do you need to take a moment?"

"I'm sure that I'll get over it. But I made Jacob haul his ass all the way out to rescue me, so now I owe him coffee." I said, looking over at Leah, who went to the café and began pulling out mugs. Jacob went to Jasper and asked him where he could unload the boxes, but I moved over to Edward. He was sat on one of the high stools at the counter and I slid my arms around him, burying my face in the crook of his neck and inhaling deeply. All the anxiety of the day melted away instantly and I let out a soft sigh as his arms tightened around me, warm and secure.

"Is everything alright?" He murmured in my ear and I nodded, lifting my head to see his face. He looked slightly concerned and I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's fine." He promised and kissed me softly. The second kiss that I'd had that day and the difference was enormous. A thousand sensations shot through me at once and I shivered. His arms tightened around me and he laughed softly, kissing me once again.

I felt eyes on us and pulled my face away from him, looking round. Jacob was staring at his feet, but I was fairly certain that he hadn't been a moment ago. Guilt flooded me and as our eyes met, he gave me a half-smile before following Jasper out to load the boxes onto a trolley. I glanced back at Edward to see his eyes on my face, frowning slightly. Then a look of resigned understanding crossed his features and I bit my lip before running a finger down his cheek.

"Can we get out of here?" I asked quietly.

He nodded silently and we collected our things, saying a brief goodbye to Rosalie and Alice, who hadn't said a word since I'd gotten back. Edward took my hand and led me out of the door. We walked in silence towards my apartment and I let us in, feeling the tension building between us. I risked a look at his face. It was blank and that made me more nervous than if he was frowning.

I closed the door to my apartment and turned to see that Edward had crossed to the sofa and was sitting on it, staring down at his clasped hands. I felt unreasonable tears pricking at my eyes and blinked them back, biting down on my lip. It was sore, worn from my constant chewing and I ran my tongue over it, feeling the sting of the torn skin. Edward didn't look at me.

I put down my bag and crossed to him gingerly. He didn't move, still gazing at his hands and I sat onto the sofa beside him, before working up all of my courage and crawling into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my face to his neck again. Once again, his scent sent my pulse racing, yet calmed me immeasurably.

After a painful moment, his arms slid around my waist, pulling me close and I felt his lips on my forehead, sweet and soft. I lifted my face and met his eyes, still fighting back tears.

"Nothing happened."

"I know." He murmured, "But it was still…"

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, clutching at his shirt, tightening my fists as though this simple action could keep him here with me. He frowned a little, running his fingers over my cheek.

"Why are you sorry, sweet girl? You can't help the way he feels." He said, sounding faintly amused but I shook my head.

"I hurt him. I didn't mean to. And it hurt you too."

"You didn't hurt me. I was just…" His voice trailed away and his head dropped, resting against my neck. I repressed a shiver as his breath tickled my skin and I lifted my good hand, twining his soft hair in my fingers.

"What is it?" I murmured and he nuzzled my neck softly with his lips.

"… I was just afraid that you might have changed your mind. That you were having doubts."

He sounded so young, like a child confessing his deepest fear of the monster under the bed. I placed my hands on his cheeks, lifting his face so that it was level to mine and I drank in his eyes, the beautiful depths of them.

"Edward, I won't change my mind. Not ever. Not about us." I said desperately, needing him to say the same, needing him to reassure me. He breathed heavily, his eyes gaining that hooded look and my breath caught in my throat as a strange heat built in the pit of my stomach. One of Edward's hands grazed my thigh and he kissed me, and it was like the kiss we'd had just a few nights ago in his apartment. His tongue met mine and once again I tightened my hands in his hair as he shifted me in his lap so that I was straddling him on the sofa, his hands on my waist and then they slid under my shirt, his fingers splayed warmly against my back. It was hardly the most erotic of movements but those damn sparks flew from his skin onto mine, setting my nerves humming and every inch of my body tingling.

I gasped as his skin connected with mine and the heat in my stomach shot south, filling me. Edward's eyes opened and poured into mine; the next thing I knew, I was no longer perched on top of him but beneath him on the sofa, his hard body pressed against mine as we kissed ferociously. Gone was the gentleman, here was an entirely new side of Edward, one that I had glimpsed briefly that night in his apartment, but he was here without restraints now as his tongue pressed against mine, running over my lips before his mouth left mine, kissing the underside of my jaw and then trailing down my neck, sucking slightly at the point where my neck met my shoulder.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I slid my hands under his shirt, mirroring his earlier movement as I felt the warm skin beneath my fingers, ran them over the defined muscles and broad back. Without meaning to, my hips bucked, moving against his and he let a moan before falling still.

"Shit. We can't." He muttered and I actually groaned as he lifted his head, meeting my eyes. He was as frustrated as I was and I furrowed my brow, letting my hand run up to his shoulders.

"Yes, we can." I said, almost pleadingly but he shook his head, taking my left wrist in his hand and tapping the cast lightly.

"You have a broken wrist, Bella. Before it is completely healed, I don't want to risk any unnecessary pressure, especially not when you've already had injuries to this bone. And as I said last time, I don't want to rush this."

I stared at him for a moment before sitting up and pushing him off me with a sigh. He reached out an arm and pulled me to him, resting his head once again in the crook of my neck.

"Don't think I don't want to, Bella. I do, very much so."

"I can tell." I muttered, glancing down at the rather obvious bulge in his jeans. He noticed my noticing and cleared his throat awkwardly. I couldn't help giving a faint laugh and let my head roll back onto the back of the couch with a load groan. He laughed this time, running his hand down my thigh again.

"You have no idea how hard it is for me to resist you. And if we're going to do this, I want it to be for us and not as a reaction to… other things." He said quietly and I looked him in the eye. With a faint smile, I shook my head.

"If we were doing this right now, it'd be for us, Edward. No one else. You're not exactly easy to resist either, by the way. And I don't have a whole lot of self-control." I warned him and he gave me a surprisingly devilish grin, leaning in to kiss me again.

"Your cast is coming off the week after next and when it does, I thoroughly look forward to enjoying your… lack of self-control." He said, his voice filled with want and need.

And then, just to ruin the moment completely, my stomach growled loudly. Edward burst into laughter and stood, offering me his hand.

"I'd better feed you. What are you in the mood for?"

_You, in every position imaginable._

"Italian?" I said out loud, mentally kicking myself. It was bad enough that I was turned on and not getting any, I didn't need my imagination to run away with itself too.

Edward took me to a tiny little Italian restaurant that I had never been to before. The waitress smiled at him flirtatiously, guiding us to a table in the corner. Edward thanked her politely and she gave him an upraising look up and down. I cleared my throat in an obvious way and she handed us our menus as we sat down.

"Can I get you any drinks?" She asked, eyes still fixed firmly on Edward. He didn't seem to notice, perusing the menu before looking at me with his crooked smile.

"Bella?"

"I'll have a coke." I said flatly and he nodded.

"Same, please." He said and the waitress disappeared, her strut a little too over-the-top. I stared after her in disbelief and then looked back at Edward. He caught me and smiled.

"Is everything alright?"

"Over than the waitress practically mounting you? Sure." I said lightly, looking down at the menu. Edward chuckled under his breath and reached across the table, lacing his fingers through mine.

"Was she?"

"Yup."

"She'll be very disappointed then. I recommend the ravioli. It's very good." He pressed his lips to my knuckle and then turned my hand over to examine the healing tattoo. I chewed my lip and he sighed slightly before kissing it swiftly. I smiled.

"I thought you disapproved of my tattoo?"

"Medically, I do, because I've seen what happens when they go wrong. But… I find it rather attractive." He said softly and lowered his mouth to the mark again, his tongue darting out and pressing against it. Heat shot through me and I let out a soft groan.

"Edward, what did I say about getting me all worked up and then not delivering?"

"I happen to think you look beautiful when you're all worked up." He said against my wrist, pressing another kiss upon the tattoo. I bit on my lip again, utilising all of my self control to stop myself from throwing myself across the table at him. I didn't think I had enough cash to cover the tip I'd need to leave for _that_ scenario.

"Are you ready to order?" The waitress said flatly, as she watched Edward remove his mouth from my wrist and give me a dazzling smile.

"I'll have lasagne, please." He said, handing her the menu. The waitress jotted it down and then gave me an unhappy glance.

"Ravioli, please. And a glass of red wine."

"Make that two." Edward interjected and he looked at me as she disappeared, "Change your mind about the coke?"

"If I have to sit here watching her lust over you all night, I'm going to need some kind of sustenance." I warned him and he chuckled, sipping his icy coke.

The food was delicious and we ate quickly, splitting a lemon meringue pie for desert. It was only just after nine when we left the restaurant; Edward had insisted on paying and I made a mental note to slip a few bills into his pocket later. He looped his arm around my waist as we walked back to my apartment and I looked up at him, chewing my lip.

"Will you stay over tonight?" I asked quietly and he looked at me quickly, "Not for… I mean, I think we're pretty clear that _that_ isn't going to happen, however lame I think your excuses are. I just meant that if you wanted to stay the night, that might be…" I fell silent, staring down at my feet and he laughed, kissing my temple.

"I'd like that. Do you mind if we swing past mine so I can pick up some things?"

"No problem." I smiled, a little relieved and slid my arm around his waist, leaning into him as we walked.

"I would ask you if you wanted to stay at mine, but I think Alice might spontaneously combust with happiness. Or you'd overhear her and Jasper, which I insist on protecting you from." He said lightly and I snorted with laughter.

"Yeah, that seems fair. I don't think my friendship with either of them could survive that."

We changed direction, heading to his flat instead. From the street, we could see the light on the apartment and he pulled a face.

"Wait here, I'll be two minutes." He murmured, running up the steps to the front door. I smiled to myself, leaning against the wall and tugging my hat on more securely. God, I couldn't wait for spring. I wanted sunshine and warmth and to put my hat away until next autumn.

On the other hand, seeing as Edward had kept my hat for a strangely long period of time, I might keep it around.

The door opened and Edward reappeared, holding a small bag and shaking his head in despair.

"It's a good thing you stayed out here."

"Jasper and Alice were getting busy?" I sniggered and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm investing in a great deal of disinfectant and I won't be using the bathroom until it's been thoroughly cleaned, put it that way. Come on, I'll drive us over to your place."

_Well, at least _somebody's_ getting some._

_

* * *

  
_

~*~

I thought it would be awkward – lots of uncomfortable silences and avoidance of eye contact, but Edward waited until I had gotten changed into my pyjamas, light blue flannel ones, and then bent down, sweeping my knees out from underneath me and carrying me to the bed. I giggled, like a little girl as he put me down on the mattress.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"You're always accusing me of being a gentleman, I may as well play the part." He teased, climbing into the bed beside me. I rolled over, looking at him in silence for a moment as he adjusted the pillow and sheets, his hair tangled and beautiful. Once he had settled, his gaze met mine and he smiled. I smiled back.

"This has been a really weird day. But at least this is a good way to end it." I said and he cocked an eyebrow.

"Tell me about your weird day."

I started with the trip to the warehouse, the incident with Felix (Edward was remarkably unimpressed at that) and Emmett's arrival, the death of my truck, Jacob turning up to rescue me, the following conversation (minus attempted kiss, somehow I didn't think _that_ would go down well) and then I shifted closer to Edward, resting my head on his chest.

"See? Weird day."

"Anything I can do to make it better?" He asked softly and I smiled.

"Kiss me?"

"Well, if I must." He smirked, pulling me towards him and giving me a soft kiss before reaching over and turning out the light.

* * *

~*~

Sunlight was streaming through the bedroom window when I woke. I rubbed my eyes, but didn't move. Something was different. Not bad. Just different.

It took me a long minute to figure out what it was. I was lying on my side, facing the window and Edward was pressed up against my back, his face buried in my hair. One of his hands was on my hip, the thumb hooked in the waistband of my pyjama shorts and as I stretched my legs, the hand moved down, tugging the shorts with it but only by an inch or so as he mumbled unintelligibly. Before he could wake up completely, I reached for the breath mints on my bedside table and chewed one, mentally cursing morning breath.

Edward let out a long sigh, the breath ruffling my hair and I bit my lip as the hand that was now dangerously low on my hip began to move, the fingers running over my clothed leg. Tingles shot across my skin and I pressed back against him, hoping he'd increase the pressure slightly but he chuckled, signalling his arrival into consciousness.

"Not a good idea, sweet girl."

"Don't know what you're talking about." I whispered, rubbing my hips and behind against him. I hadn't failed to notice his… morning condition. It was kind of hard _not_ to notice. Not that I minded, particularly. He grunted and then brushed my hair away from my neck, placing an open-mouthed kiss just below my ear, trailing down to my collar bone. I moaned faintly and jerked my hips back against his. Immediately, his hands went to my waist and with a groan, he set up, clambering out of bed. He disappeared and a few minutes later, I heard the shower running.

Half incredibly amused and half incredibly frustrated, I sat up too. Damn. There was only one cold shower in this apartment and it was now occupied.

I decided to make coffee instead, walking barefoot around the kitchen as boiled the kettle. My cell began to ring and I picked it up, glancing at the caller I.D.

"Hey Jazz."

"Morning, Bella." He said cheerfully, "I just wanted to let you know that Mike called in sick, so I need you to work until closing. Is that OK?"

"Sure, no problem." I yawned, "I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Thanks, Hells Bells. See you soon."

I hung up as Edward's arms went around my waist and he kissed my neck. I set my head back against his chest, closing my eyes.

"Good morning." He murmured, his lips pressed against my jaw line. I smiled.

"Good morning. Coffee?"

"Please. Who was on the phone?"

"Jasper. He needs me to work late tonight."

"I think you should call him back and tell him you can't make it, because I want to keep you." He said, in a very firm voice and I laughed, turning to wrap my arms around his neck and reaching up to kiss him.

"Well, tough luck. I'd quite like to keep my job."

"It was worth a try." Edward gave me that smile that made me melt and I kissed him again before dropping my arms.

"I'm going to jump in the shower. I hope you didn't use all of my hot water."

"I didn't use _any_ hot water." He murmured in my ear, tongue darting out to brush the lobe. I groaned.

"Jesus, Edward. My cast doesn't come off for more than a week and this is _your_ dumbass rule, might I remind you, not mine. I'd be happy to just hold my arm up out of the way and go for it. So tone it down until we can actually do something about the tension, because otherwise I'm going to go crazy." I said firmly, pushing him back. He gave me an innocent look and I rolled my eyes, going to the bathroom.

* * *

~*~

We spent the morning in my apartment, not doing much of anything. There was a decent amount of kissing, but with every passing moment I felt my attraction for this gorgeous man increasing. As it approached the afternoon I reluctantly began to get ready for work, peering through my wardrobe. It was very different to the state it had been in a couple of months ago, Alice's influence reigning over it. Edward sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard as I debated between two shirts and he smiled.

"You could just tell Alice to leave you be."

"No can do. She's got this way of making me do whatever she says." I said glumly, deciding on a v-neck shirt with grey horizontal stripes to go with the faded flare jeans and a pair of turquoise converses. I pointed at them triumphantly.

"However, I am still wearing flat shoes, so I still have a little bit of self-control!"

"I'm very proud." He laughed and disappeared into the living room so that I could get changed. I tied my hair back after I had dressed and rubbed some lip balm onto my chewed lower lip.

Edward caught my hand as we walked to the bookstore, pulling me close so that he could wrap his arm around me. It was as though he could bear not to touch me, not that I objected in anyway. It felt that way for me too, as though from the first minute that we'd touched, I'd been hooked on him, hooked on that electricity that shot between us.

He held open the door to the bookstore, smiling down at me as I ducked under his arm and he let the limb drop to twine around my waist again as we walked to the café area. Jasper was stood with Leah, handing her some papers but they both looked over as we came in. Jasper smiled.

"Thanks for covering, Bella."

"No problem." I said, coming to a stop and leaning back against Edward, without even realising I was doing it. He put his other arm around me, holding me against his chest as his chin dropped to my hair as Leah spoke.

"Bella, I want your opinion. I'm interviewing people for the café and since you and Jasper will spend the most time working with them, I want you to give me your thoughts on a couple of people." She said and I smiled.

"Sure. When are the interviews?"

"Day after tomorrow, I'll be making some calls this afternoon." She said, handing me the papers that Jasper had given her. I took them and Edward peered curiously over my shoulder. I mock-scowled, tapping his cheek.

"Don't be nosy."

"I'll get you guys some coffee." Leah said, moving behind the counter. Edward and I sat down on a couch and I crossed my legs underneath me, flicking through the papers. There were a dozen applicants for the job and only two positions available. Most were students and I immediately put several to one side. Edward eyed them.

"What's wrong with them?"

"They don't live locally outside of college; come summer, they'll disappear back home and we'll be short-handed. If you hire students, you want to hire locally." I said, still reading application forms. In five minutes I'd picked out five possible candidates and handed them to Leah as she brought our coffees over. By that time Alice had arrived and was kissing Jasper happily behind the desk before skipping over to us.

"Good morning!" She took in our position, me huddled into Edward's side and his arm around my shoulders and beamed. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not a morning person, Alice."

"It's one pm!"

"Exactly. Tone it down, pixie." I grinned, sipping my steaming coffee. Alice was about to retort when her eyes widened.

"Mom?"

We all twisted around to see Esme walking into the shop, looking lovely in a pencil skirt and ruffled cream blouse. She smiled brightly at us, holding out her arms as Alice fell towards her and they hugged. Edward rose and I did too, watching as he kissed his mother warmly, embracing her tightly. She looked mildly surprised at the affectionate welcome and then her eyes went past him to me. I fiddled with the hem of my shirt but she held out her arms to me, kissing my cheek as she put her arms around me.

"Bella, sweetheart. It's good to see you." She said softly, holding me at arms length to look at me again. I felt the blood rush to my face and she smiled, patting my cheek in a motherly way before turning to greet Jasper.

"What are you doing here?" Alice bounced excitedly, love pouring out of her for her mother. Esme smiled as we all sat down; luckily there were no customers to disturb the conversation.

"I was picking up a couple of things for your father and I wanted to stop by and extend an invitation to Jasper and Bella."

Jasper and I looked at each other, but Edward and Alice seemed to understand, nodding. Esme smiled at Jasper and then me.

"Carlisle and I are celebrating our silver wedding anniversary in a fortnight. We're having it at The Four Seasons, in one of the smaller banquet halls. It's for family and friends and I wanted to personally invite both of you." She said. Jasper and I looked at each other in surprise and he nodded, grinning.

"That's really kind of you, Esme. I'd love to come."

"Me too." I said, smiling as well. I was smiling an awful lot today; obviously waking up next to a gorgeous man agreed to me. Esme beamed at us.

"Wonderful! Now, Carlisle wanted me to pick up some new book by Marcus Demaro. Do you happen to know which one it might be?"

"I'll get it." I offered and Jasper laughed.

"Yeah, get to work Swan, or I might fire you."

"Yeah right, Jazz. Like you could run this place without me." I smirked, getting to my feet and crossing to a display. Esme got up and followed me, examining the cover of the book I handed her.

"Yes, the title sounds familiar. If it isn't this one, I can always read it and come back for the right one." She said airily and glanced sideways. I followed her gaze to see Edward watching us from the café counter. A smile spread across his face as I met his eyes and I couldn't help but smile back. Esme's fingers wrapped around mine and she gave me a searching look before smiling and patting my cheek again.

"Thank you, Bella."

"For what?"

"For making him happy." She kissed my cheek again and crossed to the desk to pay for her book. I looked back at Edward; he was staring at me with adoring eyes and I felt something new in his gaze.

I felt loved.

* * *

**A/N: Halloooo! I hope you enjoyed this one! I certainly enjoyed writing it. Damn, Bella wants some schmexing. I'm sure it'll happen eventually!**

**So… why aren't you all going to see We Will Rock You? It was **_**obviously**_ **fabulous, the atmosphere is amazing in that show. Went to the stage door afterwards and got signatures from Galileo (Jon Boyden), Meat (Rachel Tucker) and Brit (Ian Carlysle). Then, feeling absolutely ill, I promptly passed out on the pavement and spent a good half hour sat on the floor with the nice security man. An eventful evening in all!**

**Better Together – This is Bella talking about how she could have had Jacob, but she's only worth anything with Edward. It's also Edward, thinking the same thing. **

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=11969800 – Bella's work outfit and her swan tattoo, cos I forgot to put the link in last chapter!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a piece of lemon meringue pie!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	26. Flowers In The Window

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**When I first held you I was cold.  
A melting snowman I was told.  
But there was no-one there to hold before **

**I swore that I would be alone forever more.  
Wow, look at you now, flowers in the window.  
It's such a lovely day,  
and I'm glad you feel the same,  
'Cos to stand up, out in the crowd, you are one in a million,  
and I love you **

**So let's watch the flowers grow.**

**~Flowers In The Window by Travis~**

I was stressed. Not just a little worried or mildly anxious, but full out stressed.

I had been working on my application essay for UW, with little success. Mike had been off sick for almost two weeks with stomach flu and I had been covering almost all of his shifts. I had promised Aro six reviews on new novels, only four of which I had actually completed and sent off and to top it off, Edward had been pulling double shifts at the hospital, so I had barely seen him in the last fortnight.

Esme and Carlisle's anniversary party was two days away, on Saturday night. Alice had been trying to persuade me to go shopping with her for an outfit, but I had told her that it just wasn't possible.

"I barely have time to sleep, Alice. Shopping isn't high on my list of priorities." I told her desperately as I stacked shelves. She looked so sad that my already addled brain went into overdrive. "Why don't you find me something? I trust your judgement."

"Do you mean it, Bella?" She looked up at me with shining eyes and I smiled weakly.

"Sure."

She had disappeared instantly, leaving an Alice-shaped hole in the fabric of time and space. I groaned, resting my head against the shelf before Jasper called to me.

"Bella, go down to the hospital and get that cast taken off." He said sternly, frowning at me, "Siobhan's due in any minute. Then get home and take it easy."

"Jasper, the delivery is coming in this afternoon." I reminded him and he shrugged.

"We'll cope. Go."

I needed no further telling, seizing my coat and running for the door, waving at Siobhan as I passed her in the street. I knew that Edward finished his shift in an hours time and hopefully he'd come back to mine and we could hang out. Well, it was more likely that he'd sleep and I'd desperately pour out my thoughts on the latest Sean Rowling novel whilst trying to think of reasons to give the university on why they should accept me onto their course.

When I got to the hospital, slightly out of breath, I stopped at the desk. Once again, Mrs Cope was at the desk and she smiled faintly.

"Can I help you?" She asked, sounding utterly bored.

"I'm looking for Edward Cullen." I said, having learned my lesson about asking for random people called 'Cullen'. She nodded and waved me to a seat.

"I'll just page him for you."

I slumped into one of uncomfortable plastic chairs and closed my eyes, resting my head back against the wall as I yawned. God, I was tired. I would be perfectly happy to climb into bed and slip into a coma for a month, but even that didn't seem like it would be enough sleep. It didn't help that I'd had two more nightmares in the past fortnight and without the help of sleeping pills I'd been forced to endure them every time I closed my eyes for the rest of the night.

I yawned again and heard a light chuckle. My eyes snapped open and I saw Edward standing a few away, his dark green scrubs making his eyes stand out more than usual. I smiled, getting to my feet.

"Hey."

"Hello, sweet girl." He held out his hand and I took it, kissing him briefly. I was very aware of Mrs Cope watching from behind her paparazzi magazine. Edward led me to a small examination room and took me in his arms, burying his face in my hair.

"Lord, Bella, this isn't going to work. I can't spend this much time away from you." He said into the brown locks and I nodded in agreement.

"Tell me about it. You finish soon, right? Jasper gave me the rest of the day off. I need to finish two more reviews, but you could come over?"

"Absolutely. But let's get this cast off first." He smiled and took out a cast saw. I hated those things; I knew that they couldn't actually hurt me, but they made a hell of a lot of noise. I closed my eyes, turning my face away from the screaming machine and concentrated on happier things.

OK, I concentrated on the amazing smell of the man attacking my arm with a saw, but that smell made me happy.

After a few minutes, he stopped the saw and the cast fell away from my wrist. Instantly my limb felt curiously light and I flexed my fingers, trying to gain some control over it. Edward smiled and gestured to the sink so I could wash away the plaster dust.

"Shall I pick you up for the party on Saturday?" He asked and I looked over as I soaped my hands.

"Yeah, please. I think I'm becoming delirious, I actually told Alice to go and pick out a dress for me."

"I should check you for a temperature." Edward smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"That's not a bad idea. I'll go and wait in the lobby for you to finish."

"No need, all I have to do is sign out and stop by in Dad's office. He'd like to see you, I'm sure." Edward smiled, taking my hand and then reaching for my freshly washed one, kissing the inside of the wrist the way he often did with the tattooed one.

"There. Now it's symmetrical." He smiled and I grinned, shaking my head.

"You're a little weird sometimes."

"I'll take that as a compliment. Come on." He took my hand and we walked through the hospital to a staff room, where he signed out. Just as he was doing so, his pager beeped and he frowned at it.

"That's not good. I'll be right back. Grab a coffee or something." He kissed me quickly and disappeared. The staff room was empty and I took a coffee from the machine before sitting, a little uncomfortable in the strange surroundings. After ten minutes, Edward still hadn't come back and I was feeling decidedly nervous.

I stared down at my weak coffee, my mind trailing over ideas for the review I'd write that afternoon. I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and began to scribble down the thoughts as they came out. It was good stuff, cynical but entertaining, just the sort of thing that Aro liked. He appreciated sarcasm, as long as it was balanced by reason and would usually let me know if I was leaning to much on the commentary rather than a detailed discussion of the book. I chewed on my pen, thinking about the protagonist of the novel. It had been a good read, one that I imagined I'd revisit in a few months, although it was unlikely to become one of my favourite novels of all time. A shadow fell over the table.

"You don't work here." A friendly voice said and I looked up. A dark man was stood beside me and he gestured to the other chair that was pulled up to the small table. "Mind if I join you?" He asked.

"Oh, no. Go ahead." I gathered my things towards me. He sat down with a smile, sipping his own cup of coffee.

"So, do you often frequent hospital staff rooms?" He asked and I smiled slightly.

"What can I say? I just love the coffee here." I gestured to the terrible liquid in its polystyrene cup and he chuckled.

"Tyler Crowley. First-year resident." He held out his hand and I shook it.

"Bella Swan. I'm just waiting for someone." I explained and he nodded, glancing down at my notebook. I closed it, slipping it into my bag. "Just finishing some work."

"What do you do?"

"I work in a bookstore and I review new releases online." I said briefly. Tyler grinned, stretching his arms.

"That's cool. How'd you break your wrist?"

I frowned, glancing down at my cast-free hand. Tyler laughed at my expression and took my hand, gesturing to a faint red line around my arm.

"The cast was rubbing a little, wasn't it?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess it was." I examined the red mark before looking up at him, "I got hit by a van. Well, it only clipped me, but that's how it got broken."

"Damn." He ran his fingers over my wrist again. It tickled and I pulled away, scratching at it.

"Tyler, why the hell did you refer Mr Thompson to a surgical consultant?" A voice exploded in the doorway and we both looked up to see a furious blonde woman storm in, waving a chart. Tyler rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat.

"Because he's got appendicitis and I thought maybe he'd appreciate _not_ dying from a rupture, Lauren." He said dryly. Lauren glowered at him.

"He _doesn't _have appendicitis, he's got gastroenteritis!"

"His temperature is too high for gastroenteritis." Tyler shot back instantly and Lauren slammed the chart down on the table, making us both jump.

"He's not even your patient, Tyler!"

"You two should close the door if you're going to argue." Edward's voice came from the doorway and they both turned to look at him. He raised an eyebrow, "Patients are complaining."

"Whatever, Edward. Tell Lauren that she's being an unreasonable harpy." Tyler pouted, rocking back in his chair. Lauren exploded in fury, screaming at him. Edward shook his head in despair and I grabbed my things, moving to him quickly. He closed the door to the staffroom, barely muffling the sound of their yelling. I stared up at him.

"Is it always like that around here?"

"Only with those two. They've been fighting since the minute we started here. They've also been sleeping together for three months and that has calmed them down a lot."

"God, what were they like before?" I glanced over my shoulder but Edward was guiding me towards the exit of the hospital.

"I saw Dad on the way to that call and he was about to see a patient. He sends his regards and says he's looking forward to seeing us on Saturday." He said, pulling me to him with an arm around my waist. Mrs Cope was watching us closely as we left and Edward waved briefly at her. She flushed, waving back as we left the hospital and I lightly pinched the hand that rested on my hip.

"Quit flirting."

"I'm not!" He grinned and I pouted.

"Are too. Well, not that it'll do you any good, she's totally into Carlisle."

"Half the medical staff is into Carlisle." Edward said dryly, "Including but not limited to the nurses, both male and female."

I began to laugh but I noticed that a couple of women in scrubs were glancing Edward over before giving me a faint glare. Edward nodded to them as we headed for his car but I looked over my shoulder to see the nurses still watching us and muttering to each other. Edward looked down at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I smiled. It was hardly worth explaining as he opened the car door to let me sit down before moving around to his side. I fiddled with the radio, choosing the local classical station as we set off.

"Which reviews do you need to do?" He asked as we stopped at a red light. I mentioned the titles of the books and he nodded, having borrowed one from me and asked me what I was going to write. Instantly I launched into a long-winded explanation of how the book had drawn on traditional tales, as well as twisting modern ideas into the plot and my opinions on that. We were almost back at my apartment before I realised that I'd been rambling about my thoughts on it and fell abruptly silent. Edward looked over at me curiously.

"Why did you stop?"

"Because I haven't stopped talking." I said foolishly, chewing my lip. He tapped my lip lightly to stop me biting it, smiling as he did so.

"I enjoy listening to you talk, especially about books. You're very passionate about literature." He said, pulling into a parking space outside my building. Before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt, he was opening my door for me and helping me out of the car.

I sat on the floor of my living room with my laptop on the low coffee table in front of me as I typed up the ideas from my notebook. Edward sat on the couch behind me and whilst I mentally ran through my ideas, I rested my head on his knee, tapping the plastic case of the laptop with a fingernail. He was reading another book chosen from my extensive collection, some historical murder mystery, and his hand was playing lightly with my hair. I began to type, bullet pointing my ideas so I wouldn't forget anything. I glanced up at Edward. His eyes were focused on the book, a slight wrinkle between his eyebrows as he read and he smiled, his fingers massaging my scalp.

"Everything alright?"

"Yup." I smiled, looking back at the computer.

It was almost two hours before I finally emailed the finished products off to Aro and I closed my laptop, feeling satisfied with myself. Edward looked down at me with a smile as I crawled onto the sofa, resting my head against his shoulder.

"All done?" He asked.

"Yup. I'll work on my college application tomorrow afternoon, I'm only in work for the morning." I said, kissing his cheek. He lowered the book and took me into his arms, our lips moving together as he sat me in his lap. Breathlessly, I rested my forehead against his. I felt decidedly less stressed now and he gave a slightly smug smile. I rolled my eyes and leaned forward, biting his lower lip gently.

"Stop looking so pleased with yourself."

"Nope." He grinned charmingly, "You happen to look stunning right after I've kissed you, so I'm going to feel very proud of myself. I may photograph it to preserve the moment."

I laughed, burying my hands in his hair. It was a lot easier without a cast around my wrist and I relished in the sensation of the soft locks against the sensitive skin of my inner arm as he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me flush against him as he claimed my mouth again. He let out a soft moan and I pulled back from our kiss, grinning at him and raising my eyebrows. He laughed at my expression, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not the only one who looks pleased with themselves."

"Well, I am very good. Where's my camera, I believe there's a moment that needs preserving." I smirked. Edward threw his head back, laughing loudly and I leaned forward to press a kiss to his throat, enjoying the slight stubble against my lips, just as there was a knock at the door. Edward groaned slightly, squeezing my hips with his fingers. Climbing off his lap, I ran my hand through his hair again as I went to answer the door.

Jacob was leaning against the doorframe, one hand in his pocket and the other clutching a piece of paper. He grinned at me and I returned the bright smile, noticing that his faded slightly as he noticed Edward standing in the living room.

"Hey Bella."

"Jacob, how's it going?" I gestured for him to come and he did so, a little reluctantly. Edward smiled briefly at him and they shook hands. I cleared my throat awkwardly and Jacob handed me the piece of paper.

"I found a decent car for you, Bells. It's a Volkswagen Rabbit, 2007." He said and I looked over the pictures of the blue car.

"Jake, that's great! Does it run OK?"

"I'm hurt that you'd ask, seeing as I practically rebuilt the engine myself." He grinned and I smiled, looking over the information.

"OK, OK, didn't mean to bruise the ego. Can I give it a test drive?"

"Sure, sure. Stop by the garage and you can take it for a spin." He looked delighted and I chewed my lip, examining the pictures again for a minute, "That's if you feel comfortable driving a vehicle that isn't likely to blow up at any minute."

"You shouldn't speak ill of the dead." I told him sternly, handing the pictures back and he held up his hands in an innocent gesture.

"Me? Never, I'm a respectful kinda guy. See you soon, honey." The term of endearment slipped out and both he and Edward tensed slightly. I took a deep breath.

"Absolutely. See you soon."

I walked him to the door and he patted my shoulder slightly before looking past me briefly.

"I don't like that guy." He muttered and I laughed under my breath.

"Didn't expect you to, Jake."

"Yeah, well. I still owe you a beer."

"And I'll be claiming it, don't you worry." I said firmly as he disappeared downstairs. I closed the door and turned, watching Edward as he leant against the kitchen counter. I crossed to him and tapped him on the chin.

"Stop brooding. It doesn't suit you." I said firmly and he rested his hands on my hips, still staring at the floor thoughtfully.

"He still wants to be with you." He said after a long moment and I chewed my lip.

"Does that matter?"

"I don't know." He admitted and I twisted my fingers as he finally met my eyes. I shook my head.

"It doesn't. I mean… I don't want to be with him. I don't want to be with anyone but you, so it shouldn't matter." I said awkwardly and he let out a satisfied 'hmm', pulling me close to kiss me again.

* * *

~*~

Alice came over on Saturday afternoon to dress me for Carlisle and Esme's wedding anniversary. I sat patiently as she fussed over my hair, curling it into loose ringlets as I tapped away on my laptop, still working on my college application. It was only five hundred words, which wasn't a lot to work with and I chewed on my lip as I thought about what I wanted the essay to express.

"Bella, stop biting your lip." Alice scolded and I looked up apologetically.

"Sorry, Alice. Just thinking."

"Well, you can put your laptop away now, because it's time to get dressed." She said, reaching for the dress she'd chosen, "You're going to look _stunning_ in this."

She'd chosen a knee-length dress with a ruched white bust and black skirt flaring out, with white sequins and beads forming circles around the hem. I pulled it on and she zipped the back up before passing me my shoes, black and white leather peep toe heels. Alice finished the outfit with a pair of diamond studs and silver necklace multi-strand necklace with black beads.

Breathing a sigh of satisfaction, she looked me over, primping my hair slightly until it met her standards.

"Perfect. God, I am good." She said airily and I smiled, glancing at myself in the mirror. She _was_ good; I looked amazing, well, as much as could be expected. Alice clapped her hands, getting my attention.

"I'm going to get changed. Edward and Jasper will be here in fifteen minutes. Please try not to ruin your outfit in that time."

"I'm not a miracle worker." I reminded her with a smile and she arched an eyebrow, looking unimpressed.

"I'm warning you, Swan. There will be hell to pay if we arrive at the party looking anything less than fabulous."

"As if that's possible with you around." I muttered, moving into the living room. The TV was on, playing music videos and I sat to watch Queen belting out 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love', singing along in my out of tune voice.

There was a knock at the door and I heard Alice squeal.

"They're early! I'm not ready!" She cried and I laughed, standing up.

"I'll keep them at bay, you just take your time." I said, amused by her panic as I went to the door. Jasper and Edward were both dressed in black trousers, Jasper with a dark red shirt and Edward in a white one, a black jacket over the top. Jasper grinned, kissing my cheek as he passed.

"Looking good, Hells Bells. She's not ready yet, is she?"

"Nope. Beer is in the fridge." I said and he disappeared to the kitchen whilst I turned to greet Edward. Before I could say anything, he was kissing me, his hands tangled in my hair. I gasped at the suddenness of his actions before putting my arms around his neck, pulling myself close to him as his tongue darted out to sweep across my lips. I moaned into him and he laughed quietly against my mouth.

"Damn, Bella. Are you sure you want to go tonight?" He murmured, his nose grazing over mine and I smiled.

"Wanting to less and less."

"You're coming and you're going to enjoy it! Edward, you've messed up her hair." Alice appeared, glowering at her brother as she tugged me into the living room, sitting me down so that she could rearrange my hair. She was wearing a gorgeous red silk dress, Chinese style but with asymmetrical shoulders and a pair of gold stiletto shoes. She had spiked her hair up into a gravity-defying style and I saw Jasper gazing at her in awe, like she was the first woman he'd ever seen.

"Are we ready to go?" Edward asked, kissing my neck briefly as I stood. Alice nodded, picking up her clutch and holding out her hand for Jasper.

"Yup. Let's get this party started!"

* * *

~*~

I had never been in the Four Seasons before and dread was filling me with every passing step towards the grandiose doors of the small ballroom where the event was being hosted. Edward held my hand firmly and he looked down at me. He must have noticed my nervousness, because he brought my knuckles to his mouth, kissing them sweetly.

"Are you alright?" He asked and I nodded silently, not trusting myself to speak. He smiled and bent to kiss my mouth chastely, "You look beautiful, Bella."

"You too. Handsome, I mean." I flushed at my blabbering but Edward simply laughed, guiding me into the ballroom behind Alice and Jasper. The room was decorated with silver balloons and ribbons, waiters moving between the guests with trays of food and drink. Laughter and talk filled the air while a string quartet played subtly in the corner of the room, allowing several couples to dance on the wooden floor. It was tasteful yet elegant and had Esme written all over it.

Jasper and Alice had already vanished into the crowd and Edward looked down at me.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Or several." I suggested and he chuckled, lifting two champagne glasses from a passing tray. I took one and sipped it nervously, tapping my fingernails against the glass until Edward took my hand again, kissing the fingers once more.

"Eddie!" We turned to see Emmett and Rosalie descending upon us. Edward pulled a face.

"Please don't call me that, Emmett."

"Sure thing, Ed." Emmett grinned obnoxiously and swept me up into a hug, "How you doing, little sis?"

"OK." I mumbled and Rosalie raised her eyebrows.

"Are you nervous?" She asked and I nodded, staring at the floor. Emmett laughed, a booming noise that made several people look around.

"Don't be nervous, cutie-pie. There's nothing to be scared of here." He said, rubbing my shoulders encouragingly. Rosalie, resplendent in a floor length black halter-neck dress, eyed my outfit. My self-esteem took another hit instantly but she smiled.

"You look good, Bella. Alice?"

"Alice." I confirmed and she nodded, sipping her drink as she looked around at the party-goers. Edward put his arm around my waist, holding me to his side; it felt nice, like I was a little more protected from the intimidating situation. I took a deep breath, his scent calming me as I listened to Edward and Emmett discuss several guests they knew.

Someone touched my shoulder and Jasper beamed down at me. He winked and nodded at the dance floor.

"Come on, Bells. Let's see your moves."

"Have you got a death wish, Jazz? I can barely walk in a straight line." I reminded him and he laughed.

"I like a challenge! Edward, can I steal her?"

"As long as you bring her back." He smiled and Jasper nodded.

"No worries, she'll be back in one piece."

"Jasper, I don't _want_ to dance." I whined, but Emmett had already plucked the glass from my fingers and Jasper dragged me to the floor. I saw Alice giggling, stood with Carlisle and Esme who waved. I gave them a weak smile as Jasper began to waltz me around the dance floor. Almost immediately I slipped but Jasper swung me back in a graceful dip, as though it had been on purposes before straightening me and giving me a wink.

"When have I ever let you fall, Bells?"

"Never."

"Never will." He promised, kissing my forehead as we moved with the other couples. I smiled up at him before glancing over at Alice.

"How's it going?" I asked and he followed my gaze before smiling widely and swinging me around.

"Oh, Bells… she's amazing. She's a goddess. She's perfection." He said dramatically and I laughed, shaking my head.

"The big, bad Jasper Whitlock has fallen. I'd better start calling women all over the world to break the news."

"And what about your Cullen?" Jasper smiled and I blushed, unable to help the smile spreading over my face.

"My Cullen?"

"Yeah. I think his name is Edward, spends a lot of time kissing you. I thought you'd met."

"You're a real comedian, Jazz. Edward is…" I considered what to say but Jasper just squeezed my hand.

"He's left you speechless. No mean feat."

"Flatterer." I teased, but he was looking over my shoulder at something. I twisted my head and jealousy shot through me like fire.

Edward was stood, looking desperately uncomfortable as a gorgeous woman in a full length ice-blue gown leant against him, her hands on his chest. I recognised the red-blonde hair immediately. _Tanya_. And then she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Edward's cheek, just a little too close to his mouth for my liking.

_Should have stayed home_, I thought dryly.

* * *

**A/N: As of my posting this chapter, this story has 250 reviews. You are marvellous people and deserve beautiful, happy lives. I love you, each and every one! I'm seeing more and more new names reviewing with each chapter, so thank you ever so much!**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12018485 – Alice and Rosalie's outfits.**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12018594 – Bella's outfit. WANT IT SO BAD.**

**Flowers in the Window – I love this song because it shows both Bella and Edward's journeys so far. They both started out as very lost and lonely people and now they've got each other, they can concentrate on the silly things in life that are good for them. **

**I know this chapter was major filler. I promise major happenings in the next one! **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a suite in the Four Seasons. Pricey, I know, but you're totally worth it**

**Love**

**Katie**


	27. As Long As You're Mine

**Chapter Twenty Seven**

**  
Just for this moment  
As long as you're mine  
Come be how you want to  
And see how bright we shine  
Borrow the moonlight  
Until it is through  
And know I'll be here holding you  
As long as you're mine**

**~As Long As You're Mine from Wicked~**

"Want me to kick her ass?" Jasper whispered but I looked up at him with a smirk.

"Nah, I can take her."

"I'd bet a hundred bucks on it. Go get her." He grinned as Alice joined us on the dance floor. She looked at each of us curiously.

"Go get who?"

"The girl who's draped herself over Edward." Jasper gestured and Alice looked over before pulling a face.

"Urgh. Tanya. That woman doesn't take no for an answer." She said before pushing me, "Go and rescue him! Mom wants to see you two anyway."

I rolled my eyes, skirting my way around the edges of the dance floor until I was near to them. Edward had has hands in his pockets, his usual stance when he was desperately uncomfortable and Tanya was smiling beatifically up at him, one hand resting lightly on his chest.

"I missed you at New Years, Edward. I didn't even get a kiss at midnight." She said in a soft voice, pouting a little. Edward cleared his throat, eyes darting around the room.

"Well… I was otherwise engaged, I'm afraid, Tanya."

"Promise me a dance tonight? It's been forever since we danced and we do it so well together, Edward."

_Enough is enough_.

I moved up to them and cleared my throat. Tanya looked down at me and gave a slight frown, as though trying to place me. Edward's expression with a strange combination of panic and desperation.

"Can I help you?" Tanya asked and I smiled.

"Sure can. Edward, Esme wants us." He looked at me with a mixture of adoration and relief, slipping out of Tanya's grasp.

"Of course."

"Wait, you haven't introduced us yet." Tanya smiled, reluctant to let him leave too quickly. I put my arm around Edward's waist, resting against his side in a clear gesture. _He's mine._

"I'm Bella, Tanya. We've actually met twice." I said in a pleasant voice, shaking her hand firmly. Tanya eyed me, taking in my stance with Edward and then her eyes narrowed and she frowned as Edward put an arm around my shoulders.

"Come on, Bella. Let's find Mom. Goodbye, Tanya." He said and nodded to Tanya as we walked away. I looked up at him and laughed at his relieved expression.

"Edward, you need to learn to tell people to back off."

"I don't want to seem rude." He said weakly and I laughed again, rolling my eyes as he swung me round and put his hands on my cheeks, bringing his lips to mine.

"Edward, Bella! There you are!" Esme and Carlisle appeared by our side and embraced each of us. Esme held me at arms length to admire my dress, smiling.

"Bella, you look stunning! And Edward, so handsome, sweetheart." She kissed his cheek fondly and he smiled dazzlingly.

"Mom, you look beautiful tonight." He said warmly and she waved modestly but Carlisle caught her by the waist, kissing her sweetly.

"The most beautiful woman in the room, as you always are." He said proudly.

"Twenty five years, but you get me every time." Esme said, a pink tinge to her cheeks. I couldn't help smiling, squeezing Edward's hand. He beamed down at me and Esme looked around.

"There's a photographer around here somewhere. I wanted a picture of you two, and one with Emmett and Alice, but getting the three of you in the same place is a pain. Emmett keeps running off and getting Alice to stay in the same place for more than two minutes has never been easy."

"Mom, this is your night, I hope you're relaxing." Edward said firmly and looked down at me, "Bella, would you excuse me so that I can take my mother to dance?"

"Go ahead." I grinned and he took Esme firmly by the hand, leading her to the dance floor.

Carlisle caught my eye and he gestured to a small table, inviting me to sit as he caught two more glasses of champagne. I took it gratefully; the room was warm, a fact that Carlisle was realising as he removed his dark jacket and folded it neatly over the back of the chair.

"It's wonderful to see you again, Bella." He said kindly and I smiled slightly.

"You too, Carlisle. Thank you for inviting me."

"It's my pleasure," He seemed to genuinely mean this as he watched his son and wife move gracefully together. After a long moment, he moved his light blue eyes to mine, searching my face. I looked back, wondering what was coming.

"Has Edward told you how we met?" He asked and I nodded, running a finger over the edge of my glass.

"Yes. He told me about his parents and how you took care of him."

"Hmm." Carlisle stared into his own glass, watching the bubbles stream through the light liquid. I chewed my lip for a moment before swallowing uncertainly.

"He told me how much he loves you." I said, the words coming falteringly, as though I had no right to say them. Carlisle smiled briefly, still watching his drink.

"I was afraid for him. I thought that he was traumatised. By all accounts from his school and neighbours, he had been a happy and out-going child, but there was no sign of that when he came to live with us. I was afraid that he would be forever unhappy. He came out of his shell a little more when Emmett and Alice joined our family, but he was still so isolated."

The idea broke my heart, the image of a young boy with copper hair alone, always a little apart from his loving family, always on the edge of things. I looked over at where he was dancing and the image dissolved as I saw him swing his mother around, her laughter pealing through the air. Nearby Jasper and Alice were stood with Emmett and Rosalie, all four talking and laughing as they waved at the dancing couple. There was no sign of that imagined child. Merely a happy, beautiful man. Carlisle caught my glance and slid his hand over mine.

"A couple of months ago, he came to visit us. It was unusual; normally Esme had to beg him to come home for a visit. He didn't say anything in particular, but something had changed in him. He was thoughtful, his mind transfixed on something. We didn't press for answers, but shortly after Thanksgiving we met Jasper for the first time, at a family meal. Esme and I saw at once that he and Alice were enamoured with each other, they couldn't take their eyes off of each other."

"They were like that from the moment they met." I commented with a quiet laugh, feeling the weight of his hand on mine, "Like the world existed only so they could meet."

Carlisle laughed too and then fell silent, smiling at me. I met his gaze unflinchingly, waiting for the next words. I saw that he had the same crinkles around his eyes that Edward got when he smiled.

"Edward came too, of course. And when Jasper came in, I saw Edward looking past him, waiting for something. Alice asked Jasper, 'Isn't Bella coming?' and when he said no, Edward sat down, quite abruptly. I remember looking at Esme and she looked back at me, just as bewildered.

"Of course, as the evening went on, your name came up again and Jasper explained who you were. It was quite obvious how much he cares for you and we immediately insisted that you be invited to Christmas dinner. Alice was thrilled by the idea and I knew than that I wanted to meet you.

"I couldn't make Emmett and Rosalie's housewarming party, I was on call. When I got home, Esme positively threw herself at me, laughing with delight. I asked her what had happened and she declared that Edward had found someone."

"But Edward and I weren't-" I said quickly but Carlisle held up a hand.

"I know. I said to Esme that she shouldn't get too excited and she almost hit me. She put her hands on her hips and said 'you didn't see them, Carlisle. He was _happy_ when he saw her'. Even then I wasn't convinced, but when I saw you at the hospital, when I took your stitches out and I saw Edward's reaction to your presence... I understood what she meant."

I didn't say anything, but my gaze slid back to the handsome man who was dancing so beautifully. His face was full of joy, his laughter light and free. Carlisle chuckled and patted my hand.

"I've never seen him like this, Bella."

"Alice and Esme… they've both said that he's different now." I whispered, looking back at him, almost anxiously. He smiled, nodding.

"He is. As Esme said, he's happy. Not that he wasn't content with his life before, but there is a great difference between being happy with what you have and being actually happy." Carlisle said and he looked back at his wife and son. The song was coming to an end and Edward brought his mother close to him, kissing her cheek and she hugged him tightly, her face bright and happy. Carlisle tapped my hand and we looked at each other again. He was smiling and it was a pure reflection of the expression on his wife's face.

"I'm sure that Esme has said it, but I want to thank you, Bella. For everything that you've done for our son."

"Please don't." I whispered and he looked a little confused, frowning faintly.

"What do you mean?" He asked gently and I shook my head, a lump in throat.

"Alice, Emmett, Esme… now you. You all think I did this, but I didn't. Look, the thing is… I'm not that person you think I am. It's the exact opposite; Edward is the one who has made _my_ life so much better. He's made _me_ better." I tried desperately to explain, "I feel like a fraud, because you all think I'm doing this wonderful thing for him but most of the time, it's him helping me. It's Edward who is making _me_ happy."

"You think that it can't go both ways?" Carlisle asked and his voice was full of amusement. I shrugged helplessly and Carlisle smiled warmly.

"Bella, I have been in love with my wife for more than twenty-five years and I love her more with every passing day. I can see that same love growing on my son's face, every time he looks at you."

A jolt went through me, a thunderbolt that left me stunned and Carlisle gave me a subtle wink, standing as Edward and Esme approached the table. He kissed Esme before patting Edward on the shoulder.

"You dance almost as well as I do, son." He laughed and Edward chuckled before looking down at me. I was frozen in place and he frowned faintly, touching my shoulder.

"Bella?"

_Love_.

I looked up and met his eyes, their green depths pouring into mine as his fingers skimmed my cheek.

"Bella, are you alright?" He asked, kneeling so that his face was closer to mine. I looked over his head at Esme and Carlisle who were watching us. Carlisle smiled and gave me a certain nod. Esme looked from her husband to me, curious.

_Love_.

A smile spread helplessly across my face and I looked back at Edward.

"Come on, let's see how well you dance with _me_ as your partner." I said and he smiled, taking my hands as we made for the dance floor.

"What were you and my father talking about?" He asked curiously and I smiled sweetly at him.

"Nosy boy."

"Of course." He kissed the tip of my nose as we began to dance and I shrugged.

"Not much. This and that."

"Why do I get the impression that you're keeping things from me?" He asked dryly and I laughed.

"Because you're a very intuitive man, Edward. Now concentrate or I'll fall over and you'll have only yourself to blame." I said firmly and he straightened, standing to attention.

"Yes, ma'am. Won't happen again, ma'am." He saluted briefly and I hit his shoulder lightly as he danced me around the room.

We spent the next hour dancing and talking with Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. Edward introduced me to several family friends and even Aro descended upon me, declaring everlasting love for my latest reviews. Emmett dragged me off to the dance floor at one point and he trod on my toes almost as much as I trod on his, until Jasper rescued me. Esme managed to drag all of us together for a series of pictures, taken by a harassed looking photographer. While we posed, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Tanya was watching Edward and I. She didn't look at me but I saw her look at floor with a resigned expression. That made me feel a little better about myself, however shallow that might be.

Emmett and Rosalie caught us for a chat and Rosalie ordered us to attend brunch with them the next day, because we apparently hadn't been spending enough time together. Edward and I promptly agreed and Emmett beamed at me.

"Thank god you said yes, Rosie's been telling me that I've become unsociable. You spend _one_ day trying to beat your high score on Guitar Hero and suddenly you're unsociable!" He joked as Alice and Jasper joined us. I was in the middle of hearing about an incident in one of Alice's classes that had us all in hysterics when a hush fell over the room as Carlisle stood on a small dais nearby. Esme came to stand with the six of us and Emmett put his arm around her, kissing her cheek as Carlisle smiled at the company.

"I'd like to thank you all for being here to celebrate with us tonight," He began, "I'm delighted that you could join us."

Emmett whooped loudly and Rosalie smacked the back of his head. A ripple of laughter went through the crowd and Carlisle chortled, looking at his family before his eyes settled on his wife.

"Twenty-eight years ago, I was lucky enough to meet a beautiful, intelligent woman. Twenty-six years ago, I was lucky enough for her to say yes when I proposed to her. And twenty-five years ago, I was lucky again, when she actually married me. And every day since then, I have been lucky enough to wake up and find that it was real."

His eyes were fixed on Esme, who was gazing at him like he was the only person in the room. I could feel the love pulsating between them and Edward's chin dropped to rest on my head as he pulled me back against his chest, arms around my waist. Carlisle spoke again,

"We've been blessed again, with our three wonderful children. Just when you think that life can't be any more perfect, we were giving Emmett, Edward and Alice. Lucky again."

His eyes danced proudly over his three children and all three smiled proudly, Emmett squeezing his mother's shoulders. She reached up to pat his hand, positively glowing with beauty and Carlisle raised his glass.

"I'd like to make two toasts. The first… to Esme." He shook his head helplessly, "No words, my love. No possible words."

"To Esme." The words reverberated around the room and Carlisle smiled, turning his gaze back to his beloved wife, who was beginning to look a bit tearful.

"And second… to the next twenty-five years."

We all toasted again and as everyone began to talk again, I watched as Esme moved forward into her husband's embrace, their kiss, their murmured words.

_Love_.

I was lost. For the first time in my life, I wanted the thing that Carlisle and Esme had. I wanted that someone who was my other half, who would look at me the way that they looked at each other.

_Love_.

I had never wanted this before. I had always been happy to just carry on by myself, the occasional fleeting relationship enough to satisfy me. But now… now I wanted more. I needed more.

_Love._

_Love._

_Love_.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's smooth, rich voice. I was silent for a few minutes, staring into space as I ran over the thoughts in my mind, processing each one carefully before turning in his arms and resting my hands lightly against his chest, examining his face. He was silent, watching as I ran my gaze over the smooth forehead, over the dark eyebrows, along the sharp cheekbones and down to the sculpted jaw line, back up to the perfectly symmetrical lips and the straight nose before I let myself look into his eyes.

_Love_.

I smiled, fighting the nervous fluttering in my chest. Time to break down the walls, Bella. You can't hide forever and if you want all those thing from life, you need to let him in.

_Love._

"Bella?" He asked softly and I realised that I hadn't said anything. I lifted my hand, cupping his cheek, my fingertips grazing his soft hair.

"Take me home, Edward." I murmured and after a moment, he smiled slightly, pressing his mouth to mine before taking my hand and leading me towards the door.

* * *

~*~

We took a cab to my apartment; both of us had had champagne, but I didn't feel drunk. I felt more like the champagne itself, light and clear, bubbling. I paid the cab driver, giving Edward a flat look when he pulled out his wallet. He laughed to himself, tucking it away and pulling me up the steps to my apartment.

No sooner had I shut the door behind me when Edward had me pressed against it, kissing me ferociously. I returned the passionate embrace with vigour, letting out a gasp as his mouth moved from mine to my neck, sucking and kissing at the skin there.

Heat exploded all over my skin, settling firmly between my thighs and I bit on my lip as I felt Edward's hands running over my hips. He lifted his head from my neck and rested his forehead against mine, licking his lips.

"Bella… I'm going to get you all worked up." He murmured and I couldn't help smiling, gazing into the dark green eyes directly in front of mine. "And then I'm going to do something about it."

"About bloody time." I bit lightly on his lip and then gave another surprised gasp as he lifted me off the floor, my legs wrapping around his waist as he carried me easily to the bedroom.

I've had sex. Not a great deal of it, but enough to know what goes where, 'that feels good' and 'wow, that's weird', that sort of thing.

I'd never made love to someone before, but that was exactly what Edward and I did. It was a wonderful, strange experience, with one sensation melting into the next as his skin moved against mine, his mouth on mine and then not, trailing down my body whilst mine pressed against his face, his neck, his chest, our hands constantly moving and exploring. He was disturbingly gentle and frighteningly rough, his lips on my neck, biting and sucking. His teeth grazed my nipples and I cried out, alarmed and aroused as his tongue circled the peaks, his dark green eyes on mine as he asked permission, demanded that I let him explore my body. One of my hands clutched the sheets, anchoring myself as the other twined in his hair, keeping him close. He kissed his way back up to my face, claiming my mouth again as his hands ventured further south, caressing my skin and sliding into secret places, making me tremble beneath his touch.

I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted him right then. My skin was buzzing, my heart pounding. A bead of sweat trickled down my neck, sliding between my breasts and his tongue darted out, catching it before kissing me again. I wanted to push him back, to lie over him and make him feel the way I feel, to return the gestures a thousand fold, so that we could be equals, but he would not let me. Every time I tried to touch him, his eyes darted to mine, almost like a predator in his possessiveness. He wanted to know me in exact detail before I could know him, he wanted me to be completely in his power. It frightened me more than anything, but I also wanted it more than I had wanted anything else in my life.

I tilted my head back slightly and he placed a soft kiss to my throat as his fingers slid down my stomach and between my legs. I gasped instantly and he chuckled under his breath, nuzzling my neck as he moved his hands against me, stroking and pressing, both of us elated in each new sensation. I let out a soft moan as he continued to press kisses over my neck and shoulders while his fingers continued their exploration. Every movement made the heat increase and I thrust my hips towards him, desperate for more contact. He complied but it wasn't enough as he kissed my mouth again.

I couldn't speak, couldn't break the spell that we were under so I pulled out of the kiss and looked at him, needing him to understand.

He did.

Gently but forcefully he pushed me back against the mattress, his eyes fixed on mine as we prepared ourselves for this moment. We clung to each other as he entered me, both of us gasping and clutching for each other, holding each other as closely as possible, trying to occupy the same space despite scientific impossibilities. For an unbearably long time, we were still as our bodies became accustomed to this new state of being.

Slowly Edward moved within me, just barely but it sent incredible sensations bolting through me and I shifted myself, encouraging him to continue. He bit lightly on my neck, our bodies rocking together as though we had planned it movement by movement. I wrapped my legs around him, trying to draw him further into me although I knew it was impossible and he thrust harder, trying to go further into me, even though he knew it was impossible to be closer than we already were, but it wasn't enough. I let out a low cry which he returned with a guttural moan, pressing his face to mine, our mouths meeting clumsily and our senses impaired as came ever closer to our end.

As we reached our peak, Edward told me to open my eyes. I drowned in his eyes as I drowned in his body and, finally, we were one and the same.

We lay perfectly still afterwards, his head nestled on my chest as I ran my hands through his soft hair. He breathed heavily and it danced across my breast as he shifted, running his hands down my thigh, stroking the skin softly. I kissed his head softly, expressing everything in that simple gesture. Neither of us said anything.

No possible words.

* * *

**A/N: And there is your schmexing. And let me tell you, this is pretty graphic for me. I don't write sex scenes. Like… EVER. I feel terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. I've written and rewritten that last section at least thirty times, no exaggeration, and on several of those occasions, I was pretty drunk. So yeah, this is kind of a big deal, my little blueberry muffins!**

**As Long As You're Mine – If you haven't figured out what a huge musical-geek I am by now, where have you been for the last 26 author's notes? For me, this song is just the ultimate love/passion song, it's gorgeous. Go find it, there's a dozen versions on youtube. I recommend any with Kerry Ellis and/or Oliver Tompsett.**

**So, I read The Host today. Yeah, I quite enjoyed it, in the same way that I enjoyed Twilight. It was very readable, very entertaining and I suspect I'll be reading it again soon. Although I'd quite like SM to write a female protagonist who DOESN'T randomly try to sacrifice herself from time to time!**

**Thank you, as usual, for the lovely reviews. You are marvellous, gorgeous peoples and deserve happy things like puppies and rainbows and fairy cakes made with real live fairies. Yes, I am grovelling more than usual, because having written the schemxing (however tame it may be by Twifanfic standards; heck, I didn't even mention 'throbbing members' or 'pulsing clitoris' anywhere! I'm pretty sleep-deprived right now) I desperately want some feedback on it. I'd love to get 300 reviews on this bad boy at some point!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a candle-lit, rose-petal strewn, four poster bed. Extravagant? Oui. Review please!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	28. Before The Worst

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

**We were sitting with our backs against the world  
Saying things that we thought but never heard  
Who would have thought it would end up like this?  
But everything we talked about is gone  
And the only chance we have of moving on  
Was trying to take it back before it all went wrong  
Before the worst  
Before we met  
Before our hearts decided it's time to love again  
Before today  
Before too long  
Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong**

**~Before The Worst by The Script~**

I woke up slowly on Sunday morning, my mind still fuzzy from sleep. I was sprawled over Edward, one leg over his as he lay on his back and my torso on his. His arms were both around me, holding me near and from the bleary look in his eyes, he was just waking as well. Our eyes met and a huge smile crossed his face and he tightened his arms around me, rolling me over so that I lay on top of him. I gave a quiet giggle, resting my head on his chest. The warmth of his body against mine was wonderful.

His hands slid down my back, resting lightly just above my backside as he nuzzled my hair. I closed my eyes again, still a little sleepy, and stretched with a yawn. Edward laughed softly into my hair, shifting his legs so that I lay in the cradle between them.

"Everything OK?"

"Mm hmm." I let out a satisfied noise, running my hand down his chest. His skin was smooth and warm. I rubbed my nose against his chest, taking in his scent and he laughed again.

"Are you smelling me?"

"Yes." I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because you smell good. You always do. You smell even better naked." I said happily, loving the sensation that shot through me as Edward's chest rumbled with laughter. It made my nerves tingle and my heart race.

"You smell good too, sweet girl. Like strawberries." He sniffed my hair again and I kissed the bare skin beneath me. He tasted even better than he smelt and he groaned at my touch. That reaction pleased me and I smiled wickedly, pressing my mouth to the skin over his pounding heart. His fingers tightened on my hips, holding me to him tightly.

Our little bubble of happiness was disturbed by the bleeping of our phones, which lay on the bedside table. I flipped mine open as he opened his.

"Rosalie." I said.

"Emmett. They want to make sure we're still meeting them for brunch."

"Same message from Rosalie." I said and kissed his chest again, "Do you want to go?"

"No, I want to stay in this bed for the rest of the month." He said cheerfully and then sighed, "But I have a strange feeling that they may appear on the doorstep if we don't say yes, and that could be slightly awkward. Especially if we're still in _this_ position."

"We could pretend not to be home." I suggested, still kissing his chest.

"Like Emmett wouldn't knock down the door." Edward chuckled and then hissed as I darted my tongue out, wanting to taste him more. "Bella…"

I loved the way he said my name, his voice low and husky. I softly licked him again, running my tongue over his nipple and the next thing I knew, I was on my back, Edward's mouth on mine as his hands pressed on my backside, bringing our hips together. I moaned, sliding my hands into his hair as our tongues met.

Our phones began to ring, the ringtones blaring noisily and Edward swore loudly, stilling his motions as he flipped his phone open.

"We'll be there, Emmett." He snapped before throwing the phone to the other side of the room. I burst into laughter and caught his face in my hands, pulling it back to mine.

"Kiss me, Edward." I ordered, "Because we have limited time left in this bed and I think we should make the most of it."

He kindly obliged.

* * *

~*~

We dressed reluctantly, Edward donning a pair of jeans and a shirt that he'd left here another night. I watched unashamedly as he pulled the shirt over his bare chest and he smiled at me.

"Hungry?" He asked. I was, in several different ways, but I held out my hand and he pulled me off of the bed. I grabbed my keys and we set off downstairs. Something had changed in our relationship. Our fingers touched and caressed, almost without conscious thought. We simply couldn't stay apart from each other, it was a mathematical impossibility, it was illogical.

Edward pulled up in front of the small restaurant where Emmett and Rosalie wanted to meet us. I could see Rosalie's bright golden hair through the window and I glanced sideways at Edward as he cut the motor.

"Is it too late to go back to bed?"

He started the motor with a grin and I laughed, unclipping my seatbelt. Emmett had spotted us and was waving madly, a huge grin plastered over his face. I waved weakly and gave Edward a 'save me' look. He chuckled, pulling me to his side and pressing his face into my hair.

"The sooner we go in, the sooner we can get out." He said simply and I laced my fingers through his as we entered the restaurant. Emmett and Rosalie had occupied a booth and we slid in opposite them. Emmett beamed at us and raised his eyebrows.

"Good morning, kids. We didn't see you leave last night." Instantly Rosalie had hit the back of his head, rolling her eyes. She smiled at me as I gave her a look that expressed my thanks.

The conversation flowed easily, the food was delicious, but all I could think about was getting Edward back to my apartment so that we could be alone. Rosalie seemed to notice this, because she tapped Emmett on the arm.

"Finish your food, we're meeting with the wedding planner in an hour and I'm not going to be late. You already pissed her off by telling her that live doves aren't an option."

"It's a dumb idea, they'll just crap everywhere. Besides, you don't even _like_ birds." Emmett pointed out. Edward's hand grazed my leg and I met his eye. Emmett cleared his throat, smiling.

"OK, guys. Enough of the staring into each other's eyes, gooey love face thing. It's gross."

"Grow up, Emmett," Rosalie laughed, "They're in that new relationship stage, where it's all great sex and hot make-outs."

Edward choked on his coffee and I felt the blood rush to my face, horrifically embarrassed. Edward took one look at my flushed features, threw a few bills onto the table and smiled.

"We'll be leaving now." He said and took my hand.

Not two hours after we'd left my apartment, we were back, making love like we'd never left.

* * *

~*~

The days passed and February arrived, bringing heavy rainfall with it. Edward spent most of his days at the hospital and his nights with me. I sent off my college application and spent my time working in _The Paperback_ and writing reviews. Aro was fast becoming like a favourite uncle as he praised my work, but wasn't afraid to sent me constructive criticism on the reviews I was producing. I'd clicked onto the website, _Modern Words_, and found that seven of the ten most read reviews were mine. That was most definitely an ego boost.

But as we reached mid February, an old pain began to rear its ugly head. Charlie's birthday was approaching, the 23rd of February, and the nightmares were starting to creep their way back into my mind. I had woken several times with tears on my face, but not screaming. This, at least, was an improvement because I didn't want to wake Edward. What did surprise me was that I was no longer afraid to sleep in my bed after these horrific dreams. Edward's presence fought the nightmares, although I never slept well once I'd woken.

On the 20th of February, I got to work for the afternoon shift to find Seth sat in the café, looking desperately uncomfortable. I looked at him as I pulled off my damp jacket.

"What's up, Seth?"

"Leah is… uh…" He glanced over his shoulder at the kitchen, but the door was closed. I leant closer as he whispered, "She's crying. I don't know what to do."

"Why is she crying?" I asked, worry filing me.

"Her ex-boyfriend, Sam… he's getting married. She found out today and she's been all weird since." He explained in a loud whisper. I patted his shoulder.

"Watch the desk for me." I said and went to the kitchen door, opening it a crack. Leah was stood at the kitchen surface, pounding a wooden spoon into a bowl of cake mix, globs of it flying out onto the surface. She didn't look sad; she looked unbelievably pissed off.

She saw me and glowered down at the mixture.

"Seth can't keep his damn mouth shut,"

"He's worried." I said simply, shutting the door but Leah ignored me, mixing furiously.

"The son of a bitch. The fucking son of a bitch! He's marrying my best friend, Bella! Emily and I were like _sisters_ growing up and he left me for her! And they'll want me to be at the wedding and be happy for them, be godmother to their brats. Fuck!"

Leah threw the bowl down, rubbing her forehead with both hands. A long streak of flour stained her dark skin but she didn't notice and I saw that her eyes were red and that tears were spilling from them. She brushed them away angrily, sniffing hard.

"I always… shit, I always thought he'd come back. That he'd decide that he'd made a mistake and that it _was_ me that he wanted." She sobbed, pushing her hair out of her face. More flour settled in the shiny black locks.

"It's not fair." She whispered, "It's not _fair_."

I hugged her. I didn't plan on doing it, but she looked so lost, so vulnerable that I couldn't help it. She hugged me back, bawling into my neck, her hot tears soaking into my t-shirt. I rubbed her back slowly as she cried and after few minutes she straightened, wiping her eyes.

"Jesus, I'm a mess."

"Come out tonight." I said quickly, "You, me, Alice and Rosalie. Girl's night. We'll get wasted and tell you what an asshole this guy is."

"That sounds good." Leah sniffed and went to wash her hands and face in the little sink, "Tell Seth that I'll be out in a minute."

I left her and went to the desk in the store, texting Alice and Rosalie as I went. They were both enthusiastic about a night out. Then I texted Edward.

**Edward – going out with the girls tonight, Leah got her heart trampled :( See you tomorrow night? Bella xxxx**

**Bella – Come back to mine with Alice after your girls night. Can't sleep without you, sweet girl. Your Edward. X**

Jasper appeared beside me, although it wasn't his shift. He was peering through the delivery list and I took it out of his hands.

"Day off, Whitlock. Do you know what that means?"

"Just wanted to make sure that things were running OK." He grinned. The store had become his life in the last couple of months and it was booming under his command. It had been successful under Garrett's management, but now it was bringing in more business than we'd imagined possible.

"I can manage a delivery, Jasper." I informed him.

I sat behind the desk, writing up some paperwork whilst Jasper looked through the delivery boxes.

"Did you put a double order on the new Renata Armstrong? We sold out in two days."

"Yes, boss." I grinned, "I also put a call through to her agent, who has been looking for a place to hold an intimate book signing. He'll be calling back tomorrow to discuss a meeting."

Jasper swept me off my chair, leaning me back and planting a huge wet kiss on my cheek.

"I love you, Bella!"

"Wow, I'm feeling a little jealous." Alice giggled, appearing by the desk. Jasper straightened me and dipped her back instead, kissing her soundly. I rolled my eyes at their cheesiness, going into the stockroom to get some shelf-fillers.

* * *

~*~

The four of us ended up in a small bar on the south side of the city. It was busy, but not too noisy and we all listened sympathetically as Leah drunkenly told us about Sam.

"Wanker! He's a _wanker_!" She declared violently, draining the last of her margarita and slamming the glass back down, glaring around the room as though daring any of us to disagree.

"He is." Alice agreed cheerfully, sipping delicately at a cosmopolitan and Rosalie nodded.

"He told me he loved me. Next thing I know, he's said that we're too different, that we want different things. I guess that's true, seeing as he wanted to screw my best friend and I didn't!" Leah declared. Rosalie and I laughed helplessly and Alice clapped her hands together.

"Leah, this is _good_. Now you can put him behind you properly and find someone new!" She said optimistically.

"I don't want someone. I just want to get my degree and get an awesome job, so I never have to go back to that shitty little town ever again." Leah slurred and then jabbed a finger in my direction, "Should have done what you did, Bella. Should have cut my ties a long time ago and never looked back. Forks sucks balls, we're better off without it."

"Wait, you're from the same town?" Rosalie perked up curiously and I glowered at Leah. She winced apologetically.

"Yeah, but we didn't know each other. It was a long time ago. Hey, my drink is gone. I need another drink."

She looked around absently and Rosalie hailed the waitress, ordering us all a fresh round of drinks. I took my JD and coke, sipping it slowly. I'd already had a bit too much, my head whooshing as we chatted. Leah and Rosalie were discussing Emmett and I listened in amusement.

"Don't get me wrong, I love him." Rosalie said, swaying slightly in her seat, "The man is _fine_ and he's amazing and I love him _so_ much. But he doesn't _get it_. I've never had my own house before and he's all like 'why do we need this much furniture?'. I swear to god, if he had his way, all we'd have would be a TV, a couch and a microwave."

Alice giggled into her drink and Rosalie glared at her.

"What are you laughing at, Tinkerbell? It's not like Jasper's perfect either!"

"He totally is." Alice hiccupped happily, "He's wonderful. He's…" She closed her eyes and leant against my shoulder, her head dropping as her alcohol consumption caught up with her. Rosalie and Leah laughed and I patted her head affectionately.

"I'd better take her home." I mumbled, looking around for my purse but Rosalie cleared her throat, tapping her fingernails on the table.

"I feel that I've been very patient, Bella, but you haven't said a word about Edward. Come on, spill." She said firmly and I fidgeted, taking a long gulp of my drink.

"Edward is…" I began and then shrugged but Rosalie scowled at me.

"Bella!"

"…He makes me tingly." I mumbled into my glass and Rosalie and Leah exchanged a look.

"Tingly? What the hell?" Leah asked bemusedly and I blushed.

"All the time. I get all tingly."

"You mean turned on." Rosalie said certainly but I shook my head.

"No, no… it's not that." I struggled to explain, "It's like… when he's around, I get all… electric. Like sparks. And it's not just when we're having sex or kissing, it's just when he's around in general. Tingly."

They still didn't seem convinced and Rosalie sipped her drink nonchalantly.

"Is he good in bed?" She rolled her eyes at my shocked look, "Calm down, Bella. I know he's my future brother-in-law, but I'm not blind. The man is gorgeous; he's no Emmett, but who is? So… is he good in the sack?"

I gaped at her disbelievingly and Leah smirked.

"She's speechless. That's a good sign. Especially if he gets her _tingly_."

I decided that I'd had enough laughter at my expense and put my arms around Alice.

"I'm getting Drinkerbell home. See you bitches later."

* * *

~*~

I managed to get Alice into a cab and called Edward to let him know that we were on our way. He and Jasper had been hanging out in their apartment and they were waiting outside as I half-carried the smaller woman out of the cab. She beamed up at me.

"You're my most favouritest Bella." She stated happily, kissing my cheek wetly.

"And you're my favourite Alice." I told her, grinning. Jasper chuckled and lifted Alice, cradling her to his chest.

"C'mon, darlin'. Let's get you to bed."

"You're _definitely_ my most favouritest Jasper!" I heard her declare happily as he went through the doors. Edward chuckled, wrapping me in his arms.

"Did you have a good night?"

"Yeah, I think it cheered Leah up to rant about her ex for a while." I said happily, cuddling him. After a moment I looked up at him, smiling. "Have I told you that you're my most favouritest Edward?"

"I'm glad to hear it." He laughed at my imitation of his inebriated sister and then swept my legs out from underneath me, carrying me up the stairs. I laughed and he smirked at me.

"Would it be terribly inappropriate of me to take advantage of you in this state?"

"You should know by now that I _never_ mind you taking advantage of me." I reminded him with a devilish grin.

_Tingly_.

* * *

~*~

"_Bella, please! Please, just walk over to me, real slow!" Charlie begged and I could already feel the tears streaming down my face as I tried to take a step. The hand grasped my throat and I saw that familiar expression of fury twist my father's features. _

_One step._

_One shot._

_One scream._

_Charlie crumpled to the ground and I fell towards him, clutching his still warm body as I begged him to wake up._

"Bella!"

I sat up sharply. I was in Edward's room and he was knelt on the bed beside me, staring at me anxiously. I raised my hands to my face and found tears on my cheeks; I wiped them away, ashamed. He placed a hand on the back of my neck, caressing the curls of my hair.

"Bella, what was it?"

"Just a bad dream." I whispered, my voice breaking. Edward kissed my damp forehead, brushing my hair back.

"Charlie?"

I climbed out of bed, away from his warm embrace. He stood but didn't follow as I left the bedroom and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I splashed cold water on my face, letting it drip from my skin. My harsh breathing echoed around the tiled bathroom and I sat on the edge of the tub, staring down at my hands as I tried to calm myself.

After a few minutes I dried my face on a towel and opened the bathroom door. The light poured out into the living room and I crossed to the sofa, curling up on the corner of it. It was cold and I shivered slightly, closing my eyes as I tried to sleep, but each time I did, Charlie's face floated in front of me.

I heard footsteps and calmed my breathing, pretending to be asleep. Edward hesitated by the door to his room and then I heard his footsteps. Moments later a blanket draped over me, deliciously warm against the coldness of the room. His fingers brushed over my forehead and then he disappeared back to the bedroom room.

I sobbed silently into the empty room.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, and it was all going so well! But we all know that things don't just fix themselves like that, don't we? I have to say, the scene with the girls getting drunk is absolutely one of my favourites, because this is what it's like when I go out with my friends. And drunk Alice is just like me. I'm irritatingly happy and have habit of announcing that people are my favouritest people. "You're my favouritest Sophie/Jess/Whoever!" "Shh, Katie." I also like to shout 'wanker!' cos it's a funny, funny word.  
**

**You are wonderful people. Your response to the last chapter was fabulous, you calmed my nerves better than alcohol! I mean, I had alcohol anyway, but you certainly helped! **

**Before the Worst – This song is about a couple wishing they could go back to the way they were before. Obviously, this isn't exactly the case for Bella and Edward, but it's more about Bella not being able to change, because she's still not coping with Charlie's death. Her relationship with Edward is helping, but it can't just be about that. Does that make sense? My brain isn't giving me the right words at the moment!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and brunch in bed. I'm assuming you all kept the four-poster bed from the last chapter?**

**Love**

**Katie**


	29. Broken

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

**In love with a broken heart  
**_**Think I leave today, I cover it all this way**_**  
You fell in love with a broken heart  
**_**Every earthly breath, a lifeless testimony**_**  
You fell in love with a broken heart  
Another lifeless testimony  
And it shows.**

**~Broken by Robert Downey Jr~**

Neither Edward nor I mentioned what happened that night. I'd pushed the nightmare to the back of my mind, but I caught him watching me with a worried expression more than once. I didn't like that. I didn't like being vulnerable in front of him, not when he was so strong.

Two days later, the 22nd, I felt the pain of Charlie's death with every movement. It was even harder than on the anniversary of his death, because I had no fond memories of that day. His birthday was another matter; with just the two of us, birthdays were a big deal. I remembered his last birthday that we'd spent together. I'd made him a cake, his favourite kind, and bought him a new fishing line. We'd rowed out onto the lake in La Push and spent hours in the drizzling rain, waiting for a bite that didn't come. Charlie had entertained us with funny stories whilst we'd talked about my plans after graduation. He knew how badly I wanted to study literature and he'd smiled widely, his moustache crinkling.

"You'll be top of your class, Bells. You always do your best and that's what matters. As long as you're happy."

I arrived for work on the 22nd, a Thursday, feeling like death. I'd barely slept the night before, a fact that hadn't escaped Edward's notice. He didn't comment on it, kissing me gently when he woke to find me staring at the ceiling at 3 am. He made the pain lessen slightly, but it was still there, like a hammer blow to the chest with every breath.

Jasper was on shift, as were Seth and Mike. The two guys greeted me cheerfully but Jasper looked up as I came in, head ducked against the rain. His eyes narrowed at the sight of me and my heart sank into my shoes.

"Don't, Jazz. Not today." I said under my breath. He shook his head sadly, taking my hand.

"Do you want tomorrow off?" He asked quietly and my heart pounded nervously.

"No." I said firmly. Jasper paused then brushed a lock of hair behind my ear, examining my face.

"Edward said you haven't slept for the last couple of nights."

Irritation flared through me at the thought of them talking behind my back and Jasper sighed at my expression, scratching his chin.

"Don't get pissed off, Hells Bells. He was worried and asked me to make sure you were alright because you obviously didn't want to talk to him about it." He explained calmly, "He knows how hard it is for you to open up about this stuff."

I didn't say anything, clipping on my nametag and staring at the desk. Jasper leaned forward and tapped my chin.

"Honey, look at me." He pleaded and I shook my head, my body tense and painful.

"Please don't, Jazz. I just need to get through tomorrow." I whispered, praying that my voice wouldn't tremble. He pulled me to him and laid a kiss on my forehead.

"Let me know if you need anything, OK? Come on, I see gaps on shelves."

We set to work, filling shelves and serving the heavy flow of customers. I concentrated only on the work at hand, avoiding conversation at all costs.

_Charlie. Charlie. Oh god, it's his birthday tomorrow. Fuck. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie's birthday. Fuck. Charlie. _

The words ran like a strange mantra through my mind, fully occupying my coherent thoughts. I was pushing murder mysteries onto a shelf, barely noticing what I was doing and almost screeched in surprise as a hand settled on my shoulder. I spun around and Edward's eyebrows shot up at my reaction, his hand pulling back sharply. I clutched at my chest, doubling over as I tried to catch my breath.

"Jesus, Edward. You scared the hell out of me."

"I called your name twice. You must have been thinking hard." He said, smiling slightly. He'd obviously come straight from the hospital, still wearing his pale blue scrubs. I turned and put the last book in place before looking up at him.

"Yeah, I guess so." I said quietly and he cupped my cheek, running his thumb over my lower lip. I didn't move, the aching in my chest almost increasing with emotion as he kissed me gently.

"Have you eaten dinner?" He asked.

"Not yet," I admitted, "I'll grab something after we've closed."

"I'll go home and change, then I'll come back and take you to dinner." He smiled but I shrugged lethargically.

"I don't know if I'll stay awake through dinner. I didn't… I'm kind of tired." I said slowly and he nodded, looking a little worried.

"That's fine. I'll get some take-out and we can eat at yours. Then you can go straight to sleep, if you want. Or if you'd rather I didn't stay the night…" He spoke hesitantly, as though afraid of my answer and I looked up quickly.

He was hurt, I could tell. He was afraid of how I was acting; I hadn't meant to distance him and I hated myself for it. I stepped forward quickly and put my arms around his waist.

"No, please stay." I whispered, "I want you to stay, Edward." I sounded desperate but I didn't care, it felt as though he was slipping out of my grasp and I clutched at him desperately, my love, my lifeline. His lips brushed over mine softly and he held me close, as though he could sense the pain that flared through my veins. After a few minutes, he kissed my forehead gently.

"I'll be back before closing. What do you want for dinner?"

"Whatever you want is fine. I'll eat anything, you know me."

"I do." He smiled and that warm feeling he always inspired coursed through my body as he kissed me again and went to the door.

I rolled the trolley back to the store room and went to the desk, where a customer was waiting. He chatted happily about his new purchase and I was polite, but all I really wanted to tell him to do was get the hell out. Eventually he left and I slumped onto a stool as I began to cash up the register. Jasper was chatting with Leah and I noticed them watching me. Idly, I gave them a rude sign with my hand and they both laughed, Leah disappearing into the kitchen to clean up.

Jasper let me carry on in silence, cleaning the shop floor and filling the shelves until he turned the sign on the door, announcing us done for the day. I pulled on my jacket and went out onto the street, just as Edward pulled up in the Volvo. I climbed in to be greeted by the delicious smell of Indian food and my stomach rumbled. I smiled weakly.

"Long day." I murmured and he took my hand was we pulled away from the curb, kissing the knuckles swiftly.

"I know, love." He said quietly. I didn't know if Jasper had told him what tomorrow was. I don't think he did, Jasper knew better than to talk about any of that stuff. On the other hand, maybe it would have been easier to tell him why I was so screwed up lately.

If Edward hadn't already told me about his parents, therefore confirming his mortality, I would have sworn he was an angel sent especially for me. Whilst I showered, he set up dinner, tidied the slight mess that had accumulated in the living room, put on the classical CD that Rosalie and Emmett had given me for Christmas and even had my fluffy slippers ready, despite having teased me about them previously. I almost burst into tears then and there, but managed to control myself, kissing him soundly instead.

"You're perfect. Seriously perfect." I told him, sitting at the kitchen surface to eat my curry, reaching for the naan bread. He smiled, pouring me a glass of red wine and sitting down beside me.

"I know things have been hard for you lately. If I can make that easier in any way, you just have to let me know." He said, piling rice onto his plate. I didn't know what to say as I chewed on a mouthful of creamy korma. I swallowed the delicious food and poked at a piece of chicken tikka.

"It'll be over soon." I said quietly, "Just give me a couple of days, Edward."

"You can have all the time in the world." He said, still looking at his food.

We finished dinner in silence.

* * *

~*~

_The nightmare was different. We were sat in Charlie's boat, on the lake in La Push. I was huddled in an old raincoat, my hair sticking to my face with moisture. Charlie was watching the lake, waiting for the fish to bite but nothing stirred in the water. After a moment, he twisted to face me and I saw with a jolt that blood was dripping from the bullet hole in his chest, trickling down his stomach and pooling around our feet, mixing strangely with the water that dampened our feet. I lifted my eyes to his face and he gave me his familiar smile._

"_So, what did you get me for my birthday, Bells?"_

I woke. There were no tears on my face and I hadn't been crying out, because Edward was sleeping peacefully beside me. I watched him for a moment. It was early, still dark outside but that odd darkness that comes just before sunrise. He looked younger when he slept, as though any anxiety drained away during slumber. It occurred to me that I was the exact opposite, that I was always the most disturbed when I slept.

I looked at the clock, the digits glowing palely in the darkness of the room. It was almost 6 am. I climbed out of bed, the dream still reverberating in my head.

_So, what did you get me for my birthday, Bells?_

I bit on my lip to stop it from shaking as sobs begin to bubble in my chest. I didn't turn on the light but dressed quickly, pulling on a pair of jeans and a red t-shirt, grabbing a hoodie as I slipped out of the bedroom. I picked up my keys and cell and left the apartment, walking quickly down the stairs. The morning air was crisp and damp, puddles staining the pavement. I went to the car I had bought from Jacob a few weeks before, a blue Volkswagen Rabbit and climbed in, pulling out my phone.

**Jazz – won't be in today. HB X**

I knew that Jasper would understand. I could only hope that Edward would as well.

* * *

~*~

I drove almost without thinking. I didn't play music, it would only muddle me up, so I drove in silence. I had made this journey several times, but hadn't done it for a few years now. I almost missed the turn-off and was treated to several blaring horns as I swung the car into the next lane.

I breathed heavily, unrolling the window. The cold air stung my cheeks and made my eyes water. I swallowed hard as, after three hours of driving, I approached the painfully familiar sign that hadn't changed in more than ten years.

_**Welcome to Forks, WA.**_

I slowed the car as I passed through the main street of the town. There was some traffic about, rush hour although it didn't compare to that of the city traffic. I froze as I realised that I couldn't remember how to get to the cemetery. I could picture the road, but the way there had completely escaped me.

Shit. Cemetery. You took flowers to a grave, didn't you? I'd never visited a grave before, I couldn't…

My chest was constricted and I had to pull over as tears blurred my vision. There was a gas station and I parked beside it. I filled my tank, even though it didn't really need it, I just needed to distract myself until I could calm down.

Oh god. I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't-

_So, what did you get me for my birthday, Bells?_

I tasted blood on my lip where I'd been biting down so hard. I licked it gently, the cold air making the moisture tingle. I leaned against the side of the car, resting my head in my hands. My breathing was laboured and I bit back a pained moan, the lump in my throat hurting me as I tried to inhale enough to get the required amount of oxygen into my system.

After a moment I headed into the store to pay for the gas. There was a display of flower bouquets by the door and I grabbed one, not even looking to see what it was as I went to the desk. There was a middle-aged woman on the desk and she barely looked up as I mumbled the pump number, scanning the flowers for a price label.

"That's twenty-eight dollars, hon." She said cheerfully, her eyes on my face for the first time. I handed over the cash, keeping my head down.

"Can you tell me how to get to the cemetery please?" I said softly and her brow furrowed.

"Uh, yeah… go to the end of the main street and turn left onto Elm. Go right to the top and it's up the hill." Her frown deepened as she examined my face, but I mumbled my thanks and grabbed the flowers, not even waiting for my change.

Now she'd said it I remembered the way, turning onto Elm and following the road. There was a surprising amount of traffic around, even for a weekday morning. I didn't remember Forks ever being that busy in the morning. But maybe it was my memory that was failing to recall these details, rather than anything having changed.

I followed a little green car as it began to climb the low hill towards the cemetery. The small church stood out starkly at the top of it, rising above the line of trees. There was a small parking lot by it, but I realised saw that it was almost full. Maybe there was a ceremony going on at the church. A Thursday morning seemed like an odd time for it, but I could hardly concentrate on that.

Where was the grave? I couldn't even remember and tears pricked at my eyes again. I brushed them away angrily, picking at the price label on the flowers. God, I hated this town. I hated this day. I hated Charlie for dying. I hated myself for feeling like that. I wanted to turn this car around and drive straight back to Seattle, to find Edward and let him hold me, let him tell me that I wasn't a bad person, however false that statement was.

I climbed out of the car, pulling my hood up as the rain began to fall lightly, only spitting but threatening to turn heavy. The air smelled like dampness, like trees and dirt and mould as I crossed the parking lot to the little office that stood slightly apart from the church. An old man was inside and I asked him where the register for the graves was. He pushed it towards me without a word, barely noticing I was there.

I opened the green, leather-bound register and flipped the pages quietly to the S's. He was close to the end, an insignificant line in the sea of names.

_**Charles Matthew Swan – 1954~2005**__: __**Lot 14, row 3.**_

I closed the register and slid it back across the desk, thanking him quietly. He didn't look up as I opened the door, clutching the flowers tightly. The cellophane around them rustled noisily as I held them to my chest, walking with hunched shoulders.

I noticed a group of people stood a little way off but I ignored them, trying to find my bearings. They seemed busy and I certainly didn't want them to disturb me. A little sign was posted and I peered up at it. Lots 10 to 20 – in the same direction as the little gathering. I looked over at them. There were seven or eight figures stood there and I noticed another two or three approaching from the parking lot. Unwillingly, I walked in that direction, hoping to avoid them. To my relief they began to move away, standing a little way off the graves, all talking quietly, consoling each other.

I turned left, stepping through the old gravestones towards lot 14. It was where they had been standing, I realised. Had there been a recent burial, I wondered? I kept my head ducked as I scanned the graves for row three.

I stopped in my tracks.

Charlie's grave was almost buried under a mountain of flowers and tributes. Roses, lilies, freesias, lilacs, orchids, all mingling, their scent hanging heavy and cloying in the damp air, making it even more difficult to breathe than before. As I stood frozen to the spot, the two people who had approached behind me lay down bunches of flowers, standing silent for a moment before moving to join the others, who greeted them with handshakes and embraces.

I felt sick. I could feel the nausea rising in my throat and put my hand to my mouth, praying I could control it as my entire body trembled. A strong wind hit me and the cold air helped a little, blowing light moisture onto my overheated, clammy skin. My heart was beating horribly fast, which only lent to the sickness I felt. I hadn't wanted there to be anyone here, this was going to be painful if I were alone. With an audience it was going to be hell.

I heard murmurs from the gathered people and realised that I had been stood still for several minutes. One woman was watching in concern, as though she wanted to come over and make sure I was alright. Even as I glanced over, I saw her take a tentative step in my direction and fear filled me instantly.

I clutched the flowers tightly and moved forward to the decorated grave, fixing my eyes on the heap of flowers. The pale grey stone intimidated me and I hesitated again, pulling down my hood. It felt disrespectful to keep it up, somehow. The observing people fell silent and I knew that they had recognised me, although I couldn't see any of their faces well enough to know them.

I tripped slightly, stumbling over my own feet as I approached the grave and I pushed my damp hair out of my face as I stood with my back to the crowd, staring down at the mass of blossoms. I knelt awkwardly, my heart hammering in my chest as I placed my flowers with the others. They were dark red roses, I realised and I rocked on my heels for a moment, uncertain of what to say. I ran my hand over the wet stone, the surface slick with rain and traced the carved name with tip of my finger.

**Charles Matthew Swan**

**1954 – 2005**

**Beloved Father**

**Respected Officer of the Law**

**Missed by All**

Who had chosen that inscription? I couldn't remember, it might even have been me. I couldn't remember much from those days after his death, they bled into each other in a haze of agonising pain and tears.

The lump in my throat was back and squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to cry out loud. It was too undignified, especially with my unwanted audience. I lost my balance and slumped to my knees, the wet grass instantly soaking my jeans and I let out a quiet gasp that transgressed into a sob.

There was silence, apart from the wind and the pattering of rain.

I knew he was here. I could feel him, like a beacon of heat and light as he approached. I didn't know how he was here, or why, but I twisted my head to look up at him as he approached. The rain had plastered the hair to his forehead, turning the locks dark but he was wrapped up in his heavy black coat, more suited to the rain than my thin hoodie which was almost soaked through. He looked down at me, his expression pained with sympathy, his eyes on mine as the tears fell on my cheeks.

I looked back at the grave and shook my head.

"I don't know what to say." I admitted, my words choked and he knelt beside me on one knee, his hand on my shoulder.

"Say everything." He murmured and I closed my eyes, the tears leaking out.

"I can't. I can't. He should even be here, Edward!" I sobbed and his hand tightened on my shoulder.

"Tell him, Bella."

"I can't!" I half-shouted, jumping to my feet. The gawking crowd seemed alarmed by my reaction and I stepped back as Edward stood, wrapping my arms around my waist, keeping the pieces of me together. He didn't say anything, but watched me with a heart-breaking expression.

"Tell him, Bella." He said again, so softly that I barely heard him over the wind.

I took another step back, looking down at the grave, unable to meet his eyes.

"What the hell do I say, Edward?" I demanded angrily, "I'm sorry you're dead? I'm sorry, because it should have been me? It's my fault that he died, Edward, how the _hell_ do I apologise for that?"

He didn't speak and I lifted my hands to my head, brushing my hair out of my eyes as I stared down at the flowers.

"I got him killed." I whispered painfully, "He was my Dad and he died because of me. If I hadn't called for help…"

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself again.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, but the words were lost in the wind. I saw Edward move in my peripheral vision and he came to stand behind me, opening his coat and wrapping me in it, pulling my damp figure back against his chest as we looked down at the grave.

"I miss him." I whispered and Edward breathed quietly in my ear, but didn't speak.

"I miss him." I repeated, "I loved him so much. He was my Dad. He shouldn't be dead."

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't shoot that gun." Edward murmured but I shook my head.

"I called him there."

"As anyone else would have done. Bella," He twisted me in his arms, gazing into my eyes with an expression of determined love, "It is _not_ your fault. Nobody blames you. I'm sure that Charlie wouldn't have either."

I shook my head, unable to speak as I buried my face in his chest, unable to hold back the heaving sobs. Edward's cheek rested against my hair as he rocked me gently, holding me up because my legs were on the edge of giving way.

I don't know how long we stood like that but Edward didn't rush me. He kissed my forehead, brushed my hair out of my face, held me tightly as I cried, long and hard, taking great gulps of air as I sobbed noisily.

Eventually I sniffed hard, wiping my eyes on my cuffs as I looked up at the beautiful man who stood so certainly beside me. He cupped my cheek, concern etched in his face. I turned to look at the grave and took a shuddering breath, wanting to say something meaningful, something that could express just how much I missed him. Nothing appropriate came to mind. It seemed better to walk away in silence than to stammer something uncertain and insincere sounding. Edward wrapped his arm around me as I turned away from the grave. The group of people were still watching and I recognised one or two faces. The Clearwaters, Leah and Seth's parents, stood out. Mrs Tibbs, my old neighbour, the one who had taken care of me after Charlie's death. Mark and Simon, two of the officers that Dad had worked with.

None of them moved or tried to speak but as my eyes scanned over them quickly, one or two inclined their heads in my direction. I returned the slight gesture, a silent thank you for taking care of the grave, for remembering him, honouring him and for being here when I wasn't. I looked up at Edward and spoke tearfully.

"Can we go?"

We reached the parking lot and Edward held out his hand for my keys. I handed them over, slightly confused because I didn't see the silver Volvo anywhere.

"How did you get here?"

"Jasper. When I woke and you weren't there, I called him to find out if he knew what was wrong. He brought me here." Edward explained as we climbed into the car. He turned on the heater, noticing that I was shivering.

"You must have driven at some speed." I commented quietly and he gave me a half-smile as he draped his coat over my trembling frame.

"We were worried. He's gone back now; he thought you might not want to be crowded."

I nodded slowly and then twisted in my seat as Edward adjusted the driver's seat to accommodate his long legs. He looked over at me and his expression softened.

"I would have come with you." He said quietly and guilt flooded through me.

"I know. I just… I didn't want you to see me like this. I don't like being so weak." I whispered and he shook his head, reaching across to kiss me softly.

"Sweet girl, I will always be beside you. I want to see you in every way, not just the good times and you have to stop trying to hide from me. I'm in love with you. Every part of you."

I stared at the words that he had never said before. He gave me another half-smile and kissed me again before turning back to the wheel. I turned my face to the window, watching as he sped us out of the tiny hellhole that was my birthplace and back to the city that was my home, his hand on mine the whole way.

* * *

**A/N: Hmm, not quite what some of you were imaging for the 'I love you', was it? Man, this was an emotional chapter! Poor Bella… **

**Broken – OK, please go and listen to this song, because for me, the melody of this is just as important as the words. RDJ's voice is just gorgeous. It's on youtube, just go and listen to it. Anyway, I used this for Bella, almost as a warning to Edward, where she's trying to push him away and pull him closer at the same time. He's in love with her and she's broken, but he already knows that. **

**So… we're only three reviews away from the big 300! Squee! Come on, you've only got six more chapters to review after this one, make every one count! Plus, I'm totally planning on doing some outtakes. I have to get some of the other stories out there, like Edward's POV on their first meeting and Alice's decision to go out and find her guy, right back at the beginning, plus I'd quite like to do Rosalie and Emmett's first meeting. There's a few.**

**A quick recommendation:**

**Expectations of Success by LASMKE – A brilliantly written AU/AH story, with a Bella that kicks arse. **

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a plate of cherry & coconut muffins, because I made some of those today. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	30. Would You Be Happier?

**Chapter Thirty**

**Do you ever think you're someone else inside,  
when no one understands you are?  
And want to disappear inside a dream but never want to wake, wake up  
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today  
Would you be happier if you were someone together?  
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part?  
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather?  
You're going to be just fine**

**Yeah, you're going to be just fine.**

**~Would You Be Happier by The Corrs~**

We got back to Seattle just after midday. Edward bypassed my apartment and we went straight to his. Thankfully, Alice and Jasper weren't there. I don't think that I could have faced them, and that was uncomfortable because there had never been a time when I hadn't been able to face Jasper. Edward took me upstairs, not speaking and holding me tenderly. He ran a warm bath and took me into the bathroom. Slowly, he peeled away my still damp, uncomfortable clothing and lifted me into the tub. I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest, staring down at the soapy water.

I felt odd. Detached. As though the explosion of emotions from this morning had wiped me clean, hollow. I wasn't sure if I felt better for it or not, it was too soon to tell.

Edward took a washcloth and ran it over my back and shoulders, letting the hot water turn my pale skin pink. The movement was comforting, affectionate and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the sensation of the rough cloth against my skin. Edward rubbed it across my neck and I tilted my head back as he ran it across my bare arms and chest. He was so gentle, knelt by the

It was the first time that I'd really let him care for me, I realised he lifted me out of the tub like an infant, wrapping a towel around me. I was perfectly still as he dried me and then took me to his bedroom. I didn't have any pyjamas here, since we spent most of our time at my apartment but he pulled out a t-shirt that came down to my mid-thigh and I tugged on my underwear. Edward took me to the bed and lay me down, covering me over with the sheets. I looked up at him, feeling very young.

"Stay with me?"

"Always." He murmured and lay down too. I huddled into his chest. I wanted to cry but I physically had no more tears left so I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me as he hummed softly.

"I love you." I mumbled, floating between sleep and awake. His humming stopped briefly and while I didn't open my eyes to see his reaction, his lips pressed against my cheek and his hold around me tightened as he hummed again, a lullaby that carried me safely into dreams that did not involve blood or guns.

* * *

~*~

I slept through the rest of the day and that night, waking at just past seven the next morning. Edward wasn't beside me, but I saw the shirt and boxers that he slept in weren't there either, which implied he was still home. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I didn't feel refreshed for the lengthy sleep, but lethargic, my limbs heavy from lack of use. My eyes were smarting and red and my mouth tasted fuzzy and unpleasant.

I crawled out of bed, ignoring my protesting arms and legs and went to Edward's dresser, pulling out a pair of long shorts, which he probably used as pyjamas. They came down to mid-calf on me and I pulled the drawstring as tight as it would go before opening the bedroom door tentatively.

Edward and Jasper were sat on the couch, talking quietly as they drank coffee. Jasper was facing the bedroom door and he gave me a smile as I appeared. Edward turned in his seat and then got to his feet, crossing the room to hug me, kissing my forehead.

"Do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please. Have you already eaten?" My stomach growled pitifully and Edward brushed my hair back.

"I'll make you something."

He kissed me again and moved towards the kitchen area. I looked back at Jasper and he held out his arms.

"Get over here, honey." He said softly and I climbed onto the sofa, cuddling into his lap as he hugged me, kissing my forehead like Edward had. I closed my eyes, letting him hold me in that way that was so loving it made my heart ache. It was very different from Edward's way of holding me, but the love it expressed was perfectly parallel. I'd never believed myself deserving of that amount of love from one person and now I had it from two.

"I'm proud of you, Bells." Jasper whispered and I looked up at him in confusion.

"Why?"

"Because you always said that you'd never go back, that you'd never be strong enough. But you did it, honey. You were strong." He said in my ear and I couldn't help give a slight smile, "I don't think you realise just how amazing you are, Hells Bells."

"You're obliged to say that under the Best Friend Act." I muttered and he laughed, squeezing his arms around my waist.

"Don't be such a dumbass. You know I don't say anything that I don't mean. So when I say that you're amazing, I damn well mean that you're amazing. And…" He glanced over at the kitchen, where Edward had his back to us, cooking at the stove, "I'm not the only one who thinks so."

I looked over at Edward too and then leant back into Jasper's warm frame, watching as Edward stirred and chopped, delicious smells filling the apartment. With my eyes still fixed on him, I spoke quietly.

"He loves me, Jazz."

"I know."

"He told me that he loves me."

"I know." Jasper laughed quietly, "I can tell. You should tell him, by the way. That you love him too."

I chewed my lip absently. That supposedly foreign emotion that had been slowly pulsing through my veins, filling my mind over the last few weeks in Edward's company. He looked our way and my eyes met his green ones.

_Love._

I smiled weakly and Edward returned the gesture before turning back to the stove. Jasper chuckled and poked me in the ribs.

"Go and get dressed. I picked you up some clothes on the way over." He handed me a small bundle of clothes and I went to the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my teeth before pulling on the jeans and long sleeved shirt that Jasper had brought.

Edward was putting a cup of coffee and a plate of ham and cheese omelette on the living room coffee table when I reappeared. Alice had also emerged from somewhere, looking bright and cheerful. She skipped across the room to hug me and I loved her for acting as though nothing were different.

"Good morning, Bella! What are you doing today?"

"Eating." I gestured towards the delicious smelling omelette, my stomach begging for me to kick her aside and devour the plateful immediately. Alice laughed, taking my hand and pulling me towards the table, sitting me down firmly and handing me a fork. I eagerly began to eat, moaning slightly at the taste of it.

"I've got Mike and Siobhan to cover the store today, you don't have to come back in until tomorrow." Jasper said, draining the last of his coffee. Alice looked pleased and gave me a lovely smile.

"Good, because you and I haven't hung out properly in ages, Bella. The boys need to go to work, so we can do something and then we can all go to dinner tonight."

"Alice…" Edward began, looking a little uncertain as he glanced at me. I reached over and squeezed his hand before smiling at Alice.

"That sounds good, Alice. As long as we don't shop. I'm really not up to a shopping trip today."

"You never are." She grumbled and I smiled, turning my attention back to my food as Edward's fingers played against my neck.

* * *

~*~

Alice and I walked down by the bay after Jasper and Edward had gone to work. She linked her arm through mine, leaning against me as we talked about inconsequential things. We stopped at a vendor and bought hot coffee and pastries, sitting on a bench to watch the boats going back and forth from the island. It was freezing cold, but I didn't mind, wrapped up in my coat, scarf and gloves, my nose red and lips burning from the coffee. Alice's cheeks were tinged with pink as we huddled together on the wooden bench. It wasn't raining for a change, but the grey sky threatened a downpour later on. Alice leant her head against my shoulder.

"Do you want to go inside?" She asked, her breath coming in frosty white puffs of air but I shook my head.

"I'm OK out here for a little while." I said softly, wrapping my free arm around here. Her tiny frame pressed into mine as we shared our body warmth. She sighed in a satisfied way, like a cat purring.

"I'm so happy we're friends, Bella."

"Well, you always knew we would be." I teased and she laughed.

"I did. I'm very perceptive."

"I know you are, pixie-girl." I said warmly. I felt light, curiously at ease with the world, like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. The more I went over the previous day in my head, the better I felt about it. OK, so having a mental breakdown at my father's grave wasn't the best thing that could have happened, but the fact that I had been able to go there in the first place was an event that I had never foreseen. It had not been the terrifying ordeal that I had imagined and while it had been agonising, I did not feel the unimaginable guilt that had haunted me for so long. Instead I saw that I was not the only one who missed Charlie and that others mourned him. What comforted me most was that they did not blame me, however much I felt they should.

_You always do your best and that's what matters. As long as you're happy._

Charlie's words rang through my mind and I took a deep breath.

Enough was enough.

I don't believe in epiphanies. But as I sat there, with Alice sat beside me and the cup of coffee heating my frozen fingers, I stared over the choppy, grey water capped with white peaks and I smiled. I made a decision.

"Alice?"

"Yeah, Bella?"

"I'm going to be happy."

She looked up at me curiously, but I just stared out over the water, smiling to myself.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that. I'm going to be happy." I repeated simply and she laughed, slipping her arms around me as the rain began to patter lightly on the grey concrete surrounding us.

* * *

~*~

Spring came early that year, much to my relief. February faded into March, and then March into April. The frost and rain melted into spring showers, interspersed with watery, pale sunlight. _The Paperback_ was booming with business much to Jasper's delight. He and Alice had become practically inseparable, as had Edward and I. He spent most nights at my apartment, so much so that I'd cleared space for him in my wardrobe and dresser. His scrubs made extremely comfortable pyjamas and he certainly enjoyed seeing me wear them. Edward worked his shifts at the hospital, his first year of residency drawing ever nearer to the close and he still hadn't decided on a specialism. However, he seemed in no hurry, certain that he'd decide soon enough. We spent our nights making love and our days revelling in the happiness of our friends. Life changed but stayed very much the same and it was one Friday in mid-April when Edward appeared in _The Paperback_, holding a pile of mail.

I waved at him as he went to the café and continued to answer a guy's questions on our return policy before he purchased a copy of the Karma Sutra and left. I rolled my eyes, moving over to Edward and kissed him. Jasper laughed.

"I'm taking no returns from that guy!" He said firmly and Alice giggled, pulling a face. I rolled my eyes again.

"I told him that if he had any complaints, he should talk to the manager. So he's your problem from now on!"

"Gee, thanks Bella." Jasper grumbled and I smiled sweetly, taking my post from Edward as the four of us settled onto a couple of sofas. I'd left before the mail arrived so I'd texted Edward, asking him to bring it because I was expecting a letter from the landlord about renewing my contract on the apartment.

But it was the manila envelope with the letters UW printed over the stamp that caught my eye. My heart leapt into my throat as I saw it and looked anxiously up at Edward. He squeezed my hand and Jasper leaned forward eagerly.

"Open it, Bella!" He urged and I swallowed, looking down at the envelope again.

"It's kind of thick… thick is good, right? They wouldn't write a thick rejection letter, would they?" I whispered and Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me close as I slid trembling fingers under the flap of the envelope.

Moments later I was bouncing up and down on the sofa, screaming loudly. Alice joined me as we leapt on the furniture, narrowly avoiding Edward, who dived out of the way, sending his coffee flying. Leah ran out the kitchen, wielding a rolling pin and looking terrified as Jasper fell about laughing at our pleasure. I slipped, falling onto my backside on the sofa and Alice landed on me, both of us giggling insanely as I waved the envelope in the air. Edward knelt by the coffee table, grinning at us.

"I'm assuming you got in?"

"Yup!" I chortled as Alice snorted with laughter into my shoulder. Leah stared at us all.

"You're all freakin' nutjobs. Jasper, I'm _not_ cleaning that up." She pointed at the spilt coffee that Edward was frantically trying to mop up with napkins and Jasper grinned.

"I'll get a cloth. Alice, get on the phone to Emmett and Rosie, we're going drinking tonight!"

She clambered off of me, kissing my cheek as she went and I sat up, grinning madly as Edward sat beside me, pulling me into a deep kiss. His tongue brushed against mine and he nipped my lower lip gently.

"I knew you'd get in." He grinned and I laughed, sliding my arms around his neck, one hand gripping his hair lightly.

"I thought Alice was the psychic one." I teased and he kissed the tip of my nose as Jasper chucked the rest of my mail into my lap, a couple of envelopes spotted with spilt coffee before disappearing into the kitchen.

Pride was welling in my chest and I couldn't stop smiling, my cheeks physically aching with happiness. I had been _accepted_. I was going to study literature, I was going to carve myself a future through my next level of education. It was a daunting idea, but I felt more than ready to take it on. In fact, I felt impatient, eager to get started and Edward smirked at my expression, pressing his mouth to mine.

"I'm proud of you, love." He said, running his hand up my arm to cup my neck, smiling. I grinned and leaned forward to kiss him again.

"Thank you. For putting up with me."

"It's not exactly the burden you imagine it to be. I get quite a lot out of it too." He reminded me with a handsome smile and I raised an eyebrow.

"You'll be getting even more out of it when we get home. Love you." I had said the words a million times now, but each time made me nervous until I saw the sentiment reflected back in his eyes.

He laughed, nuzzling my neck. I laughed, flinching as he hit a ticklish spot. I curled into the crook of his arm as I flicked idly through the post. The letter from my landlord had arrived but it was not this that caught my notice. Another envelope, lightly dotted with coffee spots, bore a Phoenix postmark.

Edward saw it at the same time I did and met my eyes. There was no pressure in his gaze, merely the understanding that he would support whatever decision I made next. I looked over at the desk where Jasper and Alice were laughing about something, Leah rolling her eyes but grinning. I turned back to Edward and moved to sit in his lap as I opened the letter.

_Dear Isabella,_

_I haven't written in a long time. After your friend answered the phone at Christmas, I thought it might be better to give you some space. But Phil and I will be in Seattle at the beginning of May and I would dearly love to meet with you, just for a drink. There are a lot of things that need to be said and I can only hope you will give me a chance to say them. You have my number, please call me. _

_Always yours,_

_Renee_

I sat huddled in Edward's embrace for a long time, my forehead pressed against his cheek. He traced his fingers up and down my arm as we both stared down at the letter. After a long moment, he brushed his lips against my cheek.

"I'll take you home."

I nodded and collected my things as Edward told the others that we'd meet them in City Bar at eight thirty, before we walked to my apartment, Edward's hand in mine. Renee's letter weighed heavily in my pocket but in my free hand I clutched my admission pack to UW; two sides of the coin – one was a reflection of my positive changes after the last few months and the other was the epitome of the things I blamed for everything that had gone wrong in my life.

I wasn't about to gamble my future on a coin toss, I decided. I was going to make my own, informed decisions.

We reached my building meeting Jacob at the door. He smiled briefly, holding the door open. I caught his sleeve as Edward made for the stairs.

"Jake, we're heading down to City Bar tonight. Can you come? I got into UW, so it's kind of a celebration."

"Congratulations, honey. I'll be there." Jacob grinned widely, hugging me tightly. I laughed, hugging him back.

"Invite Quil and Embry too, I haven't seen them in ages!"

"Will do, Bells. Catch you later." He waved as he disappeared into his apartment and I half-ran up the stairs. Unfortunately, I slipped on the last step, tripping over and landing ungracefully on my front. I gasped for a minute, completely winded as Edward came out of my apartment and lifted me. I waved his anxiety away.

"I'm fine," I wheezed heavily, "Nothing broken."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded as he led me into the apartment, rolling my eyes as he surreptitiously tried to take my wrist, in what he clearly thought was a sneaky way of measuring my pulse. I tugged my hand away, poking him in the ribs.

"I'm not your patient, Doc."

"Just taking care of my girl." Edward smiled, moving into the kitchen to make coffee and I smiled, moving to the phone. There was a message on the machine.

"_Bella, it's Alice, you got away before I could tell you what to wear tonight! First of all, the cream shoes, the ones with the bow on the back and the blue dress-"_

I hit delete and Edward laughed.

"You're going to be in trouble."

"Don't care. It's my celebration night, I'll wear what I want!" I grinned, picking up the phone. Edward sat in my favourite armchair and I climbed into his lap, my new favourite seat as I toyed with the phone. He put his face to the crook in my neck.

"Are you going to call her?" He breathed and I chewed my lip.

"I don't know… do you think I should?"

"I can't decide for you on this one, love. It needs to be your choice." He said simply and I put an arm around his neck as I dialled tentatively with one hand.

The phone rang for what seemed like ages, a dull _bring bring_ that drilled its way into my brain. My nerves were shot and I was about to the end the call when I heard a fumbling and a male voice spoke breathlessly, as though he'd run to get the call.

"Yeah?"

"Uh…" I paused, uncertain, "Is… is Renee there?"

"Sure, sure, just a sec." He shouted incoherently in the background, "Sorry, who's calling?"

"It's… um, it's Isabella." I whispered and Edward kissed my cheek softly, listening to the conversation.

There was silence on the line for a few seconds and then the man spoke again.

"Isabella… wow, I didn't. I'm Phil."

"I thought you might be." I said; this was the first time I'd spoken to my stepfather. He sighed slightly.

"I can't believe you called. Wow… oh, here's your Mom."

I bit on my lip as he handed the phone over and a female tone echoed down the line, uncertain and eager.

"Isabella?"

"Yeah." I said quietly and her inhale quickly.

"Oh my god, Isabella! You called!" She said, her voice full of delight. I swallowed hard, pressing my head to Edward's, seeking comfort.

"I got your letter. What day are you in Seattle?"

"We arrive on the first Friday and leave on the Tuesday. Please can we meet?" She was breathless, nervous and I realised that my hands were trembling. Edward looked into my eyes and his gaze gave me strength.

"Where are you staying?" I asked and then nodded as I recognised the hotel name, "OK, there's a little diner a block south of there called Rocky's. I'll meet you for coffee on the Saturday morning. But just us, Renee. Don't bring Phil." I felt that I could handle her, but the two of them in force might bring me down. She hurried to assure me that this was fine.

"I'll be there at ten thirty, Isabella, I promise. Oh god… we've got so much to talk about." She sounded daunted, similar to how I imagined I sounded as I said goodbye and hung up.

Edward held me tightly.

"That was brave, Bella."

"I'm shitting myself. I can't believe I just did that." I admitted and then leaned in to kiss him as his hand slid up into my hair. The phone slid from my grasp as he swivelled me in his lap, so that my legs saddled his waist and I placed both of my hands in his hair, twisting the soft strands around my fingers as he began to kiss a southward path, his tongue moving against my throat, my collarbone, nuzzling the scoop-neck of my t-shirt. I pulled my t-shirt off, throwing it one side as he kissed my stomach.

"Edward?"

"Yes Bella?" He looked up at me with a self-satisfied smile and I pulled his face back up to mine.

"Bedroom. _Now_."

I got to my feet and pulled him in the direction of the bedroom. He threw his shirt to one side and pulled me into a kiss, fingers deftly unhooking my bra and sliding it down as our tongues met, eager and fierce. He dropped to his knees in front of me, kissing a path from my neck down between my breasts and over my stomach to the button of my jeans. In a painfully slow movement, he popped the button open and pulled down the zip. I tightened my hand into his hair, biting my lip.

"Edward?"

"Shh." He murmured again the skin of my hips, his hands sliding around to my behind, pulling my pelvis against his mouth before hooking his fingers into my underwear and sliding them down. My heart beat so fast that it was almost painful and it shocked me that he still had this effect on me. We had had sex countless times but every time he paid me attention in this way, it made me feel like the first time.

His mouth was on me and I twisted both hands in his hair, breathing hard as the pleasure increased with every stroke and tease. I finished hard and fast, my knees almost giving way but he caught me, because he always catches me and placed me on the bed, loving me in more ways than I thought possible.

* * *

~*~

Alice was livid and I grinned innocently at her as she stared, aghast, at my outfit.

"Isabella Marie Swan, that is _not_ the outfit I arranged for you!" She fumed and I laughed happily.

"Nope! Well, I wore the shoes." I waved a foot at her but she pursed her lips together, looking up at Jasper, as though expecting him to share in her outrage. He grinned, tilting his beer bottle towards me.

"I think she looks good, darlin'."

I'd donned a belted chiffon corset, black with a studded belt under the breast with a pair of dark skinny jeans, finishing the outfit with a pair of ivory leather shoes, a little black lace bow on the back. Edward encircled his arms around my waist, pulling me back towards him.

"She's look stunning, as always. You've taught her well, Alice." He smiled at his sister and she huffed, but looked rather pleased. After a moment of perusing my outfit, she shrugged.

"I suppose you could have done worse. At least you're wearing heels. And you accessorised well, well done on the choker necklace!" She glanced sideways as Leah, who was wearing converses, "Leah, I don't suppose you want to go shopping sometime?"

"With you? Definitely not." Leah said flatly, draining her beer and I started to laugh at Alice's put-out expression. I was pleased that she'd come and I had promised Seth that we'd celebrate without alcohol another time since he wasn't old enough to come out with us yet, he was still only nineteen.

Emmett and Rosalie arrived, both congratulating me on my success, Edward beaming proudly. We'd claimed a couple of high circular tables, dragging stools around them as our party grew. The bar was busy, it being a Friday and I jumped up, waving as I saw Quil, Embry and Jacob coming in. They came over and I made quick introductions, noticing with amusement that Edward's arm tightened a little around my waist. Jacob sat down beside Leah, who gave him a half-glance before turning back to Rosalie, utterly uninterested. Emmett lifted his drink.

"To our Bells!" He roared and I flushed as people looked around at his voice, but my friends were all raising their glasses and grinning at me.

"To our Bells!" They repeated and Edward laughed at my embarrassment as I buried my face in his neck. Everyone fell into comfortable chatter, the drinks flowing heavily. Rosalie and Alice went to dance, trying to convince me to join them but I refused point-blank, claiming I would probably injure everyone else on the dance floor. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were discussing the Seahawks chances for the title that year while Edward, Quil and Embry argued over the benefits of American automobiles against European styles. I listened vaguely, but my attention was caught by Leah who had gone to the bar to get another drink, where she was now stood beside Jacob. He was standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, saying something. Leah stared at the bottles lining the shelves behind the bar, obviously disinterested as he spoke. Jacob frowned, looking a little put out at her lack of response and then shrugged, saying something else. I grinned as Leah straightened suddenly, slapping a hand on the bar and turning to speak viciously. Jacob grinned at her reaction, shrugging again in a nonchalant manner. Leah scowled and then spoke again, jabbing her finger at Jacob's chest before turning to the bartender. A moment later, an obscene number of shots were lined up in front of each of them and a drinking contest began.

I laughed quietly, Edward glancing at me curiously before turning back to Embry, but I continued to watch as Leah and Jacob downed the shots at an alarming rate. Four, five, six… ten, eleven… Jacob sank into a stool, looking faintly ill and Leah smirked, taking her final shot and slamming the glass down in satisfaction. She punched the air, swaying unsteadily and Jacob put out a hand, resting it on her waist to stop her from falling. She frowned, muttering something and he shrugged, but didn't move his hand, watching her waist.

I looked away, smiling to myself. Alice bounced over and grabbed my hand.

"Come on, Bella!" She whined, "You _have_ to dance, this is my favourite song!"

"If I kill someone, you're entirely responsible." I warned, letting her drag me away from Edward. I danced to the 80's cheese music happily with my friends, glancing over at the bar occasionally where Leah and Jacob were still arguing in an amiable manner, noticing in amusement that Jacob's other hand was now on her hip and their faces were mere inches away from each other as they spoke in determined, angry whispers.

_That_ was an unforeseen development, I had to admit.

* * *

~*~

Jasper, Alice, Edward and I decided to head back to the Cullen's apartment at a little past one in the morning, picking up a huge pizza on the way. I had jumped onto Jasper's back and Alice giggled as he span in circles, trying to make me dizzy. I snorted, squeezing my knees into his ribs.

"Quit it, assface!"

"Nope!" He said cheerfully, running a few metres up the pavement and I screeched, wobbling uncertainly. Jasper laughed loudly and I looked over my shoulder to see Alice and Edward giving each other an 'aren't they immature' look, but they were both smiling. I pinched Jasper's cheek before sliding off his back, cuddling him around the waist as we walked a few paces ahead of our significant others.

"So… I called Renee. She's coming into town in a couple of weeks and we're having coffee." I said eventually and Jasper stopped, staring down at me.

"What? Bella, what the fuck?" He half-shouted in disbelief and I hissed at him.

"Keep it down, Jazz!"

"Why would you call her after everything that happened?" He demanded, his blue eyes clouded with anger. I breathed deeply, my head still fuzzy from the copious amounts of alcohol I'd drunk earlier. I was vaguely aware of Alice and Edward beside us, looking confused. I looked my best friend in the face and gave him a smile before reaching up and wrapping my arms around his neck, staring into his eyes.

"Because I don't need her anymore. I've got my family now, so it doesn't matter if she doesn't want me." I said. It made perfect sense to me, even in my drunken state but Jasper didn't look half as convinced.

"She'll just screw you over." He insisted.

"She can't screw me over if I don't let her affect me, which she won't." I said simply, and kissed him on the cheek before leaping around him and jumping onto his back again, "C'mon, Jazz-pants. I want pizza!"

I saw Jasper give Edward an aggravated look as he put his hands under my knees, lifting me more securely onto his back. Edward simply shrugged, holding the pizza box in his hands.

"It's her choice." He murmured and Jasper scowled. I butted the back of his head lightly with my forehead.

"Damn right, it is."

* * *

**A/N: There's a lot going on in this chapter, huh? Bella's a big girl now and she's finally moving on and acting like a grown up. Everyone else is getting on as well, even Leah and Jacob! Predictable? I'm not sure, but I like this pairing. I do not like Renesmee. She's creepy and weird, and I can't stand the whole Jacob imprinting thing. "Hey, Bella, turns out I **_**didn't**_ **love you, I loved one of your unfertilised eggs! Crazy, are we still BFF's?" **

**It's not cool. Therefore – Leah/Jacob. Unconvinced? Read 'Endless Daylight' by Princess Bertha. It's a fantastic story.**

**Would You Be Happier – Bella's looked through her options and decided to take the one that makes her happy. This isn't always the easiest thing to do, but she'll be OK. The Corrs are my easy-listening band. They give me happies. **

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12165371 – Bella's outfit at the bar. She does Alice proud!**

**I love you all **_**so**_** much. Over 300 reviews, over 100 favourites and alerts, you are marvellous beautiful people. I really am grateful beyond words for your support, especially**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf on their knees in front of you. Take it from there.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	31. Sentimental Heart

**Chapter Thirty One**

**Cried all night till there was nothing more**

**What use am I as a heap on the floor?**

**Heaving devotion but it's just no good**

**Taking it hard just like you knew I would**

**Old habits die hard when you've got**

**When you've got a sentimental heart**

**Piece of the puzzle and you're my missing part**

**Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?**

**Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?**

**~Sentimental Heart by She and Him~**

Jasper was sulking. I was choosing to ignore his sulking, which only made him sulk more, throwing unhappy glares at me from across the store, serving customers without speaking and generally acting like a five-year-old who didn't get their favourite Power Ranger for Christmas. I stood on a stepladder, pushing books onto the higher shelves, throwing the occasional look over my shoulder. He folded his arms, glaring at me; a customer took one look at his stormy countenance and retreated towards the café. I sighed, climbing down from the ladder and folding it away.

"You're almost twenty-five years old, Jasper. Isn't the silent treatment a little immature?" I asked dryly.

He ignored me, choosing to continue his glaring. I rolled my eyes, walking past him to the storeroom. I put the ladder in the cupboard and moved onto the shop floor, still ignoring his eyes boring into the back of my head as I crossed to a display table, rearranging the books into a neat pile as more customers came in.

It was the Friday that Renee and Phil were flying into town. I'd already received a text to say that they were in the hotel and Jasper was still frowning disapprovingly at me, as he had been since I'd informed him of my decision to meet with her. I sighed, looking at my watch and then turning to Siobhan.

"Will you be able to handle the store for an hour? I'm taking Jasper out before he spontaneously combusts with immaturity." I said cheerfully and she laughed.

"No problem, sweetie. Get him out of here before he sets you on fire with his brain."

I looked at Jasper who was watching us, sour-faced.

"Come on, assface, get your coat. I'll buy you a burger from Lou's Diner." I said, pulling on my jacket. He didn't move and I inhaled deeply before holding his coat out to him. "Jasper, we need to talk about this."

Reluctantly, he took the coat, shrugging it on. I took his hand, pulling him out of the store and down a few blocks to our favourite diner. The old lady behind the counter, Deirdre, waved at us sweetly.

"Usual burgers?" She asked and I smiled.

"You know us too well, Deirdre." We sat in our normal booth and Jasper stared down at the formica-topped table. Silence hung between us like a thick fog and I chewed on my lip, heart beating painfully fast. Jasper had _never_ been this upset with me, he'd never been so mad for so long. I twisted my hands together in my lap, out of his sight.

"Jazz, are we OK?" I whispered, wishing my voice didn't sound so weak.

His blue eyes snapped to mine and they softened as he reached across for my hand. I put it in his and he squeezed it with a smile.

"Bella, I'm just worried. I know you think that you can handle seeing her again, but she's not going to change." He said quietly, "You're setting yourself up to get hurt again."

The fear was still there, I realised, the fear that I would crack. I had changed so much in such a short change and Jasper had been expecting me to break, to lose it and revert to the miserable girl who he had seen tear herself apart. He was waiting for me to come tumbling down, London bridge style.

I smiled and he frowned faintly. I put my other hand over his, keeping my eyes on his sharp sapphire ones.

"Jazz, I love you so much." I said happily and he looked thoroughly confused, but I spoke again before he could interrupt, "When I last saw Renee, I needed her. I needed a Mom, because I didn't have anyone else. I was a frightened, lost kid who didn't understand herself or the world. But now…"

I stroked his hand, so familiar, the blunt nails and rough skin, the scar in the webbing at the joint of his thumb and index finger that he'd gotten when he'd trapped his hand in a drawer. I knew myself like the back of his hand. Yes, I know that that doesn't technically make sense, but it's true.

"I've got family now. I don't need to depend on her." I tried to explain, "It's like… because I don't _need_ her, I'm OK about seeing her again. Because when she leaves again, I'll still have you and Edward and Alice. Does that make sense? She doesn't have that power anymore."

Jasper didn't reply for a long time, staring at our joined hands. Eventually he sighed and brought my hand to his mouth, kissing it lightly before setting it back on the table.

"I can see where you're coming from, Hells Bells." He admitted quietly and I smiled.

"Good."

"Doesn't mean I like it." He warned and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, duh. One of us has to act like an adult and unfortunately, it's got to be me. You can be the immature jerk."

"A role that I have perfected over the years." Jasper grinned proudly as our burgers arrived.

* * *

~*~

I tossed and turned that night, unable to settle comfortably. Edward was working late and I knew that I should sleep, that I needed to be rested for my meeting with Renee the next day, but it was only when Edward crawled into my bed, just before one in the morning that I breathed easily. Sleep always came easier when he was there. He smiled weakly, looking exhausted and I touched the dark circle beneath one of his eyes gently.

"What's wrong?" I whispered and he closed his eyes, hiding the strange, painful emotion in them.

"…I had a bad night." He murmured and his brow twitched, struggling with unknown emotion. I moved closer, cradling the back of his neck with my palm.

"Edward? Will you tell me?" I asked softly and he ducked his head, pressing his face to my chest. I felt dampness, hot wet tears staining my pyjama shirt as his arms went around me, clinging to me desperately and his hot breath against my skin.

I didn't speak. I just held him as he was wept, his shoulders shuddering as I kissed his head over and over again, cradling him to me and pressing my face into his soft hair. I had never seen him like this, so run down and emotional.

It was breaking my heart.

Eventually the sobs subsided and he took a breath, resting his head against my chest as he blinked wearily, his eyes dark and damp.

"There was an accident. Two cars hit each other head on. There were two teenage boys in one and a mother and baby in the other," He said weakly, his voice frighteningly dull, "They're all dead. I tried but I couldn't…. they're _dead_… they were just kids, he was a baby, Bella, they were all so young…"

His voice broke and I smoothed his hair as he shivered against me.

"Bella, I tried." He whispered desperately and I tilted his head so that I could see him. His eyes were wide and pleading.

"I know."

"I tried to save them, Bella, I really did." He sounded so young and I kissed him gently, holding his face in my hands.

"I know, Edward." I said softly, "I know you did."

"I couldn't stop them from dying." His tone was confused and I wondered briefly if he meant the victims of the car crash or if he spoke of his parents. He was tired, drained and I knew he needed to forget this.

I hushed him, holding him close as he fell into uneasy sleep. He was curled into a foetus shape, his head still tucked against me. My heart ached as his hands clenched and fisted, pulling me closer in his sleep. He had lost patients before, I knew; he had occasionally come home, looking wearier than usual, had murmured about the devastating events of the day before shaking his head, removing them from his mind as quickly as possible. I had asked him once, how he coped; "Carlisle always tells me to remember them, but never to let them haunt you. Because if you keep going down that path, you won't be able to help anyone."

Today had clearly been one loss too many. He tried so hard to stay impartial and detached, but he had too much love in him for it. He was too _good_ not to care with his whole being. He wanted to take care of everyone and everything without a thought for himself. I smoothed Edward's bronze hair back from his forehead, which was creased as he frowned in his sleep. A low moan escaped him and I cuddled him tightly.

_I'll take care of _you_ now._

_

* * *

  
_

~*~

I woke first, feeling surprisingly rested, although I ached slightly from sleeping in the awkward position beneath Edward. I kissed Edward's forehead gently before slipping out bed. I stretched and moved across my apartment to the bathroom, padding barefoot across the cold floor. I climbed into the shower and let the hot water pour over me, rubbing strawberry shampoo into my hair.

My mind seemed too full, too many thoughts running through it at top speed. Edward, Renee, Jasper, Edward, university, Renee, Edward, Renee… I let out a deep breath, turning off the water and wrapping my hair up in a towel and wrapping another around my damp body, my skin flushed pink.

Edward was in the kitchen and the smell of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the apartment. I went into the kitchen and he turned, leaning in to kiss me.

"Good morning." He murmured, handing me a cup of coffee. I stroked his cheek, the skin rough with stubble beneath my fingers.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm better than I was." He admitted and I frowned a little.

"I can reschedule with Renee-"

"No." He said firmly, kissing the palm of my hand, "No, you should meet with her. It's too important."

I chewed my lip and he tapped my chin lightly.

"Don't bite. I need that lip." I laughed as he leaned in to kiss me again, "Do you want me to come?"

"No… no, it'll be OK. But maybe you could be in the vicinity? Just in case."

"Just in case." He agreed, moving his lips to mine, tasting of warm coffee.

* * *

~*~

Rocky's Diner was on the southern side of Seattle. It was one of these cheesy places, made up to look like a fifties diner, all red and white with chrome accessories. It was five minutes past the time I'd arranged to meet Renee and I was still working up the nerve to go in. I tugged nervously at my skirt. It had been the first day where it had been warm enough to indulge in the many skirts that Alice had forced me to buy. I'd matched the beige cord skirt with a striped purple top and knee high buckled boots. Edward had taken one look at the skirt and tried to drag me back into the bedroom, something I'd promised to indulge in another day. It was funny how odd things made us irresistible to each other. For example, he'd come home one day in a new black leather jacket that Alice had made him buy; I don't think we left the bedroom all weekend.

I peered through the window, my heart thudding furiously. I loathed myself for my childish nervousness and caught sight of my reflection as I looked into the diner. I was chewing my lip but that seemed like the only familiar thing. Quite suddenly, I saw myself clearly for the first time in months. I was dressed nicely, in a fashionable and attractive manner. My hair framed my face prettily, where I had blow-dried it to hang in soft waves. I looked mature and certain, adult and capable.

New-found confidence filled me as I saw the back of Renee's head, her light brown hair highlighted with red streaks and cut into a short, choppy style. She was facing away from me, but I saw her glance at her watch, fingers tapping nervously on the table. I wondered if she was chewing her lip as well.

I pushed open the door and walked straight to the table, sliding into the seat opposite her to avoid any awkward hugs she may have attempted to initiate. Renee's eyes widened at the sight of me and one hand lifted, as though to reach for me, but I didn't move. I looked her in the eyes, pale blue as opposed to my dark brown. But I knew that our faces were the same, that we had the same broad cheekbones, the same narrow chin. We sat for more than a minute, examining each other over, noting the changes and the things that had never changed.

Eventually she let out a breath that she appeared to have been holding and managed a stunned smile.

"Isabella… I can't… you look beautiful." She said quietly, gazing at me. There was too much affection in that gaze, it made me uncomfortable. I looked down at the table and shrugged.

"You haven't changed much." I said and she flinched slightly, taking it in different ways. I forced myself to look back at her.

"How are you, Renee?"

She smiled weakly again, clearing her throat.

"Good. I've been good. You?" How did I answer that? I chose to divulge as few details as possible.

"I've been OK." It was a grain of sand on a beach, but was all I wanted to share this early on. Or maybe ever. A waitress wandered over and we each ordered coffee. It arrived quickly and I watched as she stirred in cream and two sweeteners, exactly the way that I usually had it.

I drank mine black instead.

After a few more inane questions, what we did, where we were living, oh really how's that working out for you, Renee sipped her coffee and put it down, wrapping both hands around it and looked me in the face, a determined expression distorting her features.

"Isabella, I think that we need to talk about…" Her voice trailed away uncertainly and I bit back a nasty comment, my eyes avoiding hers. They trailed over to the door, which I was facing and I groaned, putting my head in my hands. Renee looked at me in confusion.

"Isabella?" She asked but I didn't look at her.

"Hey cutie-pie!" Emmett's voice boomed across the diner, startling several other patrons. Renee stared in terrified bemusement as he bounded over to his, leaning down to plant a big wet kiss on my head, followed by a bored-looking Rosalie. Emmett looked over at Renee and grinned.

"You must be Bella's mom."

"Renee Dwyer." She said in a slightly awed whisper and Emmett shook her hand vigorously, "Sorry, who are you?"

"Emmett Cullen, Bella's honorary big bro. And this is my good lady, Rosalie Hale."

"Hi," Rosalie said bluntly before turning to me, "Bella, we're having a dress fitting on Wednesday afternoon, I already told Jasper you need the time off. I'm having second thoughts about the whole colour scheme, it's a nightmare! Red _isn't_ going to work-"

"Babe, talk to her about all that wedding stuff later. I heard this place has great pie." Emmett grinned at us again and the two of them moved off to a large booth, sliding in and watching us unashamedly.

Renee blinked and looked at me. I shrugged slightly, almost laughing at her stunned expression.

"Emmett is my boyfriend's brother and Rosalie is my best friend's sister. They're getting married in August."

"I didn't realise you were meeting them here. I thought we'd have longer to talk." She said and I shook my head.

"I didn't arrange anything. I don't know why they're here."

We were silent for a minute but I decided to make the first leap.

"You want to talk about what happened when Dad died, don't you."

"Isabella… oh, god." Renee frowned, as though in pain and then shook her head, "I don't know what to say. I would say sorry if I thought it made a difference. I just… I couldn't go back there, Izzy, not after the way I'd left. I couldn't go back and organise a funeral for the man I'd abandoned."

Izzy – I didn't like that, the familiarity of a nickname was not something she deserved and I let out a hollow laugh, staring at her in disbelief.

"Christ, Renee… I didn't want you to come back to organise a funeral." I spat and she flinched again, "I didn't want you to come and save the day, it was too fucking late for that."

"Isabella, I was confused-"

"And I was a scared kid who had just watched her father get shot." I hissed, keeping my voice low because I was very aware of Rosalie and Emmett watching us. Renee sat, stony-faced and silent as I slumped in my seat, glaring at my cup of coffee.

"I just wanted someone to come and take care of me, someone to love me but you couldn't even do that." I muttered and she sighed softly, fiddling with the spoon she'd used to stir her coffee.

"I was never a real mother to you. I didn't think that you'd want me to be one then."

"I called you and begged you to come." I reminded her harshly and she nodded slowly.

"I know. But I was… god, Izzy, I have something to-"

The door to the diner opened again and Alice skipped in, followed by a determined looking Jasper. He set his gaze on us and walked over, Alice tucked under his arm. Renee glanced up, looking exasperated. Jasper stared down at her coolly whilst Alice winked at me.

"Good outfit choice, Bella."

"I learned from the best." I smiled weakly, but I was watching Renee squirm under Jasper's icy glare. She met his eyes uncertainly.

"Do I know you?"

"I'm Jasper Whitlock. We spoke on the phone at Christmas." He said in a controlled tone that belied his unhappy face. Renee's eyes widened at the recollection of their angry conversation and looked back at the table. I sighed and looked up at them.

"Jazz, Alice, why are you here?"

"Oh, we were just in the neighbourhood and Emmett said that they were having some pie here." Alice said cheerfully, waving at her brother who waved back joyously. She smiled down at me again, "I was thinking we should have dinner tonight, I'll make some reservations. It's been a while since we caught up!"

"Fine." I nodded abruptly, "I'll talk to you later."

Alice moved away but Jasper stood over us a minute longer before dragging his gaze to me. His hand went to my shoulder and he bent to kiss my cheek before glaring once again at Renee.

"If you're here to fuck her life up again, just walk away, Renee." He said calmly before crossing to the booth and sinking into his chair, watching us with narrowed eyes.

Renee stared at him for a moment before looking at me, confused and disbelieving. I wrapped my arms around my waist, staring at the table.

"I didn't ask them to come." I muttered.

"No, I didn't think…" Renee shook her head slightly and then met my eye uncertainly, "Isabella, what happened to you after Charlie died?"

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." I said flatly but she leaned on the table, staring at me.

Tears threatened and I blinked them back, trying to breathe around the heavy weight in my chest. Renee half-reached out a hand and then thought better of it, pulling it back to her chest.

"Please tell me." She whispered and I let out another hollow laugh.

"I became depressed, tried to kill myself and spent the next four years believing that I was responsible for his death. The only thing that kept me going was Jasper until six months ago when I met Edward and his family, who have loved me more in those six months than you have in my entire life."

She sat, staring at me as the bitter speech spilled out of me. I shook my head angrily, tensing my hands into fists in my lap and keeping my eyes on the table.

"Jasper didn't want me to meet with you, Renee, because he was scared that I would go back to bring that miserable bitch. But I won't and I'm going to give you the same reason that I gave him; I don't _need_ you. Not like I did back then. I have a whole new family and they _do_ love me."

"Isabella-"

I sat back abruptly in my seat, looking at her with a piercing gaze. She twisted uncomfortably and I licked my dry lips.

"Tell me the real reason that you wouldn't come to Dad's funeral." I said quietly and she flinched again, hunched in her chair. I felt the tears pricking again and laughed quietly, angrily.

"Fucking _hell_, Renee. You've never given me anything else that I asked for, just give me this. Give the truth for once in my life."

"Phil and I were going to the Bahamas to get married. I was pregnant." Renee said abruptly and all the air was sucked out of the room.

I stared at her numbly, feeling my hands clench into fists once again. Renee looked at me like I was a time-bomb, ticking ever closer to a violent detonation. I felt a single hot angry tear run down my cheek, dropping onto my sleeve, but other than that, I didn't move, looking at her as she ripped the last little piece of my heart that I had reserved for her out of my chest, crushing it before my eyes.

She dug a trembling hand into her purse, pulling out a photograph, which she slid across the table. I tore my eyes from her face to look at it. It was a beautiful picture of her, Phil and a child on a sofa, all smiling brightly. The child was a girl – beautiful, with light brown curls and huge blue eyes, grinning joyously up from the paper, Phil and Renee beaming proudly, embracing her and each other.

They were a beautiful family and I hated them for it

"Her name is Vanessa. We call her Nessie. She'll be five in October." Renee said but her voice echoed hollowly in my ears, as though I was hearing her from a long way off. I couldn't take my eyes off of the child; we shared our mother's features, I realised with a sickening jolt, the same heart-shaped face, the same large eyes. Renee had replaced me with a girl that shared almost my exact physical features. It was no wonder she'd never wanted me, she'd started her new perfect family, with her new husband and her new daughter. She didn't want me because I wasn't needed, I'd been a practice run for her. She'd given the whole family thing ago, it hadn't worked out so she'd tried again a few years later and gotten it right. I'd been thrown away and it _hurt_.

I let out a shuddering breath and then doubled over, burying my head in my lap and giving a pitiful moan of agony, twisting sideways in my seat so I wouldn't hit the table as I struggled with the pain and nausea, hating myself for showing weakness in front of her. Renee let out a quiet gasp at my reaction and I jerked my head up to see Jasper on his feet, but I turned to look at my mother, hatred coursing through me.

I wanted to scream and shout, to hurt her, to see her crumple with misery. I wanted to accuse her of everything she'd done to me, to Charlie. I wanted to tear her apart and make her hideous to her family. I wanted her to suffer as much as I had, more so, to make her utterly agonised with emotions. I wanted to hate her and her husband and her perfect daughter.

The door opened again and Edward was there. Less than a second later he was knelt beside me, whispering words of comfort, words of love as I clung to him. The anger melted away instantly, replaced with heartbreaking sorrow as he brushed my lips against mine, stroking my cheek.

"Bella, love…" He murmured and I shook my head, standing. He stood too and held me by the waist as I looked down at Renee. She was staring at me in horror, in despair and she stood hesitantly.

"Isabella, _please_-" She began, but I cut her off.

"I'm done, Renee. Don't call, don't write. Don't ever try to contact me again."

"You're my daughter, I can't-"

"Enough."

Edward spoke quietly, but he instantly demanded our attention. Jasper walked over to join us, his hand on my shoulder. The others stood by the booth, a little way off but making their presence known, Alice and Rosalie glowering at my mother. Renee continued to look at me and I shook my head, feeling the ache in my chest tighten. I leaned forward and picked up the photograph, holding it out to her.

"You have your family and I have mine," I said quietly, "It would be better if we went our separate ways. I won't get hurt again and you won't have to deal with the daughter you never wanted. We can just walk away."

The deal hung in the air as we waited for her to make her move. It didn't take long. She picked up her purse and took the photograph, slipping it inside. She gave me one last look, an expression of sad resignation and frustrated selfishness before shaking her head.

"You're so very much like your father." She said quietly and there was a faintly bitter edge to her tone before she slipped out of the diner and my life without another word.

I stared after her as she left, the hollow ache in my chest pounding with rejection. And then I was surrounded by nothing but warmth as Edward pulled me into his embrace, Jasper's hands on my shoulders, none of us saying a word. I closed my eyes, sinking my face into Edward's chest, breathing in the wonderful warm scent of home.

"Love you, Hells Bells." Jasper murmured in my ear.

"Love you, sweet girl." Edward breathed.

I smiled to myself before looking up into familiar face, so loved, so close to mine and I shook my head, brushing away over-emotional tears.

"I'm OK." I said and, for once, I actually meant it.

* * *

**A/N: The Drama Llama appreciates your reading. He will be back next chapter, I'm sure and expecting much love and appreciation. He's a bit of an attention whore.**

**Anywho, thank you all SO much for the reviews! There were a ton of new names for last chapters reviews, which is always so lovely! And ohmigosh, only 4 more chapters to go! Although, there are a number of outtakes. I've already written 3 but they need a little work before they're post-worthy.**

**Sentimental Heart – each line of this seems to work, which is pretty rare. Cried all night is Bella's sympathy for Edward and the rest of it is pretty much Bella's reaction to seeing Renee, cos as much as she likes to play the tough girl, she's hoping deep down that Renee's going to turn around and be like 'I always loved you, I never wanted to leave you, I've been waiting for you', which obviously didn't happen. Bella's got a sentimental heart. **

www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12236344 **– Bella's outfit.**

**And a recommendation! I don't think I've recc'd this one yet.**

A Litany at Dusk** by duskwatcher2153 – it's one of these ones where you gasp delightedly when you got an New Chapter email. Enjoy!**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a piece of awesome pie. Choose your own flavour!**

**Love**

**Katie**


	32. Throwing It All Away

**Chapter Thirty Two**

**We cannot live together  
We cannot live apart  
That's the situation  
I've known it from the start.  
Every time that I look at you I can't see the future  
'Cause you know I know, baby **

**That I don't wanna go.  
Just throwing it all away  
Throwing it all away**

**Is there nothing that I can say  
to make you change your mind?  
I watch the world go round and round  
and see mine turning upside down -  
~Throwing It All Away by Genesis~**

I had never been to a wedding before and I was fairly certain that once Emmett and Rosalie's was over, I would never want to go to one again. Rosalie was going insane; she had changed the colour theme six or seven times to date, finally settling on silver and turquoise. This meant that the red dresses that Alice and I had thought we were wearing had been returned instantly and replaced with turquoise ones instead. Alice's came to just above the knee, with a white band around the waist and hem. Rosalie decided that I looked better in a longer style gown so mine fell in layers, high at the front and reaching the floor at the back, which was fin except it meant about a dozen more dress fittings, which I didn't really have time for. The only thing that hadn't changed was Rosalie's dress, a beautiful strapless gown in pure white, a trail of fabric flowers falling diagonally across the bust. Alice had almost wept at the sight of her and even I got a little emotional – she looked stunning.

But it was now two days before the wedding and the blonde Amazon was driving me crazy, calling every fifteen minutes to check arrangements.

"Bella, did you tell the florist to deliver an hour before we're due to leave or an hour before the ceremony starts, because that's going to be too late!"

"I said an hour before we're due to leave. Rosalie, I have to go, I'm still at work." I said, throwing an apologetic look to the impatient student who was holding a copy of _Homer's Odyssey_

"Whatever, I'll see you tonight at the City Bar before the three of us head off for girl's night. Oh wait, invite Leah if you see her too, I forgot to get her number."

"Bye Rosalie." I hung up, shaking my head and took the young guy's money before moving over to the café where Leah and Seth were both serving. I waited for the last customer to move away before getting her attention.

"Leah, Rosalie wants to know if you're coming with us for cocktails tonight."

"Like I ever pass up an excuse to get drunk." Leah grinned and Seth chortled.

"Even I'm drinking tonight. Emmett said I can have a few beers, since we're going to be at his place and I'll be surrounded by responsible over-age drinkers."

"Responsible? It's Emmett, Jasper and Edward – do be serious." I laughed and squeaked as Jasper pinched me in the ribs as he walked past.

"Don't insult the boss, Bella, he writes out your pay checks."

I blew a raspberry in his general direction before going back to the desk. Jasper placed a pile of books on the end of it.

"Discount these, would you? They're not selling."

"Will do. So, what did you and Edward arrange for Emmett's bachelor party?" I asked curiously and Jasper grinned, shaking his head.

"That Edward is a dark horse, Hells Bells. We're going to Laser Tag this afternoon, getting a steak dinner before meeting you girls for drinks and then going back to Emmett's for a Star Wars Marathon."

I stared at him and then started to giggle. He raised his eyebrows.

"What's so funny?"

"You're having the ultimate geek's night out!" I laughed and he shrugged.

"Hey, it's what Emmett wants. Edward just put it all together and I suggested we mix the entire lot with alcohol."

"Sounds good," I had to admit that the idea appealed, "We're meeting you guys and then going to that new bar, New Moon, for cocktails and dancing. Well, I'll be watching the dancing mostly." I grinned, "I think Rosalie would strangle me if I broke my leg two days before the wedding."

"Your life would not be worth living." Jasper agreed as I put discount labels on the books that he'd left me.

* * *

~*~

I let Alice dress me, since it was a special occasion. Lately she had been trusting me to make my own fashion choices, but for tonight she insisted upon her own magical touch.

"You need to look effortlessly sexy but completely unapproachable. We want every guy in the bar to looking at us but knowing that we're _way_ out of their leagues!" She said firmly, dumping several shopping bags on my sofa. I groaned at the sight of them.

"Alice, I _have_ clothes. Why have you bought me things?"

"It's just more fun this way! Besides, I saw the perfect outfit." She smiled happily, pulling things out of the bag. I caught sight of a bizarre punk-style boot, black leather with studded straps and buckles.

"What the hell is that?" I demanded and she giggled, blushing slightly.

"Oh, that's mine."

"What on earth are you wearing tonight?" I asked, mildly worried about what sort of shopping she'd been doing. She produced a white tutu with little black bows and a black bustier stop. I gave her a bemused look.

"OK… what's with the goth-punk theme? Not your usual style."

"Oh… nothing really." She said but her cheeks with pink as she dug around in the bags for my outfit.

Evil possessed me and I reached for my phone, dialling Jasper's number. He answered quickly.

"Hey Hells Bells."

"Hey Jazz. So, Alice just showed me her outfit for tonight. Dominatrix shoes, a white tutu and a black bustier…" I said and Alice squealed as she realised what I was doing and launched herself at me. I jumped on the chair, holding her at arms length, laughing as she swiped at me.

"Come on, Jasper, is this some weird fetish thing you've asked her to do?" I demanded.

"Bella, hang up!" Alice pleaded, looking embarrassed. Jasper cleared his throat, equally embarrassed.

"Uh, Bella… can you put Alice on?"

I snorted with laughter, throwing her the phone. She glared at me before answering.

"Hi… uh… yeah…" She was positively red by this point and chewed her lip, smiling shyly, "Mm hmm… yeah, I thought you might…"

She giggled and I rolled my eyes, searching through the rest of the bags. I found a short leather skirt and a gorgeous floaty blue top with gold flowers stitched around the neckline as well as a pair of black shoes.

"Jasper, _stop_!" Alice gasped quietly, giggling and I snorted.

"Yeah, Jasper, _please_ stop." I called and Alice scowled at me.

"I've got to go, we're getting ready. Uh huh, I'll definitely wear it over tonight."

"Gross. Hang up, Alice." I said flatly and she stuck her tongue out at me before saying goodbye.

"Don't pull that face, Bella, you started it." She grinned, waggling her eyebrows. I laughed, pulling a face.

"I never knew that Jasper was so _weird_."

"He's not. He just saw those shoes the other day while I was online and said he thought I'd look hot in them. So I ordered them and thought I might surprise him with them tonight." She gave me a suggestive look and I laughed again, shaking my head.

"Wow, that's… more than I ever needed to know."

"It'll teach you to be so immature." She said primly, before pushing me towards the bedroom so that she could fix my hair.

"Can you believe the wedding is almost here already?" She said lightly, gliding the straighteners over my hair and I snorted.

"Are you kidding? I thought it'd never arrive. Rosalie's become a crazy woman, I can't wait until it's over so she can go back to normal. I miss normal bitchy Rosalie, not crazy evil Rosalie."

Alice laughed, spritzing my hair with some glossy, anti-frizz, super-duper stuff that she swore by. I couldn't count the number of products she used but I had once informed her that I held her solely responsible for the hole in the ozone layer.

Edward texted while I was waiting for Alice, asking if we were running on time. I replied that we were.

**Glad to hear it, sweet girl. Feels like I haven't seen you in days. Your Edward X.**

**Edward – tell me about it. I expect lots of lovin' before we part for the evening. Bella X**

**Ask and it shall be received. Love you. Your Edward. X**

"Alice, get a move on." I shouted and she appeared, twirling to show off her unusual choice in outfit. I laughed, getting to my feet.

"You look good, pixie girl."

"I know," She smiled cheekily, "And obviously you do. You know, Bella, under my careful guidance, you've come a long way." She gave me a proud look and I arched an eyebrow.

"Wow, am I ready to graduate from The Alice Cullen Fashion Institution?"

"Oh, Bella, no…" Alice laughed, shaking her head slowly, "You've only done one semester."

"Sweet Jesus, help me." I muttered as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door.

* * *

~*~

Our favourite bar wasn't too crowded, thankfully. It was a Thursday night and since the weather was good, most people were sticking to the clubs and pubs with outdoor terraces. The guys were already there, laughing heartily. I hung back, watching as Alice sauntered over to Jasper, who choked on his beer at the sight of her. Emmett and Edward were staring at her in horror and I'm pretty sure that I heard Emmett tell her to 'cover herself up immediately!', to which she stuck out her tongue and kissed Jasper deeply.

Rosalie, Leah and I joined Emmett, Edward and Seth, who was drinking coke and looking enviously at the pitchers of beer. I grinned at him.

"The day you get your first hangover, you'll regret ever wanting to start drinking." I warned him and Jasper snorted.

"Never stopped you! The number of times you've passed out in my apartment only to spend the next morning insisting that you were at death's door…"

"Yeah well, I wasn't the one who fell asleep in my bathtub." I reminded him, "You hit the ceiling when I turned on the shower!"

"No, you were the one who went swimming in Haller Lake two summers ago and lost your shirt." Jasper grinned.

"I didn't lose it, you threw it up in a tree!" I reminded him as everyone started laughing, "And then you wouldn't give me your coat, so I had to walk home in my jeans and bra!"

"It was funny!"

"It was indecent!" I argued.

Emmett pounded a fist on the table, wiping away a tear as he laughed. Edward kissed my neck as I poured myself a beer, grinning widely.

"I don't suppose you'd care to re-enact that outfit choice when we get home?" He murmured and I gave him a cheeky smile.

"It's a date."

We sat around the table, laughing and drinking for a couple of hours before we separated. Rosalie kissed Emmett hard and he looked at me with a wink.

"Keep the guys away from my lady, cutie-pie."

"Yes, captain!" I saluted. It would be a hard task, Rosalie looked stunning in a brown silk dress that barely covered the tops of her long legs. She kissed him again before turning to Jasper.

"Are you coming to the airport tomorrow?" He looked hesitant and she shook her head before kissing his cheek, "Don't worry about it. I'll see you at the rehearsal."

I caught Jasper's eye and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, kissing my forehead.

"Pops decided he's coming up for the wedding after all." He said flatly.

"Not that he was invited, but Mom's insisting." Rosalie retorted. I looked up at Jazz, frowning.

"You going to be OK, Jazzy?"

"Sure thing, darlin'. You ladies get out of here and have some fun." He turned to find Alice and I wrapped my arms around Edward's waist, standing on tiptoe to kiss him.

"Go and enjoy Star Wars, you closet geek." I teased and he smirked.

"I think you should come with us. I don't like the idea of you being out of my sight in that skirt."

I raised my eyebrows as his hands slid low on my hips and I kissed him again, biting his lower lip softly. He let out a soft groan, pulling me close against him.

"Damn, _Bella_…" He moaned and I smiled, pressing my hips against his.

"Bella, put him down, we want to go!" Leah tugged on my arm and Edward scowled, looking devastatingly gorgeous as he did so. I laughed, kissed him quickly again and waved goodbye as we left the bar. Alice skipped along, holding onto Rosalie's arm as we went and I walked alongside Leah, laughing and joking. Her phone began to buzz and she glanced at it before chewing her lip and thrusting it back into her purse.

"Who's that?" I asked curiously and her dark skin flushed as she shook her head, her black hair falling over her face.

"No one."

"Liar!" I laughed and tugged her phone out of her purse. I recognised the number immediately and gasped, grinning at her.

"Leah, why is Jacob calling you and why are you ignoring him?"

"Give that back!" She groaned, snatching the phone back and putting it away. I stared at her curiously and she sighed, shrugging.

"You know that night when we all went out to celebrate you getting into college?"

"Yeah…"

"Well… Jacob and I got pretty drunk and…" Her voice trailed away.

"Did you sleep with him?" I whispered, not wanting Rosalie and Alice to overhear but Leah shook her head.

"No. Almost. I freaked out at the last minute."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know if he's still hung up on you and I'm not getting involved with another guy who's going to ditch me the minute something better comes along." She said flatly.

I was silent as we strolled along the pavement, Leah staring pointedly at the floor. After a long silence, I looked at her out of the corner of my eye.

"I don't think that Jacob is like that."

"No. I don't either." Leah said quietly, shaking her head, "But it's hard to open up again."

"Jacob and I were never anything. We might have been once, but we never reached that point and we both knew it was never going to happen." I offered up the truth and Leah smiled faintly, looking resigned.

"I don't know, Bella."

"Give him a chance, Leah. I know, better than a lot of people, how hard it is to let someone in and Jacob's a better person than most. He won't hurt you, not on purpose, and if he does by accident, at least you took the leap in the first place."

"What are you guys talking about? Get a move on! I'm almost sober!" Rosalie called over her shoulder and I smiled at Leah.

"Just think about it, OK?" Leah nodded, not saying a word, but a few minutes later I saw her texting, with an expression of anticipation.

We arrived at the cocktail bar and I grinned as half of the men in the place turned to stare as Rosalie strutted towards the bar. The other half watched Alice skipping along, her tutu flouncing around her hips. Leah and I hung around by the door.

"They don't even notice, do they?" Leah muttered and I snorted.

"You'd think the puddle of drool around their feet would give them a clue."

"Let's get drunk." Leah suggested, "And if I try to call Jacob, take my phone away."

"Yeah, the last thing you want to do is make a drunken phone call to the guy you secretly want to hump." I teased as we strolled to the bar. Alice had ordered us each a fruity looking cocktail and I finished it quickly before ordering a beer. Alice pouted.

"Bella, it's a cocktail bar! You can't drink beer!"

"They're serving it so I'm drinking it!" I grinned. Rosalie laughed and ordered the bartender to start lining up shot glasses.

Half an hour later, we were all drunk and dancing. Or rather, Leah, Rosalie and Alice were drinking and I was holding our table. It was entertaining viewing and I laughed as Rosalie and Alice bounced around, Leah giving them a slightly wary look.

"Have you got a quarter I can borrow?" I looked up to see a light-haired guy grinning at me.

"Excuse me?"

"It's just that I need to call my Mom and tell her that I've met the girl of my dreams." He explained, looking on the table with a cheesy smile. I stared at him for a minute.

"Has that line _ever_ worked?" I asked and he ran a hand through his short hair.

"Uh… no, but how about this one – you must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day." He winked and I snorted into my drink.

"Are you _kidding_?"

"Nope, I'm Riley." He tried again and I shook my head.

"No. Just… no. Go on, off you go." I waved a hand to shoo him away.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're wasting your excellently researched pick-up lines." I assured him. He looked disappointed and glanced at my friends.

"Would they work on them?"

"Nope."

"Right… well, it was nice to be turned down by you." He said glumly and disappeared. I giggled as Alice came back to the table, draining her glass thirstily and giving me a curious look.

"Who was that?"

"Some guy trying to hit on me. And I didn't even have to pretend I was a lesbian." I smiled.

* * *

~*~

Jasper was unhappy. He'd been glaring at the floor of Rosalie and Emmett's house for nearly twenty minutes whilst Emmett and I talked idly about nothing in particular. We were waiting for Rosalie to get back from the airport with her parents. Jasper had not seen his father in almost six years. They'd rarely spoken and I knew he was unhappy about his presence at the wedding.

Emmett fell silent, watching his future brother-in-law with uncertain eyes before looking at me. He pulled a 'do you want to talk to him or shall I?' face and I gestured minutely towards the door. As he slipped out, I lightly kicked Jasper's leg under the table.

"Hey, Jazz."

"Hey, Bells." He muttered and then sighed, resting his head on his arms. I rubbed the top of his head, the wiry blonde hair tangling around my fingers.

"It's just three days, Jasper. Tonight, tomorrow and then he's leaving on Sunday." I reminded him quietly and he sighed, the sound muffled by the table.

"It's not going to be pretty, HB." He mumbled and I stood, moving around the table. He held out an arm and I perched on his knee, cuddling him tightly as he rested his head on my shoulder. I stroked his back slowly, comfortingly as he stared at the table.

We heard the car door slam and I felt him tense. I squeezed him tightly and kissed his cheek, slight stubble scratching my cheek as we got to our feet. He wrapped an arm tightly around my waist as voices floated into the kitchen, but his eyes were that sharp blue they always went when his emotions were running high. Rosalie appeared first, a crease between her eyebrows as she entered, Emmett in her wake, looking nervous. They were followed by a petite blonde woman with dark eyes who looked thoroughly petrified and a thin, grey-haired man, slightly hunched over as he peered around the house. I saw where Jasper and Rosalie had gotten their bright blue eyes from, as Marcus Connelly examined the house. His eyes went to the blonde man stood by the table and his mouth twisted into a sour expression, as though he was sucking on a lemon. Jasper was impossibly tense, almost trembling as we stood together. Rosalie's mother caught sight of us and after a tentative glance at her husband, smiled weakly.

"Hello Jasper." She said in a thin, reedy voice.

"Hello Jane." Jasper replied dutifully, bending to kiss her cheek before straightening, pulling me to his side again, an emotional crutch as he stared at his father.

The miserable looking man pulled his gaze from the kitchen décor to the stiff young man before him. Heaving a deep breath, he ran a hand over his thinning hair.

"Didn't expect to see you here." He mumbled and Rosalie scowled.

"He's my brother, of course he's going to be here." She said shortly.

"Half-brother." Marcus corrected swiftly.

"Marcus…" Jane said meekly but Jasper had already turned away, sitting back at the table with his back to his father. I put a hand on his shoulder, looking furiously at the old man before crossing and holding out my hand.

"Mr Connelly, I'm Bella Swan." He shook my hand, looking confused.

"Do I know you?" He asked and I met his eye frankly.

"I'm Jasper's best friend and I'm one of Rosalie's bridesmaids."

"Oh." He looked me up and down, bushy eyebrows furrowed before he nodded at his son, "You're sleeping with him?"

Emmett guffawed loudly and Jasper gave his father a filthy look over his shoulder. I shook my head, determined to not let him rattle me. Jasper couldn't face up to him, so I would be his front.

"No, he's been seeing a great girl called Alice for over nine months now. As I said, I'm his best friend and we work together at his store."

"His store?" Jane said in surprise, looking at her stepson. Jasper shrugged, still looking at the table. Marcus shuffled past to sit heavily on a seat at the opposite end of the table. Rosalie put her hand on Jasper's shoulder.

"Jasper runs his own bookstore and he's doing a damn fine job too." She said proudly and Jasper smiled a little, patting her hand.

"Thanks, Rosie."

"Don't be modest, Jazz." I grinned, leaning on his shoulder, "You've made it one of the most successful bookstores in the area. We've even had a couple of authors in to read their new novels, it's been amazing."

"Easy, Bella." Emmett teased, "You're sounding like a proud Mama."

"I _am_ proud." I smiled, kissing Jasper's forehead. Jasper smiled in spite of himself, wrapping an arm around my waist as I leant on his shoulder.

My phone began to buzz and I answered quickly as Emmett distracted them by telling Jane and Marcus about the plan for the rehearsal that night. It was Edward calling and I greeted him.

"Hey, Edward."

"Hello, Bella. Are you with Jasper and Rosalie?"

"Yeah." I said noncommittally, aware of Marcus's eyes on me, the same bright blue as Rosalie and Jasper's.

"How is it going?"

"Fine." I said abruptly and he chuckled warmly.

"That well?"

"Even better."

"Alice and I are going over to the church now to meet our parents. Are you driving over with Rosalie and Emmett?"

"That's the plan. We'll see you soon."

I hung up and looked up at Rosalie.

"Edward and Alice are meeting Esme and Carlisle at the church now."

"We'd better get going. Bella, we're all going for dinner tonight, you're coming right?" Rosalie said, gesturing to the door. I hesitated.

"Isn't that kind of a family thing?"

"Don't be dumb, Bella." Jasper said, draping his arm around my shoulders as we walked ahead of his parents, "You're more of a family than some people here."

~*~

* * *

The rehearsal didn't take long. Rosalie's insane planning of the past eight months had paid off and the whole affair was over in less than an hour. Edward smiled across at me as we were guided to opposite sides of the altar and I smiled back as the priest went over the ceremony quickly. Carlisle and Esme beamed proudly at their eldest son as he swept Rosalie back and kissed her like it was the ending of an old movie. Rosalie laughed, her hands on his shoulders.

"You'd better not do that in the actual wedding!" She warned.

"Of course not, that's why I'm getting my jokes out now." Emmett grinned, dancing her down the aisle. I glanced at the Connellys. They were sitting a few pews back, watching with blank faces. I caught Jasper's eye and he rolled his eyes, looking distinctly unimpressed.

We agreed to meet at the restaurant and Edward took my hand, the two of us separating from the group. The minute we were out of sight, he swung me around, kissing me with bruising force.

"I missed you last night." He said breathlessly, "I couldn't stop thinking about you in that damn skirt."

I laughed, kissing him again, running my tongue across his lips as he put a hand to my neck, forcing our faces together. For several minutes our attention was only focused on each other before I sighed.

"We need to go, Edward. We can't keep them waiting."

"They can wait for a little while." He protested weakly and I smirked.

"What I've got in mind is going to take more than a 'little while', Mr Cullen." I promised and he groaned in disbelief as I slipped out of his arms and climbed into the Volvo.

~*~

* * *

Dinner was a cheerful affair, in spite of Marcus's sour disposition. Esme and Jane talked, Esme drawing her out of her shell. Jasper ignored his father altogether as I sat between him and Emmett, opposite Edward. Rosalie and Emmett had spent the evening gazing into each other's eyes, barely joining in the conversation except when asked specific questions. Carlisle smiled over at me.

"Bella, when do you start university?"

"At the beginning of September." I replied, grinning, "I can't wait."

"I can." Jasper pouted, "My best employee, abandoning me!"

"Yeah, I bet we'll barely see each other." I laughed, "I mean, I'm only working part time at your store and dating your girlfriend's brother. Hell, we may as well say our goodbyes and be done."

Everyone laughed, Edward's eyes crinkling at the corners as he gazed across the table at me. Esme beamed around at us all.

"It's so lovely, being together like this. And the wedding is going to be beautiful."

"We'll have to start arranging another one, just so you can keep getting us together." Emmett joked and elbowed me in the ribs, "You'd look good in white, cutie-pie!"

"Yeah, right! That's never going to happen!" I laughed, "Marriage is _not_ my thing! Try Alice, she's always up for an event."

"Anything that means I can go shopping!" Alice agreed with a tinkling laugh. Everyone laughed again and I glanced across the table, but my heart skipped a beat and my stomach lurched.

Edward was not laughing. He was not smiling. He was watching me with a slightly perplexed expression and as I met his eyes he frowned, looking away. I stared across the table, willing him to look at me again, wanting him to meet my eye and explain.

Nobody else seemed to notice the tension between us as the meal came to an end. Marcus and Jane said goodnight and disappeared, getting a cab to their hotel. We all breathed a sigh of relief. Jasper hugged me tightly.

"Thanks, Bells. I needed you today."

"No problem." I mumbled, still distracted. Alice tugged on my sleeve, frowning.

"Bella, what's wrong with Edward? He's in a real mood." She muttered and I glanced over my shoulder at my boyfriend, who was stood with Carlisle and Esme, still looking unhappy. I said goodnight to Jasper and Alice and crossed to them.

"Edward, are you ready to go?" I asked as his parents walked away in the direction of their car. He was silent for a moment before nodding.

"I'll drop you off at home."

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion. We hadn't slept apart in months, only when he was on nightshifts and even then he caught up with his sleeping my apartment. Fear began to throb through my chest and I swallowed hard, wrapping my arms around my waist as he ran a hand through his hair with a frustrated motion.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Obviously it is. Edward, please, tell me what's going on." I whispered, looking up at him. My heart was pounding uncomfortably as he finally met my eyes.

"You never mentioned marriage before." He said quietly and I frowned.

"What?"

"What you said in there, '_That's never going to happen_'."

I stared at him for a long time, my brain going into overdrive as I tried to understand him.

"Wait… you're pissed because I said that I don't want to get married?" I asked.

"I should take you home, it's late and we have a long day tomorrow." He said abruptly, turning away but I caught his arm, pulling him back.

"Edward, hang on! You've never mentioned marriage either. Hell, it would be stupid to even think about it, we've only been going out for seven months."

"Stupid." Edward repeated the word flatly and I bit my lip.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Why are you getting so worked up about this?"

He breathed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, staring straight ahead to avoid my gaze. After a long moment, he shook his head and looked down at me, his bright green eyes full of clouded emotion.

"Bella, why on earth would you say that you don't want to get married?" He asked.

"Because I _don't_." I replied, frowning in confusion, "I never have. Charlie was crushed by his marriage to Renee, why would I want to get married after seeing that?"

"You think that marriage is like that?" He demanded and his voice was alarmingly angry. I stepped back, glaring at him.

"Edward, I don't get why you're so angry about this! I'm not saying that marriage is a bad thing. Rosalie and Emmett are wonderful together, they're going to have a wonderful married life, but I can't see myself getting married because I'm not the same as them."

"You don't think that we could have that? You don't see us having that future together?" Edward asked, his voice strife with emotion. And there it was, the real reason behind his anger. He didn't think that I cared about him enough to marry him one day.

I stared at him in silence for a long time and he stared back, waiting for my reply. A stand-off, each waiting for the other to crack. The tension built, becoming palpable as I tried to find an answer.

"Edward… you know that I love you. You know that I want you, always. Why does marriage matter?" I asked weakly, "Marriage isn't everything."

"Clearly not." He said quietly and my heart cracked. It didn't break, but there was a definite crack as he looked at me, so devastatingly beautiful. He turned his gaze away.

"I'll take you home."

"I think I'll walk." I spat back immaturely, my temper flaring at his attitude. He scowled unhappily.

"Bella, just let me take you home."

"Don't put yourself out. I'll see you tomorrow." I muttered, turning away and walking as quickly as I could in case he came after me.

He didn't.

* * *

**A/N: See? Drama Llama has taken up semi-permanent residency! This chapter is a little bit all over the place, because there's a lot of action to come before the end! Next chapter is the wedding!**

**OK, see the reviews I got for the last chapter were just awesome. Seriously fantastic, you are wonderful people! I love you all so much! You give me warm fuzzies, like cute little wriggly puppies. Everybody loves a wriggly puppy.**

**Www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12285429 – Bella and Alice's outfits.**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12285431 – Leah and Rosalie's outfits – o love Leah's so much!!**

**Throwing It All Away – Edward thinks that Bella doesn't see them having a future and is throwing what they have away. Bella thinks that Edward is too hung up on marriage and is willing to throw away a good thing for the sake of convention. Classic lack of communication!**

**Reviewers will receive their chose Cullen/Werewolf and a cocktail. I'll be taking Jacob and a Multiple Screaming Orgasm. **

…**What? That's a cocktail. And it happens to be delicious! ;)**

**Love**

**Katie**


	33. Wherever You Will Go

**Chapter Thirty Three**

**If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go  
And maybe, I'll find out  
A way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
Through the darkest of your days**

**~Wherever You Will Go by The Calling~**

I didn't sleep well that night, for obvious reasons. The conversation with Edward played over and over in my head, my mood swinging from anger at his unreasonable attitude to despair at my own idiocy. Of course Edward would want to get married one day, he was a traditionalist, he wanted marriage and kids and a dog and god only knew what else. A white picket fence in the suburbs, probably. It wasn't a _bad_ image but it definitely wasn't what I saw in my future. And after this argument, my future was looking pretty lonely.

I hunched over in my bed, fighting back tears. I was entirely the wrong person to provide those things that Edward wanted. I had never even put that much thought into the future but I had the feeling that Edward would already have children's names picked out. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be that girl, I didn't get happily-ever-after, no matter how handsome the prince was. And Edward… Edward deserved so much more than I could give him, but I hated that he doubted my feelings. Hadn't I shown him, so many times, that I loved him? I should have known. I should have known that I was never going to be enough for him.

It seemed like I had barely drifted off to sleep when my alarm started buzzing. I hit the clock noisily before dragging myself out of bed and into the shower. My bed had been strangely cold and the emptiness lingered in the apartment which was used to two people banging about in the morning. The quiet deafened me and I threw the radio on to try and cover the silence as I dressed and dried my hair before putting it into a ponytail. My phone chirped cheerfully and I fell towards it, my heart racing in the hopes of seeing Edward's name.

**Bella, get your butt over to the hotel! –Alice.**

Disappointment flooded through me and I blinked back bitter tears as I left my apartment. I walked slowly down the stairs, not wanting to slip but paused as I heard Jacob's door open. Peering down the stairs, I saw Jacob and Leah leaving his apartment, hand in hand. I waited until they had left before going out to my car, my heart aching more than ever.

* * *

~*~

Esme, Rosalie and Alice were all rushing around the hotel suite when I arrived, fixing each other's make-up and hair. I slid into the room, muttering an apology and Alice peered at me.

"Geez, Bella, did you sleep at all last night? I could shop with the bags under your eyes!"

"The way you shop, I know you're exaggerating." I teased, spying a coffee pot and heading for it. Esme smiled at me as Alice pushed me into a chair and seized a curling iron. I sipped my coffee, pulling a face at Alice in the mirror.

"Just let her work, Bella. It's best if you don't resist." She advised with a sly look at her daughter and I smirked.

"Oh, I realised that a long time ago."

"I _can_ hear you." Alice said waspishly as she brushed my hair out and began to slather mousse onto it. Esme laughed and turned to help Rosalie with her make-up as Alice began to curl my hair, going over the schedule.

"We need to be ready to leave in an hour and a half. The flowers are arriving in thirty minutes and the car will be ready. When we get to the church, you go in first and then me and Rosalie last."

"Alice, we went over this last night." I reminded her flatly and she tugged on a lock of hair to keep me quiet.

"We didn't practice the exit! Obviously Emmett and Rosalie go first, then I'll have to walk out with Edward, since he's the Best Man. You and Jasper follow us and we pose for pictures before coming back here for the reception. Have you heard from Edward this morning? I thought he'd be staying over at yours, as usual, but he came home last night and went straight to bed, I didn't get a chance to talk to him."

I didn't reply, staring at the floor. Alice frowned, pulling my hair again.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." I replied, seeing Rosalie watching me in the mirror. I didn't want to ruin her day, but she swung around in her seat, eyeing me beadily with her hair sticking up in bizarre directions as she stopped halfway through styling.

"You and Edward have been sleeping together for months. Why didn't he stay with you last night?" She demanded. Normally I would have been embarrassed that she'd just announced to my boyfriend's mother that we were having regular sex, but that was hardly at the forefront of my mind. A lump rose in my throat and I shook my head, willing myself not to cry.

"It's nothing. We just thought it would be easier for him to get to Emmett's and me to get here if he stayed at home last night."

"Bullshit." Rosalie scorned, "You had a fight, didn't you?"

Esme was looking at me for an explanation, her expression anxious as she touched my hand. Tears welled up but I huffed them away, waving my hands.

"Look, it doesn't matter. Rosalie, it's your wedding day, just focus on that, OK? I'm fine, really." None of them looked convinced.

"Alice, you fix Rose and I'll take Bella." Esme said firmly, pulling me out of the chair and away from the pair into the second room of the suite. Her grip was surprisingly strong as she planted me on a sofa and sat down next to me, holding my hand with both of hers.

"What did Edward do, sweetheart?" She asked tenderly and I shook my head, sniffing. The last thing that I wanted was Edward's mother thinking he'd done something wrong.

"Nothing. It was me, I fucked up. Sorry." I apologised quickly for swearing and Esme frowned slightly, tucking my hair back so that she could see my face clearly. I could feel the tears threatening and wanted to twist my head away, ashamed of myself.

"Bella darling, tell me what happened." She said softly and the tears began to fall as I mumbled an explanation of what had transpired the night before.

"And he thinks I don't love him enough to marry him." I finished, rubbing my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, "I do love him. He knows that, I know he does."

"Of course he does, sweetheart." Esme said, pulling me into an embrace, "He was probably just surprised by your reaction to the whole marriage issue."

"I was fucking surprised by his. Shit. Sorry. Fuck, I mean I'm sorry for…" I winced as the foul language escaped me uncontrollably and Esme laughed, patting my face with a handkerchief. I hiccupped slightly, trying to stop the sobs.

"You know how old-fashioned Edward is. I swear, the boy was born in the wrong century. A modern girl like you has probably thrown him completely off-kilter." Esme said frankly, pulling out a bottle of water and tipping it into the handkerchief before pressing the cool material to my swollen eyes. I let her comfort me, feeling like a little girl again, wailing as Charlie cleaned my scraped knees.

She kissed my cheek, stroking my hair.

"You and Edward need to sit down and have a good talk about this. It's going to turn out to be a big misunderstanding, you'll see." She said in a motherly, kissing my cheek again, "Now, let me do your make-up, before Alice has a coronary."

"That would just make my day, being the homicide victim of a pixie-human hybrid." I muttered and Esme chuckled, sweeping my hair out of my face.

"Exactly. Now listen to me, my love." She tossed out the term of endearment so easily that my heart ached with affection as she smiled at me, "I don't plan on letting you get away, so kick that son of mine into action."

"What is going on?" Alice demanded, flitting to Esme's side and gasping at the sight of me, "Bella, your eyes are red and puffy! Oh my god, get that cold water on them and I'll find some foundation!"

Esme smiled at me as her daughter disappeared, screaming hysterically for cover-up and eyeliner. She leaned forward and embraced me, and I inhaled her powdery-sweet scent, like perfume and flowers.

"You're ours, Bella. You belong with us."

* * *

~*~

The car arrived precisely on time. Alice, Rosalie and I climbed into the back of a gorgeous vintage 1954 Silver Wraith Rolls Royce whilst Esme sat beside the driver, twisting to look at us.

"You girls look beautiful." She smiled tearfully and I glanced at the two gorgeous women beside me. Alice was hastily brushing out a potential crease in Rosalie's skirt, but the blonde was staring down at her magnificent bouquet of pale blue and white roses with a thoughtful expression. I touched her arm.

"Are you OK, Rosalie?"

She met my eye and smiled a blindingly beautiful smile as she nodded certainly.

"I've never been better, Bella." She said calmly as the car started. I smiled back, sad and happy at the same time.

Carlisle and Jasper were waiting for us outside the church and they beamed at us all, greeting each one of us. Since Rosalie hadn't even wanted Marcus at the wedding, there was no way he was going to give her away. She'd asked Jasper instead.

"Emmett and Edward are at the altar, ready to go." Carlisle announced before taking Esme's arm and walking her into the church. Jasper kissed Alice and then hugged me.

"All my girls in one place and all looking gorgeous. Am I lucky or what?" He beamed, kissing Rosalie lightly on the cheek. She rolled her eyes and held out her arm.

"Just don't trip me up." She warned him.

"Like I would." He said happily, winking at Alice and I. Alice giggled and then looked at the time, gasping in excitement.

"Action stations! Bella, you go first and try not to fall."

"Such strong word of encouragement, remind me why you're not a motivational speaker?"

"Sarcasm has no place in this wedding, Bella." Alice scolded me and handed me my bouquet. I rolled my eyes slightly at Jasper and Rosalie.

"I'll see you on the other side."

The music began, a string quartet playing beautifully and the doors open. The aisle stretched out like a million miles, a hell of a long way to walk in ridiculous shoes. I should have had a drink before I came, I thought desperately as every head craned in my direction. Taking a deep breath, I fixed my eyes on the two men stood at the end of the path. Emmett had an expression that was an odd combination of terrified and excited, with just a hint of puppy-like eagerness, but my eyes were on the man beside him.

Edward's eyes had fixed onto mine the minute I'd appeared in the doorway, the green glinting as I began to walk. I didn't stumble, I didn't falter, I didn't even hesitate as I moved down the aisle. The moment I'd seen him, everything became clear and I was walking towards him with absolute certainty.

I wanted him. I wanted him forever.

Our eyes were locked the entire time and I kept the little smile on my face, partly for the benefit of the watching congregation but mostly for him. I wanted to show all of my love through that smile, but his expression of calm steadiness didn't change. But his eyes were clear and bright and I knew then that he still loved me.

But this was not the time. This was not our moment, it was Emmett and Rosalie's. I moved to the side, finally tearing my eyes away from his so that I wouldn't fall on the steps that Alice and I were to stand on. I turned to look back down at the aisle, where Alice was moving gracefully up the carpet. I saw Carlisle and Esme watching their three children proudly, Esme a little tearful. Jane, on the other hand, was staring at the floor whilst Marcus glared at everything and everyone. I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at him as Alice joined me on the step.

Everyone got to their feet as Rosalie and Jasper entered, a communal sigh going up at her beauty. She glowed on her brother's arm, her eyes on her future husband and I saw absolute certainty. Emmett's grin was threatening to split his face as he watched her walking towards him. I couldn't help the enormous smile that spread across my face, Alice clutching my hand the ceremony went on. It was truly beautiful, watching Emmett and Rosalie promise themselves to each other, their loving looks saying more than any vow could. I didn't risk looking at Edward, because if I saw him doubting me, I would break in front of all of these people.

They kissed softly, sweetly and Emmett grinned down at his new wife before offering her his arm. Rosalie took it without hesitation and they strolled up the aisle with perfect casualness, as though this was an everyday event for them. Alice took Edward's arm, following them and Jasper beamed at me.

"Come on, Hells Bells. Let's get the party started like only we know how."

"With alcohol and dodgy dancing?" I asked through my teeth, smiling serenely and he chuckled.

"It's how we roll."

* * *

~*~

We posed for about a million pictures outside the church, in varying combinations of bridesmaids, groomsmen, bride and groom, bride and groomsmen, groomsmen and bridesmaid, groom and bridesmaids… the list went on and my cheeks began to ache with smiling.

Eventually the photographer declared that he was finished, which was a relief, because standing so close to Edward and being unable to talk, to touch, was utter hell. Emmett and Rosalie got back into the Rolls Royce as a limousine pulled up, apparently to bring the rest of the wedding party to the reception. Marcus and Jane were nowhere to be seen by this point and when I mentioned this to Jasper, he shrugged.

"Couldn't give a crap. Come on, let's get to the reception." He said, ushering me towards the car. Edward was by the door and we looked at each other for a long moment before he offered me his hand, helping me into the car and squeezing my fingers gently.

* * *

~*~

The reception took place in the Four Seasons, a different room to the one that Carlisle and Esme had used, but this particular event was considerably bigger. Flowers and ribbons adorned the room, round tables set out so the one hundred or more guests could sit comfortably whilst indulging in the three course meal. Alice and I were sat at one end of a long table, beside Rosalie whilst Emmett, Edward and Jasper sat at the other. Champagne and wine flowed like water, the food was exquisite and everyone was having a wonderful time.

The speeches came and went, with Edward telling some amusing anecdotes about Emmett's past and the day he flew home from Texas. He'd stayed just long enough to grab some clean underwear and a toothbrush before going straight back, announcing to his family that he'd met the girl of his dreams and that they shouldn't expect to hear from him anytime soon. In turn, Rosalie stood to give her speech, thanking both Alice and I for our help.

"Whilst I always knew that Alice and I would get along, I had my doubts about Bella." She admitted and I smirked, knowing exactly how true that statement was as she smiled in my direction, "But it turned out that we had more in common than I first thought. We're both stubborn, we're both loyal, we're both hot." She grinned.

Laughter filled the room and I rolled my eyes as Rosalie grinned.

"And between the three of us, Bella, Alice and I, we've found something good. We've found friendship, but more than that, we've found family. I told Bella a long time ago that I was going to have a family that I've chosen and not the one that I was forced to be with. I have Emmett to thank for that. He brought me to these people and they let me keep him. I'm glad to finally have the family I always wanted."

She sat down abruptly, resting her head against Emmett's shoulder as the guests applauded, touched by her words. Alice sniffed slightly, dabbing her eyes lightly as the plates were cleared and the guests began to mingle, posing for photographs and generally enjoying the atmosphere whilst music played. I looked along the table quickly but Edward had disappeared from his seat. I looked around the room, hearing Emmett's booming laugh, Alice giggling as she hugged an old friend but I was looking for a flash of bright copper hair.

I saw it in the corner, close to Esme's dark red locks. They seemed to be discussing something intently and I saw Esme's fierce expression as she shook her finger at him. Edward had his hands in his pockets, the way he did when he was unhappy or defensive. Esme finished what she was saying, kissed him on the check and waved him away like a scolded child. He moved away, frowning at the floor with a slight pout.

I walked down from the long table, moving through the crowd towards him but came to a stop as someone grabbed my hand, swinging me back around. It was Aro, beaming wildly at me.

"Bella! My dear young lady, you look ravishing." He announced, kissing my cheeks dramatically. I could smell the alcohol on him and smiled at his unbridled enthusiasm.

"Hi Aro."

"Your latest reviews were astonishing, my dear. I cannot wait for the next one." He told me solemnly and I nodded, peering over my shoulder.

"Sure thing. Could you excuse me?"

He gave me a sad look, as though he wanted to keep me there, but I had more important things to attend to.

"I'll come find you in a little while." I promised before slipping away into the crowd again. People smiled and greeted me and I smiled back, but my eyes were constantly searching for Edward. Eventually a glimpse of his distinctive hair caught my eye.

He was standing in the corner of the room, by one of the grandiose pillars. He was holding a glass of champagne and staring down at it, still frowning but then he looked up and our eyes met, green on brown.

I looked at him for a long moment, almost asking permission to approach. A slight, crooked smile touched his mouth and his hand twitched, as though he wanted to stretch it out for me. I pushed through the rest of the crowd to his isolated corner and stepped into his embrace as he put the champagne down on a nearby table. I buried my face in his tuxedo jacket as he held me tightly, his cheek pressed against my hair and my heart ached with love for this man.

"I'm so sorry." He murmured, "I shouldn't have gotten so angry."

"I was the one who walked away." I reminded him and he sighed, looking down at me.

"But I _let_ you." He said softly, "I was an idiot."

"I think we can compete for that title." I offered and he smiled, drawing me behind the pillar, into the shadows so that we could have some privacy. I reached a hand behind his neck, twining my fingers into the soft locks there.

"Edward, we're going to have to talk about this whole marriage thing." I said, looking him in the eye, "And we're going to have to do it without getting upset or pissed off. We're grown ups, we can figure this out."

"We _will_ figure it out." He said firmly, "I'm not letting you go again. For a start, my mother would kill me."

"Is that why she cornered you?" I smiled slightly and then shook my head, "Look, Edward, I love you. I'm not certain about a lot of things, but that fact is the one that I'm damn sure of."

"I love you, Bella." He said, kissing my forehead tenderly, "And I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. It's just… when you said that you didn't want to get married… I wasn't expecting it."

He rested his hands on my waist, holding me tightly as though in fear that I would bolt. I put my arms around his neck, kissing him.

"I wasn't expecting it either; the whole marriage discussion, I mean. It was just a passing comment and then we were arguing and it was all messed up." I said, rambling slightly. I took a deep breath to calm myself and he did as well before squeezing his fingers slightly.

"Right. Let's just get this out there… Bella, do you ever see yourself getting married?"

"No. Do you?"

"I always thought I would." He admitted, "My parents had a wonderful marriage, so do Carlisle and Esme. I want that with someone."

Pain shot through my chest and I flinched. Edward's hands pulled me close and his expression was anxious as he kissed me swiftly.

"But I want you more, Bella." He assured me, "I could give up so many things, but never you."

"Not wanting to get married doesn't mean I don't see us having a future, Edward." I said, placing my hands on his cheeks and running my thumbs over his sharp cheekbones, "They're not one and the same."

We were both silent for a few minutes, the sounds of music and laughter floating around our bubble as we strained to come to an understanding. Eventually Edward spoke again, his eyes avoiding mine.

"I see marriage as commitment."

"I see marriage as something that broke my father down." I replied quietly, staring at his necktie. We were silent again. Another stalemate.

His fingers traced my jaw before resting under my chin, drawing my face up to his. It was a soft kiss, expressing every loving emotion that we'd ever felt for each other and I swelled with emotion, trying to keep back the tears that threatened. His tongue touched my lips gently and then he pulled back, eyes scanning my face.

"I don't think we're going to agree on this. Not today." He said softly and I shook my head.

Not today. Maybe not ever, but I wasn't about to give up the best thing in my life for a maybe. Instead, I smiled and pulled his head down to mine for another kiss.

"I'm not avoiding this discussion, Edward." I promised, "But we have a great thing going for us here and I don't want to upset that by arguing about this."

"It's my brother's wedding day," Edward agreed, "I say that we leave this alone and dance. It can wait a while."

It could wait, I mentally agreed as he took my hand and led me to the dance floor, where other couples were holding each other lovingly. It couldn't wait forever – sooner or later we would need to come to a decision, one way or the other, but I couldn't think about that now, when we were both here and in love and wanting nothing more than be together for as long as possible. Maybe it was enough, maybe it wasn't. Maybe we'd have to work harder to keep the happiness that had so far come so easily.

But we would stay together.

* * *

**A/N: And our favourite couple are back together! It's not fixed though, these things take time. A relationship wasn't built in a chapter – well, not one of my chapters, anyway!**

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12286778 – The Wedding Collage. Includes Rosalie's dress, Bella and Alice's Bridesmaid's dresses (Alice bottom left, Bella top right, Rosalie's rings, a bouquet and the Silver Wraith Rolls Royce. **

**Wherever You Will Go – Partly for Rosalie and Emmett for getting married and partly for Bella and Edward understanding that they can work through their problems and stay together. **

**Next chapter soon. I started back at university today, in my second year. One day and I'm already freakin' exhausted! So bear with me for the next few days whilst I get my act together, OK? And the usual smoochy love to you lovely reviewers! You're all amazing! And we're not too far from the 400 mark, that would be AWESOME if we could do that before the end of the story! As I said, the story end on Chapter 35, but I've got five outtakes as well. The only problem is, I'm debating the last one. I could seriously write about 20 of them, because there are so many side-stories I want to explore, but good writing is knowing when to say 'enough'.**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a 1954 Rolls Royce to make out in.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	34. Who Wants To Live Forever?

**Chapter Thirty Four**

**But touch my tears with your lips  
Touch my world with your fingertips  
And we can have forever  
And we can love forever  
Forever is our today  
Who wants to live forever?  
Who wants to live forever?  
Forever is our today  
Who waits forever anyway?**

**~Who Wants To Live Forever by Queen~**

_Monday September 8th_

I can still remember my first day of high school. I'd started with most of my junior high class and we were all petrified. High school seemed a world bigger than junior high. I didn't say a word all day. I wasn't sat with anybody I knew in any of my classes. The workload seemed impossible, the other kids seemed to make friends right away and I was already known as Chief Swan's kid, do not approach, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

I really hoped that my first day at UW would be different.

I'd explored the campus a little the week before I was due to start. I'd walked through it a couple of times in the past and never really paid attention, but on my first day I managed to find the right building pretty quickly, keeping my head ducked low as the crowds of people around me greeted each other, complained about their schedules and discussed their tutors.

I found my room and looked inside. There were a dozen people already seated, chatting and reading, all excited and anxious. I slid into a chair in the second row of the small classroom, putting my notepad and pen on the desk and pulling out a diet coke, sipping it as I tapped my feet nervously. The girl in the desk next time, with dark blonde hair and worried-looking eyes looked over and offered a nervous smile. She looked young, but most of them did since they were almost all straight out of high school. I felt old at twenty-two, about to turn twenty-three.

I smiled back and then held out my hand.

"I'm Bella."

"Charlotte." She replied, shaking my hand quickly and smiling again, still nervous.

"You from around here?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No, I'm from Michigan."

"First time away from home, huh?"

"How'd you know?" She laughed anxiously and I smiled.

"Lucky guess."

Charlotte tapped her pen against her desk as I took another gulp of diet coke. She bit her fingernails, I noticed as she chewed on one, eyes darting around the room. They kept going to the door, as though she was waiting for someone and she brushed her hair out of her face, smoothing it down. I recognised the signs immediately and grinned to myself.

"Who is he?"

"What?" She looked alarmed and I laughed quietly.

"The guy you're waiting for. Who is he?"

"Oh… he's just someone who lives in my halls of residence." She blushed slightly, shrugging in what she clearly hoped was a nonchalant manner.

"What's his name?"

"Peter." She smiled a little, looking down at the desk, "He helped me move my stuff in from the parking lot, because my parents had to go to catch their flight."

"He sounds like a nice guy." I smiled and she blushed again.

"I think so."

The door opened and a thin, sandy-haired teen came in, clutching a book bag in one hand and one of those little coffee trays from Starbucks in the other. Charlotte sat bolt upright as she saw him and his face lit up as he crossed to us, sliding into the seat in front of Charlotte. He placed one of the coffee cups in front of her.

"I got you a latte with hazelnut syrup. That's your favourite, right?" He asked breathlessly and she nodded, her cheeks glowing.

"Thanks Peter, you didn't have to do that."

"No problem." He grinned, a pink tinge touching his cheeks as he turned to face the front, the tutor finally entering.

I caught Charlotte's eye as she smiled helplessly down at her coffee cup and she bit her lip. I grinned back, writing the date at the top of my blank notebook.

* * *

~*~

"How was your first day? Did you make friends? Were the other kids mean to you?" Jasper teased as I entered _The Paperback_ that afternoon. I threw my backpack onto a chair and pouted.

"Yeah, this one guy pulled my hair and I didn't get a gold star from teacher."

"Aw, poor baby." He pulled a sad face and held out his arms from a hug. I rolled my eyes, hugging him tightly.

"It was good. The syllabus looks like awesome, I can't wait to get started on it." I said happily. He smiled down at me before kissing my forehead and pushing me towards the café.

"Got some coffee in you, Hells Bells. Alice will be here soon and she'll want to hear all about it." He grinned. I pulled a face.

"No, she'll try to convince me that I do, in fact, want a birthday party even after repeated explanations that I don't give a crap." I said pointedly and he grinned, holding his hands up in a 'what can you do' gesture.

Sure enough, fifteen minutes later Alice skipped into the store and leapt agilely onto the sofa next to me.

"Bell-a!"

"A-lice." I mocked her extended syllables but she merely smiled prettily as she lifted my notes out my hands and tossed them onto the nearby table.

"Bella, we need to discuss your birthday." She announced firmly and I gave her a flat look.

"No, we don't. I'm not having one. I'm staying twenty-two forever."

"I'm afraid it's not up to you." She said matter-of-factly and took my hands in both of hers, "You are my very best friend, Bella, not to mention my brother's girlfriend. I cannot allow the twenty-third anniversary of your birth to pass by without celebration."

"But Alice… I don't _care_. It's a birthday. Everyone has them." I reminded her. She frowned.

"You celebrated Edward's birthday, back in June!"

"That was his choice to celebrate, not mine!"

"But you still joined in! _Please_ Bella, you know how much I want to do this. Do it for me."

I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"Jasper, your girlfriend is giving me a headache!"

"Give her what she wants and she'll go away." He laughed from behind the desk and I glowered at him. _Traitor_.

"Alice, I'd be happy to have a few beers and a take-out. Maybe watch a movie with you guys." I said, "I am _not_ dressing up. I'm not having a party. I'm not drinking your weird, fruity cocktails."

"So I can arrange a night in at our place, with some food, drinks and a movie?" Alice processed the information thoughtfully.

"I'm talking about you, Jazz, Edward and me. Rosalie and Emmett as well, obviously." I said firmly, "No going overboard, OK?"

She considered the situation carefully for a few minutes, clearly trying to see how she could manipulate it to her own liking before nodding.

"That seems fine. Alright, keep Saturday night free. That's the twelfth, we can have a good evening and then celebrate at midnight!"

"And by celebrate, you mean say 'oh, look, it's midnight, what an uneventful occurrence'?" I asked hopefully and she giggled, cuddling me.

"You're so funny."

"I know." I reached for my copy of 'Wise Children' and began to read it in preparation for a discussion in class the next day. Alice sat with her feet in my lap, sketching intensely as she worked on her big project for the year. Most of her last year at university was spent on one design project. Whilst most people were expected merely to design, budget and come up with samples, Alice was reaching for the stars. She'd somehow convinced a local decorating company to look through her portfolio and agree to give her free range in one of the show homes they were due to start work on in the New Year. How she'd done it, I'd never know, but I had a feeling she was as good at manipulating other people as she was with me. It was good to know I wasn't the only one.

Edward's face appeared next to me and I kissed him softly.

"Hey."

"Hello, sweet girl." He smiled, gesturing for Alice to move so he could sit beside me. Grudgingly, she collected her things and moved into a comfy chair as Edward wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. I kissed the top of his head.

"Good day?"

"It's over." He mumbled tiredly, "I'm grateful for that at least."

"Love you." I said softly, stroking his hair. He sighed quietly, not opening his eyes. He had the next week off, the first vacation time that he'd taken all year and that was the only celebration I needed for my birthday; a few days of peace and quiet with him were all I really wanted.

"Is he asleep?" Alice whispered and I looked down at the top of Edward's head. He was still nestled against me and I smiled, continuing to stroke his hair.

"I think so. I'll leave him be for half an hour or so, he needs the rest."

"Been wearing him out?" Jasper said quietly, a teasing grin on his face and I put my tongue out at him.

"He's been working like there's no tomorrow. Now that he's chosen his speciality, at least he can focus on that." Edward had chosen to specialise in haematology a few weeks earlier but would continue working at the hospital until an internship in his specialist subject came up. There had been rumours about a potential spot opening up at his hospital and he'd be competing against two other interns; as a result, he'd spent the last few weeks researching a paper to write, in the event that the opportunity did arise.

I continued to read my book for almost an hour, until Edward eventually shifted, mumbling slightly as he yawned. I smiled down at him.

"Hey sleepy-head."

"Sorry…" He said softly, rubbing his eyes and I shook my head.

"Don't worry about. Let's get you home for an early night."

"I wanted to hear about your first day." He protested weakly.

"It was fine. Got my syllabus and timetable sorted, got registered and all that crap. Come on, let's get some dinner." I said firmly, getting up and pulling him to his feet. Alice smiled at us.

"I'll see you later."

"See you later, Alice. Bye Jazz." I waved at him as we departed, Edward's arm around my waist as we walked the short distance to my apartment. It was a warm, light evening and the trees were still green with only a hint of autumn colours threatening the blooms. I wrapped my arm around Edward's waist, hooking my fingers through his belt loops and leaning against him as we walked.

"Did anything happen today?" I asked him, thinking back to his earlier dismissal of the day. He shrugged a little, his thumb rubbing against the skin of my waist, where my t-shirt had ridden up slightly.

"Nothing particular. Just one of those days when nothing seems to change. You remember Arnold?"

I did. Arnold was a man who'd been in a car crash and slipped into a coma. They'd been hoping for days that he'd come out of it.

"Did something happen?" I asked.

"Yesterday he was showing more brain activity and we hoped… it looked like he'd come around. But today there was less than normal activity. Perhaps it'll be better again tomorrow." He said quietly as we approached my building. I released my hold on him to find my keys and swipe card in my bag, but the door opened as we stood there. Jacob and Leah appeared, both stopping abruptly at the sight of us. I waved nonchalantly.

"Hey guys."

"Bella, Edward." Leah said calmly, trying to act casually whilst Jacob scratched his head nervously.

"Are you on shift tomorrow afternoon?" I asked her and she nodded, "Cool, I'll see you then."

We moved past them and Edward chuckled as climbed the stairs to my apartment.

"How long has _that_ being going on?"

"Oh, well over a month. They think they're subtle, but I'm pretty sure Seth knows and you can't hide anything from Alice so obviously Jasper knows as well."

"Well… they're good together." Edward offered as we reached my door and I smirked.

"You're just saying that because you're relieved Jacob doesn't want to get into _my_ pants anymore."

"There's only room for one man in those pants and I've already paid my rent." He grinned and I laughed, closing the door behind me.

"That's the singularly weirdest thing that you've ever said." I told him, pulling him towards me. He laughed, cupping my cheek.

"Purple monkey dishwasher."

"Stop ripping off The Simpsons and get out of those scrubs." I ordered and he raised his eyebrows. I laughed, "I meant get changed so we can have dinner, but if you're up for _other_ activities..."

Almost instantly he had swept my legs out from underneath me, carrying me to the bedroom as I pulled my t-shirt over my head. He growled his approval at the dark blue bra I was wearing, lowering his face to my neck and biting softly at the skin. He placed me on the bed and I lay back, pulling him down towards me as my fingers fumbled with drawstring of his scrubs.

"You're beautiful." He murmured and I closed my eyes as he kissed me.

"And you're mine." I told him.

~*~

* * *

_Saturday September 12__th_.

"Am I going to kill her?" I asked Edward as we drove towards my apartment. Alice had found me at _The Paperback_ earlier that day to collect my keys so that she could set up for my birthday. Edward smiled as we pulled into an empty space outside my building.

"She knows not to go too far. Now cheer up." He ordered and I pulled a face.

"I'll cheer up when I go up and find my apartment completely empty."

"Bella…"

He gave me a flat look as we climbed out the car and I smiled, closing my door behind me and slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"OK, OK… I'll be happy. I just don't _care_ about my birthday, Edward."

"No, but we do so you're going to have to care this year." He said firmly, kissing me as we went up to my apartment. The door swung open and Alice beamed at me.

"Bella!"

"Alice!" I cried in mock-excitement as she pulled me into the apartment. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were waiting inside and the smell of Italian food filled the apartment, herbs and garlic mingling deliciously. My stomach growled as Alice hugged me, gesturing to the coffee table where several bottles of wine and spirits were waiting beside a pile of DVDs.

"See? Exactly what you asked for." Alice said, cuddling me tightly. My heart swelled in my chest and I put my arms around her.

"Thank you, Alice. This is perfect."

I turned to greet Rosalie and Emmett, hugging them whilst Jasper and Edward carried plates of pasta and sauce into the living room and Alice poured me a drink. It was the perfect evening, good food, great company and free-flowing alcohol. We put '_Blazing Saddles'_ on but the amusing dialogue was lost amongst the chatter. Edward, Rosalie, Alice and I discussed our favourite films, music we enjoyed, funny things that had happened to us whilst we ate and drank. Emmett and Jasper were arguing cheerfully over the Seahawks chances at the title when I noticed something odd.

"Rosalie, why aren't you drinking? I thought that you guys were getting a cab home." I asked the woman sat next to me. She hesitated, glancing over at Emmett who grinned, his dimples deepening.

"We weren't going to tell you today, since it's your birthday and we didn't think it'd be a good time but…" She smiled beautifully, "I'm pregnant. We're having a baby."

Stunned silence. And then…

"Holy fuck!"

"Jasper!" Alice kicked him in the shin, "Rosalie, that's wonderful! Emmett!" She launched herself at her brother, hugging him tightly whilst I put an arm around Rosalie.

"How far along are you?" I asked and she smirked.

"Only a few weeks. I think I might have conceived just after the wedding."

"A honeymoon baby. Nice." Jasper held out his hand to Emmett and they high-fived. I rolled my eyes and we began to talk excitedly about the prospect of a baby.

"Please let it get your brains, Rosalie." Edward teased, "The last thing this world needs is another Emmett running around."

"What are you saying, Eddie?" Emmett said, pretending to be hurt. Edward scowled at the nickname and Rosalie leaned over to kiss her husband's cheek.

"Don't tease, baby. Anyway, I'm going for a scan on Tuesday, so I'll get copies of the pictures made."

Alice gasped suddenly, looking at her watch.

"Oh no! We missed it!" She cried unhappily.

"Missed what?" I asked and she pouted.

"Its quarter past twelve… damn it, I wanted to propose a toast at midnight on the dot."

"I'm OK with not having a toast." I assured her, getting to my feet and reaching for the open bottle of wine. Edward laughed and tugged my hand, pulling me onto his lap.

"Let her have her fun, love." He suggested, nuzzling my neck and I groaned as Alice produced a wrapped gift, holding it out to me.

"This is from Jasper and I."

"Don't worry, Hells Bells, I chose it." Jasper grinned, lounging on the floor in front of the coffee table. Alice scooted along the floor to sit between his legs, watching in anticipation as I fumbled with the wrapping paper. I hated opening presents with an audience; the watchful gaze and pressure to react in just the right way were horrible sensations and it always felt forced.

"Mother of sweet baby Jesus!" I gasped as the box of a brand new laptop computer appeared under the layers of wrapping paper. Alice giggled delightedly and Jasper snorted.

"You like?"

"Take it back. You can't give me this." I said firmly and Jasper shook his head.

"Nope. It's our birthday-slash-congratulations on starting university present. No returns accepted."

"Your other laptop just isn't reliable enough," Alice said firmly, "The last thing you need is for it to crash in the middle of an essay, so say thank you and accept the gift graciously."

"Guys… thank you." I mumbled, ducking my head so that my hair fell into my face as I blushed. They grinned happily, looking very pleased with themselves.

Emmett threw a gift bag into my lap before resting back on the sofa with a smile.

"That's from Mama Rosie and me. And Little Cullen, of course." He said proudly, patting Rosalie's stomach. She rolled her eyes but kissed his cheek fondly as I opened the bag. Inside was gorgeous crystal, hanging on a thin thread, clearly designed to hang from the ceiling. Rosalie gestured to the large windows on the opposite wall.

"Hang it over there and you'll get a great rainbow effect."

"This is beautiful, thank you so much. I'd come and hug you, but I'm way too comfy." I wiggled in my seat in Edward's lap and he squeezed me, a warning to stop. I placed the crystal next to the laptop on the little table beside the comfy chair that we'd occupied and smiled at them.

"Thank you. This has been a really good birthday, much better than I was expecting."

"We're only thirty minutes into it." Jasper pointed out, "We can go on celebrating."

"And we will. I say we go out for drinks tomorrow. I mean tonight. Whenever." Emmett peered at the time and I grinned.

"Well, I never pass up an opportunity to get drunk."

"A woman after my own heart." Emmett grinned, gulping half a glass of beer in one mouthful. Rosalie groaned and hit his leg.

"Home. Now. And if you think I'm taking care of you when you're collapsed on the bathroom floor, crying like a baby, you've got another think coming."

I stood, hugging and kissing each of them. Emmett squeezed me so tightly that I thought that my ribs might crack and Jasper wrapped me up in a warm hug, kissing my forehead.

"Happy birthday, HB."

"Thanks Jazz." I grinned, "I'll see you in the morning."

As the door closed, I felt Edward's arms snake around my waist and he kissed my neck softly. I leaned back into his warm embrace, his solid chest pressing against my back.

"Can I give you your present now?" He murmured against the skin of my neck and I smirked.

"If it involves going to the bedroom, absolutely."

"It may well end up in the bedroom, but I do have a real gift for you as well." He chuckled, releasing his hold on me and crossing to the door, where his coat hung on a hook. He pulled out a bright blue jewellery box and my heart jumped, but it was too big to contain a ring, much to my relief. But something else caught my attention and I frowned.

"Edward, is that _Tiffany's_?"

"Yes." He said simply, holding it out to me but I held up my hands, refusing to touch the gift.

"No! Edward, you can't just spend a ton of money like that!" I said insistently. He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I can. Because you are my girlfriend, because I love you and because it's your birthday. Not to mention the fact that I'm liable to get irritable if you don't accept the gift graciously." Edward finished, taking my hand and pressing the box into it. I didn't grasp it, still feeling unhappy. Edward sighed and kissed me, cupping my cheek gently.

"If it makes you feel better, I won't get you anything for Christmas."

We both knew that this was a lie but I couldn't help smiling. Edward laughed, delighted at getting his own way as I took the box. Inside it, wrapped in delicate layers of white tissue, lay a thin silver chain with two interlocked rings hanging from it, one gold and one silver. My heart pounded in my chest, the blood rushing in my ears as Edward lifted the necklace and put the box to one side. He tilted my chin up so that he could see my face clearly, recognising my panic

"This is not a proposal. These are not engagement rings. It is just something to prove my commitment to you, for as long as you'll have me." He said quietly, his smooth voice rough with emotion. I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned up to kiss him, feeling tears threatening to spill.

"How about always?" I asked, "Is always OK?"

"That's a long time." He warned as I fingered the necklace gently. Undoing the clasp, he fastened it around my neck and I placed a hand over the rings as they hung lightly against my chest.

"I know." I said.

~*~

* * *

_Saturday November 14__th_

"Do you know what today is?" Jasper asked as I ticked off the delivery sheet, confirming that we had everything on the list. As I hung the clipboard up on its hook on the wall, I shrugged.

"Saturday?" I guessed.

"Funny, Swan. Seriously, what day is it?" He said, rolling his eyes as we loaded books onto the trolley and pulled it out into the shop.

"Well, in 1862, it's the day that Abraham Lincoln approved General Ambrose Burnside's plan to capture the Confederate capital at Richmond, Virginia, leading to the Battle of Fredericksburg." I grinned at his expression of disbelief. He blinked, open-mouthed.

"How, in the name of all that is good and holy, do you even know that?"

"I got one of those calendars that have random facts on them for each day." I laughed, shoving copies of 'The Lord of the Rings' onto the shelf. Jasper snorted and called me a dork, waving as Edward appeared in the store, carrying a bag of doughnuts. I beamed at him.

"You got my text! Best boyfriend ever."

"If the love of my life wants doughnuts, today of all days, she shall receive." He said in a cheerful voice and Jasper sniggered.

"Edward, she doesn't even _know_ what today is." He said accusingly.

"Yes, I do. It's the day that Apollo 12 was launched in an unmanned exploration of the surface of mars by NASA in 1969." I declared proudly, reaching for a jelly doughnut. Edward sighed heavily.

"I knew I would regret buying that calendar. Bella, _please_ tell me that you know what day it is."

"It's the day-"

"Stop spouting out random facts!" Jasper laughed, sitting on the desk with a glazed doughnut. Leah, having heard about the doughnuts, appeared at Edward's side and took a chocolate one, looking at me in curiosity.

"What's going on?"

"Think back to one year ago today." Jasper suggested as Edward watched me, waiting for the penny to drop. I chewed the inside of my cheek,

_One year ago… November… about a week before Thanksgiving…_

The penny dropped and concussed my subconscious.

"Oh my god!" I yelped before launching myself into Edward's arms, "Edward, I'm so sorry!"

"What?" Leah asked, desperate for information and Jasper laughed,

"Bella and Edward met one year ago today."

"Ugh. Let me guess, it was love at first sight, they couldn't stay away from each other and bluebirds led all the woodland creatures in a happy little song." Leah rolled her eyes and Edward laughed loudly, holding me tightly.

"Not quite."

"Jazz, I'm taking the rest of the day off. Edward, grab your doughnuts." I winked and led him out of the store.

We half-ran back to my apartment and no sooner had I closed the door than Edward had seized me and was kissing me powerfully, his hands on my waist, pushing my shirt up. I moaned into his kiss and he pulled back, smirking.

"I'm quite upset that you forgot, Bella." He scolded me. I wrapped my fingers into his hair, tugging his head towards me.

"I didn't forget. It just slipped my mind momentarily." I protested weakly and closed my eyes as he pressed me back against the wall, his mouth on mine again, "I'll make it up to you."

"You certainly will." He growled and I pushed him towards the bedroom. Late afternoon sun was pouring into the room as I pulled him onto the bed, our clothes flying in all directions as we fell onto the mattress. The only thing that remained was the necklace, the metal warmed by my bare skin and Edward paused to admire it for a moment, his hands running slowly over my naked breasts. I bit my lip and he smiled leaning down to kiss me, pressing his hips to mine. I groaned, desperate for him to be inside me and pushed him onto his back, saddling his waist.

"Bella…" He whispered, his eyes pulsing brightly and I smiled.

"Forgive me?"

"Like I can refuse you anything in this position." He laughed, sitting up to kiss me. We shuffled back so that he was leaning against the headboard, his hands on my waist. I kissed him softly.

"Forgive me?" I asked again.

"Always." He promised as he bucked his hips up and entered me. I gasped, pressing my forehead to his as we moved slowly together, pleasure pulsing through me, shattering my nerves and I let out a throaty moan. His lips found mine as his hands guided my hips, our rhythm picking up its pace and I brought Edward's face to mine, kissing him with bruising force as we moved together, faster and faster until it was too much and our mouths separated, each of us gasping for air and moaning at the ecstasy we'd caused.

I slumped against Edward's bare chest, our skin slick with sweat and he ran a hand up my back before twining it in my hair, tilting my head so that he could kiss my neck, tongue touching lightly against the fluttering pulse point.

"So beautiful." He whispered and I closed my eyes, sliding off of him onto the bed beside him, keeping one leg draped over his. Edward breathed heavily, burying his face in my hair,

"We should celebrate like this every year."

"Only once a year?"

"Once a day. In celebration of the hour that we met." He decided, "And twice on Holidays."

I laughed, cuddling to his side as he put his arms around me. His skin was wonderfully warm and smooth, and I ran my hand over the soft spattering of hair across his chest, sighing in satisfaction.

"Did you have any other plans for today?" I asked and he smiled.

"No."

"Good. We're staying in bed and eating doughnuts, then we're going to a restaurant of your choice, where I will be buying you dinner. Then I say we get some alcohol and get back into bed." I reeled off and he laughed, kissing my forehead.

"You're very good at improvised celebrations, sweet girl. Although, you most certainly won't be buying me dinner."

"Yes, I most certainly will. And if you argue, I won't you have the last chocolate doughnut." I said, reaching across him for the doughnut bag,

~*~

* * *

We went to a little seafood restaurant by the docks, Edward deliberately grossing me out by ordering fish that still had the eyes. He made it up to me by buying us each an ice-cream cone to enjoy whilst we walked along the docks, the water lapping noisily at the concrete.

"I just don't get how you can eat something that can still look at you!" I protested.

"It's not looking at you, it's dead and cooked." Edward laughed, catching a drip of ice-cream as it trickled down the outside of the cone. It was really too cold for ice-cream, but I could never say no to ice-cream. I licked my cone, lacing my fingers through Edward's as we walked. Music was playing, breaking the peaceful night as it poured out of the bar, _Meyer_.

I leant on the railings opposite the bar and grinned at Edward as we finished our desserts.

"Déjà vu?"

"This certainly does seem familiar." He smiled, pushing my hair out of my face. I turned so that I was facing him, taking his hands in my mine. He kissed my knuckles softly, his lips cold from the ice-cream before running a finger over the rings that hung around my neck.

This was the wrong place and the wrong time to say what I was going to say. But I had to do it, because I was _so_ happy. I know that doesn't make sense, but I was more in love with this man than I could put into words and if I wasn't honest with him now, if I let this carry on further than a year, I was never going to be brave enough to say it. Part of me was screaming not to do it, to let us carry on in peace and quiet until it came to a head, but the sensible part of me was quietly assuring me that if I did it now, it would hurt less in the long run.

My heart thudded and I put my hand over his, holding it to my chest with the rings.

"Edward, I'm not going to marry you." I said quietly. He froze and I met his eyes. He was staring at me with a devastating expression, his brow furrowed. I lifted my hand to his face, running my thumb over his cheekbone as the words ran through my mind of how I could explain this to him.

"Edward, marriage will never make me happy. _You_ make me happy, but if I agreed to marry you one day it wouldn't be fair on either of us." I stammered.

"Bella, please don't-" He started desperately but I put my fingers on his mouth, pleading for his silence.

"I'm not going to marry you. But… I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to stay with you and live with you and wake up with you." I rushed to explain, clutching his fingers in my other hand, "And I think that's enough to make us happy for the rest of our lives. I hope you do too." My voice faded away as he stared at me for a long moment, still looking utterly distraught.

He didn't reply, lifting his gaze to stare out over the water. Tears threatened my eyes. _Stupid! Stupid! He's going to hate you!_ My mind screamed at me and I ducked my head, pressing my face to his chest, feeling my breath shaking as I exhaled. I clutched at the front of his coat, biting on my lip and praying that he wouldn't walk away, hoping desperately that if I could just keep this grasp on him, he would never be able to leave me, despite my selfishness.

"I think that waking up next to you for the rest of my life is more than I could ever ask for."

His words made the breath catch in my throat and I squeezed my eyes closed, wondering if he'd actually said them or if I'd imagined it. I stood perfectly still, staring at the dark fabric of his coat in front of my face until his fingers slid under my chin, lifting my face so that he could see my eyes. He was smiling, his eyes full of love.

"Bella, I told you before that I've waited my whole life for you. And now I have you, I won't let this come between us. You know that I am committed to you." He touched the rings at my throat and I brought his hand to my mouth, kissing it firmly.

"You're not mad?" I asked desperately, clutching his hand and he smiled, twining his fingers into my hair.

"How can I be angry when you just promised to spend the rest of our lives together?" He asked softly.

"You wanted to get married." I reminded him weakly.

"I want you more." He said firmly, "As you said, marriage is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship. We can be whatever we want to be, Bella. If we want to be together for the rest of our lives, then that is what we'll be. Marriage is only one path. It's the one I would have preferred, I admit, but only because that's what I've always seen when I imagined spending the rest of my life with someone."

"You're sure?" I asked, staring up at him. He raised an eyebrow.

"Well… what's your opinion on having children?"

"I'm not opposed to it, but it's not something I'd aim for. Probably one day, I'll want them, so it's not a definite no."

"Good answer. I would like children with you one day." He laughed, stroking my cheek, "Yes, I'm sure, Bella. I want you, always."

I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him eagerly. He put his arms around my waist, lifting me off the ground as he laughed.

"I love you, Edward. I really do, I love you so much." I whispered quickly, "I love you."

"I love you too." He said back, cutting me off with a kiss. I buried my face in his neck, my feet dangling off the ground as I breathed in his delicious scent, kissing his pulse with quick, light kisses. He lowered me to the ground, kissing me again and running his tongue across my lips, hot and persuasive. I parted my lips, pressing my tongue against his as I ran my hands into his hair before pulling back quickly and reaching into my jeans pocket.

"I want to give you something." I said breathlessly, pulling something out and holding it out to him. Edward looked at the gold ring in confusion.

"Bella?"

"This isn't an engagement ring, or anything." I said quickly, "But you gave me a ring, so I wanted to give you one. This was actually Charlie's wedding ring. He never took it off, even after Renee left. He said… he said it was to show that he'd made a commitment and he wanted to stand by it, just like you said that you are committed to me, so that's what I'm doing now. This is my commitment to you, Edward Cullen."

Edward stared down at the ring in his hand, his eyes fierce with intense concentration. After a long pause he looked at me.

"Bella, are you sure about this? This is Charlie's. I don't think I can accept this."

"Please?" I asked, "Edward, I need you to understand. Charlie was the most important person in my life and I want you to have this part of him. He would have liked you." I smiled weakly, "I mean, he would have threatened you with a shot gun to make sure you were good enough for me, but he would have liked you."

Edward laughed slightly, running a hand through his hair as he examined the plain gold ring. I took it and his right hand, sliding it onto the ring finger and kissing it gently. Once again he pulled me to him, holding me lovingly as music played distantly and the water beat against the docks.

* * *

**A/N: Oh my little chicklets, only one more chapter to go! Very distressing stuff! Hope you enjoyed this one, it's all wrapping up a bit now, so the next chapter is an epilogue style one. It was at this point I started reading back over the first couple of chapters, comparing Bella then to Bella now. She's come a long way, has our little HB. Oh, and the outtakes will be posted after the epilogue, not in a separate story.  
**

**Regarding the marriage issue – the only reasons I saw in the books that Bella eventually agreed to marry Edward, was because she wanted a) schmexing, b) vamping and c) to save Edward's soul. My Bella has schmexing galore, vampires aren't real and Edward's soul isn't an issue here, so she's sticking to her guns on this one. She's come a long way, as I said, but she's not a different person entirely. The fact that she's committed herself to someone so wholly is a huge thing for her, so don't belittle her for that. Besides, I always think that stories that end a little bitter-sweet are ultimately more fulfilling than 'happily ever after'. After all 'HEA' is common place. Loving someone forever is much rarer, don't you think?**

**Who Wants To Live Forever – This is Bella accepting Edward's commitment and him taking hers. I love the first two lines, that's Bella talking about Edward loving her and the impact that he's had on her existence. **

**www(dot)polyvore(dot)com/cgi/set?id=12357711 – The necklace that Edward gives Bella (only I couldn't find the original picture – this is exactly the same, only with two silver rings, whereas the one I saw had one silver and one gold). The other ring is Charlie's. **

**OK, going to scoot off now. Been a crayzee busy week, starting back at uni. Woohoo, I'm a second year! I spent most of Wednesday wandering around the Fresher's fair, collecting free stuff. Strangely enough, in one pack I got a rape alarm and a packet of condoms – weird combination! Then I was in seminars and lectures all day Thursday, spent most of today organising my placement for April and then had work this evening. But I'm staying cheerful because next Friday I'm off to see Ross Noble up in London! Woo! I've been bragging about this a lot, which is pointless, cos most people have never heard of him! Find him on youtube. Just put in 'Ross Noble', 'owl' and 'blanket' then click the top link. All of his shows are 99% improvisation, so I can't wait!**

**Oh, and thank you for the reviews obviously! They totally make my day, I love each and every one of you! I won't say anymore, because this is now the longest author's note in the history of author's notes. Oh, and also, Bella's facts are all gotten from Wikipedia, so judge the accuracy for yourselves!  
**

**Reviewers will receive their chosen Cullen/Werewolf and a Tiffany's box. What's inside yours?**

**Love**

**Katie**


	35. Thank You

**Chapter Thirty Five**

**Push the door, I'm home at last  
and I'm soaking through and through  
Then you hand me a towel  
and all I see is you  
And even if my house falls down,  
I wouldn't have a clue  
Because you're near me and  
I want to thank you  
for giving me the best day of my life  
Oh just to be with you  
is having the best day of my life**

**~Thank You by Dido~**

"Today is not a special day. It's not an anniversary or a birthday. I just knew that today was a good day to come and see you, Charlie. I woke up and I looked at Edward. He understood straight away and started to get dressed.

There aren't so many flowers on the grave today. I remembered to bring some… well, actually Edward reminded me, but I think I would have remembered on my own, although they would probably have been gas station ones again. It's a good job he's so organised, because my brain is all over the place these days. I've just finished my first year at university, it's happened so quickly. I did pretty well, actually. I'm looking forward to my second year. You'd be proud.

I'm trying to think of everything that's happened since the last time I came. There's a lot of it. I didn't have a whole lot of time to tell you about my life last time, I was just shocked to be here in the first place. But I can go through the big things. Edward and I are living together now. I mean, we pretty much were before, but my landlord decided to sell the building, so I needed a new place to live a couple of months ago. Edward invited me to move in with him. Alice moved in with Jasper, he's over the moon and she gets a whole new apartment to decorate, so everyone's happy. She's just started an apprenticeship at an interior design company and is ready to decorate the world. She'll probably succeed as well. Oh, and Jacob moved in with Seth and Leah. Seth's working at his garage now, he practically worships Jake. It's pretty funny and it drives Leah crazy, but she loves them both, in her own weird, bitchy way. We still see each other at work and I catch up with Jake from time to time for a beer. We're good friends now, which I wasn't sure would happen. It's nice to be proved wrong though.

What else? Uh… oh, Rosalie and Emmett. They had a baby, a little girl called Jasmine. I think it's a little bit of homage to Jasper, since we ended up calling them both Jazz. He's the proudest uncle in the world, can't get enough of her. Carlisle and Esme are amazing grandparents too, they seem to be spending more and more time in the city with us. I like having them around, they like spoiling us like kids, which is nice… it's nice to be counted as one of the family. So they're around a lot, we have dinner a few times a month. Especially now that Alice and Jasper are engaged. Did I mention that? I don't think I did, but yeah, they're engaged. They don't plan on getting married for a couple of years, but Jasper has already asked me to be his Best Man. Or Best Woman, whatever's politically correct. Alice couldn't be happier about getting another opportunity to dress me up. I actually did buy her a Barbie doll for Christmas this year; everyone else thought it was hilarious. Alice told me that I owed her three shopping trips without complaints, so that rather backfired on me.

Edward started a haematology placement. He doesn't talk about it much, it's hard work and it tires him out, but Carlisle told me that the hospital wants to keep him on after his residency. That would be good for him, although he's hoping to start doing regular hours, no more long night shifts. Maybe in time that'll happen, but I don't think he'd want to be stuck in an office all the time, he enjoys being with the patients, even though it keeps him out for longer hours. For now, it's not such a big deal. We're both so busy, we make the time we spend together worth every second.

I miss you.

…Sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt that out. Nervous word vomit. Jesus, I can't believe I just said word vomit over my father's grave. Twice. And Jesus. Twice as well. Good going, Bella.

Geez, you know I don't mean to be crass. I can't remember if my language was this bad when I lived with you. I don't think that I can have been, you wouldn't have let me get away with it. I mean… you wouldn't even let me play my music too loud, in case it disturbed the peace. Not that I minded that much, you were pretty laid back for a cop dad. I probably got away with a lot more than other teenagers, but you had a blind spot for me. You always did.

But I do miss you, Dad. It's a little easier these days, now that I've got Jasper and the Cullens. They keep me going, whereas in the beginning it was just fear that kept me from coming to a full stop. I guess that people aren't really able to live like that. Well, I didn't, did I? Until Jasper rescued me, I was just pretending to live. I can't say how grateful I am for him. You'd have liked Jasper, I know you would. But then again, everyone likes Jasper.

I'm pretty damn lucky, aren't I? To have them all. To have a family like them. To have Edward. I know that, sometimes, he looks at the rings around my neck and wishes that they were on my finger. But he never says it, because he knows that I couldn't love him any more than I already do. It isn't easy, knowing that he still wants marriage from time to time, but the fact that he still wants me, even after I said no, makes me love him. I know what I did was selfish, but… I was scared. I still am. I'm still scared that he's going to decide that I'm not enough. But we've come to some decisions, grown-up ones. Like getting wills made, joint insurance, that sort of thing. We even met with his lawyer to organise our legal mumbo jumbo, we're completely sorted out. It's kind of scary, to be this responsible, but I like it. I like being equal to him in these things, so we can be together for the right reasons. And this is a secret, but I'm legally changing my name. It's Edward's birthday next month and I'm going to tell him then. I'm going to be Isabella Swan-Cullen. I asked Carlisle and Esme first and they were so happy. I think Edward will be as well. I want him to know that I'm his. Completely.

Is that what real love is? Plain old acceptance of another person, utterly and completely. Not very romantic-sounding, is it? Then again, I leave the romance to Alice and Rosalie. On the other hand, there probably isn't anything more romantic than one person saying, 'I want you, in spite of your flaws', 'I want you without cutting out any of the bad stuff'. When I wake up each morning and see him there, it reminds me of the stories I used to read, fairy tales where they got married and lived happily ever after.

Obviously you know my thoughts on the marriage. And happily ever after seems a little intimidating. I mean, I'm hoping for it, but at the same time it's a little too much to handle at once. I'm all for taking one day at a time, planning for next week, next year at the outside. Forever is a long time. Who can be sure about forever?"

A hand touched my shoulder and I looked up quickly, jumping as I was surprised out of my one-sided conversation. Edward smiled down at me, where I sat cross-legged in the warm grass. The day, whilst not sunny, was still bright and warm through the cloud cover so he wore only a light jacket over his t-shirt and jeans.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, the wind whipping his bright auburn hair into a more dishevelled state than usual. I looked back at the grassy grave.

"A couple more minutes. I'm almost done."

"Take all the time you need, love." He assured me, bending to kiss my forehead before loping over the grass to the car park, where Jasper and Alice were leant against the Volvo, talking quietly. I watched them for a minute before turning back to the grave.

"They insisted on coming with us. Jasper said he wanted to meet you and Alice goes where Jasper goes. He said he wanted to reassure you that I'm being taken care of and Alice said that she wanted to reassure you of Jasper's character, since parents always love her."

I laughed to myself, pushing my windswept hair out of my face. It was tangled and I pulled it back, tucking it into my hood as I spoke.

"You'd adore her. Everyone does, she's a wonderful friend." I said quietly, leaning back in the grass and stretching my aching legs. The blood rushed back into my feet and I winced as they began to prickle uncomfortably. I looked back over my shoulder at the three people I loved more than anyone else in the world and smiled slightly.

"And Edward. You'd like Edward, because he's completely good. He's the best person I know. Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. He always reading my books and then not putting them back in the same place on the shelf. When he washes up, he doesn't rinse the dishes so they always get watermarks. He snores sometimes, if he's lying in the wrong position and then gets grouchy when I kick him to make him stop. We argue sometimes, about really stupid stuff, like whether Mr Darcy is cooler than Mr Rochester and then glare at each other for half an hour before deciding that it's a silly thing to fight about. I know, we're pretty lame, right? But then again we do have real arguments too. Mostly about money, annoying crap like that. Edward is always trying to pay for everything. Since he actually owns the apartment and doesn't rent it, he figured I shouldn't pay anything. Of course, I went off on him. We had a huge fight and I stormed out. Jasper eventually found me getting absolutely plastered in some bar and dragged me back to apologise. It's a good thing he's around to kick my ass when I need it. We worked it out, obviously. I pay for the groceries and he pays the utilities, plus we each buy our own things like clothes and books. I think Edward's working on getting us a joint account, so he can sneak money to me. Like _that's_ going to happen.

Anyway, I'm going to say goodbye now. Jasper's hungry, he's getting that frown that means he wants a burger. I'm hungry too, actually. I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe not for a while. You don't mind if I don't come on your birthday, do you? It's just that it's a lot of pressure, with everyone watching. I'd rather come on a day like today, when there's no one else around and I can talk to you freely. It's harder to come on a special day, a lot more emotional. We can talk properly on days like today."

I got to my feet, brushing stray blades of grass from my jeans and looking down at the grave once more, feeling Edward's eyes on me from the short distance away. We exchanged a long look and he held up a hand briefly, signalling to take my time. The gold band on his finger shone dully. I smiled again, placing my hand on the cool, smooth stone.

"You know… maybe forever would be a good thing to aim for, after all." I said quietly. "It might even not be long enough. Love you, Dad."

I ran my hand gently over the headstone and turned, picking my way slowly across the grass to the car park. Jasper moved first, holding out his arms. I stepped into them, embracing him tightly.

"You OK, Hells Bells?" He asked, rubbing my hair.

"Sure am, Jazz. You want a burger?"

"You know me so well." He chuckled. Alice moved towards me and kissed my cheek, cuddling me before slipping into the back seat of the car beside her fiancé.

Edward's fingers slipped into mine and I turned to look up at him. He smiled faintly, kissing my forehead, the tip of my nose before finally pressing his mouth to mine. I slid the fingers of my free hand into the hair at the nape of his neck as we kissed, lips moving together gently, sweetly as he held me in that way, so unique to him, that made me feel like I was the only person in the world.

It wasn't happily ever after. But it wasn't far off.

_The End_

* * *

**A/N: Oh… my… gosh. It's over. Wow.**

**OK, before I go any further, I am thanking each and every person who has reviewed, whether it was from chapter one or if you only found this story yesterday. I am unbelievably grateful for your feedback, your support, your constructive criticism and the fact that you've taken a little time out of your day to read my ramblings. I really cannot adequately express my appreciation. **

**And regarding the epilogue! This is the end of Bella's journey. She's not all better, she's not magically fixed. She's a real life girl who went through some shit and is getting better. And she's got a hot doctor to help her! **

**Thank You – Bella's words to everyone in this story. To Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jacob, Alice, Jasper and, most of all, Edward. Listen to this song and you'll get it. **

**I know this is a short chapter, but the first of the outtakes will be up tomorrow, after this chapter. As I have said before, there are 5. The first is Edward's pov of his initial meeting with Bella in the bar. I hope you will enjoy it! **

**OK, I think this has gone on long enough. I'm rambling, yet again. Are you surprised, lol? So I'm going to go. **

**Once again, thank you. Much love and cookies to you all. Oh, and since I won't be around to make recommendations, haul ass over to The Twilight Enablers. That's where I get my fics from! But one last recommendation is:**

**A Person of Worth by tnuccio.**

**Final Chapter Reviewers will get their chosen Cullen/Werewolf, a bottle of booze and me in a room to chat randomly into the night. I will also make myself scarce once you fancy getting it on with your chosen Cullen/Werewolf.**

**Lots of Love**

**Katie**


	36. Outtake One Edward Cullen

**Outtake 1- Set parallel to Chapter 2  
**

**Edward Cullen**

It had been a long day and it was going to be an even longer evening. I had just finished a nine hour shift in the hospital and it had been a trying day; nobody had died on my watch, but there had been several close calls. I stood in the men's locker room in the hospital, pulling a shirt over my head and listening to Tyler rant and rave about Lauren as he got ready to take over from me. I honestly wished that the two of them would just admit how they felt about each other. OK, they obviously didn't _like_ each other but the tension between them was obviously only going to be resolved one way and the sooner it happened, the better. I was sick to the back teeth of hearing them go on about each other.

Even as we exited the locker room, me to go home and Tyler to start his shift, Lauren descended upon us, her face blazing and her blonde hair flying in all directions.

"Tyler, you were supposed to send Mrs Delaney for an MRI!" She said loudly and I winced at the volume. Patients were trying to sleep, but reminding them of this fact would only make them turn on me and that was the _last_ thing I needed.

"In the thirty seconds between entering the building and seeing you?" Tyler scowled and she sneered, her pretty face pink with anger. I sighed.

"I'm going home." I said under my breath.

They ignored me, already arguing as they walked down the corridor. I clocked out at the machine, noticing that Carlisle was still here. Despite working in the same building, we didn't see much of each other. Esme had been calling again, asking me to come and visit before she and Carlisle went away for Thanksgiving. I knew I'd see them anyway, we would probably meet up when Emmett arrived with Rosalie, but my mother was still always asking me to come home. I did miss her. I loved her and Carlisle a great deal, but I didn't always know how to show it. A lot of the time it was just easier to stay away.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked across the parking lot to my car, nodding to a couple of nurses who smiled at me. They were curious about me, about Carlisle Cullen's son. I couldn't imagine why, unless it was so they had a reason to strike up a conversation with him, which would only leave them disappointed. There were no two people who were more in love than my adoptive parents, much to chagrin of the nursing community.

It was dark and the streetlights were on when I pulled into my usual space outside my building. I could see the lights were on in the apartment; Alice must be home. I went into the elevator, running a hand through my hair. It needed trimming, but I hadn't had the time lately. It seemed like all I did was sleep and work; not that I minded this too much. I had spent the last seven years working my hardest, through high school and into medical school, always aiming for one thing and that was to become a doctor. It didn't leave a lot of time for a social life. But then, I never sought one out do I could hardly complain. The other interns made time for it, so I could have if I chose to.

The apartment was a mess and I ground my teeth at the pencils, chalks and paper that lay on every flat surface. Alice flittered around the room, sketching frantically and she waved in my general direction.

"Edward, I know it's a mess, but I'm almost done and then I promise I'll clean up!" She promised cheerfully.

"…I'm going for a shower." I said flatly, but she was already pulling a pencil out from behind her ear and shading a picture carefully before turning to another picture for references.

I threw my bag into my room and went to the bathroom, hitting the dial on shower to let it heat up before I got in and examined my reflection in the mirror. There were dark shadows under my eyes, from lack of sleep and I was too pale to look healthy. I knew that Carlisle and Esme worried about me, the unappealing pallor of my skin and the permanently drained look on my face revealing my unfit lifestyle. The only healthy looking feature was my hair, thick and windswept. I knew that it would make no difference how I styled or dried it, it would simply return to this state of disarray.

I climbed into the shower and let the hot water beat down on my back, pounding a warm rhythm against my pale skin. I rinsed my hair under the water, pushing it out of my eyes and turning the shower off, reaching for a towel.

Alice had indeed cleaned the living room by the time I emerged from my bedroom, my hair already drying into its ridiculous style. She was sat lotus style in the middle of the floor, putting the finishing touches to one of her portfolios and smiled brightly at me as she stuck the pieces of paper down.

"How was your day? I got so much done, this portfolio is going to rock my professors! Mom called by the way and so did Emmett, he and Rosalie flew in today. Emmett wants to have dinner with us on Monday night whilst she meets up with her brother, he lives in Seattle too, isn't that a coincidence?"

I had long ago given up on the idea of having a conversation with Alice, she simply talked and I listened. She lay a piece of clear sticky plastic over the page and admired the result, not even looking at me as she blabbered on.

"I already ate by the way, I had salad, so there's no leftovers. If you want to eat, you'll have to make something or order in. I'll do some grocery shopping on the way back from class tomorrow but I don't know what shifts you were working this week, so if you give me a list of things you want I'll pick them up."

"I'm going out." I said and she looked at me in surprise. _I_ was surprised. I hadn't meant to say that.

"You are?"

"I need some fresh air. I'll be back later." I said, reaching for my coat and keys. Alice simply smiled and tapped her forehead.

"You're going to have a good time."

"Another vision, Alice?" I teased gently and she laughed.

"You know it, Edward. Don't forget to call Mom tomorrow."

I nodded, already out of the door.

* * *

~*~

Once I got outside, I felt rather silly. I hadn't planned to say that, I hadn't had any intention of leaving the apartment. I didn't even know why I'd come out. All I knew was that I didn't want to go back into that apartment and think about how I should be calling Mom or Emmett or doing something that I did every single day. I didn't want to sit and think about my next shift at the hospital.

I wanted change. I wanted to be spontaneous. I wanted to escape from my safe, predictable world for one night with no consequences.

I climbed back into my car, wiping a few drops of rain from my face and began to drive. I took a random left, followed a bus for a few blocks and then pulled into a parking space by the docks. There were several bars and clubs facing the water and I could imagine Alice's amusement if she found out where I was. I didn't club. Ever. I rarely went to bars, they were too busy and hot. They were full of irritating drunken people and I never enjoyed myself the way I always felt that I should.

But tonight was different. Tonight, I was ready to leave everything about Edward Cullen in my apartment and be an anonymous face in a bar, ordinary and normal. I wanted to be without a care in the world, if such a thing were achievable. I doubted this.

I went to the bar that looked the least crowded, _Meyer_. There was a lot of people at the bar and several people dancing. The booths and tables were all full, so I sat at the end of the bar, nursing a beer and facing the door on the other side of the room. I watched people come and go, smiling, laughing, one couple arguing angrily.

It made me feel peaceful. I had done this once or twice before, never at a bar, but I liked to sit in a public place and watch people walk past, living their lives in the way that I never would. It didn't make me envious. I was satisfied with my life; it sounds big-headed, but I was a good doctor and I enjoyed what I did. I loved my family, although maybe I could do something more to show them that. I didn't have relationships, not for lack of offers (usually followed by uncomfortable stammering and unlikely excuses) but it was not something I longed for. Why ruin what I had? There was no point in wanting everything when I had what I needed to live. Romantic love was not something desirable to me.

A burst of laugher came from a group sat nearby. They were about my age, maybe a little younger and looked like students, several wearing UW hoodies. I turned my gaze back to the door, just as a tall blonde man walked in, followed by a short, pretty woman. They waved at the nearby group and fought their way through the crowd. I watched curiously as they greeted their friends and the tall man fell into the last seat. He exuded relaxed easiness, smiling cheerfully at his friends. The girl looked around for another seat and a blonde man gestured to his lap with a grin. That surprised me; I had assumed she was with the tall man. The girl gave the blonde a dirty look before sitting on the arm of her friend's chair, resting her feet in his lap in a familiar fashion.

I looked back at the door but found my gaze drawn back to the group, to the dark-haired girl. She was sat with her back to me, laughing and chatting with her friends, the tall man lounging in the chair with an easy smile. I watched as she looked down at the man, tapping his cheek before hugging his head and jumping up, walking to the bar. It was an affectionate gesture but not one that implied romantic feelings. The blonde guy seemed more interested in watching her walk away than her friend did, eyes fixed on her behind.

For some inexplicable reason, I did not like the blonde guy.

This was only confirmed in my mind when he sneaked up behind the girl and grabbed her backside. She jumped and swung around, looking furious. The blonde guy grinned in a way that he clearly thought was charming. She said something and the anger sparked in her brown eyes before she turned back to the bar.

I looked back down at the beer, smiling to myself. I liked her ferocious attitude to his advances. I signalled to the bartender for a soda, watching the bubbles pop on the surface. The music pounded in my head and I sipped the fizzy drink slowly before glancing over at the group again. The blonde man was sitting, shame-faced whilst they all laughed at him. The girl was perched on her friend's knees, throwing back drinks at quite a rate for someone her size. She was very pretty.

I was mildly surprised at myself. Why would I notice that? There were lots of good-looking girls in this bar, but for some reason, my eyes kept going back to this one. She wasn't dressed provocatively, wearing jeans, a black top and flat shoes. Her hair was wavy, but it looked natural not enhanced. She wasn't wearing a lot of make-up but her big, dark eyes were lovely in her pale face.

She was _very_ pretty.

I scratched my chin uncertainly, looking down the grimy bar to avoid staring. It was sticky with spilt drinks and I scanned the bar briefly to stop myself from looking back at the group. A voluptuous blonde smiled from a little way down the bar, leaning on the surface but I kept my eyes on my drink, hunching over. After a moment, she sensed my reluctance and moved away, like a big cat on the hunt for prey.

I looked over at the girl again, but she was gone. For a moment, my heart pounded nervously, an unexpected reaction until I realised that her friend was still there. I doubted they'd leave separately, for some reason. I looked around and saw her a little way down the bar, perched on a stool. She looked a little unsteady as she waited for the barman and she leant against the bar, tapping her fingers idly. Her cheeks with tinted lightly with pink, no doubt from the warmth of the bar and quantity of her drinks.

I wanted to go and talk to her. I wanted to find out her name and what she did and what she liked to drink and what music she listened to. It wasn't just that she was attractive, because there were a lot of attractive women in this bar tonight, but she was bright, shining amongst the dreary crowd with some inexplicable vitality that drew the eye. She was vivacious and appealing. She was extraordinary and I was as ordinary as they came, so what possible hope could I have in drawing her into a meaningful conversation.

I wasn't all that sure that she wouldn't threaten me, like she had the blonde man. Who, I noticed in irritation, was back, leaning over her. She pulled a face and muttered something, gesturing for him to leave. He frowned and slung his arm around her shoulder, leaning all of his weight on her. I was on my feet in an instant, pushing past the thinning crowd as he crushed her against the bar.

"Why're you so cold? I'm a nice guy!" He slurred, his face right in hers and she struggled to push him away, looking desperately unhappy, wrinkling her nose at him

"I said _no_, Mike. Get off of me!" She said angrily but he slumped against her more heavily. She flinched as the bar dug into her ribs.

I reached for the back of his shirt, disgusted by the sweaty fabric as I wrenched him away from her.

"I believe she said no." I said coolly. The man, Mike, glared at me, but he was so intoxicated that he could barely focus on me. After a sour moment, he turned and left, hands in his pockets.

Nervously, I looked at the lovely girl, still perched on her bar stool. She was staring up at me, a surprised look on her face. She was even lovelier up close, her dark eyes a sharp contrast to paleness of her skin, although her cheeks were flushed a delicate pink. I felt ridiculously uncertain, like a teenager and then realised that I'd been staring, speaking quickly to cover myself.

"Are you alright?"

She stared at me for a moment, her skin reddening prettily.

"Fine, thanks." She murmured. Even her voice was attractive, low and clear despite her obvious alcohol intake. She looked uncomfortable and I couldn't help raising an eyebrow as she chewed her lip.

"Are you sure? Are you here with someone?" I asked. Obviously I knew the answer to this, but I didn't want to imply that I had been watching her and I certainly didn't want her to walk away just yet, my head desperately trying to think of ways to keep her talking to me. But she'd turned to the bar, reaching for the two glasses that she'd ordered.

I panicked, reaching out and catching her wrist with one hand.

"I don't want to let you just wander off, that guy might come back." I said quickly, trying to give the impression of myself as a caring person, kind and responsible. This did not appear to work, because she glared up at me, looking strangely threatening for such a small figure.

"Look, I said thanks, but I can handle myself." She said bitingly and I frowned, wondering exactly how I'd upset her. I wasn't exactly expecting her to grovel at my feet for helping, but surely a little gratitude was in order? And not the sarcastic kind either.

"Sure looked like it. He was practically crushing you." I said, regretting it instantly. Her eyes narrowed and she tensed her jaw, her eyes glaring into mine with a burning fury.

"If you'd held on for thirty seconds you'd see what a swift sharp kick to the bollocks does to a guy and if you don't let go of my wrist you'll be finding out for yourself!" She announced, scowling up at me.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. She was so small and sweet looking, with such righteous indignation that the foul words pouring out of her mouth didn't seem to match her appearance. I was fascinated and delighted and I wanted to keep her.

She didn't quite seem to understand that this was the reason for my amusement because she wrenched her arm away, grabbed the glasses and stormed back to the table where the tall guy was watching with a vaguely amused expression. The girl sat down on his lap, handing him his drink with a sour look on her face. They started to talk and the tall guy looked around, catching my eye. He said something to her and she looked up, staring directly at me. Her eyes narrowed and she stuck her tongue out. I looked away, biting my lip as I tried not to laugh again. For some strange reason, this girl made me want to smile and laugh like I hadn't in years.

I had to find out her name. I had to find out who she was, what she was like because she was extraordinary and the reason I had come out tonight. I owed Alice a hug, a kiss and a pair of shoes, because she had foreseen this.

I almost moaned aloud when I turned back to the table to see that she was gone. Her friend had vanished too and panic raced through me, my breath catching in my throat.

"Another drink?" The bartender asked and I shook my head numbly.

I had missed my chance. She was gone. Heart-sinking disappointment filled me and I ran a hand through my hair miserably. I picked up my coat, pushing through the crowded dance floor. The bouncer nodded to me as I left and I pulled on my coat and put my hands in my pockets, looking over the street at the docks. It was incredibly cold, my breath coming in white clouds but it had stopped raining at least.

The moon shone clearly, illuminating a slender figure, leaning against the railings overlooking the water. It was my girl. Her arms were bare and she shivered a little as she stared out at the sea. I walked over to her side of the street, keeping to one side. I didn't want her to think that I was blocking her in, that couldn't end well. From my position I had a view of face in profile, her tiny nose and sharp chin, lips pushed out in a considering pout. The moonlight shone off of her skin, giving her dark eyes unusual depth as the wind tossed her curls around her shoulders. That vitality that had drawn me to her in the bar was dimmed slightly, demure and calm.

Good god, she was beautiful.

"Are you alright?" I'd spoken before I meant to, because my head was wondering why she was out here alone, where her friend was, if she was OK and why she didn't have a coat.

She looked around in surprise and frowned slightly, but she didn't seem angry anymore. Resigned and sleepy, a little wary, but not angry.

"You following me, stranger?" She asked, still leaning against the cold railings. I smiled at her casual greeting and she looked back down at her hands, chewing her lip again.

"Not following, no. I was leaving anyway and saw you over here and I wanted to make sure that you were alright. I…"

My inner-Emmett yelled at me to grow a pair.

"I'd like to introduce myself." I said firmly. This was my chance, I wasn't going to miss it. Not when I'd come so close to losing it when she'd left the bar.

"Shouldn't you apologise first?" She said pointedly and I paused, thrown. This wasn't going how I'd imagined it.

"Apologise? For helping you?" I asked, a little bit confused by her reaction. Just when I thought I had pinpointed how she was going to behave, the stakes changed.

"Didn't ask for your help." The girl said and pushed herself off of the railings, folding her arms over her chest, "And I didn't ask for your name either."

I'd always considered myself a relatively calm person. It was something that Carlisle had commended me on, my ability to remain calm during a tense situation. It also proved useful whilst working in medicine, when patients began to downward spiral. But there was something about this beautiful, frustrating girl that was starting to wind me up.

"I was clearly mistaken. Here I was thinking that the right thing to do is to help someone when they look like they're in trouble." I said in a forcedly calm voice. She arched her eyebrows, her eyes scanning mine in a way that made me feel two inches high.

"I can handle Mike. I've been managing just fine for two years. So maybe you should just make sure that someone _wants_ your help before you step in." She said fiercely, that fire burning in her eyes again, but this time it did not amuse me. I could feel my opportunity disappearing, so I took a step forward, doing what I did best and being calm in a stressful situation.

"I'm not going to apologise, because I don't regret helping you. You were quite obviously not in control of the situation, whether you admit it or not." I said firmly, in my most 'calming-doctor' voice and she narrowed her eyes again, clenching her jaw.

"I was fine," She said between gritted teeth and then she stepped forward, poking a finger at me, "I don't need anyone to help me out!"

"I was just-" I began, but she interrupted me.

"Well don't!"

This anger was different. It was not the righteous indignation I had seen so far, she pushed me with the palms of her hands and I took an ungainly step back. Her eyes were blazing and bright with tears as she shouted again, "I don't need help! You shouldn't help me!"

She pushed me again, surprisingly hard and I caught her wrists with both hands, uncertain of what to do. For a millisecond we stared at each other and I saw her, vulnerable, angry and scared, a life's story that was threatening her present, her carefully constructed façade of anger and deceit of how she really felt. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her, to protect her, to beat away whatever it was that made her feel so bad. They were ridiculous, irrational feelings for this woman I didn't even know but wanted to more than anything in my life.

"Bella!"

Instantly we looked around, her in recognition of what was clearly her name and me in nervousness. Her tall friend was running towards us, breathless and angry. His hands were balled into fists. Bella sharply tugged her wrists out of my hold and turned towards him, her face crumpling in agony.

"He shouldn't have helped me," She shouted, "He shouldn't…"

Her friend stared at her, almost warily. She froze on the spot, staring straight ahead.

"No one should help me." She whispered and her voice broke. Her body trembled and her friend looked down at her, his expression sorrowful as he pulled her into his arms.

"I know, Bella." He said in a southern accent, pressing his face to her hair.

"He shouldn't… no one should try to…" She stammered and I could tell she was crying as she clutched at his shirt, child-like and young.

"I know, Bella. I know." He assured her, kissing her forehead in a familiar way that I would have envied, if I hadn't been so horrified by the situation.

"I didn't mean to upset her." I said falteringly and the guy looked up at me and offered a half-smile. His easy-going appearance from earlier on had given way to a man of maturity, one who was used to dealing with Bella when she gave in to the pain.

"I know. I'll take her from here." He said and lifted her up, cradling her against his chest like a child, carrying her to a cab that was idling by the pavement. They climbed in, him rocking her gently.

I watched in silence as the car pulled away. I stood there for a long time, the cold air stinging my cheeks.

Alice was still up when I got home, watching television. I saw her feet sticking up over the top of the sofa, her head dangling over the seat as she watched the screen upside down. I leaned on the top of the sofa and she smiled up at me.

"Have a good time?" She asked and I hesitated. I wasn't going to see her again. I didn't know her full name. All I knew was that I had met a girl that I wanted to meet again, to embrace and to protect. I wanted to be her aid and her support.

It was a futile argument. She was gone.

We would not see each other again.

I hadn't even told her my name.

Alice stared up at me curiously, eyes narrowed.

"Edward?"

"It was fine." I said evenly and walked to my bedroom, closing the door quietly behind me.

* * *

**A/N: The first look from someone elses's point of view! I've been wanting to write this one for a looooong time, so I really enjoyed it. I hope you did too. **

**No review bribe for this one, because this is my thank you for all the reviews you've already left! I mean, if you **_**want**_** to leave one… I ain't gonna complain… :) Next one will be up tomorrow and will be from Alice's point of view.**

**Love**

**Katie**


	37. Outtake Two Alice Cullen

**Outtake Two - Set parallel to Chapter 4  
**

**Alice Cullen**

I think Emmett is still growing. Seriously, he just seems bigger every time I see him. I mean, he's a few inches taller than Edward, but I see Edward all the time, so I don't really notice how tall he is. But then again, everyone's tall compared to me. Even Rosalie, she's as tall as Edward.

I know I'm talk about height a lot, but when you don't have a lot of it, you tend to notice these things. I'm short – not just petite but downright _short_. Practically qualified to be a munchkin. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, except when everything you need in the supermarket is on the top shelf but most of the time it doesn't really matter. Height is but a number, am I right? Of course I am. Oh, that's another thing about me. I'm _always_ right. It's a gift, but I really am. I just know things and I'm always right about them.

Where was I?

Anyway, last night was the first time I saw Emmett in a long time, since he's only just moved back to Seattle with Rosalie. Even Edward was happy to see him, as happy as he ever is. But he's been in a weird mood since Saturday, when he came back from that bar. I keep catching him staring off into space, thinking of something that he won't tell me about. I asked him what had happened, but he just shrugged. I don't know why he bothers hiding stuff, I'll find out eventually.

Emmett almost crushed me as he hugged me when we met outside a diner, Edward hanging back with a faint smile.

"Little sis! Gettin' littler!" He chuckled and I cuddled him tightly.

"Nope, you're just getting bigger. I told you to stop taking steroids!"

"Damn, Alice, hurt my feelings. This is _all_ natural!" He flexed his arm and I giggled, sliding down from his grasp. Edward moved forward and they had an awkward man-hug. You know the one. Hand-grasp, shoulder bump, slap hand on back. Very uncomfortable looking and both parties look relieved when the greeting is over.

We settled at a table, ordering drinks and I grinned at my big(gest) brother as he examined the menu hungrily.

"How's Rosalie?" I asked and his face lit up at the mention of her.

"She's good, she's having dinner with her brother and his friend. She and Jasper don't have a lot of contact, but they used to be close, so she really wants to get us all involved together." Emmett said cheerfully. Edward nodded, reading the menu.

"What's her brother like?"

"He's cool. But I kinda have to say that, since we're crashing in his apartment. He's a laid-back guy, but I think I'm too lively for him." Emmett chuckled.

"With your shy and retiring personality? Surely not." Edward deadpanned.

We ordered dinner and chatted for a little while about work and our parents. Edward loosened up a little, talking about his residency. I loved getting him to talk about it, because it was the only time he showed any real enthusiasm about anything. Emmett was grinning too and laughed a little, tapping Edward's shoulder.

"So, you seeing anyone yet, Edward? You know Mom's going to be wanting half a dozen grandkids in the next two years and whilst I love Rosalie, she's going to need some help on that front. You too, Alice."

Edward frowned, not in anger, but in contemplation, the same look he'd had since Saturday night. I eyed him and then decided to take pity.

"Edward's too busy to meet people at the moment, he's working every hour under the sun. What are the wedding plans?"

"Don't have a damn clue," Emmett declared cheerfully, "We haven't made any yet, but we're setting the date for the first of August."

"That'll be good. You might even get lucky and have sunshine." I teased and he laughed again, Edward smiling, "But you and Rosalie are so great together. You're soul mates."

"Please, don't start with all that hippy crap." Emmet pulled a face, but was still smiling at me, "I love Rosalie, but soul mates aren't real, little sis."

"Sure they are!" I insisted and my brother's gave each other the 'Here-It-Comes-Alice-Is-Spouting-Nonsense-Again' look.

I huffed, folding my arms over my chest as my brothers looked at me indulgently.

"There is someone out there for everyone. You and Rosalie are perfect for each other, anyone can see that! You're meant to be together!"

"Sure, we're meant to be together. But that doesn't mean that there's someone for everyone. I just got lucky." Emmett insisted. I pouted and looked at Edward.

"Edward, you believe there's someone for everyone, don't you?"

"Wrong person to ask, Alice." He commented dryly, sipping his wine.

I sighed heavily as the waiter took our used plates away and Emmett ruffled my hair affectionately with a huge hand.

"Don't be down, Al. There are some nice guys out there, you'll find someone."

"I don't need a nice guy, because I'm going to find my soul mate." I insisted stubbornly, "My other half. He's out there, you know."

"Whatever you say, Alice." Edward teased and I folded my arms across my chest as Emmett leaned back in his chair, smiling widely as he sensed potential teasing material.

"Well, when's he getting here? I mean, surely if you're meant to be together, he should be here already." He smirked and I growled, not really upset but irritated by their jovial attitude to this very important matter.

"He'll get here!" I insisted.

"Sure, any minute now." Emmett winked at Edward, who was trying not to laugh.

So I made a decision. I put my hands down on the table, standing up. I didn't reach Emmett's head, despite the fact he was still slouched in his chair.

"Fine! Be that way! I'm going to go find him!" I declared and Edward smirked into his drink.

"Can you wait until we've had dessert?" Emmett asked, "They have cheesecake here."

Sure, put off my search for my soul mate for cheesecake.

* * *

~*~

Edward was making coffee when I woke up the next day, Tuesday. I dressed quickly and he looked up as I entered the kitchen.

"Do you have class today?"

"Nope, but my last one before Thanksgiving is on Thursday." I said, sipping my coffee delicately and stealing a piece of toast from his plate. He didn't comment, but put another piece of bread in the toaster. We made good roommates, Edward and I. We balanced each other out well. He never talked and I never stopped, I was flighty and he was grounded.

"I'm going to the hospital for a few hours tomorrow then I'll come back and meet you before we go to meet Emmett and Rosalie at the restaurant." He said and I nodded.

"OK, say hi to Dad for me if you see him."

"Will do. What are you up to today?" He buttered his toast, biting a tiny piece off.

"I'm going to find my soul mate." I declared happily, putting my plate in the sink.

"Get milk while you're out."

"Edward, be serious." I pouted and he raised an eyebrow, "I'm going to go and find him. He's around here somewhere, it's just a matter of finding him."

"You know that Seattle has a population of over 600,000 people." Edward pointed and I laughed.

"Is that all? I'll be done by lunch time!"

~*~

I got distracted, I admit it. There was a sale on in one of my favourite boutiques, so I just went to have a quick look. I know, I have a short attention span. I just love fashion. It's fascinating, how it changes so quickly, how we adapt to different styles. I sometimes wonder if I was always interested in fashion.

Carlisle offered to try and find my records. He said that they must exist somewhere; there would be something to tell me who I was. I said no.

Do I regret it? Never. I remember the day Carlisle brought me home. I was thirteen years old and I was a state, a skeleton with skin and matted hair, bruises and scrapes all over my body. I was shaking and spitting, scratching anyone who came near me whilst I huddled in the corner of the room that was the only place I could remember being in. The door opened very rarely in that room. Food was thrown in through the flap at the base of it, occasionally an orderly or a doctor would come in but they left quickly when I started screaming.

One day the door opened a man entered. He looked around the room, looking disgusted and I hissed, my hands tensing as I prepared to attack if he came too close, prepared to scratch and claw. But he just looked at me and his expression was tender and kind. I had seen very little kindness. It frightened me. He came and sat in a battered chair, looking at me and waiting for me to say something. I waited too. After a long time he smiled and asked me if I wanted to leave that place. He held out his hand and I took it. The rest, as they say, is history. The only history that I have.

I remember when he guided me into the house, my new home. I was terrified, ready to start screaming again at any moment, ready to run in case they tried to send me back. But Esme opened the front door, took one look at me and hugged me. I didn't hug her back. I didn't know what to do, but she hugged me, kissed my filthy face and said, "You're ours, now. You're home."

She took me upstairs, washed me and dressed me. She cleaned my injuries and then cut my hair, apologising that she couldn't save it, but it was ripped and uneven. I never grew my hair out again. And then she took me downstairs and introduced me to Edward, who smiled, but it was a sad smile. I wondered why. I found out, obviously, over time. About his parents and how he'd had to watch them die. That was almost worse than what _I'd_ been through, because at least I couldn't remember my past. And then Emmett joined us, a year after I did. He was sixteen and he hid his anger behind humour. He was very angry back then, angry at his father for never being there and angry at his mother for not caring. He didn't quite know how to respond to our family, because we all cared too much, Esme especially. And when he made stupid jokes, Esme would kiss his forehead whilst the rest of us laughed. She never had favourites, but she knew how to love us completely, in our individual ways. So when Carlisle asked me if I wanted him to find out about my past, I said no, because I didn't need it. I had him and Esme and my brothers.

I never looked back. I wanted to find my own way, make my own life with my new family. So it only made sense that I was going to find my soul mate my own way. People always say that when you stop looking, he arrives, but I'm impatient. Why waste time? Why wait around for him to show up when I could quite easily go and find him?

Of course, as Edward said, there are over 600,000 people in Seattle. It wouldn't hurt to cut down the options. Male, obviously. Tall was a given, because everyone was taller than me. I didn't really mind about hair colour, eye colour, anything like that. That didn't matter. I wanted someone kind, someone loving. I wanted someone funny and sweet, who wouldn't treat me like a doll or a child or, worse still, a mental patient. I didn't talk about that, not to anyone. Carlisle and Esme had assured me that if I ever needed to discuss it, they were there. Emmett would be a sympathetic ear and Edward would do everything he could to help me, because that's the sort of guy he is.

I love my brothers. Even if they do annoy me by being utterly patronising.

So, going back to the problem at hand, where would I find a smart, kind, funny, sweet, loving, un-patronising man who will treat me well?

I looked around at the nearest stores. Starbucks? Possibly, but it wouldn't be my first place to look. A clothes store? No. It wasn't even a _good_ clothes store. The only other place was a bookstore that I'd never been in called _The Paperback_.

I examined the store front. It was nice, obviously independently owned with a display of historic books in the window. It was nondescript, charming in an unoriginal way, but I couldn't look away. It was as though someone had called my name, making me look that way. Esme said that I had good instincts but it was something more than that, it was as though something was guiding me. Call it instinct, call it a good feeling, call it something more but I knew that I was going in that bookstore.

This was it, I knew. A smile crossed my face as a certainty swelled in my chest, almost as though I could see the tall, shadowed figure moving inside the shop, waiting for me, looking for me.

He was _here_!

I skipped to the door, pushing it open as my heart hammered in my chest. A bell tinkled and I entered the shop, looking around in excitement. What would he say? What would _I _say? Would he know it was me? Had he been looking for me too? I could hardly stand the anticipation, trying not to run into the store although I just wanted to leap into his arms, shouting, "It's me!"

But there was only one person in the store and that was a girl, about my age, sat at the desk with a book. I let out a sigh, crushingly disappointed and then looked at the girl again. She was watching me with a vague curiosity.

_Hmm…_

I had a good feeling about this girl. She had complicated eyes. You know what I mean, when you're looking at someone and you can see that they have a story written all over their face. She was one of those people and I couldn't help but wonder if maybe _she_ was the reason I'd come in. She was pretty too and reading a murder mystery novel. I wandered over with a smile.

"Who did it?" I asked, breaking the ice and she blinked, looking down at the cover of the book.

"I haven't finished yet, but my money is on the brother." She said and I laughed delightedly. She was smart too. I liked that, we'd have good conversations. In fact, we were going to be friends.

"I'm Alice." I said, holding out my hand and she shook it,

"Bella. Were you looking for something in particular?" She asked and I shrugged in disappointment.

"Someone, actually. But I guess that today is not the day." I said sagely. The girl stared at me uncertainly.

"I don't…" She began to speak and I decided to share my wisdom, leaning on the counter.

"I have this theory that there is someone for everyone, and when you meet them you just _know_ that it's meant to be. And I've been waiting for forever for him to show up so I figured that today was the day that I would take life into my own hands and go look for him! So I was walking past and I just had this feeling that I was supposed to come in, but if you're the only person here maybe this isn't the place after all."

I looked around, still unconvinced that I had come in here by mistake. This place was special, there was something about this book store that was going to be important. I looked around at Bella and she looked up from staring at my hands. I examined the wall of posters behind her for a moment, considering the situation.

This was definitely the place. He was supposed to be here, I was certain of that. Maybe we'd just missed each other, maybe he'd come back, maybe he'd need to buy another book and I'd be here waiting for him. It sounded peculiar, but I just _knew_ these things. I was meant to be here.

Bella was still staring with very large brown eyes and I smiled brightly.

"I'm crazy, right?" I chuckled and she didn't disagree, "My brothers are always telling me that, but what do they know? It's mean for them to say that."

Emmett often told me I was nuts. Carlisle and Esme didn't approve, given my past, but I never minded with Emmett and whilst Edward never said it out loud, he gave me the 'you're crazy' looks all the time. I didn't mind with Edward either, because I knew he cared really.

I shrugged nonchalantly at Bella, as though expecting her to understand why my brothers didn't understand the whole 'meant-to-be' thing.

"It's fine for them. One is engaged and the other is… well, desperately unsociable, but I don't hold it against him!" I explained matter-of-factly.

"I…" She let out a quick breath, clearly uncertain as to how to react. This didn't bother me. A lot of people did this when I spoke to them, so I shrugged and smiled.

"Do you believe in love? Like that?" I asked and for some reason she frowned, her face shutting down. The complicated look was back in her eyes.

"I don't know. I don't think so."

I smiled again. Another unbeliever, just like Edward and Emmett. But she'd come around, I knew that for sure. Just like I knew my brother's would come around eventually.

"You should," I told her firmly, "Believing makes all the difference, you know. Anyway, I'd better get going, there are shoes out there that aren't going to buy themselves! It was nice to meet you, Bella."

I gave her a patented Alice Cullen 'We-will-Meet-Again' smile and left the shop. I'd be back anyway.

He was still around here, after all.

~*~

I like Rosalie. She's tall and blonde and bitchy and awesome. She's like the anti-Alice, except we have one fabulous thing in common – we like to shop. We hit it off right away, just like I knew we would.

The four of us met at Roland's on Wednesday night, ready to sit down for our first family meal with her brother, Jasper, and his friend who apparently went everywhere with him. I was so excited, asking all about them.

"They've been best friends for a few years," Rosalie explained, since she'd met the friend the night before, "And she makes him feel at home, so I figured what the hell."

"She's a real cutie, too." Emmett grinned, rolling back and forwards on the balls of his feet, "And she stood up to Rosalie! Who the hell can do that and get away with it?"

Brave girl, I thought to myself. Edward gave me a faint smile before excusing himself to take a call from the hospital, moving a little way off so as not to disturb the other diners. I watched him carefully, hoping he wouldn't be called away and when I looked back to Emmett, I saw him hugging a small, dark haired girl tightly. I laughed delightedly as Emmett introduced us and skipped over to give her a quick hug. I was always right about these things!

"Hey Bella! Did the brother do it?" I asked happily, delighted that my new friend was here and she smiled, looking a little shell-shocked.

"Actually, he did." She said and looked at Emmett as he asked how we knew each other in confusion, but I wasn't listening because I was looking at the tall, blonde man who was staring back at me.

I moved towards him with a little smile, holding his gaze firmly. He gazed right on back with bright blue eyes. It was him. Of _course_ it was him, it seemed so obvious, even though we had never met, never been introduced, although I knew that this must be Jasper Hale, Rosalie's estranged brother. He was a man I had never seen before in my life, but I was perfectly sure of one thing.

It was him. I knew it.

I held out my hand and gave him a certain smile, wondering if he knew it too.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." I told him quietly. A very long time. A lifetime, in fact. He didn't laugh or question me. He didn't even give me that initial 'you're-a-bit-odd' look. Instead he took my hand and kissed it very gently and sweetly, smiling with beautiful charm.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." He murmured in a lovely southern accent, never taking his eyes off of mine. We were tied together from that moment, destined to be together, just like I had said. OK, so the location had been a little off, but still…

I was always right.

* * *

**A/N: Good evening, my dears! Another little snippet for you. Boy, is Alice fun to write! She's kind of annoying and endlessly optimistic and just fabulous!**

**Thank you SO much for the reviews! You're gorgeous people! Feel free to leave another one! Hee, subtlety is **_**not**_** my strong suit. Next outtake will hopefully be up tomorrow but I'm crazy busy tomorrow, so it might not be till Thursday. I will, of course, do my best.**

**The next outtake will be from Emmett's point of view. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	38. Outtake Three Emmett Cullen

**Outtake Three – Set before the beginning of 'Anybody There'**

**Emmett Cullen**

Rosalie gets pissed off easily. I knew this about her from the minute I met her. Hell, its part of the reason I love her so much. She's passionate and gorgeous and amazing, even if she does lose her temper at the drop of a hat.

The day I met her, she got pissed off. She was two seats in front of me at the Owls game at Rice Stadium and I'd missed half of the action because I couldn't stop staring at the back of her head. She was wearing jeans, a light pink t-shirt, her hair was tied back and she didn't have any make-up on, but she was sure as hell the most incredible girl I'd ever seen. She was feisty too, screaming at the players whenever they messed up.

She was drinking her soda when a guy in the row behind her got a little rowdy and pushed her. The soda went flying and she turned, eyes flaming as she yelled at him and made him go buy her another soda. Which he did. Without hesitation. And then apologised until she gave him a disdaining look and turned back to the game.

I get a little hot just thinking about that day. Can you blame me?

Anyway, so I decided that I was going to talk to her. Nothing creepy, just a 'hey, how're you doing?' or a 'Great game, huh?'. You know – nothing to challenging, just to test the waters.

She went to the bathroom just as I was coming out, but she didn't even look in my direction. I hung around the souvenir stand, hoping to talk to her. Can you believe I actually felt nervous, like a goddamn teenager? I mean, shit, it wasn't like I was picking her up for prom! Actually, I hadn't been nervous picking up whats-her-face for prom. I don't think. I don't remember much of prom, come to think of it. She was probably nice, but I didn't really pay attention. I know, that makes me sound like an asshole, but it was a while ago and I was so stoked to be getting out of high school that I could really concentrate on what I was just going to be leaving behind.

College was a different story. There was no shortage of girls. I know, asshole again, but it wasn't like that, not really. OK, there were one or two one night stands, but they were totally mutual. I dated too. Never brought a girl home, but that was only because I didn't really feel huge things for those girls. They were perfectly nice, but not important enough to be part of my family, you know?

But I needed to concentrate if I was going to hit it off with this girl. I didn't know that this girl was any more special than the others, I just knew that I wanted to talk to her.

She came out of the bathroom, digging through her purse and I sauntered over, hands in my pockets and giving her a charming grin.

"Hi." I said. She glanced up, gave me a long look from head to toe with those beautiful blue eyes and then arched an eyebrow.

"No."

"Didn't ask you anything." I replied easily and she put one hand on her hip, in what was clearly her 'back-the-hell-off-pose'. I can read body language, but I decided to just look at the pictures today. She stared me right in the eye,

"You were going to ask me something. And the answer is no."

"Wasn't going to ask you anything."

"It's still no." She called over her shoulder, walking away, so I pulled out the big guns.

"I just wanted to tell you that you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I called after her.

She stopped. I grinned, feeling triumphant. She turned. I beamed.

"Get out of my face, asshole." She told me with a sneer. I chuckled.

"The name's Emmett and I'm two seats behind you." She didn't reply, moving back out to the stands. I smiled brightly on the way up the stairs, but she stared pointedly ahead.

For the rest of the game, she sat in her seat, not screaming or cheering. She didn't look back at me and I barely noticed the rest of the game, I was too busy watching the back of her head.

The Owls won and as the happy fans began to make their way out of the stands, she paused before turning and walking up the steps, stopping at the end of my row. She gave me another look, from head to toe, taking every detail of my appearance and then met my eye.

"I'm Rosalie and I'm in the mood for Chinese food."

The rest, as they say, is history.

We went to more games, explored other sports. We talked long into the night, several times until the sun came up and we started to overdose on coffee to get through work. Rosalie graduated from college that summer and quit her job in some dive bar after she got offered an awesome job on some research project. I knew she'd go far, my girl's got brains as well as beauty. When I found out that she was staying in Houston for the foreseeable future I called my boss, requesting a placement in Houston. He came up good and got me a placement with the state team. I caught a plane back to Seattle, went to my apartment where I found Edward house-sitting for me. I grabbed my toothbrush, some clean underwear and told him to keep the key until the lease was up. Then I went right on back to Texas, where my Rosie was waiting for me. We didn't sleep a night apart from then on out.

So, as you can see, until now, we were perfectly happy. But now things were different because tonight was my last night in Houston; my job was finished and I was supposed to be going back to Seattle in the morning. They'd assign me a new position, probably in the Seattle area. And I _really_ didn't like that plan.

Rosalie was acting like it was no big deal, like there was nothing more to say, but she was wrong. There was a hell of a lot to say and we both knew it. She was stood at the sink in her tiny apartment, rinsing the glasses that we'd used at dinner with a completely blank face, whilst I waited for her to explain why she was pretending that she didn't care. But she didn't speak. She picked up a towel and dried the glasses slowly before putting them in the cupboard, silent and still. Not. Good.

"Rosie, say something." I asked and she shrugged, her blonde hair falling into her face.

"Nothing to say, Emmett. You're going and that's all." She said calmly. Too calmly. Like I said, she gets pissed off easily so if she's all calm I know it's because she's hiding something.

"What do you mean, that's all?" I demanded and pulled her around, looking down at her in disbelief, "Rosie, you don't think that we're over just because I'm not around all day, every day, do you?"

"What else am I supposed to think?" She asked flatly, not looking at me but running her finger over a smudge on the kitchen surface. I hated that lack of emotion. I love that she lets her emotions go crazy and she doesn't hide anything, it's the thing I like best about her, so it made me kinda mad to see her like this.

"I'm not going to hold you to anything you said, Emmett." She told me, "This happened quickly, so I wouldn't expect you to have meant it."

"You're not making sense." I told her firmly, "What are you talking about?"

She huffed and turned away, leaning against the fridge with her eyes firmly on my t-shirt, reading the stupid slogan over and over again.

"Emmett, you're moving across the country. You really think we can have a relationship like that?" She demanded irritably and I grinned.

"Yup."

"You're wrong."

"No, I'm not." I said cheerfully and she glared. This was good. She was getting angry. I could deal with angry Rose. Flat Rose was no good to me. I needed her to go nuts before I could get a straight answer out of her.

"Emmett, be serious."

"When am I _not_ serious?" I teased and she clenched her jaw.

"Emmett, you need to be sensible! This isn't going to work and you can't just act like big kid for once your life!"

"Why not?"

"Because I can't _handle_ a long-distance relationship! I can't handle you being hundreds of miles away and not being here with me! I. Can't. Do it!" She yelled, her cheeks flushing furiously as she jabbed a finger in my direction.

_Bingo_.

I simply smiled at her and she stormed towards me, punching me in the arm.

"Stop grinning like an idiot! Don't you get it? We're _over_, Emmett! This isn't going to work with you there and me here and not being able to see each other! It won't work, we can't be together anymore!"

"Why?" I asked childishly and then my heart pounded uncomfortably. Because she was crying. Well, shit, this wasn't part of the plan. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into my chest and she sniffled, her wet tears soaking into my t-shirt.

"We're not over, baby." I assured her, kissing her forehead.

"How can we _not_ be over?" She sobbed and I stroked her hair.

"Because I won't let us be." I told her sternly and held her out so that I could see her face, beautiful with tears on her cheeks and her eyes all red from crying, "So don't tell me that you 'don't do' long-distance, Rosie, because I'm not ready to say goodbye."

She was silent, staring up at me. She wasn't silent very often, so I took advantage of it, kissing her firmly. She gave in, a temporary defeat as she put her arms around my neck, leaning her body into mine. I kissed her neck and then pushed her hair back, murmuring into her ear.

"I'm going to marry you one day, Rosalie Hale."

She froze. I smiled and pulled my head back to look her in the face. She was staring at me in disbelief and I laughed quietly, kissing the tip of her nose.

"One day, Rosie. Just you wait."

It wouldn't be easy, but then the stuff worth having never is, right?

* * *

~*~

Rosalie was pissed again, but this time it was OK. I wasn't all that happy myself.

It had been her father's idea, Marcus. What a freakin' asshole. He'd insisted on meeting me, claiming that he wanted to make sure I was 'honourable' enough for his daughter. What he actually wanted to do was drive me away so that he could try and make Rosie move home. She pretty much told him where to stick it when he told her that she couldn't go to university and he's been trying to get her back ever since. He doesn't like that she's successful, independent and doesn't need him anymore. He's one of these traditional kinds that likes to keep his women in place. I guess he's having a hard time dealing with the fact that Rosie isn't his anymore.

And he _really_ doesn't like that I support her in her independence. That definitely puts me in his bad books.

So he called us out of the blue and insisted that we come for dinner at the annual country club party. Rosalie didn't want to go; she said it'd be a nightmare and that he was only doing it to upset her. I told her that we were going to prove that he _couldn't_ upset her.

Marcus was stood with a bunch of his buddies when we got there. I took Rosie's hand as we walked up to him and he looked around. His eyes narrowed slightly and he gave a small, smug smile.

"Rosalie." He kissed her cheek but she didn't react, staring ahead with a stony expression. She squeezed my hand, looking her father dead in the eye.

"This is my boyfriend, Emmett Cullen. Emmett, this is Marcus Connelly, my father."

She didn't try to hide her disdain. That's my girl.

I shook his hand. I'm a friendly kinda guy, I don't hold grudges and I don't react on first impressions. What's the point? They're hardly ever right. Marcus took one look at me and sneered.

"Emmett. What is it you do for a living, makes you think you can support my daughter?" Rosalie tensed, her fingers tightening around mine and I smiled cheerfully.

"I'm a sports therapist. I work mostly with the Seattle Seahawks, but I've been working with a couple of teams in Houston lately, so I can spend more time with Rosalie." I said and then put my arm around the seething woman at my side, "I make a decent amount, but since Rosalie's got an excellent job and makes as much as I do, I won't make any pretence that I support her. She does just fine."

Marcus glared at me and then at Rosalie before turning back to his drinking buddies. The rest of the night as just as successful as that conversation. We ate the pretentious food, drank non-alcoholic drinks and ignored the mutters and comments. At least, I did. Rosalie sat there, looking more pissed off by the second, even when I murmured for her to let it go, to ignore the gossip. I kissed her cheek and rubbed her arm as we stood by a group of young women, who I gathered she knew from childhood. They'd looked her over before murmuring to each other, giggling like schoolgirls.

"Babe, don't let them get to you."

"They're all so ridiculous," She spat angrily, "They just talk and prattle on without a clue about real life! And they judge _me_ because I want to be a decent person! Where the hell-ass is the logic there?"

I wasn't blind. I could see the women staring at my girl because she was different. She was strong and beautiful and she didn't take their crap. She'd turned her back on Marcus Connelly and apparently, in this town, people didn't do that. I'd heard someone mention her brother, Jasper, earlier on the night, only to be hushed in case someone overheard and told Marcus. It seemed he beat everyone down, not just Rosalie. That just made me prouder of her.

I also saw the men, my age and older, sneering at me, looking me up and down and turning to mock me under their breath. I didn't come from old money. Sure, Carlisle and Esme were wealthy. Carlisle's parents were loaded and had left everything to him, but because they weren't society, this didn't mean a damn thing to these folks. These people didn't like me because of where I came from, what I did and because I wasn't like them.

I didn't give a shit.

I'd worked hard to get my degree. I'd worked hard to become the person I was. I didn't know who my biological father was and my mother hadn't been that much of a parent when she was alive. Carlisle and Esme gave me a second start, most people don't get that so I took advantage of the opportunity. Everything I had, I had because I worked for it and I wasn't ashamed of that. It was the same for Rosalie – when I met her, she'd been finishing up her degree and was working in some dingy bar, saving every penny for the future. She'd blown away the competition to get her job but studying for days before the interview. She had earned her way, same as me, the difference being that she'd had everything and she'd walked away to make her own future. We were cut from the same cloth, her and me. That made me proud.

But the difference between us that night was that I wasn't letting these people get to me and Rosie was. I could understand why; she'd been brought up by their standards and to be judged by them was harsh. But my girl was stronger than them. I just wished that she could remember it.

"I can't believe she dared show her face here!" A woman was saying nearby, clearly thinking we couldn't hear. Rosalie stiffened, but the woman carried on, unaware, "I mean, after everything that happened with her brother, I thought she'd know better. And to bring that _man_ here… well, it's just not done. It's the last thing that poor Marcus needs, another problem with those children of his."

"I wouldn't stand for it," Her husband said snottily, "She was so well-raised but it just shows that breeding isn't everything."

Rosalie was trembling with anger and I looked down at her. Her eyes were bright with angry tears, her cheeks flushed as she fought to control her temper.

"Rosalie Hale, don't you listen to another word." I told her under my breath. I kissed her forehead, stroked her arm, "You're the best woman in this room, baby. And don't you forget it." She looked up at me and I was relieved to see the tears fading away. She examined my face for a long moment, her eyes settling on mine, so bright and blue that they pierced mine. Then she reached up and kissed me softly.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Get your coat. We're out of here." She said and a big old smile crossed her face. I laughed loudly and half the room turned to stare. That's right, I showed emotion. Shoot me now!

My girl took my hand and we crossed to the centre of the room where her mother, Jane, was stood with Marcus and looking terrified. Rosalie kissed her mother on the cheek without letting go of my hand and then looked her father in the eye. He stared right on back and she just gave him a tiny, satisfied smile. Then we walked out of there to stunned silence. I got the car and we drove right on back to Houston, neither of us saying a word as we replayed the evening.

And that is why we were both pissed off. In fact, the minute we got into her apartment, she let out an almighty scream and threw her purse across the room. She was pissed off that she'd let them get to her and I was pissed off that they didn't appreciate her for the amazing person she was. She tore her hair down from its fancy style, kicking her shoes off as she threw her jewellery onto the table. She was beautiful, natural and fuming. After seeing that, there was only one thing I could do.

I turned her around so that she was facing me, took her hand and went down on one knee. I thought she was going to start screaming again for a minute, so I smiled widely, saying what I had to say before she recovered and started hitting me.

"Rosalie Hale, I suggest you pack up your stuff, get on a plane with me and we go home, to Seattle and never look back. There's nothing in this state for you, but if you come with me, I'll give you the world, if that's what you want. Marry me, Rosie."

It was so obvious, I wondered why I hadn't suggested it months ago. Clearly she thought so too, because she pushed me onto my back, right there on the floor, straddled my waist and kissed me.

"Yes, I'll marry you." She said against my mouth and then raised an eyebrow, "And I don't need the world. You'll do."

I laughed loudly at that, flipping her over onto her back. She smirked and promptly wrapped her legs around my waist, pulling me down onto her. Have I mentioned that I _really_ like her legs? And a whole lot of other things, but my brain was a little fuzzy, what with all of the kissing and groping and rubbing. I barely heard her speak.

"You don't have anywhere to live." She said, a little breathlessly. This was a good point, as the lease on my apartment had ended and since I'd been in Houston for the past six weeks, I hadn't bothered to find a new place.

"I think you mean that _we_ don't have anywhere to live." I pointed out with a grin and she laughed, kissing me again.

"I'll call Jasper tomorrow and see if we can borrow his couch. I haven't seen him in a long time, but he'll help us. I figure that we'll be OK."

"We will be." I assured her, pulling her close, "We're going to be great."

See, the thing is… she's the sort of girl I wanted to take home.

* * *

**A/N: Terribly sorry that I didn't get this up yesterday! Was rather busy, with one thing and another, but got there eventually. And here's Emmett's story. He's a sweetie really. I honestly think that in this whole story, Rosalie and Emmett's relationship is my favourite, second to Bella/Edward obviously. There's no here and there, will they, won't they. Rosalie and Emmett just are.**

**Thank you ever so much for the reviews! Tell you what though, the number of people adding this to their favourites lists is insane! Every time I open my email there are at least 10 new names who've favourited. Cannot express the love, darlings!**

**If you'd like to leave a review, now is the time to do so! Only two more opportunities after this one. Next chapter will be from Rosalie's point of view. **

**Love**

**Katie**


	39. Outtake Four Rosalie Hale

**Outtake Four**

**Rosalie Hale-Cullen**

Today I brought my daughter home for the first time. Jasmine Esme Cullen was born two days ago and weighed seven pounds and four ounces. She has my eyes and Emmett's dimples, but no hair yet. She sleeps for a couple of hours at a time and I love her more than anything else in my life.

I didn't realise I could love like this. I love my brother, Jasper, a great deal. I love my husband with all my heart. I love my friends, too. But I don't love any of them the way I love my daughter. Esme says that it's normal to feel this way and she tears up a little, because she never had her own children but she loves her three adopted kids a huge amount. But I don't know that anyone can love like I love Jasmine. It just doesn't seem possible.

I wasn't always a loving person. I was an angry and selfish child, traits I inherited from my father. I hate that, but it's true. What I hate more was how much I craved his affection. I was his little princess, his angel, his best girl. I was proud that he adored me so much, but I don't know that I ever loved him back. He told me that I was beautiful and I revelled in this knowledge that everyone would love me because I was beautiful and clever.

And then Jasper arrived. I had met him once or twice and was vaguely aware of this 'brother' that my father rarely spoke of. Quite suddenly I was expected to make room in my cosy little existence for this dreary, unhappy boy who didn't want to live in our lovely home. It did not make for a friendly atmosphere. I was rude and spiteful to him, making passing comments about his appearance and attitude.

He never said a word back.

I told Bella, a while ago, how things had changed. How I had found him crying and something had altered inside my chest.

I'd felt sympathy for him.

This was a hell of a shock for a self-absorbed thirteen year old girl, who was used to hearing that the world revolved around her. And all of a sudden, that world came tumbling down as I got to know the stranger who had been living with me five years. We spoke about our school, about our favourite books, about music. He played the guitar and he did it beautifully, playing songs that he'd made up for me. I felt so special, hearing those songs that no one else had, far more special than when my father told me I was beautiful.

I remember the day that my father tried to separate us. He announced that Jasper would be enrolling in a military academy in the fall, just after we both turned fifteen. Can you imagine anyone less suited to a military life than Jasper? Needless to say, we did not take it lying down. We walked out of the house, arm-in-arm and informed him that neither of us would be back unless Jasper was allowed to stay. This show of camaraderie was a blow to face for Marcus Connelly and he was finally alerted to the precarious situation his family was in.

Jasper taught me how to love. He showed me that I was better than the person I had grown up being. He showed me that I was caring and passionate, that I could love easily when it came to people who were _worth_ loving. I loved my brother. I loved my mother, although she frustrated me for being so weak in the face of my father.

Jasper and I turned eighteen in the third week of July, not long after we graduated high school. As our birthday gifts to ourselves, we went to the registry office and officially changed our names. We were no longer Jasper and Rosalie Connelly. We were Jasper Whitlock and Rosalie Hale.

Marcus just about had a stroke when we got home. He ranted and raved, threatened to drag us back down there, threatened to make us pay. My mother sobbed and Jasper and I stood, resolute against the man who had brought us together. Marcus threatened to cut me off and told Jasper he'd throw him out on the streets. Jasper didn't give him a chance and moved to Seattle less than week later. I didn't go quite so far, but I may as well have. I told my father that I would be attending the University of Houston, studying environmental engineering.

He was less than pleased, but I didn't care anymore. I didn't need his approval and I didn't crave it anymore. I didn't want him to tell me that I was beautiful, because it didn't matter. I was going to make myself happy. Rosalie Connelly craved her father's affection and was the perfect daughter. Rosalie Hale was strong and was going to make something of herself.

I couldn't have made a better choice, because by being Rosalie Hale, I met Emmett Cullen.

Jasper, Alice, Edward and Bella were waiting with Carlisle and Esme at our house. Emmett jumped out of the car, waving madly as he grabbed our bags out of the car. I went to the backseat and lifted Jasmine out, cradling her against my chest. She scrunched up her little face at the bright light and we hurried indoors. Alice was bouncing up and down in delight.

"I'm an auntie! I'm Auntie Alice!" She squealed and Jasmine grumbled a little at the noise. Emmett kissed me and then the baby while Esme ordered us into the sitting room so that she could serve coffee. She'd also made a huge carrot cake, bustling around in delight at having a full house. Even if it wasn't _her_ house. But I was more than happy for her to take over, because I couldn't concentrate on anything that wasn't my baby.

Alice insisted on holding Jasmine first, sitting on the edge of the sofa as I rested Jasmine in her arms. At once, she became calm and peaceful, gazing down at the little person who had bewitched her the way she had bewitched me.

"Oh… Emmett…" She sighed and Jasper leaned over the back of the sofa, grinning down at Jasmine who was staring up at her aunt and uncle.

"Little Jazz and big Jazz." Bella grinned and I laughed, relaxing in an armchair.

"I hope she's as laid back as big Jazz, she might sleep long enough for us to get some rest!"

"Well, if you ever want a full night's sleep, we'll be glad to take her off your hands." Esme promised and Carlisle chuckled, kissing his wife's cheek.

"You might not get her back!" He warned me.

"She's my first grandchild, I plan to completely monopolise her!" Esme said proudly and Emmett chuckled, cuddling his mother tightly.

"Anything you want, Mom. Hey, Eddie, you wanna hold Little Jazz?"

I really hoped that nickname wouldn't stick.

"Don't call me Eddie." Edward said flatly and Bella smiled to herself as he went to sit beside Alice, taking Jasmine from him. I watched Bella closely, watching her reactions. She was frowning slightly as he smiled down at the baby, completely at home with her. Bella had confided in me once how much Edward wanted to get married, how much that fact had terrified her. Whether she realised it or not, she was still scared, still afraid that he'd turn around one day and say that he didn't want her after all. Which was just plain stupid, because nobody could doubt his feelings for her. Even now, as she turned to talk to Jasper, I saw him glancing over his shoulder at her, adoration shining from his eyes. They practically _were_ married and what was paperwork at the end of the day? Edward was never going to leave her. Even if he did want the technicalities, he'd never leave. And maybe it was better that they didn't get married. I mean, the one thing that Bella always did to Edward was keep him on his toes and he revelled in that, just as she adored the security he brought to her life, something that she'd been severely lacking. They brought out the best in each other.

"Bella, you want to hold her?" I called and she looked around in a mixture of horror and surprise, panic obvious on her face.

"Uh… I don't know, I don't want to drop her." She said uneasily and Jasper laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to a chair.

"Come on, Hells Bells! You just need to sit there and hold her, it's not challenging."

"You're the one who diagnosed me as being terminally clumsy." She reminded him frankly and Edward laughed, moving over to her with Jasmine.

"I can assure you as a medical professional that that isn't a registered illness, sweet girl."

"Not yet. You could make a fortune by being the first to register it." She grinned and Emmett guffawed.

"Eddie's Disease. It's got a ring to it."

"Emmett, if your daughter starts calling me Uncle Eddie, we're going to have words." Edward warned before kneeling beside Bella, "Hold out your arms, love."

"Edward, I don't think…" She hesitated and I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, don't make me explain to my kid why her own godmother didn't want to hold her as a baby."

There was a stunned silence and Emmett grinned at me. Bella was staring at me, her eyes incredibly wide.

"I… wait, _what_?" She asked, her voice unusually high-pitched. I smiled.

"You're going to be her godmother."

"Traditionally you're supposed to ask, not just announce it." Edward laughed and I grinned at Bella.

"You'd say yes anyway."

"But… but…" She looked like she was going to start hyperventilating and I rolled my eyes before pointing at Jasper.

"He's my brother. Alice and Edward are Emmett's siblings. You're the only one not 'technically' family, so we're tying you down. You're going to be Jasmine's godmother and you're not going to argue. So hold the baby, Bella."

She nervously cradled her arms without another word and Edward placed Jasmine into her hold. We all watched in bated breath as Bella stared down, with an expression of fearful trepidation. When Jasmine didn't instantly start screaming, she relaxed a little.

"She's not crying. That's good, right?"

"Yes, you're a baby genius." Jasper sniped and she glared at him.

"Shut it, assface."

"Bella, mind your language in front of the baby." Alice scolded and Emmett snorted.

"Alice, I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know her name yet. I think we can forgive this on slip-up. Just don't make a habit of it, cutie-pie."

I smiled, keeping my eyes on Bella. She was examining Jasmine carefully, her eyes scanning over her tiny face, touching her little hand which tightened around her finger. Alice was chattering away about baby outfits and Esme was asking Emmett about what we had planned after my maternity leave. But I just watched her, my friend, my bridesmaid, my sister who was holding my daughter and staring at her like she was the first baby she'd ever seen. And I watched the man at her side, who looked at her like she was the first woman he'd ever seen. I knew what Edward was seeing; Bella, holding their first child, their own child and I don't think I ever saw him look so happy.

I turned my head to look at my parents-in-law, closer to me than my own parents, who were holding each other and watching their first grandchild fall asleep. I looked at my brother and his love, my sister-in-law, as they talked quietly, Alice perched in his lap as they kissed sweetly, smiling as they spoke volumes without saying a word.

Lastly I looked at my husband, who was looking at me with a satisfied smile. I smiled back, feeling his love from across the room.

Our moment was interrupted by the sound of Jasmine whimpering, tiny panting sobs that threatened to turn into outright bawling. Bella panicked and I darted across the room, lifting her securely.

"What did I do?" Bella gasped in anxiety and Edward smiled, kissing her temple.

"Bella, she's a baby. They spend a lot of time crying, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I'll take her upstairs and put her down to sleep." I said, bouncing her lightly. Esme took control immediately.

"I'll call for some dinner. Is Chinese alright for everyone? Emmett, help Rosalie by taking the bags upstairs. Alice, get off Jasper's lap and come help me!"

Emmett grinned, following me upstairs as I shushed Jasmine softly. She was still making funny little crying noises and Emmett laughed quietly.

"She's so beautiful…"

"Will you still be saying that at four in the morning when she wants feeding?" I asked and he kissed my cheek as I laid Jasmine in her crib, setting the little mobile spinning. It played lullaby music, the standard 'twinkle twinkle little star' tune and Emmett wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my cheek again as we looked down at our baby. Her eyelids were drooping as she watched the mobile spinning slowly.

"We're damn lucky, babe." Emmett murmured in my ear and I nodded.

"I know. God, I love her. Emmett, I _really_ love her. I've only known her for two days, how is it possible?"

"I don't know, but I feel the same." He said quietly, "I can't believe we made something so amazing."

We were silent for a long time, just watching as she slipped into sleep. I turned in Emmett's arms, looking up at him with a tearful expression.

"I want more."

"Baby, we just had one." He grinned and I laughed quietly, not wanting to wake Jasmine.

"I didn't mean right this minute."

"That's a shame…" He smirked, rubbing his hands over my hips and I smacked his shoulder lightly.

"Emmett, be serious. I want more children. I want lots of kids."

"That sounds great." He smiled, kissing me lightly, "I'm all for lots of kids. Can we get a dog, too? I really want a dog."

"When the kids are a little bit older, we'll get a dog." I agreed with a smile, "And we can ask Edward and Bella to take care of it when we take the kids on vacation."

"Where are we going to take them?" He asked curiously and I tilted my head.

"I haven't decided yet. Maybe California, somewhere with nice beaches. And when they're older we can take them to Europe. I'd love to take them when they can actually appreciate it."

"You've sure thought this through." Emmett laughed, kissing me again and I shrugged, smiling.

"I've always wanted my own family. I've had a lot of time to think about what it is that I want. And I want lots of kids and a dog and family vacations and having everyone over for Thanksgiving."

"Want me to put up a white picket fence this weekend?" Emmett asked teasingly as we strolled towards the door, picking up the baby monitor as we went.

I heard the doorbell ring and realised that the Chinese food must have arrived. Emmett shut the door behind us and then leant me against it, running a hand through my hair to push it back from my face as he smiled, his eyes soft and gentle as he kissed me again.

"Love you, Rosie."

"Love you too."

"Sure you don't want to get started on making those babies?" He grinned, kissing my neck and I smirked, squeezing his shoulders.

"With our entire family downstairs?"

"We can send them home, its fine." He kissed that sensitive spot beneath my ear and I bit my lip.

"Yup. Except I'm starving and that food smells _really_ good. Plus, I'm a little… shall we say, tender? You've got a while before I'm up for making any more babies."

He gave a pretend-frustrated groan and I pulled him towards the stairs, smiling as he hooked his arm around my waist.

"Sure thing, gorgeous." He kissed that spot again and I almost considered giving in and dragging him back upstairs. Instead, I turned I let him go onto the step below the one I was on, so our faces were level and slid my fingers into his hair, pulling his mouth to mine. His hands slid down to my waist, his mouth moving against mine in a familiar, exciting way. I let out a satisfied sigh, tapping his nose lightly with a fingertip.

"We've got plenty of time, Emmett. The rest of our lives." I remind him and he smiled that same smile that stunned me from the moment that we'd met.

"Rest of our lives, huh? Think you can put up with me for that long?"

"Longer." I said simply, pulling him into another kiss, "Much longer."

Rosalie Hale? She's doing OK for herself. But Rosalie Hale-Cullen is the one with the happy ending.

* * *

**A/N: And here's Rosalie's point of view. All of the other outtakes have been about what happened before and during 'Anybody There' and since there won't be a sequel, I thought you might like to see what happened afterwards. **

**This would have been up last night, except I went to see my favourite comedian, Ross Noble, instead. I've never laughed so hard in my life. In fact, I ended up choking on my drink and have a coughing fit. Being sat in the second row, he noticed and I looked up to see him grinning at me, asking 'You alright, down there? Not swine flu, is it?'. I couldn't stop laughing, and we went and met him at the stage door afterwards, so I got a picture and an autograph. Fantastic night.**

**Anywho, feel free to leave a review! I almost regret saying I wouldn't bribe you, because there have been very few reviews for the outtakes. I don't know if that just means people don't want to read these outtakes, or if they didn't enjoy them! So… plase leave a review, if you have a little time.**

**The last outtake will be from Jasper's point of view. Saving the best till last!  
**

**Love**

**Katie **


	40. Outtake Five Jasper Whitlock

**Outtake Five**

**Jasper Whitlock**

I was in a bad mood today. This was pretty rare for me. I'm a laid back guy, as a rule. But today, things weren't going my way. I mean, it hadn't been a particularly bad day. Only, I hadn't seen Alice all day, because she was too busy with her final project, Mike called in sick _again_ so I had to work the whole day in the store and then there's this drama with Bella and Edward… so yeah. Bad mood.

The day that I met Isabella Swan, I was in a bad mood too.

My coffeemaker had exploded whilst I was in the bathroom. I'd set it going so I'd have a steaming hot cup of caffeine but when I came out of the bathroom, I'd found my kitchen splattered in hot water and coffee granules. The second thing that went wrong was that I didn't have any food. Usually I don't eat in the morning, but without coffee, I definitely needed something. Man cannot function on toothpaste alone.

I glared at the non-functioning machine and decided to find a diner. I was due to open work in about an hour, I had time to get some breakfast first. I didn't eat out much, but I recalled seeing a diner about four blocks away from the store.

Sure enough, the 24-hour diner was open, with just one or two people inside. I pushed open the door and slid into a chair at the counter, looking around for a waitress, but she was with someone else. I examined the menu carefully, deciding on pancakes. I liked pancakes. Man, I wish I'd learned how to cook before deciding to 'strike out on my own'. OK, so I'd left home three years ago. I could probably have bothered to learn how to cook in that time, but it never seemed necessary when there were 24-hour diners and take-out menus readily available.

"What do you want?" The waitress asked flatly, appearing behind the counter. I blinked at her, taken aback.

"Huh?" Well, that was articulate. She gave me a dry look.

"What do you want to order?"

"Not good at the customer service, are you?" I grinned and she shrugged.

"I've been here since midnight. I couldn't give a crap if I've hurt your pretty-boy feelings. You going to order something?"

"Pancakes and a cup of coffee. _Please_." I emphasised the word with a big smile and she rolled her eyes slightly. She was pretty, big brown eyes and long brown hair that she had tied back in a ponytail that swished as she walked away.

OK, I checked out her ass. I'm only human and she was darn cute.

She was also darn clumsy. As she turned and started to carry my cup of coffee back, she tripped over thin air. Gasping, she twisted and the hot of steaming coffee went straight over her shirt and arm before she landed on her backside with a thud. I jumped over the counter and helped her up. She was gritting her teeth and let out a hiss as I looked down at her drenched arm.

"Son of a bitch!" She spat and I held up my hands apologetically.

"Sorry."

"Not you. Just… ow." She looked around the diner. There was no one else in so she turned and went to the kitchen. I followed, a little uncertainly. On the one hand, I wanted to make sure she was OK – on the other, I wasn't too certain that she wouldn't just hurt me. She had her arm stuck under the faucet, letting the cold water soothe the burn. Her skin was bright red and she was biting down on her lip, glaring down at the injury. My natural instincts took over.

"You got a first aid kit around here?" I asked.

"Over by the door. And there are some ice packs in the fridge."

I found the ice packs and watched as she hopped up on the surface, patting her arm dry with a towel. I took her arm and pressed the ice pack to it. She groaned again and I smiled.

"I don't think it's going to blister."

"Probably not." She muttered. I handed her the second ice pack and she held it against her upper arm, where the redness was less obvious. I caught her name on the badge of her uniform.

"So, Angela... do you make a habit of throwing coffee over yourself?" I asked conversationally.

"My name isn't Angela."

I glanced at her name badge and she shook her head.

"I forgot mine. My name is Bella. And there's no need for the sarcasm." She said pointedly. The back door opened and the cook appeared, his apron stained with food. He took one look at us and smirked.

"Burn yourself again? What was it, coffee?"

I laughed and she rolled her eyes again.

"Whatever, Paul."

"You hurt yourself a lot?" I asked and she frowned.

"That's an understatement." Paul sniggered, reaching for a pack of bacon and throwing some on the grill, where it hissed and spat. Bella glared at him and looked around as an older woman appeared in a waitressing uniform. She sighed at Bella, shaking her head.

"You hurt yourself again, Bella?"

"Irene, I'm out of here." Bella said flatly. Irene winked at me.

"You go on, honey, get your young man out of here."

"I don't even know this guy." She protested, waving a hand at me and I grinned at her, giving her my most charming smile.

"The name's Jasper. How about I take you somewhere for some breakfast where you aren't going to injure yourself?"

She stared at me for a moment with narrowed eyes and I feared for my testicles. Irene smiled proudly and patted my cheek.

"You're a good boy. She likes bagels and there's a little coffee shop down the street that does them."

"Come on, Bella. I'll just have time to feed you before I have to go to work." I offered and Bella frowned at me.

"I don't _need_ you to feed me."

"Didn't say you did."

"… I just happen to want a bagel." She muttered, "I'm going to change my clothes."

Sure enough, ten minutes later I was sat in a café I'd never been in, with a girl I didn't know, drinking a coffee I hadn't paid for because she'd given me a ferocious look when I'd tried to buy her breakfast. Now she was watching me suspiciously over the top of her coffee cup and I smiled at her.

"Everything OK, Bella?"

"Fine." She said flatly and then lowered her drink, "Actually, I want to know why you're doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Being so…" She gestured wordlessly and I chuckled.

"Nice?" I grinned and she blushed slightly, wrapping her hands around her cup.

"Yeah. That."

"Because you're entertaining." I said cheerfully, "I've known you for less than an hour and you'd already insulted me, injured yourself, called me a son of a bitch and questioned why people are nice. That's more entertainment than a night at the theatre."

She stared at me for a minute, her cheeks glowing pink as she fought between amusement and embarrassment. I smiled at her and she eventually gave in, grinning and shaking her head.

"OK… you're a bit weird."

"Look who's talking, sweetcheeks. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to be getting to work. I'll be in tomorrow for those pancakes and some coffee. In a cup, if you can manage that. Bye Bells." I patted her shoulder and strolled out of the café but not before I heard her say, "Bye Jazz."

And that is what they call the start of a beautiful friendship. Over the next couple of months we went from tentative strangers to tentative friends to excellent drinking buddies. It was nice to meet a girl who could hold her liquor as well as I could. We met for meals at random times in the day (ever had Dinfast? Takes place at about three in the morning and consists of cookies and the first tin out of the cupboard), watched DVD's, compared musical tastes (and poked fun) and generally enjoyed each other's company.

Bella wasn't alright though. I could see it. There was some bad shit in her past, worse than what I'd experienced, but she wasn't willing to talk about it. I'd asked her once where she'd come from and she'd told me to 'shove it up my ass'. I didn't ask again, although she'd mumbled some stuff one night, almost unconscious from drinking and she didn't remember the next day. Some stuff about seeing her father shot dead in front of her.

It was no wonder she had a hard time opening up to people. But I knew she'd tell me eventually, because we were going to be friends for the rest of our lives. How did I know?

Because one night we got real drunk. I don't just mean tipsy or kinda wasted. We were off our faces, winding along the pavement and laughing at nothing in particular as we went up to my apartment, half-crawling up the stairs. I dug out a bottle of Southern Comfort and held it up.

"Nightcap?" I slurred and she nodded, heading for the bathroom. I sat on the sofa and poured us each a shot of the amber liquid, throwing mine back and pouring another.

Bella appeared on the sofa next to me and threw hers back with a satisfied gulp.

"Christ, I think I'm drunkered." She mumbled lazily and I sniggered.

"Yup. You are."

"You are too," She protested, reaching across me for the bottle, "You've gone all southern soundin'! Like, more than usual."

"I's a southern boy, Hells Bells!" I grinned, waggling my eyebrows, "Besides, ladies _love_ the accent."

"Bullshit. Gimme the bottle." She snatched again at the bottle, throwing her leg over my knees to push herself closer to her goal.

The next thing I knew, we were kissing. I was kissing Bella. Or she was kissing me. Who knows how it started? But she was sprawled across my lap, our mouths attacking each other messily. It was nice. Comforting. And a little damp. But certainly not earth-shattering. Then again, did that matter? I had a hot girl in my lap who I liked a lot. This wasn't headed to a relationship, but a night of decent sex wasn't something to turn down.

So why wasn't I reacting to the aforementioned hot girl?

I came to the drunken conclusion that I just needed to put in a little more effort and I pulled her harder against me. She groaned and I put my hands on her ass, squeezing a little. A moment later she was fumbling at the fly of my jeans, never taking her mouth from mine and I pulled her closer, still groping at her behind and putting my hands under her shirt. Instantly she broke the kiss, hissing slightly.

"Jesus Christ, your hands are cold!" She muttered and I pulled a face at her. She sneered back and reached for the alcohol, drinking straight from the bottle. I took it from her, taking a gulp myself and suddenly very aware of the girl in my lap. She was watching me too, with a slightly confused look. Tense awkwardness filled the air as we looked eat each other uncertainly. I dropped the bottle to one side and rested my hands behind my head, sighing as I realised that nothing was going to happen here.

"You alright there, Bells?" I queried and she chewed her lip, pushing her hair out of her face.

"… This is weird, Jazz." She mumbled and I frowned.

"Yeah, it is." I agreed.

"I don't get why. We get on really well. You're kinda hot. So why is it weird?" She demanded and I shrugged casually.

"Don't know, Bells. But you're right. It's weird." I tried to act like this didn't bother me. I wasn't used to not getting the girl. I mean, I was 'kinda hot' _and_ a nice guy. Bella was a great girl.

What was going on here?

She slid off my lap and sat cross-legged on the sofa beside me, looking deep in thought. I tossed the bottle of alcohol to one side and got off the sofa, going into the kitchen and coming back with two large glasses of water. Bella took hers and sipped it slowly, still frowning to herself. I poked her in the side as I sat down again and she looked at me.

"We're good friends, right?" She asked uncertainly and I nodded with a smile.

"Sure are."

"Could we stay friends? I mean…" She shifted uncomfortably, putting her drink down on the table, "The thing is, I haven't got a lot of friends. And you're a good one." My heart just about melted at that and I smiled at her.

"C'mere, Bells." I held out my arms and she crawled into my hug. I kissed her forehead fondly, "You're pretty special, Bella Swan. I think I'll keep you around."

"You're not so bad yourself, Jazz." She mumbled, "I think we'll be OK."

"Sure will, sweetcheeks." I assured her, yawning widely. Because, given the choice, I was pretty certain that I'd rather keep her in my life long-term rather than exchange her for a quick fuck.

You don't go through something like that without becoming the best of friends. So we became friends, except 'friends' isn't strong enough to describe the bond we have. It's more like family, but a family that you've chosen, out of the millions of people in the world. We'd chosen each other because we needed each other. We were there to help each other, for emotional support, for the good times and the bad.

Which brings me back to exactly why I was in a bad mood today.

It started with a phone call. Actually, that's a lie. It started with me trying to seduce Alice. Not that that takes a lot of effort, since we can hardly keep our hands off of each other most of the time. But she'd prepared dinner (and by that I mean she ordered in and arranged it beautifully on a plate) and had put out an icy cold beer when I got in from the store.

I swear to god, I love that girl more than anything. She's an angel. We'd only been living together for a couple of weeks and it felt perfect. I didn't even care that she'd transformed my bona fide bachelor pad into a regular couple apartment. There were cushions and vases and all kinds of crap all over the place, but I could live with that. It was worth it to see her every morning. She looked just right in my apartment, in my bed. The best part of my day is waking up with her next to me, sometimes with my arms around her, sometimes with her curled up against my chest. I loved waking up just to see how we were lying. And then there was our way of dealing with food. Neither of us can cook for shit, so we'd had to learn how to get through mealtimes. Boiling was manageable, as was microwaving, but she'd stunned me the other day by making a casserole, using a recipe from a book called 'Cooking for Dummies'.

Tonight she was delighted to see me, skipping towards me with a huge smile on her gorgeous face.

"I handed in my project today, it's gone for good! Now I just need to wait for my final mark and I can graduate!" She declared happily, leaping into my arms for a kiss which I was glad to deliver. We ate dinner, had a few drinks and things were just starting to heat up when my home phone began to ring.

"Ignore it!" Alice pleaded, running her tiny hands under my shirt and I obeyed, helpless against the movement of her delicate fingers. The answer machine kicked in.

"_This is Jasper's number. I'm not in so leave a message and I'll call you back, if I can be bothered._"

"_Jasper? It's Edward. Is Bella there? I'm sorry to call, but she's pulled a disappearing act and I want to make sure she's OK._"

Alice and I looked at each other in confusion. I leaned over and picked up.

"Edward?"

"Jasper, you're there? Put Bella on." The poor guy sounded desperate and I scratched my head as Alice watched curiously.

"Bella's not here. It's just me and Alice. What happened?" I asked and he sighed, the sound crackling noisily.

"We had a… disagreement."

"What about?"

"I… I told her that I wouldn't take any money from her. For bills or rent. I mean, I already own the apartment, why would she need to pay anything? It doesn't make sense. I told her that I would pay and she started shouting at me." He sounded desperately confused.

I groaned, rubbing my eyes. The idiot had made a huge mistake and was about to fail Bella 101. I'd come close to flunking on one or two occasions but had crawled my way back up with extra credit, usually consisting of alcohol. I rubbed my forehead as he explained the situation, mentally cursing both him and Bells.

"Sweet Jesus, Edward… do you not know Bella at all? There's no way in hell she'd let you pay her way." I said tiredly.

"But she doesn't _need_ to!"

"Doesn't mean she won't want to! You know how much she likes her independence; it's an insult to her to suggest you make her a kept woman. Man, you really screwed up."

He was silent and I could actually _hear_ the misery in his silence. I sighed and squeezed Alice's hand,

"Edward, stay where you are. I'll go find her."

"Thanks Jasper. Apologise to Alice for me, I know she was planning on having a quiet evening in with you." He said sheepishly and Alice arched an eyebrow, listening in on the conversation.

"You owe me, Edward. I get to decorate your apartment when ours is finished." She called into the phone.

I hung up and leaned over, kissing her sweetly.

"I'll try not to be too long, beautiful."

"Better not be. I've got plans for you, Whitlock." She winked and then patted my behind as I stood, "Go find Bella. She needs you."

* * *

~*~

I got out into the cold night air and pulled out my phone. There was no way I was going to crawl all over Seattle in the late evening to find Bella without having some idea of where she was. I scrolled down to her number and pressed dial, sighing heavily as the ringing started. After a few long rings, there was a muffled noise like somebody shuffling around with the phone.

"What?" She snapped and I rolled my eyes, leaning against the side of a building.

"Where are you, HB?"

"Don't call me that, assface!" She slurred. I groaned for what felt like the millionth time that evening.

"You're wasted, aren'tcha?"

"Lil bit." She agreed miserably. "He's being a dumbass…"

"Where are you? I'm already out anyway, may as well get drunk too." I said airily. No use getting mad until I found out how bad things were.

"Go back to Alice, Jazzy." She mumbled miserably and I sighed.

"Nope. Come on, Hells Bells, don't make me search every bar in Seattle. You want me out here all night when I've got that sweet pixie waiting for me?"

"… Jack's."

"Order me a beer."

I ended the call, setting off down the street. Jack's wasn't far and wasn't one of our regular places, but I had a feeling that Bella would have expected Edward to go looking for at our normal haunts. I wondered what state I would find her in. There was a time, not too long ago, when the idea of Bella alone and drinking would have sent panic through me, fear for what she might do, what she might have already done by the time I got to her.

That panic was still present, but only a flicker in the back of my mind. I had seen how far she'd come in the last year and the thought filled me with love for that girl. She'd changed so much for the better, it was inspirational. She'd gone through hell and come right on back again, how could anyone not adore her for that? I sure as heck did. As did my sister, my girlfriend and her family. And I had a great deal of respect for Edward for being the one to help her find her way.

And _that_ was the main reason I was dragging my ass down to some dive bar instead of getting some from my hot girlfriend on a Friday night. And that was the reason I was in a bad mood.

Jack's bar wasn't too busy, even for a Friday. It was a 'regulars' bar, the same crowd of middle-aged men and a group of students playing pool every night. I paused by the door, scanning the room for a sign of my girl. She was perched on a stool at the bar, glaring down at a beer and swinging her converse-clad feet. I liked that she continued to wear her favourite shoes, even in the face of Alice's wrath. She was also drowning in a large black hoodie, one of Edward's, and wearing some ragged cut-off jeans, exposing her bony knees. She looked messy and young and so darn cute as she drained her beer and waved for another one. I watched as one of the students, a red-haired guy, leaned on the bar beside her. I moved closer, hearing her reaction to his line. She gave him a glare that, even in her adorably disarrayed state, was mildly threatening.

"I'm trying to get drunk here. Stop distracting me."

"You want to join us for a game?" He tried again, gesturing at the pool table and she rolled her eyes. I recognised the warning signs of a guy who was about to lose his ability to reproduce and stepped in, sliding into the chair beside her.

"Where's my beer, sweetcheeks?" I queried cheerfully and she gave me a half-glance before sliding a bottle over to me. The student gave a disappointed sigh and disappeared.

We sat for almost twenty minutes in silence, drinking slowly. The bartender glanced over at us and gave Bella a concerned glance. I raised my eyebrows at him, signalling that I'd got her. That was Bella for you – even complete strangers wanted to take care of her, even if she didn't notice. I looked at her sideways.

"So… you going to tell me about it, honey?"

"Nothing to tell." She said bluntly and I snorted.

"Didn't sound like that from what Edward told me."

"Go ask him then." She looked at me angrily, the blood rushing to her face, "Why the hell are you even here? He already told you what happened!"

"I'm here because this is always where I am. You should know this by now, Hells Bells," I said flatly, "Even though I'd rather be in my apartment, with my girlfriend, I'm here, taking care of you whilst you run away from your problems. As usual."

She gaped at me, shocked by my frankness. I smiled grimly, finishing my beer.

"Well? You gonna go talk to him? The guy screwed up, HB, but guess what – he's not perfect. He wants to bundle you all up in bubble wrap and keep you safe and make you happy for the rest of your life. He's not going about it the right way, that's for damn sure, but it might be an idea to _explain_ why it's not the right way instead of running to the nearest bar and getting hammered."

She simply looked at me, mouth hanging open as I put my empty bottle down and threw some bills down for the bartender. Then I lifted her off the stool and half-carried her out of the bar, ignoring her shrieks of protest.

"God damn it, Jasper, put me down!"

"Nope."

"I'll vomit on you! I swear, I'll do it!" She threatened as we moved onto the sidewalk. I strolled a little way down the street until she gave up struggling. I paused and dropped her down onto the sidewalk, holding her steady.

"You able to walk in a straight line?"

"You're an ass." She muttered, leaning against me. I put my arm around her shoulder and began to walk her back to her apartment but she began to slow as we got closer and closer to the building. I looked down and sighed at the anxious look on her face.

"Jasper, I yelled at him. Like, _really_ yelled. I think I upset him." She whispered, her brow creasing as she stared reluctantly at the door to the building.

I paused as she looked at the door for a moment longer and then groaned, putting her face in her hands and sitting heavily on the steps that went up to the door.

"Why do I _do_ this, Jazz? Why do I keep messing things up when they're so good?" She mumbled into her hands. I chuckled, sitting down on the cold step beside her watching as she huddled in Edward's hoodie.

"You haven't messed things up, Bella. But you've got to stop trying to push Edward away. Yeah, you two need to talk about some of this stuff. Think about it from his point of view – he's got everything and wants to share it with you, he doesn't see anything wrong with that."

"But I don't want his money!" She objected instantly and I held my hands up to calm her.

"I know that. Money doesn't matter to him because he has it and his money doesn't matter to you, even though he wants to share it with you. Not because it's money, but because he wants to share _everything_ with you." I reminded her. She leaned back, resting the back of her head on the doorstep, her eyes slightly glazed as she mulled this over. I kept an eye on her, knowing that with the amount she'd had to drunk she could easily doze off. But she sighed heavily before sitting up slowly.

"Not going to mess it up this time, Jazzy." She said decisively, "Not this time. He's it, he's everything, even with that stupid knight-in-shining-armour complex he's got going. Help me up?"

I held out my hand. She took it and I pulled her to her feet. She swayed a little and then pulled out her keys, opening the door and clutched my hand as we went to the elevator. I recalled the day we'd moved her things in and how ridiculously happy she'd been to be living in a building with a working elevator. She'd never believed that her old building even had one, she was convinced it had been an empty elevator shaft. Just one of the quirky things about Isabella Swan that made her so great.

Edward was on his feet in the middle of the living room as we entered, my hand on Bella's shoulder. She looked at him with a sheepishly anxious expression and he ran a hand through his hair before looking at me briefly, signalling his thanks with his eyes. I nodded back and patted Bella's shoulder.

"Back in one piece and Bella has something to say." I said and she stepped forward, looking him in the eye.

"I'm an idiot." She said and he gave her a half-despairing, half-adoring look, "You're an idiot too, though."

"Great apology, Bells." I muttered but she ignored me. Edward furrowed his brow, his hand going to his hair again.

"Bella… I didn't mean to upset you. I just didn't think that this would be an issue." He said quietly and Bella shuffled towards him, still a little unsteady.

"We need to be equal, Edward. Half and half all the way, in everything from paying the bills to doing the laundry." She said firmly, reaching up and putting her arms around his neck, "Because we're not fighting about stupid stuff anymore, OK?"

"Alright." He said softly and smiled down at her, "We can work this out. Half and half."

They kissed and I raised my eyes to the ceiling, leaving before I saw anything I _really_ didn't want to see. They didn't notice me going, unsurprisingly.

Alice was waiting when I got home, lying upside down on the sofa. It was her favourite way to watch TV, with her head dangling over the edge of the seat.

"Everything OK?" She asked as I leant over, looking down at her.

"Crisis averted. They're making up as we speak." I pulled a face, "Actually they started making up whilst I was still there."

"You poor boy." She sat and knelt on the sofa, wrapping her arms around me with an adorable smile, "You're a good boy though, to help her out. I love that you care about her so much."

She may have loved me for that, but I loved her understanding my relationship with my best friend more than any other woman I'd had in my life. For understanding it and reacting with affection, not jealousy, not hatred. She quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Done adoring me? I did mention that I had plans for you."

"You think I'll ever be done, darlin'?" I grinned, holding my hand out to her. She laughed, taking it without hesitation.

"No. You won't be." She said lightly, walking backwards as she pulled me towards the bedroom.

"Another vision of the future?" I teased and she smirked teasingly.

"Saw you, didn't I?"

"That you did, beautiful girl." I agreed, leaning down for a kiss and running my hands down her sides to tug her hips to me. I loved this girl; my girl.

My future.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, my little pot pies, I'm so sorry for the wait! It's been a terribly busy couple of weeks, with uni and work – one of the other receptionists at work got fired, so we're all having to pull extra shifts and then I've been at uni too, and I have over an hour to travel either way, so that eats into my time. I've also been indulging in a social life, how shocking! **

**Anyway, this is Jasper's story. Originally it was just going to be how he and Bella met, but then I kept thinking about this last part, where it got briefly mentioned in Chapter 35 and I wanted to show his devotion to Bella properly. But that's it. This story is officially over, as of now. No more chapters, outtakes, no sequel. Done. **

**And now for a little bit of lovin' – for all you reviewers who, through excellent teamwork, have given my little story over 500 reviews. I adore you so much for that.**

**Before I say goodbye, just for old times sake…**

**Reviewers will get to sit in Jasper's lap. Go on. You know you want to.**

**Adieu, my cherry tarts. **

**Love**

**Katie**


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